The sound quiets down, their laughter growing louder.
He leans forward, taking the glass on the coffee table and sips before placing it down again, the fingers on the fret of guitar pressing lightly. "Did you know that 'Lemonade Mouth' has a book?"
"No. I haven't even heard of 'Lemonade Mouth'."
He hummed, "It's about these high school kids, okay, think about 'The Breakfast Club' instead they play instruments and sing and shit."
"Wonderful explanation, Matthew." He laughs out, before adding that he sort of got the idea.
"Anyway, one of the songs that I like from the movie, and no, I didn't read the book" he paused, watching the other's expression, an eyebrow raising at him. "As I was saying, one of the songs that I like is called "Turn Up the Music", kind of goes like-... " He starts strumming, bobbing his head along with the melody. Carefully, he glances at the man sitting beside him, noticing the slight smile on his lips, the small way he's moving his head as he strummed. Not soon after, he stopped.
"Look the song, please." He pouts, blinking his lashes like a child, "I want to hear that beautiful voice of yours singing, Arthur, come on-!" He chuckled out, bumping their shoulders together.
With an eye roll of those emerald-hued eyes, Arthur reached for his phone on the coffee table and looked the lyrics up for the song. He gives a little sheepish glance at person next to him, "You start!" Then purple irises looks directly at him, wide and a bit surprised. "I don't know this song, you expect me to sing something I'm unfamiliar with?"
He shrugged, "Well, I mean. Maybe?"
They look at each other, green and purple in each other's gazes before Matthew finally gave up and admitted defeat. "Fine" he mumbles, pinching Arthur's nose, "But only because you know I can't say no to that adorable face." He starts strumming again, the melody setting a steady beat then he starts, glancing every so often at the lyrics on Arthur's phone, fingers shifting and sliding across the strings, pressing down on the fret.
As the chorus approaches, he gives an expectant gaze at the blond beside him, the melody building up to more pop sound.
Their voices blend, drowning out the silence with their own noise. Soon, Arthur's the only one singing, his head bobbing along with Matthew, smiles on bright on their faces.
Of course, just like every song, it ends but as it approaches to that stop, they lean ever so closely to one another, noses bumping. And even though, it's a bit hard to play a guitar when you're face to face with the one you love, you'd rather take that in, dive for it, and feel the other on your lips, skin against skin, eyes closed.
It's warm, Matthew thinks, as they break for one another, foreheads leaning and gazes focused.
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Screams filled my ears. Once again, at this time people are begging for their lives to be spared; begging to have the things done to them to be stopped.
I closed my eyes, waiting for my turn. Itâs any moment now that they would come in, wearing bloody gloves and a stomach churning grin. And I listened as screams, groans and sobbing filled the hallway outside of my cell, and along with those sounds, I heard something being dragged. It was heavy and solid. Before I could think about what that other noise is, my cell door opened and a man stood there.
There were two large balls chained to his ankles. He looked at me, stepping inside and giving me another look. He seemed to stare at my chest thatâs exposed to the air, my heart openly pounding to let my blood flow. He gave me a look but I couldnât tell what kind since the darkness of my room almost filled the whole cell. I wanted to say something, but couldnât. Instead my eyes followed his figure that walked out of my room and as he disappeared from my sight, I saw people; they were either running or being aided. There was someone whoâs intestines were hanging out of his body, trailing blood behind him. There was also someone whose eyes are hanging from its sockets, eyes closed but bleeding. Then I saw a man no more than one leg, hopping around while another person tried to help him; his arms werenât there but his wounds were new.
As I watched those people leave their cells, walking down the hallway of this horror show, I felt the need to follow those people. I slowly pushed my body up, reaching for the device that âhelpsâ to keep me alive despite my heart and lungs being exposed to the dirty air of this place. I grasped its metal bar and dragged it along with me. I havenât been outside of my cell but it was no surprise that the cells everybody came out from is identical to mine, except for a few exceptions.
It was only a few months ago that I was brought here, I think. Yet I donât remember what my life was like before coming to this horrible, horrible place. Each step I took I felt like I was being watched by those people, ready to surround us and kill us on the spot. But as I near the exit, no such thing happened instead I stayed quiet, taking in the information that others exchanged. Apparently, it was that man who freed us, the man with metal balls chained to his ankles, walking around as if it wasnât there. Wasnât it heavy, it must have been, it looked like it weighed more than a few pounds.
It didnât take long for all of us to step out into the world again. For the first time in my life since coming here, I saw the sun. And I was sure that what Iâm seeing is the sun rising, painting the sky a tinge of orange mixing in with the blue. The man who saved us was in front of the crowd, standing beside him was another man with longer hair, up to his shoulders; half of his arm isnât human though and when he faced us, he had a grin from ear to ear, the stitches were knotted so obviously and appalling- it was stitched onto his cheeks, making it as permanent as it can be. His eyes were a purple colour, but it was tinged with something else, his hair was closer to orange than yellow. He looked at us and spoke âEverybody, youâre free now-â he stopped, seemed to be thinking about something. He turned to the other, the man who freed us all, as Iâve heard. His hair was yellow, just like mine but his eyes were blue like the sky yet it was somewhat red like blood and when he turned to us, he and the grin-faced man looked identical; the purple-eyed man was slightly taller compared to the blue-eyed male though.
I couldnât help but to wonder if theyâre twins.
They exchanged looks before speaking in perfect unison. âEveryone, as of today we are free. However, we yet to actually obtain freedom. As we can all see, we arenât fit to be living in a normal society. We are still trapped; a mile from here is a tall electrical fence that surrounds us between the lush forest you see before you. We wonât stop you from trying to escape however if you plan to go underground; the fence goes more than fifteen feet under. The people who gave your lives now are in the main room, tied and gagged, crying and begging just like you all have been since you got here, so we find it appropriate for you to deal with them as you please; you can torture and kill them or eat them just as we have.â
Starting from that point they shared their own speech as if it was natural to them. âWe have been planning to escape this place for years.â
âBut when we found out about the fence, we knew that there was no real hope of us escaping.â
âSo, instead, we give you freedom to do as you please. Just know that the numbers on our bodies react to the electrical fence. Keeping us imprisoned until we die.â
âAs for now, we only give you peace. Peace from being hurt, experimented and tortured upon. Years ago, my brother and I were born here and made to become subjects who hold a strength unable to be obtained by normal humans.â
âOut of the thirty born here, we are the only two who survived. And thanks to our strength, we were able to stop those who gave us pain.â
âMy name is Alfred.â
âAnd my name is Matthew.â
âAnd as of today, you are in peace.â They finished together. After all that a silence came, they were clearly done with what they wanted to say. I took a glance around at my surroundings, seeing that there were those who already gone back inside, most likely to exact revenge upon the people who gave them nothing but pain, seeing as their blood left trails back inside.
The silence was cut by the man whose intestines were hanging, his hand clutching at his open stomach as he softly thanked the two men. He clearly wanted to run up to them and give them a hug judging from the way his face contorted in genuine gratefulness, instead he staggered towards them, only able to give them his appreciation because he almost fell face first before being caught by Matthew, the man with long hair and a nightmarish grin.
Sobs were suddenly all I could hear before I knew it, I was crying too. Instead of white, salty tears, all I cried was blood; metallic and rusty to taste. I leaned against the device keeping me painfully alive, sobbing with a gruff voice while I bit down on my lower lip. And before I noticed, the man with blue eyes stood in front of me. His face was expressionless in a way I couldnât describe and his eyes were a blue mixed with a kind of red; his eyes looked like they were glowing. When he spoke, he neither sounded worried nor sincere âAre you okay?â I stared at him, my throat dry and unable to answer. I can finally see whatâs wrong with him; his neck is bleeding, a visible cut running around his neck, his face covered in blood and his body. âYouâre him-?â
I know what he meant by that. Everybody seemed to have heard about me without never knowing my face. Because Iâm that one person whoâs supposed to be the first male âmotherâ. The reason behind my chest being opened is because Iâm still not finished. I was scheduled to be fully opened, from collarbone down to my stomach, instead of up to my upper half, to expose my organs and be replaced by a womanâs. After that, my abdomen was to be cut open and inside was a uterus to be placed thatâs connected to my rectum. Iâm supposed to carry and nurture a child inside me after nine months and Iâm to give birth, that baby is to be thrown away and the cycle begins with me being impregnated again then give birth months later. The cycle wasnât to be stopped until I was able to fully give birth like a normal woman.
I know all this because they told me; in full detail even as to what will become of me and my body. At first, I didnât believe them but when I saw them push a tray with bloody hospital equipment, I stood corrected as I was forcefully chained to the bed and cut open. That was at least a few days ago- I think. The days pass by here before you even realize it.
I lowered my head and bit down on my tongue. Then I turned and made my way back inside, dragging the device along with me; its wheels creaking and squealing.
When I was finally in my cell, I never once wanted to gag at seeing my own blood. The mattress was drenched in it, soaked to the very bottom with the chains hanging from the bars and the tray with the rusting utensils they used on me, with no anesthetics. I ignored everything in my room and made my way to the bed, gently sitting myself down then lied down, the crusty blood poking my skin. I faced the ceiling and closed my eyes.
The sound of pained groans and quiet pleas werenât new to me. But I had the curiosity to stand and look out unto the hallway to see what was happening. It was the purple-eyed man, Matthew, and he was aggressively stomping on a manâs stomach, letting his blood splatter and coat him. That man was one of the staff here, considering from how heâs clothed. His face is battered, red, purple and oozing with blood and a yellowish fluid I wouldnât want to know what is.
âPlease stop. Heâs had enough, Matthew.â I squinted my eyes and saw that man whose stomach was freely open, a dirty sheet draped around his shoulders as he leaned his body against the metal doorâs frame.
âNo.â
âMatthew, please. Heâs had enough. Itâs fine.â
âItâs not fine! He did this to you, didnât he? I heard he even raped you, he deserves more than what Iâm doing to him right now.â
âYouâre not justified to do this-â
âIt perfectly is justified! He needs to know what kind of pain you went through, Fran.â
Matthewâs inhuman arm was digging into his thighs; three claws and one knuckle deep into his own flesh. When he stopped stomping on the staffâs stomach, he pulled out his claws and dug them right into the beaten manâs neck. He lifted him from the concrete floor and pulled him closer to his ill-grinning face. Matthew opened his mouth, so much so that I thought his jaw would fall off, but it didnât instead he bit down on the manâs cheek and tore its flesh away from his face in one swoop. I watched him with envy; he seemed to be really enjoying his meal, eating the skin and muscles his teeth could reach. I looked away, smelling something delicious. The cell parallel to mine had a small fire in it, along with a man crouched to the floor with a large chunk of meat on a stick roasting at the tips of the fire. It made my stomach growl.
I went to the open cell.
âAre you hungry?â The man asked. I wasnât exactly that discreet in entering his cell, nor was I quiet enough to sneak up on him. When he looked at me, his eyes were a bright red against the fire and the meat was turning into a beautiful colour of brown. I couldnât help but stare.
âHere.â The man chuckled and gave me the stick. I parted my lips and with a strained voice, I thanked him. He merely gave me a shrug before turning to watch the fire. I held unto the stick, switching my gaze back and forth at him and the food he gave me.
âIf youâre not going to eat it, I might steal it back.â
âIâm going to eat it.â I impulsively responded, âSo you can talk, huh.â He smiled at me and I nodded. âThey call me Prussia but my real name is Gilbert.â Gilbert reached out his hand. Hesitantly, I took it and shook hands with him. âWhat about you? Do you have a name?â
âArt.â It was the only thing that I can actually recall. Those three letters were what I always thought to be my name. Gilbert hummed before complimenting my name.
I sat a foot beside him; finally noticing the mutilated man in the corner of the room and my eyes went to the meat I held. This is a personâs body, I thought. I kept my gaze to my meal while Gilbert stayed quiet.
âWhatâs wrong with you?â I asked him aloud, lifting my gaze from the brown meat up to him. He chuckled then lifted his shirt. A large vertical scar ran from his collarbone down to where his trousers were.
âMy body was cut in half up to my penis. They took out my lungs and put it back when it was in a stage three then they took out one of my kidneys and made me eat it.â
I gulped and lowered my head. I wanted to apologize for asking such an insensitive question, but when he was talking, he didnât seem to mind at all.
