When I'm at home I rarely use my cane and so when the maintenance guy comes by he doesn't see me use the cane and he just sees it rested somewhere sitting. the fact that I've gotten an argument with a specific maintenance guy over him parking on the white lines between disabled parking it means that no one can open the doors and those three spaces and so I you know. he sees my Cane leaning on the wall and he looks. I know the optics of it I know it looks like I'm faking being sick. I don't know how to stop careing that I don't always look as sick as I am when I'm not performing in front of other people or when I am important forming in front of people it feels like a performance even though sometimes it's me just performing for myself sometimes I'm at home alone and I'm like I should look like I'm doing more I have worked most of the day without a cane I shouldn't have to come home and use a cane I have countertops that I can lean against and I'm like yes you can lean against the countertop but wouldn't it be easier to stand up the amount of times that I'm just hating on myself for trying to accommodate myself and sometimes not even needing to accommodate myself like I got to pick one
