The following definitions comprise a part of my view of reality, in all its humorous-and often frustrating-manner.
Government: an institution of war, theft, murder, rape and predation, ... the absence of which, it is said, would lead to disorder.
Taxation: a practice employed by governments in looting all of its citizens in order to obtain the necessary funds to chase down and punish looters.
War: the price men are forced to pay in order to keep peace among the politicians. (*)
Education: the method I use to promote my ideas.
Propaganda: the method you use to promote your ideas.
Do-Gooder: one who has demonstrated total incompetence at handling his own affairs, and who seeks to make this talent available to others.
Public Education: the recognition that, in an egalitarian society even the ignorance should be shared.
Dictatorship: the kind of government under which other men live.
Civic-Minded: that quality exemplified by those who work unselfishly for the realization of government projects which will provide them with government contracts.
Politician: one who, recognizing the value of truth and reason, seeks to preserve the same by economizing their use.
Statesmanship: the distinction between "statesmanship" and "tyranny" is the distinction between "seduction" and "rape": a brief sales pitch.
Conspiracy: anything done by two or more persons of which I disapprove or do not understand. (*)
Greedy: one who puts his selfish interests ahead of mine.
Honor: the last refuge of a man whose prejudices have come into conflict with his judgment.
Loyalty: continuing to lend one's support to an institution when no good reason exists for doing so.
Socialism: meatless cannibalism. Also, the idea that we should divide up the wealth of all those who have more than I do. (*)
Anarchy: a chaotic system devoid of political government; hence, the absence of wars, depressions, and other manifestations of law and order.
Cannibalism: pre-capitalistic socialism.
Marxism: a New Deal program for atheists. A philosophy which would have won the over-whelming support of the Catholic and Protestant churches, and the Democratic and Republican parties, but for the strategic blunder of having endorsed atheism.
General Welfare: that which serves my personal interests.
Boondoggle: that which serves yours.
Bandit: one who believes that even a little man can aspire to a political career.
War-Hero: a man who commits atrocities for our side.
Infidel: one whose judgement has been distorted by fact, reason, and logic. (*)
Bureaucracy: a practice of requiring that ten copies of every government form be filed in order to justify the hiring of additional government employees to handle the increased work.
Red tape: what bureaucrats engage in between legal holidays.
Traitor: one whose unquestioning loyalty to the government is not as unquestioning as mine.
House Committee of Un-American Activities: a group of men who clearly recognize that freedom can-not exist so long as witches are permitted to run about.
Peace: a failure of governments to function properly.
Draft: a compulsory system of slavery in which young men are forced, under penalty of imprisonment, to jeopardize their lives in order to preserve their freedom.
Tariffs: restrictions placed on the importation of foreign goods for the protection of domestic producers, so as to enhance their profitability thus enabling them to pay the taxes necessary for the support of foreign aid programs which provide assistance to those nations which cannot sell their goods in this country.
Profiteer: a despicable man getting rich by doing things which I wish I had thought of first. (*)