âYou should see my younger brother. Heâs nothing but a hopping body.â that was when I remembered seeing the man hopping on one leg, bleeding and grunting. âThen thereâs little Feli who canât see anymore, eyes hanging from its sockets, you know?â
I nodded, also recalling having seen him before. When I looked back at him, he was staring back at the fire, his lips pursed together as he softly continued. âThen thereâs my lover and cousin.â He spoke as if that person is dead, though I doubt. âEars cut off and left to bleed. Unable to hear music again.â
âSo is this person-?â
âHeâs alive, of course. Whatâd you expect from these bastards.â After that, he didnât continue. Incestual relationships are sort of a norm here, I guess; I heard from them before. Taking a deep breath, I finally started eating my meal, devouring it before I could start to think that I was satisfied.
âYouâre really hungry, ainât you?â Gilbert laughed at me once I was done, looking at him with wide eyes and the stick in his direction. He rose a brow, âYou want more?â
âYes please.â I squeaked out and he blinked. He laughed again as he stood, telling me to wait and going over to the man in the corner, aggressively tearing out a piece of his meat. My stomach growled again as the thought of eating filled my mind. When he returned to my side, he took the stick from my hands and told me how to âcookâ it. It came out a bit black but it was still delicious, at least to me.
âSo, whatâs your history here?â
I looked at him as I took a bite, chewing and thinking what he could mean. I swallowed and spoke, âIâm supposed to be the first male âmotherâ.â I said indifferently and he whistled. âSo thatâs what you look like.â
âWhy do they call you Prussia?â I asked.
âBecause Iâm a Prussian descent, unlike my brother and cousin.â
I furrowed my brows and stared at him. âWhat does that mean?â
âIt means, that Iâm a rare. So my first few days here, they played with my blood and made me look like this.â
Now that I think about it, his hair is purely white and his eyes are a bright red, âThen itâs natural?â
âYup. As natural as experiments could go.â At that, we stayed quiet again until he asked me âHow long have you been here?â
âI donât remember.â
âOh.â Gilbert hummed, âMe and my family have been here for years. They took us in when a fire started in our village and told us that we were going to be okay.â
âHow young were you?â
âAround eleven, I guess. Now Iâm-â Gilbert stopped to chuckle, hurt and pained, âNow, I donât even know how old I am.â
âIâm sorry to hear that.â
âItâs fine, itâs no big deal, really. Iâm used to sharing my stories.â
âHow?â
Gilbert gave me a look before he gasped and muttered about me being a ânewbieâ here. âBefore you came here, we were allowed to eat and had time to go outside of our cells. When thereâs someone new, they start asking who are the people thatâs been here longer than them.â
âSo, who are the longest one here?â
âProbably those twins.â Gilbert shrugged, kept his eyes on the crackling fire. âThey were here before I was.â I didnât say anything. I couldnât say anything; I didnât know what to say because that meant that those two men who freed us endured much more than I have; than we all must have. I finished my meal before placing the stick on the space between us and stood. âThank you for sharing your meal. I didnât mean to invade your time or privacy.â He shrugged again then smiled, telling me that it was fine and that he already ate much more than I have.
For someone whoâs been here longer than I have, how can he smile so freely. Heâs been through a lot yet he smiled as if the things done to him were nothing but a distant memory. I guess, instead of thinking about whatâs been done to you, all you can really do is think of the bright things; like the beautiful sunrise outside or that manâs glowing blue eyes, face covered in blood. Heâs a hero, isnât he? Because he saved the people thatâs been living here for years but then, he could have only done it for himself. To free himself from them. I wonât blame him if all of this was done merely for selfishness, but he saved us. He saved me. I canât be anymore grateful to him and his brother.
A voice ringed in my ears. It was gentle, soft and a bit airy and for some reason, the voice echoed so closely to my ear. I groaned out, shifting my head in the rusty bed as I continue to ignore the voice. âWake up.â It kept repeating, each time it got louder and annoying.
âNumber 2304, wake up.â
I opened my eyes once I heard those numbers. Squinting my eyes, I stared, hearing my heart loudly thumping against the open air. âYes?â I quietly asked, waiting for the âfreedomâ that I got before to be only a dream. âItâs time to eat.â
âEat?â I repeated. The man drew himself away from me, looking at me with pity or something else, I really couldnât tell. He gave me a nod, reluctantly reaching out a hand, most likely for me to take. I ignored his help and sat up, almost instinctively about to clutch my chest when I felt a deep burning sensation. Luckily, I remembered that itâs just my heart burning from the open atmosphere. I gazed down at my chest, seeing my heart jumping and my lungs being inflated then shriveled as I breathed out. âOh.â I mumbled out.
âDoes it hurt?â
I turned my gaze to the man in front of me then shook my head. He dropped his hand but kept his eyes on me. I instead continue to ignore him, reaching to hold onto the metal bar of my device before bringing myself to stand. âDo you need help?â he asked me but I shook my head again, waiting for him to walk out.
He stayed standing still for a moment before gasping and mumbling an apology for keeping me waiting. He led me out of my cell and once again, Iâm back in the hallway. He walked ahead of me, heading towards the other direction from the exit, âThis way, please.â He told me and I followed. Before I could take in any of my surroundings, I was presented with a large room with tables and chairs. I hear crying and laughter mixed into a bitter-sweet feeling.
âFeel free to choose your table. And who you sit with.â He told me, smiled then walked on ahead. I saw something poking out on the end of his spine. It was a tail, swaying this way and that. How it escaped my vision until now, Iâm not sure but it could probably because I was too preoccupied with the feeling of wanting to escape than to eat. He met up with the two men who planned all of this, they exchanged words before the blue-eyed male approached me in a hasty manner. I took a small step back as I clutched onto the bar, tightening my grip. When he stopped right in front of me, all he did was stare down at me with a puzzled expression. I wanted to ask what was wrong but then he sighed out and fidgeted on the spot.
âListen. Iâm sorry about what I said before. It was insensitive of me, wasnât it?â
I didnât say a word, however, I did blink. âIt came out of my mouth before I knew it. Iâm really sorry.â
I lowered then shook my head, âItâs fine.â
âItâs not fine.â He whined then apologized again. âSit with us. Come and eat with me.â He looked at me, his blue eyes losing its red tinged colour. I furrowed my brows as I returned his gaze. When I blinked, he reached out his hand. I ignored his hand and said that I donât need it. He gave me a chuckle, âI like you.â He told me, telling me to follow him to a table. The two men I saw in the hallway early were there too, sitting and quietly holding a conversation.
âMy name is Alfred.â
âI know.â I muttered as I sat across the man identical to Alfred. He turned to me, his grin didnât seem as forced as it was when I saw it. âHi. Matthew.â Alfred leaned close to me, whispered about not letting Matthewâs demeanor to fool me. Matthew then glanced at the other sitting beside him. âFrancis.â
I gave a nod, âArt.â Was all I could respond them with. They looked at me in question, âThatâs the only thing I remember from my name.â I told them and Francis gasped, telling me that heâs sorry. I shrugged. I wanted to tell him what he was sorry for and why but I held my tongue. Looking at the man tied on the table instead, tears streamed down his face and a gag was on his mouth.
When I felt the tremble my body made, I turned my attention back to Francis, eyeing him down, âWhatâs wrong with you?â
His eyes widened and so did mine. I shook my head frantically, trying to form the words for an apology before he spoke, however he beat me to it. âHalf of my spine got replaced by metal and my intestines were supposed to be reversed. But the operation was stopped; Iâm sorry if my appearance repulses you.â
I shook my head again, âI- Thatâs not what I meant. Iâm sorry, I didnât mean it.â
Francis smiled at me, told me that my question was an okay thing to ask. It didnât feel like that for me though. I was insensitive again, I didnât even let the words become a thought before I spat it out.
I thought about what I wanted to say, looked at Alfred in the eyes, glancing at Matthew, âIf you donât mind me asking, are the two of you twins?â Why did I ask that? The answer is already obvious yet thatâs what I had to ask? I was about to retract my question when Alfred shrugged, âWell, weâre not really twins.â
âMeaning?â
âMatthew and I grew up test tubes and jars as babies. It means that we were developed without a motherâs womb.â I blinked, turned to look at Matthew who only gave me a nod then turned back to Alfred. âThat means you have been here-â
âFor our entire lives, yes.â I gulped, pursed my lips and gazed back down at the man on the table. âDoes that mean that you know this place-â
âInside and out.â Matthew cut in, nodding to me. âWe had the privilege to know the premises since we were the only two left after we were âbornâ.â
âOh. I see.â
My heart started pumping faster and I could see that my lungs were breathing in shallow breaths. I closed my eyes, draining out the voices in this large room, steadying myself.
I canât even imagine living here all my life yet these two men managed to endure everything they have been handed to and still managed to free the people in the cells.
âWhy donât you eat.â Alfred nudged my shoulder, glancing down at the man, his chest already open and only needed to be ripped apart. I shook my head, refusing his offer, âIâm sorry. But I just canât imagine living here since I was born.â I shut mouth tight, looking at the people who sat in this table, I bit down on my bottom lip.
âThatâs why weâre killing them, arenât we.â Alfred growled, a shiver running up my spine. âIâm sorry, I really didnât want to-â
âAlfred.â Matthew called out. Alfred was glaring at me, looking at me with the intent to kill.
âAre you saying what weâre doing is wrong?â Alfred continued to growl at me, and I muttered out a small no. âThis is justice. They deserve this! Weâve been given pain unimaginable yet youâre siding with them!?â
âI- I didnât. Iâm not-â
âAlfred, calm down.â
âThis is bullshit! I donât even know why I invited you to sit with us-!â
âAlfred!â Matthew stood along with Alfred, teeth bared and glares directed at each other. I could feel the sting in my eyes as Alfred clicked his tongue and looked at me with disgust before leaving the table then the room.
âIâm really sorry about him. He canât control his temper some times.â
âI should be the one whoâs sorry.â Â I replied as I stood. âIâm sorry to have ruined your meal. Also, can you give me directions on how to go back to the cells?â
âTake a left turn then a right.â Matthew told me. I bowed my head and left the room, his words echoing in my head. When I was presented with a left and right turn, I glanced around. I know Iâm supposed to take the left but defying my own thoughts, I turned right. At the end of the small hallway were two doors, the handles were covered in blood. Carefully, I entered the room, squinting my eyes at the bright light it has.
I stood still, drawing my hand up to my mouth as I took in the sight before me. The walls are not only covered in blood but itâs decorated with entrails, encircling the room. Bloody saws and large knives were sitting on a shelf. Four heads were mounted on the wall, two females and two males with their tongues cut in half and sticking out. One of the two women had her eyes shot while the otherâs head was open, exposing the skull and showing off the cracks it has. The other maleâs head has a long cut from one ear to the other causing the jaw to freely slack open.
I closed my eyes, the smell of blood filling my lungs. When I opened my eyes again, I took notice of the mutilated animal bodies on a large glass container. I bit down on my lip when I saw a womanâs body vertically cut in half, one side of her body still had skin but the other didnât. It exposed her muscles, bones and organs. Thatâs when I saw how her uterus wasnât where it was supposed to be; this was the woman who was supposed to have her uterus inside of me. She got killed and displayed like an ornament just for me.
Tears ran down my cheeks. I turned and walked out, trying my best to erase what I saw. I canât handle that. I donât want to remember what I saw yet every time I blinked, those images would flash before me and the smell of spoiling blood and organs would hit me. As I leave a trail of my bloody tears behind, I kept my head low, wiping away as much of my tears as I could while at the same time trying not to bump into the walls. I cried myself asleep for the first time since enduring a pain induced operation.
When I woke up, I saw a figure sitting near my bed, arms crossed and seemed to be looking at me. âYes?â I spoke out, lifting my head a bit to see it despite the darkness of the room; the only lights in here are the lights coming in from the hallway to my opened door-cell. The body didnât move and I squinted my eyes, âExcuse me?â I called out again but nothing happened. Pushing myself up to sit, I reached out to the body that jolted awake when I shook it.
âYouâre awake?â the figure asked me, âWho are you?â I asked back.
âSorry. I guess youâre shocked to see me here?â
âNot really, no. I donât know you.â
âItâs me, Alfred.â
I squinted my eyes again, leaning towards him before I finally noticed the yellow hair and blue eyes. âIâm sorry about before.â He mumbled out quietly, âI didnât mean it. I guess I just got carried away.â
âI should be apologizing for being insensitive to you. To be honest, I never was good at keeping my mouth shut.â
Alfred gave out a chuckle, his shoulders bobbing up and down. âWhat are you doing here?â I asked, leaning away from him. âArenât you hungry?â
I thought about his question but shook my head instead. âNot unless you can pull out a slab of meat right here, then no.â Alfred nodded to me and silence filled the room. I lowered my head, watching my heart and lungs move before my eyes. It was mesmerizing, in a way. To be able to see the organs thatâs keeping you alive, to be able to watch it jumping out in the openness of your chest was beautiful in a very different kind of perspective.
âHey.â Alfred called out to me, âIf youâre not hungry, why donât you come with me.â
âWhy?â I rose a brow at him, although I doubt that heâll see my skepticism, he gave me the reason of being able to see something gorgeous. He told me that it was night time and that the moon is out. âSo what?â
âSo, letâs go and feel the fresh air.â Alfred stood from where he sat, taking my wrist and pulling me closer to him. I grimaced at the pain it gave my chest and he quietly apologized while I dismissed it.
I stood and followed him towards the open exit doors, a gust of cold wind nipping my skin. Half way through the hallway he stopped, told me to wait and he ran, after a short moment, he came back with a sheet and placed it on my shoulders gently. âWhere did you get this?â I couldnât help but ask, he shrugged and never really answer my question.
Outside was bright with a white, hopeful-like light. Alfred pointed at the sky and told me that the large sphere up in the sky was the moon. I nodded to him, holding back a smile. I guess he thought that I didnât know what a moon looked like, and then again, itâs been quite a while since I actually saw the night sky and felt the fresh wind blowing my hair and hitting my body. We stood standing next to each other. He was looking up at the sky with a smile.
âItâs been years since I last saw this.â Alfred whispered as he closed his eyes, letting the wind hit him. I held onto the sheet to not let it fall to the ground, staring up while letting my thoughts drift.
âWhy are you doing this?â I asked. Why am I just now finding it weird for Alfred to treat me like this? He looked at me, âWhat do you mean?â with a smile. I shook my head, âThis? Why are you being nice to me and brought me here?â my heart started thumping, loud and audible between our silence. Alfredâs eyebrows furrowed together. âI donât-â he took a deep breath and started again.
âI heard what they were planning and I guess I just- I donât know, really.â
I took a step away from him. Heâs feeling nothing but pity, âYouâre feeling pity, arenât you?â
âThatâs not what I-â
âIt is, isnât it?â I smiled, it was forced but I knew that it held a stab of guilt and pain. I made someone feel pity for me. It must have been humiliating for Alfred to even be seen with me; someone who was supposed to be-
âAlfred, Iâm sorry.â I took off the sheet and shoved it in his way, âBut there are others who have suffered far more than I have. That man before had a tail, he needs help and Francis and Gilbert and his family too. Me- My chest is open but that doesnât mean I need you to feel pity for me.â
âIâm telling you itâs not-â
âIâm sorry, but I will be going back inside now. And thank you for inviting me to sit with you before.â I turned, my heart becoming louder with each thump it made. I pulled the device closer to me and walked into the hallway, back to my cell. The wheels squeaking against the concrete floor. In my room, I sat at the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the wall. I remember that the tray of used equipment is still here in my room; I reached for it and pulled it closer to me. Looking at the rusting metal with the limited light the hallway outside has given me. With a cautious finger, I took the small knife, scalpel, was what it was called and traced the sharp end of it. When I knew that it was shallowly digging into my skin, it meant that it was still sharp and could be useful in the future. I just really hope that I didnât have to use it like how they used it.
The next day, everybody was walking around, some were in wheelchairs, happily going around the building. They all seemed to be so lively.
âGood morning.â Gilbert greeted me from across the hall with a smile. I reluctantly smiled back, speaking in a small voice as I responded to his greeting. âAre you doing okay?â he asked me and I nodded. Gilbert then gasped before going inside his room and when he came out, he walked up to me, âThis is Feli.â It was the man from yesterday whose eyes were hanging out of its sockets but now, his eyes are gone and in its place is a bandage wrapped around his head. He gave me a bright hello. His hair a light brown with a large strange curl in the side, he was shorter, a bit plumper especially his cheeks.
âHi.â I greeted back, âCall me Feli.â He happily said and I replied that I will. âCall me Art.â I told him and he ohh-ed, saying how my name sounds beautiful.
âIsnât he a lively one?â Gilbert laughed and so did Feli. I donât remember what we were talking about, but I also got to meet Gilbertâs brother. His chest filled with scars but his face remained stern and serious. He sounded exasperated by Gilbertâs carefree tone but Gilbert only told me that his brother always had a stick up his ass; metaphorically.
The whole day though, I stayed in my room, listening to the stories that people exchanged, echoing down the hall. Just the other day these halls were echoing nothing but pain and pleas and cries to stop whatever was happening to them. Now, itâs changed in just the blink of an eye. There were a lot who didnât get treated since the people here arenât professionals, so it just meant that what we look like right now is what weâre going to have to deal with. And it makes my stomach sick just thinking about seeing those people with much worse conditions than I have.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, let the sounds become nothing and lied myself down on the mattress. I listened to my heart beating against the air. I let my hand roam my chest, starting from the end of the cut on my chest until my palm reached my abdomen then it came flooding back to me. The image of that woman, those heads, the entrails decorating the walls along with the blood. Snapping my eyes wide open, I brought a hand to my mouth, trying not to puke as I started to sweat. It was irritating to my skin because the longer I continued to sweat, the more the mattress will become drenched in it and itâll make my drying blood stick to me in an uncomfortable manner.
I took deep breaths, calming myself before sitting up, wiping the sweat-mixed-blood stuck on my cheeks with the back of my hand and sighed. I need to forget what I saw and focus on something else.
âExcuse me?â
I turned to the door and saw the man from before. âItâs time to eat.â He told me, I nodded and stood, dragging my device with me while he went to the other cells, probably to tell the others. This time, it wasnât just me and him thatâs heading towards that large room. I noticed Gilbert and his brother were ahead of me, holding hands with that Feli person along with someone else, I couldnât really see. Once there, everybody immediately became groups, sitting, gathering to where they belong while I stood.
âArt.â I heard my name being called and saw Francis, waving and gesturing to me. He wanted me to sit with him despite last time. I had two choices; one was to turn and head back, and two was to heed Francisâ calling and come over there. Well, my body made the decision, walking towards his way like it was natural. He let me sit beside him, covering himself with the sheet so that his organs were out of sight. He told me something about me being early this time, I donât know what he meant but I shrugged and silently apologized for being early.
Voices, like last time, filled the room. Francis and I sat there beside each other, not really talking until the doors burst open and everybody started cheering. At least five people were tied up and gagged, lying on a large transport cart, they were struggling, wiggling and frantically looking around us, around the room with pleas being muffled by the gags.
Alfred and Matthew were behind the man that was pushing the cart. He pushed it up towards the front of the room before leaving while Alfred and Matthew thanked him. Matthewâs grin was sinister and it held a grudge that was glad to be ridding of these people. Alfred clasp his hands together and in unison they both said with arms spread wide, âFood is served!â and everybody cheered once again. Alfred took a body and placed it on a table before going back and doing it again. Matthew also did what Alfred did, except when he took a body, he placed it on our table and told us to eat as much as we wanted before walking away and doing it again.
I looked to Francis who gave me an apologetic smile, âYou will just have to get used to it.â He told me in a whisper before taking a deep breath and clawed at the manâs cheeks, tearing a piece of his flesh off and handing it to me. âYou need to eat.â He told me worriedly. I took it but I didnât eat it, instead I watched him devour the manâs face, gouging out his eyes and sucking at them in delight. I could see the manâs muscle twitching in pain as Francis continued to rip apart his skin.
Unconsciously, I started wetting my lips. What he was doing seemed to be so appetizing and satisfying. Glancing at the flesh in my hands, I brought it near my lips, parting them and opening my mouth. In one big bite, I ate a part of the manâs body. Alfred and Matthew were there, sitting across from us, looking excited to finally eat and I felt the same. I took hold of the manâs leg, ripping away his trousers and biting down on his skin until I could taste his blood.
It felt good. To have something warm and mouthwatering fill your hunger up like it was nothing.
His muffled cries were drained to nothing and his squirming was reduced to nothing but occasional twitches. As I chewed his meat, I took in my surroundings, everybody around the room were like animals sharing one body; one meal and so was I, with these people who made me eat because watching them wasnât merely enough for me.
When I was done with the manâs leg, I somewhat felt satisfaction and my hunger and thirst dissipated. Itâs thanks to this man that made it possible. I inhaled, licking my fingers one by one, sucking the blood in my hands. I heard Francis groan and complain, âI made such a mess.â That made Alfred and Matthew laugh.
âWhen youâre hungry, youâre hungry.â They both told us as a matter of fact. Once I was done with licking, I eyed them both, âWhat happens when these people arenât here anymore?â
Matthewâs permanent smile grew, âReinforcements.â And he winked as if I knew what he was talking about. âItâs takes about a month. If they come here earlier than expected, then a fest for us-!â Alfred cheered. I nodded my head, making myself shrink for some reason.
Eating these people really are delicious and I never thought that eating another person felt so exhilarating. So heart pumping that I could feel my chest burning. I could feel my chest burning.
I looked down, my heart beating in a faster rate and my breaths started to become shallow. Francis placed a hand on my shoulder and asked me if I was alright. I shook my head; I ate too much. It feels sickening, itâs making me want to puke. Closing my eyes, I willed myself to calm down.
It was their fault. They made my body this way. I know it. I donât remember my time here all that well, but Iâm sure that it was them. âArt.â I shrugged Francisâ hand away from me, putting both of my hands to my mouth.
I made a fool of myself in front of everybody in this building.
âI canât. Iâm never going to live this down.â I mumbled as Francis stroked my back. âIt was nothing. Your body must have just experienced a shock from eating so quickly.â
âBut I made a fool of myself.â
âArt.â Francis sighed out, carefully pulling my body closer to him. He started humming, I donât know if it was a song or not, but it was soothing. Besides the fact that I could see his entrails and are touching me, it was creepy and weird, I guess.
I felt myself floating, it was strangely relaxing but then I remembered that Iâm not supposed to be floating and forced myself to wake up, almost falling to the floor. âWoah!â I breathed, heart beating faster then turned my attention to the one who made that reaction. âAlfred?â I questioned who looked at me with a brow up. âYou sound like youâre surprised to see me.â
âI am. What are you doing?â He carefully put me down on my own two feet and he pulled my device closer to me. âYou fell asleep.â He said like it was obvious, which it was. âOh.â
âSorry, if I startled you but Matt and Fran, since yesterday have been sharing one room. And Matt was about to sleep and you were sort of in the way.â He hissed, looking away from me and scratching the back of his head. I looked up at him, seeing the visible slice on his neck before scoffing. âIâm fine with walking by myself and also, you should have wakened me up.â
I started walking, ignoring his awkward behavior, my cell just a few cells down. It was quiet, I guessed that everybody must have been asleep already. Not only that but I feel so embarrassed for taking Francisâ and Matthewâs privacy up. Great, I made a complete fool of myself earlier today and now Iâm invading other peopleâs privacy.
âWhy are you still following me?â I hissed at Alfred who took a step back at my sudden turn to him. He held up his hands, looking away from me. âStop following me- Go to your own cell.â I gestured with my hand, sighing out. âRelax, Iâm just trying to escort you.â
âI donât need it.â I mumbled, picking up my pace. Finally, in my cell, I glanced to look back, Alfred grinning and standing by the doorâs frame. âWhat do you want?â
âA thank you, maybe?â
âFor what? Almost letting you drop me?â
âI wasnât the one who suddenly woke up.â
âWell, I wasnât the one who didnât wake me up.â
Alfred pursed his lips, loudly taking a deep breath in, âWhat happened to you? Why are you suddenly so cranky at me?â
âIâm not. Please just leave already.â I rolled my eyes. Itâs not my fault that Iâm having a bad day. And I guess it wasnât his fault too, but still, heâs making this day even more embarrassing for me. He looked down at me, pouting and making a sad expression with his face. I looked at him in disgust. This time though, I kept my mouth shut, I donât want to say something unnecessary to him. âJust say a little thank you and Iâll be off, I promise.â
âFor what?â I questioned and he bit down on his lips, âYou werenât the one who cleaned a little something back at the cafeteria.â
I could feel my blood boil and my cheeks turn red. I raised a hand and gave him a slap that regrettably echoed throughout the halls. He looked at me with the widest eyes, showing his shock and surprise at the sudden turn of events. âThank you! There, I said it!â I yelled, shutting the cellâs door right in front of his face.
I was huffing, my breathing deep yet shallow at the same time and my heart was beating too fast again that it made a clenching sensation in my chest. I closed my eyes, clearing my mind and letting the silence consume me. Well, that is until I realized something. The door is usually one way, meaning that itâs locked here on the inside, but open on the outside. I felt panic starting to raise in me. My heart started beating faster again and my breaths became shallower by the second. Iâm locked in, I donât know what to do, maybe everybody will ignore me and let me die in here.
The prickling feeling in the corners of my eyes felt like stabbing and I couldnât help but let my bloody tears fall. Iâm going to die here. Iâm too young to die; am I too young to die? But wait, itâs been a long time since I actually felt a sense of freedom, and as a payback for being mean, Iâm locked in and would spend my remaining time starving myself to death. I donât want to die.
âI donât want to die.â
âArt.â I snapped my head back up, staring at Alfred before pulling him in a hug which was a bad decision. Immediately, I pulled him away from me, hissing in pain as I clutched my stomach instead of my heart. âAre you okay?â He asked, trying to stop me from folding my body and I nodded; he sighed in relief. âMaybe we should get you stitched up, if you want.â
I didnât think about his question, instead, I leaned my head against his chest and whispered âThank youâ to him, sniffling and crying once again as I cautiously not come any closer to him, afraid that my heart and lungs might feel that burning feeling again from touching fabric.
The next thing I knew, I was lying on my mattress with Alfred sitting on the chair he dragged in here, arms crossed and told me that heâll stay awake until I fall asleep. Heâs a liar. The instant he said that, he closed his eyes and fell asleep by himself. I gave him a glare and rolled my eyes. âDonât keep promises you canât keep.â I muttered out under my breath, before gazing at the ceiling. Moments later, Iâm the one who fell asleep.
Francis came to my cell the next morning, smiling at me and apologizing. I told him that it was okay and Francis told me about how cranky and angry Matthew can get when it doesnât go his way. I felt somewhat worried for Francis. âIs that okay?â I asked him and he chuckled, looking away from me, âIn a way, yes. Itâs fine, itâs love after all.â Francis laughed and gave me a smile.
Love, huh? I thought the only reason why the people here are in relationships is because they had nothing else to do. Well, they could go outside and hunt. I heard rumors that there was living animals in the forest surrounding us just before the fence. But then again, I guess falling and feeling love wasnât some forbidden law that was frowned upon, I guess. Francis told me about how embarrassed he feels for kicking me out while asleep. I kept telling him that it was fine, though. âNext time, though, just wake me up if you need me to leave.â I told him and he nodded, again repeating his apology before finally stopping.
This time, we stayed in my cell, letting the quiet consume us instead. It was sincere in a way. But then Francis took a deep breath and sighed. When I looked at him, he was holding his intestines like it was nothing and seemed to be shoving them back inside of him. âWhat are you doing?â I asked, my voice louder than what I wanted it to be. Francis looked to me, dropping his hold and leaning against the wall. âIâm sorry you had to see that.â
âWhat are you doing?â I repeated and he pursed his lips. I made another insensitive question again. âSorry. You donât want to talk about it, correct?â
He didnât say anything, instead he just stared at the wall on the other side of the room. âSometimes, I want to cut it off and just be done with it.â He muttered out in a breath. I stared at him and didnât say anything. âI donât understand what the purpose of keeping me like this is. Iâm going to die sooner or later.â
âDo you really want that?â
âHalf of me; yes. But then, every time I think about it, Iâm reminded that Matthew is here, with me and doing his best to survive too.â
I followed his gaze towards the other wall, leaning my head back against the wall weâre leaning on, âHow long have the two of you been together?â
âFor as long I can recall.â Francis gave out a pained chuckle, âSometimes, I would wake up and immediately try to commit suicide until Matthew stops me and I cry myself to sleep again. When you think about the big picture, weâre all going to die here anyway⊠I donât understand why Matthew insists on keeping me alive.â
âDonât you want to think about that maybe he has a plan to get us all out of here?â
âItâs never going to happenâŠâ
âHow do you sound so sure?â
âBecause Iâve heard those words before, again, and again, over and over; still nothing has happened.â
âOh.â People here have endured far more than I have. Itâs only natural to hear such things from Francis or anybody else for that matter. In some ways, Francis is right, the looming dread that weâre never going to escape this hell hole and die here is most likely in everybodyâs minds, I just didnât think that they would acknowledge it, especially Francis, since he seem to be happy.
âWhat about you?â he turned to me and I to him.
âI donât remember how long I have been here.â
âThatâs not what I meant.â
âOh.â I whispered then inhaled, âI was scheduled to have a transplant; to have a uterus thatâs connected to my rectum. Then the male staffs here would âgiveâ me their sperm and from there, a baby is supposed to develop. I donât know how though.â Francis stayed quiet; his eyes wide with a glassy gaze. I shook my head, looking away from him, feeling my own tears pooling at the corners of my eyes.
Thinking about it, none of the people here actually have any kind of medical experience, so we really are left to look like this for the rest of our remaining years. âFrancis.â I called out, âHave you had sex before?â The words left my mouth before I even really thought about it. And at that, the quietness of the room got filled with laughter. Francis wouldnât stop until I started yelling at him that I was serious. âOkay, okay, I will stop.â He breathed, wiping his eyes and taking a breath in. âYou could say countless of times and you could also say rare moments.â
âWhat is the difference?â
âThe difference is, the first is forced and the latter is consensual.â
I stayed silent, regretting the decision to ask him that question. âIâm sorry.â I mumbled out and Francis shrugged, telling me that it was okay when it clearly wasnât. Silence, again, filled my cell. We stared at nothing but the wall on the other side, letting our thoughts consume us.
For hours, we sat there with nothing but the quiet.
âHave you ever thought of stitching your stomach close?â I carefully questioned and he shook his head. âI donât trust anybody here to hold a needle and touch me.â I nodded, agreeing with his statement. âWhat about you?â
âI donât think anything will really change if I close my chest up.â
âYou can safely have sex.â Francis burst out laughing at what he said. âThat-! Thatâs out of topic!â I shouted at him, feeling the blood rush to cheeks, âAnd shut up!â Francisâ laughter reduced to chuckling then a little while later, he let out a groan. âWhatâs wrong?â
âItâs nothing. My stomach is just-â
âS-should I call for help?â
âNo, itâs fine, really.â Francis folded his body up a bit, wrapping his body around the dirty sheet and mumbling with labored breaths. I reluctantly placed my arm around his shoulders. We were both obviously careful to not let our exposed organs touch anything whether it be skin or fabric. When Francisâ breathing sounded to calm down, I pulled away from him, looking at him and waited for him to say something. He pulled away from himself, smiling at me with sweat covering his whole face, âIâm fine now.â He told me quietly.
I nodded, giving back a small smile of my own.
Later, Matthew and Alfred came by. Matthew took Francis away while Alfred stayed, standing by the door. âWhat are you doing?â I asked him with squinted eyes. He didnât say anything, only he made his way to the chair then placed a folded sheet beside me. âYou should at least cover up.â He silently told me before crossing his arms again. I didnât use the sheet, I ignored it and went to sleep while Alfred fell asleep sitting on the chair.
I knew when I wake up that he wonât be here anymore, probably somewhere around the building doing whatever it is he does. However, when I woke up, he was still there, asleep and breathing. I wondered what time it was, seeing as there werenât any people walking or talking in the halls. Looking around, I sat up, pulled the sheet to my shoulders and walked out for some air. It was nice. I felt refreshing and calming. And though my heart and lungs felt like they were burning from being exposed to the air, I didnât mind. Walking some feet away from the building, I sat down on the grass, smelling the earth and feeling the dew on its leaves.
Opening my mouth, I started humming, swaying my body side to side like a cradle.
As I was walking one morning in May
I spied a young couple a makinâ of hay.
O one was a fair maiden and her beauty showed clear
and the other was a soldier, a bold grenadier.
After that I closed my mouth and hummed, watching as the light started to pour from the horizon, painting the sky in red-orange.
O soldier, o soldier, will you marry me?
O no, my sweet lady that never can be.
For Iâve got a wife at home in my own country,
Two wives and the armyâs too many for me.
I hummed again, swaying side to side as I closed my eyes, letting the wind brush my hair and the smell of fresh leaves around me. It was so quiet, save for the sound of rustling leaves. Soon, people would wake up and greet the day with what theyâre feeling today. Maybe happy, maybe sorrow, maybe grief or maybe even pain; all of those things is what each person would feel, not just us but Iâm sure even the people outside of this large field, where they arenât trapped but still feel trapped all the same.
I sighed, opening my eyes as I let a smile curl my lips, stopping myself from swaying and instead watched the sun rise. Breathing out through my nose, I let myself hunch, letting the soft, warm light touch my skin.
The sound of crunching grass behind me became louder and I almost wanted to groan. I had a feeling as to who this person is going to be. I glanced, just slightly trying not to make it seem obvious that I was looking back. When I saw Alfredâs signature yellow hair, I rolled my eyes. There goes my alone time. I stopped humming, letting it grow quiet and at the same time, my heart started to thump faster and my hands were becoming sweaty.
âYou should sing more.â I jolted, turning towards the voice, leaning away as I saw Alfredâs face close to mine. âWhat-â I stuttered out and he laughed at me. âI missed the sunrise, didnât I?â
I stopped staring at him and looked in front of me, ignoring him. âHey.â He whined, âDonât ignore me, come on.â He begged, sitting beside me and started to lean against me. âStay away from me.â I grumbled, pushing him away and he pouted, whining like a dog. âDid I do something again?â he asked, gazing down at me and I shook my head, stopping myself halfway because why would I disagree with his assumption when he clearly did do something; he ruined my alone time.
âThen how come youâre ignoring me.â
âIâm not ignoring you. Youâre just very noisy.â I quietly commented, turning my head to the other side; away from him. I blinked, watching the grass sway against the wind, the colour becoming brighter as the sunlight touched its leaves. I heard rustling beside me then it stopped, I gave a quick look to Alfred, whoâs laying in the grass with his arms under his head. His eyes were closed and a faint smile was on his lips. Quietly, I wanted to ask what he was doing but decided against it and just stared at his hair. Keeping my hands close to me and to not let the urge to feel his hair.
âHey.â His eyes snapped open and I looked away, turned to the sun before getting blinded by looking directly at it. âItâs the same shade as your eyes.â Alfred softly chuckled while I rubbed my eyes. âWhat is?â I asked, blinking several times then gazed down at him. He smiled up at me, I gulped, waiting for his answer. âYour eyes.â He chimed like it was already obvious. Were my eyes green? âI didnât know.â I mumbled.
âWhy wouldnât you know-?â he stayed quiet, âOh.â He whispered a sorry to me.
âI donât remember what the colour of my eyes are; itâs okay.â I told him. After that, it was just him, laying on the grass and me sitting and letting the sun touch me.
Once again, a body is in front of me and it made my stomach growl, loud enough that Francis looked at me and smiled, telling me one word âHungry?â, it wasnât really a question, more like an acknowledgement of some sort, maybe. This time, I went for the chest, eating the muscle and skin and leaving the organs for somebody else. Matthew and Alfred fought over the heart and liver, glaring at each other as they reached then drew back their hands. This happened over and over again until Francis took the heart with a raised brow. âIf the two of you arenât going to eat this, then thank you for letting me have the pleasure-â
âWait!â they both replied, gazing at Francis with pleading eyes. Francis pulled it in half and gave each half to the brothers. I guess theyâre brothers. And they both pouted, well, Matthew was trying his best to frown but Francis told him off, saying something about him bleeding if he doesnât stop.
âRelax. My cheeks are the only things that are going to bleed.â
âBut itâs not healthy. Stop forcing yourself to frown.â
âWell, smiling all the time isnât all that fun, you know.â
Francis crossed his arms, staring at Matthew while Matthew ignored him, eating. Alfred was glancing back and forth at them, as if waiting for something interesting to happen. When Francis stood, he looked at me and asked if I wanted to go with him, I nodded and followed him.
We walked until we were outside. He seemed like he was about to cry but I never heard or saw anything. Francis just sat down on the grass and started to pull it off. âAre you okay?â I asked, sitting beside him. He leaned his head against my shoulder, shaking his head and mumbling a no and I nodded.
âSometimes I wonder why weâre together.â Francis whined. I didnât say anything, I couldnât offer any advice, if that was what he wanted. Instead, I just let him lean his head against mine while we feel the burning sunlight scorch our skin. It wasnât that long until Francis chuckled, saying how it was a bad idea to stay out under the sun in the middle of the day, so we went to my cell. And just like before, we stayed in silence leaning against each other.
Sometime during his stay, he fell asleep, breaths even and face and shoulders relaxed. He looked really, really calm. I would sometimes glance down at him to see if heâs awake and just hasnât moved yet but every time I looked, heâd still be asleep. To be honest, my body has become rigid and sore from me sitting and leaning against the wall all day that I canât feel my legs or the arm thatâs tentatively wrapped around Francisâ shoulders. He also hasnât moved a single bit; thereâs no shifting, no nuzzling, not even a jolt then back to sleep. He just stayed leaning against me and fell asleep like that.
It wasnât a surprise that Matthew would come to my cell and look at me like I did something wrong. He was, in some way, glaring at me. But instead he smiled, making his permanent grin grow even bigger and for a second, I thought that his face would actually split in half; of course, it didnât. Then I remembered that manâs head whose jaw is slacked because from ear to ear, there was this long split. Honestly, I think thatâs what they had in planned for Matthew, if he and Alfred hadnât killed them.
âHeâs asleep.â I told him quietly and he nodded. âI can see that.â He chimed causing for a chill to run down my spine. He just stood in front of us, looking down at me as if heâs expecting something. It didnât take that long for Francis to finally move; he groaned and straightened himself, smiling at me. I smiled back hesitantly then I glanced at Matthewâs direction. Francis kept his smile, ignoring what I was silently telling him. And then, without any warning, Francis spoke to Matthew in a harsh manner. âIâm sleeping here.â
My eyes widened and Matthewâs smile became forced. I knew that he was frowning, his face was straining to follow his movements but because of the grin permanent on his lips, his smile became forced and absolutely horrible. âWhat?â he growled, clearly surprised. Francis turned to him, looking up at him with indifference. âI said Iâm sleeping here. With Art.â
Why did he have to include me and say my name specifically? I lowered my head, taking a quick glance at Matthew. Please, donât tell me they are going to have an argument. Luckily, I guess, Matthew didnât say anything and instead he walked out.
Francis breathed out deeply, whispering an apology to me. I said that it was fine and he didnât say anything else then. We didnât sleep. When everyone was, we walked down the empty, noiseless hallway and walked outside, staring at the night sky and feeling the breeze. âAre you sure that you still love him?â Talking wasnât exactly my strong point and asking about something whether it was insensitive or not never crossed my mind until I actually spoke it. Francis looked at me, blinking like he was saying âdid you just ask me thatâ, I gave him a shrug and he let out a breathless laugh. He turned away to look down at the grass, pulling it like before. I watched him, leaning close enough to hear him if he whispered. âI donât know.â He mumbled, eyes sad and hurt. I guess, Francis was never the one to fully express his sadness, so I helped him out. I pulled his head down to my shoulder, pressing his head there. Francis was surprised, asking me what I was doing, I hummed, shaking my head then my skin felt cold, water trickling down from my shoulder to my chest. I watched the water flow, drops falling to my heart and every time, I would wince.
Francis didnât sob, he didnât make any kind of noise thatâs related to crying. He was really holding himself back. While I let him cry, I turned to gaze at the sky, thinking if this is how Francis was before he came here. Maybe they changed him from how he was before; they made him broken and wear a mask. Everybody here probably wears a mask, including me, maybe. I donât really know what kind of pain Francis is going through right now, thatâs why I decided not to say anything, since I didnât know what he felt and he never told me what his feelings are.
A little later, he stopped. He said thank you to me and stayed there, telling me that I was a good person. Francis pulled away from me, showed me a little smile and went back to pulling the grass. He took a deep breath in then out before chuckling out; Francis started singing.
Des yeux qui font baisser les miens
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche
VoilĂ le portrait sans retouche
De l'homme auquel j'appartiens
Then he hummed. Looking at the grass in his hands and throwing them away. When he started to sing again, all he said was:
After that, Francis just hummed, repeating it over and over.
âWhatâs that?â
He turned his head to me, looking at me before laughing. âItâs French.â He told me and I nodded, not really sure I understand. âI sing that as a lullaby for my cousins.â
âOh.â
âIâm surprised that I still remember the words.â He chuckled, his smile faint and soft. He didnât say anything else, so I thought Iâd say something too. âYou have a beautiful voice.â I mumbled and he thanked me, saying that he appreciated the compliment. âWhat was your life like before you came here?â
Francis gave a thoughtful hum, looking at the moon. He exhaled and closed his eyes. âI used to be a chef; I was working at a really famous restaurant; I was a pĂątissier.â
âDoes that mean you know how to cook?â
Francis laughed, nodding his head, âYes, I know how to cook.â
âOh, okay.â
âWhat about you?â
âI donât really remember anything before I came here.â
âOh. Right, sorry.â
âItâs fine.â The conversation ended there, I think, because after that we didnât say anything else. We were just sitting around, pulling the grass or staring at the sky and watched the stars blink.
Sometime later, Alfred came up to us, scratching the back of his neck and he told Francis that Matthew needed him. Francis raised a brow at him like Francis was doubtful about what Alfred said. Then âAs usual, he sends his brother to do his job.â Francis chuckled out while shaking his head. He looked at me and smiled.
âWell, I guess itâs time to talk to him.â He grunted out as he stood, looking down at me. âI will talk to you later, okay?â
âOkay.â I nodded, gave him a smile and watched him walk back to the building, covering his body with that sheet hanging around his shoulders. Alfred, though, came up beside me and lied on the grass with a soft huff of breath escaping his lips. I ignored him but I had a feeling that he was going to talk. âSo, what were you two doing here?â
I knew it. âNothing.â He shifted, sighing out. âYou ruined it anyway.â I mumbled and immediately, Alfred was beside me, face close to mine. âWhat did you say?â
I pushed him away, ignoring him while he just lied back down. It was really quiet. I could hear the leaves and the sound that the wind makes. I could also hear my heart, loud and steady against the quiet, beating against the air under the sheet I used to cover myself with. Huffing out, my eyes started getting heavy. Carefully I glanced at Alfred, eyes closed and arms under his head; he seemed to really like it here.
When I stood, Alfred looked up at me, blinking. âWhere are you going?â
âTo sleep.â
âOkay.â He stood up, patting his hair and trousers to remove the stray grass heâs collected and stared at me, silently telling me that it was okay to go. I shrugged and walked ahead of him, my device close to me.
Alfred followed me, just like before and even sat on the chair, crossed his arms, however this time he wasnât the first one to fall asleep. It was me.
When I woke up, the same man from before was in front of me. Looking at me with indifference. He told me that it was time to eat and nodded, sitting up and standing. This time, I walked by his side, glancing down at his tail from time to time.
Actually, I never saw it before because it was completely black, but he didnât have ears; he had cat ears instead. âWhatâs your name?â I quietly asked. He didnât look at me, though he did reach out to the top of his head to scratch at his ears and with a soft voice he said his name is Kiku, in response I told him that my name is Art. He said that it sounded nice and I told him that it was the same for his name. Kiku then stopped and gazed at me, whispering a thank you to me. Was that supposed to mean something? He coughed and said that we were going to be late if we just stand around so I just didnât think about what he might have meant by his thank you.
At the cafeteria, or at least thatâs what Alfred calls it, Francis and Matthew were sitting by each otherâs side again. So I guess they made up, right?
The meal today was a woman, her breasts were torn, ripped and bleeding. Her eyes were wide and filled with tears, so it meant that sheâs still very conscious. âYou should have killed her first.â I told them and they all looked at me like what I said was such a surprise. âShe doesnât need to suffer.â I quietly continued. Alfred didnât say anything, although I knew that he heard me. Matthew laughed like it was funny and Francis just silently ate, hesitating after I said that. I watched them eat, Alfred took the neck and face, Francis was eating her breasts and Matthew was at the chest. I pointed to her abdomen and asked if I can have whatever meat was in there; they stopped, looking at each other. Matthew used his claws and made three vertical slices from the bottom of her belly button to the womanâs abdomen. âThank you.â After that was a bit of a blur- All I really remember is suddenly shoving my hands inside her and ripping her body open while I drove my face down and just devoured anything my teeth could reach. I left nothing untouched. I even ate a part of her thighs and left the rest for Alfred and Matthew to eat. My face was covered in blood, Francis told me I looked like an animal, I shrugged at his comment and he told me to wipe it off.
I did what he told me after I licked myself clean from the blood. Smearing the sticky blood towards my lips and tongue. Then I exhaled, hunching my body because I know that I was satisfied with todayâs food.
In Francisâ cell, he apologized for leaving last night then smirked at me. âHow did it go?â
âWhat?â
âYou know.â
âNo?â
Francis rolled his eyes at me and yelled yet whispered at the same time, âAlfred.â
âWhat?â I felt like laughing. Was there something with Alfred? âYou two were alone, werenât you? Nothing happened?â
âWell what were you expecting?â
âFor you to be together.â Francis whined. âNo-!â I shouted, âWhy would you think that?â
âYouâre cute together.â
âNo weâre not-!â
Francis looked at me, like he was waiting for something. âNothing happened! I donât even like him!â
âThen youâre sending some very mixed signals to him.â
âHuh?â How did the conversation shift to this? âI have no idea what you mean.â Francis didnât say anything, instead he groaned, hitting his forehead with his palm and chuckled. He told me to forget about it and immediately, I agreed with him. What is wrong with him?
Why havenât I thought of this before when I had nothing to do, I donât know? I took in my surroundings. The building is really big. There was more than the first floor, a stair case led to a second floor which I had a hard time going to since my device is on wheels and I found out that stairs and wheels do not go together. There were less cells here, empty and unused, and more operation rooms and bed rooms. Iâm sure that this is where the staff sleeps and stays at.
One of the bed rooms had a lot of books in it and I couldnât let it be there, so I took a few. Now, Iâm walking down a narrow hallway that had windows on each side. On the other side though, the lights were off and when I looked through the windows, I couldnât make out what was inside. And when I tried to open the door leading inside those rooms; it was locked.
So, now, Iâm just walking towards the last room that I see. The door was slightly darker than the rest and had a small sign label as âanimal roomâ. I assumed it was just a room full of stuffed animals and had been mounted on the walls but when I carefully opened the door, I couldnât be anymore wrong.
The books slipped from my grasp and the sheet fell from my shoulders as I stared at the one person sitting in the corner of the room, naked.
âKiku?â I called out. He turned to me, bowed his head and told me welcome with no expressions crossing his face. I had to lean against my device, and turned my gaze to the floor. âIâm truly sorry you had to see me like this.â Kiku spoke as he started walking towards me. I shook my head frantically, gulping down my saliva. âI should have knocked.â I told myself but Kiku disagreed and told me that it was because I didnât know that this room was being used.
When he was finally in front of me, he gave me the saddest look I have seen and held me by my upper arms, helping me to stand. I couldnât look away from his body. Not only was it still bleeding but there was fur sticking out of his skin. His penis was cut along with his testicles. On his back where his spine is, was this long pole stapled to his skin, under his collar bone were bite marks, deep and had his muscles showing inside those little holes. And on his upper arm is his number: 1102.
Numbers were what we were used to be called, until our âfreedomâ.
âIâm so sorry.â Was all I could say as I looked at him. Kiku shook his head, telling me that I shouldnât be apologizing and bent down to pick up the books and sheet. He led me to a chair and sat me down while he got himself dressed. He wore a robe with a thing tied to his back. Kiku helped me go back down, he held the books and sheet while I tried not to trip and fall down.
âIs that why you wear a robe?â I asked reluctantly, biting down on my lower lip as I realized that once again, I asked an insensitive question; probably. Standing half way through the staircase, he looked at me, lips pressed together that it was starting to turn white. âYou donât have to answer if you donât what to.â I hastily spoke out.
âYes.â He nodded his head. âI like to wear robes when Iâm inside my room, though. When Iâm outside of my room, I like to wrap one of those sheets around me like a scarf.â
âI see.â I gulped. I guess asking questions about what you look like really is a common thing here. And every time I asked, they would always answer after a moment of thinking. Maybe. He gave me a firm nod and continued down the stairs while I followed a couple of steps behind.
When he was standing at the end, holding the books close to his chest, Alfred showed up, seemed to be happy to see Kiku. But when he noticed me, his face looked like it dropped. âArt.â He glanced to Kiku then stared back at me. Iâm close to the end of the staircase but to me it was still a lot since Iâm dragging this device with me. âWhat are doing- What were you doing up there?â
âI was just looking.â I mumbled, finally finishing the way down and told Kiku a little thank you. He handed me back the books and gently bowed his head, after that he told me to take care and went back up the stairs while Alfred stood behind me, watching our short exchange. Pulling the device, I passed by him and made my way back to my cell. âArt.â Alfred called out, following me. âArt, donât ignore me.â
âLeave me alone.â I said through tight lips. Then suddenly, he pulled me by the arm and turned me towards him. I grimaced, my skin being stretched by a bit from being pulled. The edges of the cut on my chest stung with pain and a stabbing sensation. Alfred immediately let my arm go and stuttered out an apology. âWhat is wrong with you?â
âJust-!â Alfred groaned, scratching his head and messing up his hair. âDid you see anything up there?â
âUh- No? The big, âimportantâ-looking rooms were locked.â
âThank goodness.â He exhaled. Looking at him from toe to head, I rose my brow and spoke âAre you done? Can you finally please leave me alone?â
âWhy do you like being alone so much?â
âI donât like being alone, I just donât like it when someone that I donât even know is always following me.â Turning away, I started back my pace; I didnât look or took a single glance to see if he was following me. I took him away from my thoughts and focused on trying to form the words for a proper apology to Kiku in case I see him again.
Later that night, I used the light in the hallway to read the books that I brought with me. It was really good. It was a story about a girl who became this thing called âgeishaâ and possessed incredible beauty that her main rival is an older woman who is also a geisha but somewhat a failure. When I finished reading the book, I noticed that almost everybody was already awake, meaning that Iâve been reading from night till morning.
Rubbing my eyes, I yawned. I placed the book down on the chair that I dragged back near my bed and lied down to take a little bit of rest before being called to eat. When I woke up though, everything was quiet. There were no people walking around or talking in the halls. I sat up, fixing the sheet around me and took in my surroundings, I guess everybodyâs asleep already. At that thought, my stomach growled and I jolted in surprise.
âHungry?â
I jolted again, trembling from the shock. âAlfred?â I whispered, my hands close to my chest- Well, close to my neck and blinked, looking at the chair and seeing a figure. âYeah?â he chuckled and stood, showing that it was him against the light from the hall.
âDonât do that. Ever.â I said, glaring at him. He shrugged and smiled. Alfred told me follow him, and follow him I did.
He led to me to the cafeteria where a man was bleeding from the forehead, a large cut and a sharp glass poking out of his head. âYou killed him?â I asked, turning my head to look at Alfred, who gave a small nod. âOh.â I approached the man, pulling the glass from his head and used the tip to trace his naked body. I sat down, still tracing his body with the tip. Tonight, I settled for the upper part of his chest and dug the glass deep into his flesh until I felt the bone stopping me. From there, I dragged the glass horizontally up to his intestines and placed the sharp glass on his thighs. From both sides of his cut skin, I pulled and opened him up, revealing the bone that stopped me from stabbing him any deeper before. For a moment I thought about stopping but the memories of all the horrible things that were done to me, to us, made me continue. I took that bone and forcefully pulled it out from his body, to reveal his heart. Taking the sharp glass again, I cut out the veins and grabbed the heart to eat it.
It was somewhat chewy and made my face become covered in blood. The sound of blood squelching as I chewed echoed in my ears but that didnât stop me from taking another bite then another. It was delicious and stomach-churning at the same time; the experience was hard to describe, although I didnât stop there. Swallowing the last bite, I tilted my head, wondering what else I could easily eat. Instead, I just took his skin and cut and pulled it apart from the rest of his body. When I was done, I gazed at Alfred who sat across from me, pressing my lips together. âIâm done.â I shrugged.
âOh- Uh. Okay.â Alfred stood up, quickly taking the body and putting it somewhere where the door my gaze followed him at. Shaking my head, I started licking myself clean, when Alfred came back with a new white sheet. He told me to use the one thatâs wrapped around me to clean myself and I did. âWhatâs behind that?â I stared at the door then glanced to him. âNothing. Just a place where we throw away the remains of our food.â
âCan I see it?â
Alfred looked at me, taking the sheet from his hands and wrapping it around my shoulders, I stared up at him. âYou want to see it?â
âYes.â I nodded.
âOkay?â He turned and I followed him. He opened the door for me while using his other hand to sort of swipe it across the room like he was showing me something magnificent. âIt smells bad in here.â I whispered as I looked at the badly mutilated bodies all over the floor, rotting whatâs left of them. There were some that was turning to a colour of pale and the blood on the floor was dark and dry.
âWhat did you expect?â Alfred followed on and I just hummed my âI donât knowâ, turning away from the room and walking away. Alfred caught up with me, asking me what I was doing sleeping all day and I replied that I was reading a book; he tilted his head and repeated me.
âYes.â Nodding, I entered my cell and pointed at the books that are now sitting on the floor. âThose things that you moved from the chair.â I told him and he awe-ed at me. I sat down at the bed while he sat down at the chair, crossed his arms. âDonât you have a room?â I told him.
âI do, but I donât want to use it.â
âWhy?â
âI just want to avoid it as much as I can.â
I bit my lower lip, âIâm sorry.â And whispered out. Alfred questioned me why I apologized and replied that I didnât mean to sound like I donât care and told him that I was only curious since he always slept in my cell.
âYou donât want me sleeping in your cell?â
âI didnât say that.â
âThen-?â
âI donât mind you sleeping here. But you can be noisy and annoying sometimes.â I lied myself down, my head turned to his direction. I think he smiled at me and said thank you before telling me to go to sleep.
âArt.â My shoulder was shaking, soft and gentle. I groaned and grunted, shrugging off what was shaking me. âArt, wake up.â The voice was so close to my ear that I could feel the heat of that voiceâs breath. I shifted my head, shaking it and ignoring it again. âArt, come on.â
âWhat?â I rubbed my eyes, confirming that it was Alfred who was waking me up. âWhat? Why?â
âCome on or youâre going to miss it.â He walked to stand by the door frame while I took my time getting up from my bed. Alfred was a few steps ahead of me and I was dragging myself behind to see if he would stop. He didnât. I yawned as he took me outside, pointing at the horizon. âLook.â He softly spoke out. The sun was rising, so what?
âYou woke me up for this?â
âYeah.â Alfred nodded excitedly turning from me to the rising sun then quickly back to me, âYou donât like it?â he asked like he just gave me the sun.
âI think itâs okay. I just donât like it when someone forcefully wakes me up in the morning just so I can see something that Iâll be able to see on my own.â
âI thought you would like it.â He whined and I shrugged. âIt looks okay to me, I guess.â I mumbled while Alfred started to pout. âIf you want to impress me, show me something that I havenât seen before.â I yawned as I started to make my way back inside, a short moment later, Alfred showed up by my side with a thoughtful expression.
âSo what impresses you then?â Francis nearly choked when he heard Alfred say that. He looked at me and glanced at Alfred before grinning back to me. âNo.â I told Francis firmly and his smile became wider. âMy, Alfred. I never knew that you would ask Art such a bold question.â He chimed.
âFrancis-!â I called out, dropping the piece of lung I had in my hand. Matthew didnât say anything and Alfred was staring at me, after giving Francis a lost look. âI donât know what you mean.â I replied to Alfredâs question who responded with a pout. Matthew was quietly chuckling and Francis elbowed him in the arm. As much as I could, I tried to ignore them. Shrugging and expressing my lack of interest, I told Alfred âIâm not sure, maybe show me something beautiful? Or maybe something interesting?â
Alfred squinted his eyes at me, nodding once and continued eating. When I turned to face away from him, Francis was smirking at me from behind his hand. Shaking my head, I mouthed ânoâ to him. He rolled his eyes, winking at me then I became the one who rolled his eyes.
Well, I wasnât that surprised when a day later- at night- Alfred woke me up, told me to follow him and led me outside; again.
âThe moon?â I asked, yawning. He led me a little further away from the building to where itâs a much clearer field. He pulled out something from his trousers and told me to sit down so I did. âThis is a flashlight.â He told me, showing off the flashlight. âI know what it is.â I groaned out. Alfred turned it on and directed it to a book: it was clearly a picture book. I squinted my eyes at him. He leaned down towards the ground, opened it for me and said âI found this upstairs. Itâs an anatomy book.â
âThis is what you thought would impress me?â
âYeah.â Alfred shifted his position, glancing at me and at the book. âIs it working?â
Biting down the inner side of my cheek, I tried not to let out a single sound that could relate to laughter. Instead, I frantically nodded my head with closed eyes and holding my breath back a little. âDonât laugh.â I repeated in my mind. âDonât be rude.â I told myself and repeated those two short sentences. Alfred smiled, looking back at the book and pulling me a bit down to see it better; his words, not mine. Surprisingly though, it was fun however, it left a very unsettling feeling in the bottom of my stomach. He showed me different bone types, the difference of each organ, and the parts of the brain. I pulled way, straightening myself. âIs something the matter?â Alfred asked. I opened my mouth but ended up closing it shut and shaking my head. âUh- I was just thinking that maybe we could talk about something else.â
Alfred stared at me, I stared back but after a bit, I glanced this way and that as I waited for his response. âOkay. What would you like to talk about?â he closed the book and turned the flashlight off, straightening his body too. I hummed, shrugged my shoulders âAnything but this, I guess.â
Alfred hummed in thought, placing his hands behind him and leaned his weight against his palms firmly on the ground. âCan I ask questions then?â
âYou just did.â
âSo thatâs a yes?â
âYes.â Nodding, I let a small smile come up to my lips. Alfred hummed again, âHow old are you?â
âI donât know.â I said while shaking my head. He pursed his lips, looking at the sky. âDo you remember anything before coming here?â
âUnfortunately, no.â
âOkay, then.â Silence came. The sound of rustling leaves making me feel a bit uneasy with how the conversation just abruptly stopped. âYou grew up here, didnât you?â
âYup.â
âDoes that mean you have a date of birth?â
âYou mean a birthday?â I nodded. Alfred then straightened his body again, lifting up his shirt, and on the left side of his chest was his number. âThis is the day that I was born.â He happily said. I leaned closer, squinting my eyes, â0407?â
âIt means fourth of July.â Alfred exhaled, âMattâs number is on the right side of his chest. His is the first of July.â
âOh.â I backed away as he pulled his shirt back down. âWhat about yours?â
I thought about his question, feeling a bit red in the face, I took a deep breath as I pulled my body up, standing on my knees and pulled down my trousers. âWoah-!â Alfred reacted and I covered myself but left my right thigh for him to see. Without warning, he leaned closer to me, staring at the numbers inked into my skin. â2304.â Alfred stated before leaning away. âTwenty-third of April is your birthday, then.â
âOh.â I pulled my trousers up and sat back down. âI guess that means you were born during Spring?â
âAnd you?â I asked.
âIâm pretty sure itâs Summer.â
I nodded and he leaned against his palms again. I drew the sheet around my chest just a bit tighter, so that my chest is covered. Although, the sound it made wasnât completely inaudible. It was clear to both him and me that my heart is pumping a bit faster than normal and louder too. Taking a glance to him, I saw that his gaze was directed up towards the sky, his eyes becoming brighter with the moonlight. âYouâve been here your whole life.â
Alfred chuckled, shrugged and nodded, agreeing with me completely. He stayed quiet, a small smile on his lips as he kept his gaze upward, the stars twinkling against the night sky.
I asked if there were seasons here and he said yes, telling about the last time he saw snow was when he was only this big; âthisâ being what his height is right now, sitting on the grass up to how tall his body is when straightened. âYou were sort of small back then, huh.â I muttered and Alfred laughed, so much that he started clutching to his stomach. I donât know why he was laughing that much, I honestly didnât find it to be all that funny but I saw something, âYour neck.â I squinted, leaning closer to him âIs bleeding-!â
âHuh?â He said breathless, then when he touched his throat, he clicked his tongue. âAre you okay? Here use this-â I was about to give him the sheet to wipe at the blood but instead, he told me that it was fine and that it was only something that happened usually. âBut shouldnât you at least wrap a bandage around that?â
âItâs nothing, really⊠Itâs healing.â
âAre you sure?â
He smiled, looking directly at my eyes and softly said that it was nothing to be worried about. After that, he told me about how they cut his neck but not the bone nor veins, the reason why his head hasnât âfallen offâ yet. Alfred told me that since it wasnât being regularly cut anymore, it was starting to heal from the inside. I had no idea what he meant, but I didnât think about it too much, since I didnât want my head to be filled with images of Alfred being chained to a bed and having monsters cut a baby boyâs neck without damaging his bone nor any important body part thatâs needed for him to still be able to talk. Biting down on my lip, I started to wonder how he doesnât seem to be affected by talking about these things. Then again, anybody who I asked never seemed to be bothered, so it really must have been something common here. I saw how his ankles were free. âWhere are the chains?â I whispered. Alfred ooh-ed and told me how the chains around his ankles were digging into his skin and exposing his bones, so he had to cut it. Leaving nothing but bruised skin.
âDo you have any more stories to tell?â I quietly asked.
âOne time, Matthew got caught with Francis in his cell.â
âAnd?â
âFrancis got raped in return and Matt had to stay under water for almost a week.â
I lowered my head, âOh.â I mumbled. That took a turn that I didnât want to know nor think about. âUm- Anything else?â
Alfred hummed in thought, looking at the sky while pressing his lips together. It took a little bit of time before he said something again. âKiku got feed with a large mouse one time.â He said like it was the most wonderful and exciting thing he had to tell. I placed my hand to cover my mouth, my eyes wide. I started to shake my head, and Alfred stuttered out apologies. I held up my hand, palm facing him. Alfred somewhat calmed down but kept his eyes on me, high on alert.
I gulped down my saliva and pushed the thoughts and images away, trying my best to calm my thumping heart down. âIâm fine.â I said with a gruff voice and Alfredâs shoulders became relaxed against the moonlight. He exhaled, deep and tired. But for some reason, we stayed there, just watching the sky move and the sun start to rise. And when I couldnât hold back my yawn any longer, he stood up, brushing himself off of leaves and grass that clung to him. He reached out a hand and this time, for only one time, I decided to let him pull me up. In one swoop, I was standing and my heart beating with my breaths starting to become shallow.
He asked me if Iâm okay in the most teasing tone possible. I glared at him, telling him that if he ever plans to do that again, he should to it slowly and gently. He apologized, saying something about not knowing when heâs using too much force, and I huffed at his words while we walked back. Alfred hid the book by snapping it on the garter of his trousers along with the flashlight which looked ridiculous on him from the outside; I didnât hide the smirk on my lips and told him exactly why I was smiling.
Walking me towards my cell, he stood by the frame and I gazed up at him. Scratching the back of his head, he said something about doing his regular business. I shrugged and told him off. When he showed me a pout and I pursed my lips, re-thinking whether or not what Iâm about to is considered as a thank you. I figured why not in the last second and leaned up to him. Standing on your toes was not easy but I got to leave a kiss on Alfredâs cheek anyway, so it was okay.
âThere. Thank you.â I bowed my head, slightly then walked to my bed and lied down, closing and covering my eyes with my arm. When I heard faint footsteps leave my cell, I took a little peek to see if he was gone, although, in exchange for his leave was Gilbertâs figure, âWow. Since when did you start giving kisses?â he chuckled and I let out a groan. Someone saw me, âYou saw?â I asked.
Gilbert hummed his response then told me to âstay safeâ while walking back to his room, laughing. My cheeks felt hot and I never had to hide my face so bad using my arms.
Days later, I started to hear rumors about me and Alfred: it was one kiss! Not only that but I would sometimes hear their nickname for me, âthe bossâs partnerâ? They couldnât be any subtler with that could they? And I knew that Francis also knew because when Matthew and Alfred werenât there sitting with us the first the time rumor spread, he looked at me with a grin and a look that says âI know everythingâ. No, you donât know everything and it was one kiss, leave it alone- was what my mind screamed at everybody who would give me the same look that Francis gives me.
âWhat can I say, the two of you look cute together.â He told me one time when I told him to stop teasing me with Alfred and that it wasnât going to work.
I finally finished the books I have with me. And I just walked out of my room when I bumped into somebody.
âIâm sorry.â I looked down at the person, eyes closed and hands leaning against the wall. âArt?â he called me, smiling. âFeli?â the name flew out of my mouth and he smiled even more. âThank goodness!â
I blinked, trying to think what he meant by it then realized why heâs all alone. I asked him where Gilbert is or anybody he knows and is close with is but he pouted and told me that heâs been looking for them since he woke up. I went back inside my room and dropped the books on the bed, telling him that I will help him. He cheered, thanking me. The first thing I thought about was go to Gilbertâs room, thatâs directly parallel to mine. Feli asked if there was anybody there and I said no. He pouted again, hummed then suddenly jumped, thinking that they may have gone to his cell. I asked where it was and told me that it was near the staircase.
When I took him there, I again told him that there wasnât anybody inside.
âMaybe Francis knows.â I told him and he nodded, saying how Gilbert was âcloseâ friends with Francis. I hardly ever saw them interact with each other, though, he could be mentioning about my arrival before now.
âFeli.â Francis chimed when we came to his room without warning. Feli didnât see it, but I did. Francis was pulling at his intestines again, teeth bared and gritting. He thought I didnât see it but since I never said a word about it, thatâs what he assumed. I then went on to tell him how Feli was looking for Gilbert or Ludwig or even Roderich for that matter. Francisâ expression went from a smile to shock then to apologetic. I think I know now.
Francis and I led Feli outside. He even smiled and cheered about it because he could feel the grass against his bare feet. Francis led the way, leading us to the side of the building, just some feet away from the concrete wall of the building. There was a wheelchair, just in front of ruined dirt. Matthewâs, Alfredâs and Gilbertâs hands and arms were completely covered in dirt. When we came up to them, Alfred and Matthew kept their heads low while Gilbert looked at us in surprise.
âIâm sorry, Gilbert but I just had to bring Feli here.â Francis shook his head, looking at Gilbert with apologetic eyes. Gilbert didnât say anything and Feli remained clueless. I placed a hand on his shoulder and pressed my lips together. âFeli- UmâŠâ I trailed off. Then Gilbert took Feliâs wrist and pulled him closer to him.
âGilbert?â Feli called out, tilting his head. âFeli, thereâs something you have to know.â Feli started to nervously let out a laugh, taking a step back, and then Francis spoke out loud âLudwigâs not coming back anymore, Feli.â He fell to the ground, tears coming down his cheeks from his closed eyelids. âWhat?â he mumbled, when no one answered him, he screamed; screamed against the ground where he clenched his hands until his knuckles were white. He sobbed, stuttering and muttering out how it couldnât have been true. Then Gilbert had to say it. âHe was stuck in one leg, not only that but he was already dying, Feli.â And Feli denied his words, shaking his head, telling the ground that Gilbert didnât know what he was talking about. He kept sadly calling out to Ludwig.
I donât know him all that well, except for when I met him one time and what Gilbert told me, but seeing someone so broken like this made my chest clench. I looked around, seeing someone standing next to Gilbert with his face covered. That must have been Roderich, who Gilbert talked about so quietly before. They were a family, that was evident, I guess.
âI feel so guilty.â I quietly admitted to Francis as we made our way back to the building. He shook his head, telling me how it was inevitable and everything. I agreed with him but half of me still couldnât shake off the guilt that rested in the back of my head because I decided to help Feli find Gilbert and the others, only in return for him to find out that Ludwig is dead. Francis only told me that it was okay and, just like with asking questions, it was common. Apparently, without noticing it, at least three to four people have died since our âfreedomâ. No body mentions it, but Francis knows because heâs observant; watching the people within safe distances.
And there was also one fact, one little thing that I couldnât shake off. People were giving us glances as if it was their first time seeing us. Francis just smiled and took the attention for himself. He returned half of the looks, leaning to me and telling me that we were somewhat already known?
âHuh?â I whispered through clenched teeth. Francis led me to his cell and in there, he took the liberty to explain to me what was going on with the rumors. Apparently, since we were so âcloseâ with the two men who allowed us to do whatever we liked, we became under watch by the others. Well, that was something.
I took the remaining time I had to stay awake to go back to that room on the second floor to replace the books I took. It took a bit longer compared to the first time I came up here, maybe because I was full of curiosity then and now I know whatâs up here; which just is more rooms.
I avoided, specifically coming back to Kikuâs room since I didnât want to have an encounter like last time so I just hurriedly made my way towards the room.
I opened the door, and walked up to the bookshelf, putting the books where it was before. I looked around, gazing at the spines of the books. Some were thick, some were thin and there were some that was just in the middle. I squinted my eyes as I stared, the book was titled âAfter Darkâ and immediately, I took it out from where it sat and rapidly flipped the pages. Smiling, it was the only book I took then left the room. When I stepped out into the hallway, I quickly saw a figure heading towards me and I couldnât help but scream in surprise and feel terror run through me. I closed my eyes and looked again, it was Kiku, and let out a deep sigh, rolling my eyes.
âYou scared me.â I said. He looked at me then blinked, âIâm sorry. I heard something coming up the stairs, so I had to check every room here.â
âWhy?â
âThis is the rooms where the stairs are nearest.â He had a point. I gazed away, rocking my head back and forth while licking my lips then biting down on my lower lip, tearing a piece of dry skin that stuck out using my teeth. Kiku then asked me what I was doing on the second floor, and I showed the book in my hands as evidence of what I was doing here. âI see. Have you placed the books from before back?â
âYes, I did.â
âThank you for doing so.â He gave a little bow as he said this, then I wondered, how come he acted like he was a guard. âAre you the guard here or something?â
âYes. How did you know?â
âIt was obvious, I guess.â I shrugged. âWhat are you guarding then?â
âSomething important that only remains a secret between Alfred, Matthew and I.â
âWhy?â
Kiku pressed his lips together. With a silent voice, he told me that it was because, he, Alfred and Matthew were the only three âoriginalsâ left in this place. I asked what he meant by it but he shook his head, showing me a small smile and said to pay it no mind. âOkay?â I replied, raising my eye brow. Kiku then offered to help me go down the steps, I let him help me, keeping the device balanced on its wheels while I took one step at a time as a pace that matched with the beats my heart gave. Once we were done with the steps, Kiku gave another small, short bow and walked back up. I watched him until I couldnât see him anymore before I made my way to my cell. There I leaned against the wall, sitting on the concrete floor, my back facing the hallway to have as much light as I could use.
I just finished my interview with a company I wished to work at and was making my way towards the elevator. I pressed the button that had the down arrow and waited. It dinged, opening its door. Just as I was about to enter, somebody grabbed me from behind and placed a bag over my head.
When I woke up, my vision was contorted with the bag still over my head and the light piercing through the fabric. Wind brushed my hair in every direction and swept my clothes along with it. A constant breeze entering through the bottom of my trousers and pulling at my dress shirt from the tucked position itâs in, in my trousers up and being flew about. My wrists were tied against each other, the same goes for my ankles. The only thing I could hear was the sound of loud chopping then someone yelled âShut up!â
âWhere am I?!â
After that, I didnât hear the voice again. I thought about what would happen to me. My breaths became shallow and I felt like I couldnât breathe anymore. I parted my lips, mouth open wide, I planned to take in air, but each time it got harder and harder. Sweat formed on my temples and forehead. I closed my eyes to calm myself.
I woke up, looking around. Iâm in my cell and sweating, not only that but Iâm suddenly in my bed when I distinctly remember falling asleep on the floor. Someone must have moved me here. I sat up, staring at the sheet thatâs drenched in my sweat and had red blotches all over. Wiping my forehead and face, I took in a deep breath. Inhaled as much air as I could and exhaled, slowly letting my eyes close.
A voice rang in my ears, calling me. Then, something clicked, âArthur.â
I stood up, walking towards the door when I got pulled back by the wire attached to the side of my body, making one of my ribs start to poke out from underneath the skin, showing how thin Iâve become during my stay here. Rolling my eyes and clicking my tongue, I took hold of the device and made my way to Francisâ cell, again seeing him roughly pulling at his intestines, even trying to shove his stomach inside him with shallow pants and gritting teeth. âStop that.â Was the first thing to leave my mouth when I saw him. Francis stopped what he was doing, slowly pulling his hands out from his body and tried to hide it with a smile.
For now, I didnât say anything more and instead told him that I needed to see Alfred or Matthew. He didnât ask why and told me to follow him.
When youâre leaving from the cafeteria, youâre supposed to take a left then a right, but instead of the right, Francis took the left and led me to a room with two doors. Francis quietly pushed one door open.
The room was a lot bigger than it seemed. Alfred and Matthew were sitting on shiny leather seats, staring across one another with a short-legged table between them. The room had large book shelves and in the very end of the room were people, tied and tired and thin. Kiku was there, hunched and seemed to be looking for something.
The two men looked to us, Matthewâs expression said puzzled but his tone sounded annoyed with a bit of unexpected. Alfred just furrowed his brows together, gazing up at us. Francis shrugged, telling them that I had something to say. Thatâs when I recalled why I even came here. Biting down on my lip, I inhaled, staring at them. âI want you-â
âMatthew, Alfred.â Kiku called out, dragging a tied, fetus-positioned man to them. âAnother one.â He added, straightening his posture. âAnother dead body. I knew we should have put them in the freezer.â
âPeople would like something warm and thick, not cold and stone-like, Matthew.â
âAt least it preserves them, Alfred.â
âMaybe we could cook it.â I cut in and added, while turning my gaze to Francis, âFrancis said he can cook.â
âMe?â He whispered back and I nodded. Matthew, Alfred and Kiku exchanged looks before one of them spoke up. âItâs unexpected but can you start today?â
Francis sighed out, âI guess I can.â He sounded exasperated but still agreed to do it with a faint smile. Matthew lifted the body, leading us towards the kitchen while Alfred said something about staying to âcheckâ the âsuppliesâ. Kiku followed us too.
Thatâs when Francis took hold of my arm, stopping me from entering the room. He took the sheet from his shoulders and wrapped it around his chest. âI want you to take the bottom end.â He told me and I did, then folded it once like what he just said. âNow, I want you to tie it as much as you can.â
I repeated him but as a question and determinedly, he told me to do it. I couldnât tie it together, though and I was struggling a bit to tie it properly when Kiku stepped out, holding out a long cloth. âUse this; wearing a sash would be easier for you.â he offered Francis. Then, Francis held his arms up above his head while Kiku wrapped the sash around his middle body, I stayed a foot away as I watched Kiku tie it to the side, saying how it would be easier for Francis to reach instead of having to tie it at the back; it worked.
Inside, Francis went to work as soon as possible. Telling Matthew to find a saw and cut off the head and limbs while he made Kiku find some vegetables that werenât rotten yet. I stood, staying out of the way as much as I could from them. âI need to tie my hair.â Francis whispered to the air. I looked around the shelf full of spices Iâm standing beside at. Trying to find something useful for him to use.
âHere.â I called out, handing the rubber band to him that I took from a bundle of peppers.
Matthew handed the personâs head to Francis who got to work by gouging out its eyes gently yet swiftly. He took a knife from a drawer and pulled out the tongue from the open end of the personâs neck then sliced the skin of his forehead and went around the entire head until the skull was exposed. He told Matthew to cut out the very top as carefully as he could so he could take out the brain. Kiku came back with carrots, ginger roots and garlic, placing it on the countertop. All on his own, he took a strainer, placed the eyes and the tongue there while Francis waited for the skull to be cut off. âThere.â Matthew sighed out as Francis took out the brain with his own two hands and placing it on the strainer for Kiku to clean.
âMatthew, once youâre done cutting the limbs off, can you de-bone them?â
âSure.â Matthew shrugged and Francis said a little thank you as he pulled out a large pot from under the counter and placing it near Matthew.
Francis began chopping the vegetables, switching from chopping to grabbing a pan and turned the stove on. âI need oil.â He looked to me and I had to move quickly, seeing the shiny, yellow liquid and passing it to Francis. He poured the oil on the pan and left it to continue chopping. When it was sizzling, Francis let go of the knife and placed the carrots there, along with the ginger and garlic. He took a spatula and started to stir it around before switching the stove from high to low. Eye balls, tongue and brain cleaned, he started chopping them one by one. I heard something plop and saw Matthew already done with cutting the limbs and is currently pulling out the bones after cutting from one side and swiftly pulling it out while his other hand held unto the skin.
When he was done, Francis had another large pot on the stove, pouring water in it and adding spices that he told me get for him earlier. Kiku and Matthew cleaned the skin and muscles while Francis started humming, adding onions, garlic, chopped cabbages, salt and pepper and turnips. After the meat was cleaned, he only separated some of them from each other before putting them in the pot, taking a bone that was left discarded on the floor and washed it. He had Matthew cut it before putting the two halves of the bone on the pot and placing the lid on it.
He had Matthew and Kiku grab the plates as he took out a large spoon from the drawer and serving it on each plate. The plates were being placed in a trolley tray. âCome back later for the soup.â He told the two of them was they pulled the trolley trays out and serving the food to the people.
âWas that enough?â I asked, walking up to him. âNo.â he chuckled told me to get a bowl from one of the shelves while he grabbed a bag of flour and measuring spoons. He walked towards the freezer, coming back out with butter. âDoes this place have every single thing you need?â
âA kitchen needs everything a chef would need.â Francis chimed, mixing the flour and butter, hand-mixing it then added some water. âSo, what about the people who wonât get their food yet?â
âThatâs why thereâs soup. Though, now that I think about it, I should have made it before anything else.â
âHuh.â I said, shrugging. âWhat are you doing then?â
âIâm going to bake pies. So, can you see if there are fruits there?â
I nodded, walking back to the place where I was standing in before, looking through the baskets between the shelves. âI found apples.â I called out and heard Francis hum a âthatâs great.â So I took as much as my one arm could carry. He worked fast, is all Iâm going to say because it wasnât that long when I found the apples. Or did it actually take me minutes without realizing. Anyway, when I returned to Francisâ side, he was already placing the dough on the tins, one by one, while a pan was heating up on the stove. He cut each apple I brought, telling me to put sugar on the pan. Francis took more apples from one of the baskets and started to cut them up too.
âHavenât you wondered why we havenât been eating the food thatâs stored here?â
âNo.â
âWhy not?â
Francis glanced to me, smiling, âItâs nice to eat something different and experience it, right?â
âI guess.â And at that Francis gave me a wink, putting the slices of apples on the pan. After that I just stayed out of his again, like before. Kiku and Matthew coming back when Francis put the pies into the oven, saying how there were some who didnât get to eat. Francis just ignored their urgency and told them to prepare bowls for the soup.
They stopped complaining when they were dragging the trolley trays out again. A little while later, he pulled out the pies and spoke in a hushed tone, like he was solely talking to himself, to let the pies rest for a bit before cutting it.
A small smile curled into Francisâ lips as he saw the people eating diligently. When we sat down, Alfred immediately told him how good it tasted. âIâm very flattered.â Francis chuckled. Iâm sure he feels more than happy to see the people that are eating his food to be so focused on whatâs in front of them; enjoying their meal to the fullest. We ate, then had the pies that Francis baked; it was sweet and thick with the brown sugar. Unlike blood, it made my throat tickle and made it a bit harder for me to swallow. We were all given some water to drink when we finished eating those sweet-throat clogging pies.
In the aftermath of my quick trance of eating, I made my way back to my cell, as soon as I could. Distracting myself with the book that I half read the night before. The name âArthurâ echoing in the back of head as I tried to focus on anything but that. This just means that Iâm remembering something, right? I put the book down instead, leaned my head back against the wall and breathed out. I wonât be able to let this go unless I know whatâs wrong with me.
I waited for everybody else to fall asleep, and that included Alfred too, who quietly went to the chair, claimed it as his own once again, as he groaned out about how tired he was. Then in the blink of an eye, heâs asleep.
As quietly as I could manage, I made my way to the second floor. Alfred and Matthew first told me how they had the âprivilegeâ to know about what those people did to them, not only that but they were given information about this place. Iâm already sure that even if I asked nicely, those two men wonât give me any kind of information that I would want to hear.
So I traced my way to the second floor, solely focusing on those rooms that were locked and kept in the dark. I had to find something from the different other rooms just for me to break open the window and carefully open the door, then Iâd jump through the broken window and enter through the door again, because of this stupid thing attached to me. I looked for a light switch, working as fast I can. The light burned my eyes, it was blindingly bright. When my eyes adjusted to the light, I blinked several more times before looking around.
My mouth dropped. âWhat-?â I said to no one. The room is filled with shelves of fetuses in glass jars, floating there almost transparently. I walked around the room, staring at each jar and looking at their individual numbers.
âDonât move.â A voice told me, a sharp object poking my neck. It dragged the pointed object against my skin without digging it into me. âWhat do you think youâre doing here?â
âI- I was just looking for-â I stopped myself and didnât give out any kind of excuses. âPlease donât kill me.â Was all I squealed out. The pointed object got withdrawn from my neck and I reluctantly faced my supposed-killer. âYouâre lucky that I knew it was you, Art.â
I furrowed my brows. âWhat? Lucky? Arenât you supposed to be guarding these? Arenât you supposed to kill me?â Kiku looked at me, staring. âNo.â he shortly said. âHowever, you need to leave, now.â Kiku grabbed my wrist, trying to pull me out, his nails digging into me. âNo.â I protested and he stopped, his lips pressed firmly against each other.
âIâm looking for files.â
âFiles?â
âHelp me?â
Kiku shook his head, pulling on my wrist again. âYou werenât even supposed to see this room. So, please, leave.â I watched him, desperately try to drag me out with false strength and agreed with him. He followed me until the stairs, where I had to go down to, alone. âI have to clean up the glass.â He reasoned. I didnât say anything else and carefully, slowly walked down the steps. Again; wheels and stairs donât go together and it is annoying.
I let the book in my hands cover up my vision of Alfred who stared down at me with a frown. Itâs been some time since I saw those jars and when I saw Alfred the morning after that, he didnât talk to me. Matthew gave off a chill that I didnât want running up and down my spine. Whenever Matthew would look at me, he would make his smile even bigger, wider and just tilt his head as if he was waiting for me to say something.
I sat up, putting down the book beside me and gazed up at Alfredâs figure. âKiku told me you broke into one of the rooms on the second floor.â
I blinked, glancing down at the floor then looked back up at him again, Nodding, I agreed with his statement. âWhy?â he growled, his eyes seeming to glow against the faint light in the room. âBecause youâre hiding something from me.â I told him, firmly. But my heart made it obvious that I was scared, panicking and nervous about what could happen. He shook his head and I pursed my lips.
âYou said that you âhaveâ the privilege to know about the other people here.â
ââHadâ, Art.â
âI donât care- If you had or still do, but that just means that thereâs files about each person here.â
âNo, there isnât.â
âYouâre lying. Alfred, I donât know who I am.â
âMost of the people here doesnât know who they are anymore.â He has a point.
I shut my mouth, staying quiet as I stare at him. Heâs lying about those files; he has to be. âYou have to tell me.â
âI just want to know why you went to the second floor, Arthur.â Alfred exhaled, scratching the slice on his neck, making it bleed and started to drip down his skin.
âI already gave my reason, havenât I- What?â Alfred shook his head at me, looking down at me with guilt and maybe regret? âDonât hide it.â I mumbled.
Alfred gave me one last glance, walking out of the room. Gritting my teeth, I stood, pulled the wire away from my body and ran. I ran towards the stairs, hearing Alfredâs shouting voice along with the sound of bare feet hitting against the concrete floor. When I got up, Kiku was looking at me with wide eyes. âCome with me.â He whispered, and we ran. On the direction of the room with books, there was one room parallel to it, it was one of those rooms that were locked before but when Kiku turned the knob, it opened and immediately, I entered it; in the background, I can hear Matthewâs growling voice calling for Kiku to respond along with Alfred shouting, calling my name. Once I came inside, Kiku told me to hurry and shut the door.
Taking a deep breath, I gently placed my hand on my rapidly beating heart. Feeling the burning sensation like my fingers were fabric touching an open wound.
Looking around the room, I walked up to a file cabinet and pulled it open. The names were there, letter by letter. I can hardly remember my name; this is going to take some time. My chest clenched and burned, I have to hurry but I canât. Quickly, I pulled every drawer there, scanning for something similar to my name. Then, on the other side of the door, I heard Matthew screaming, Alfred was shouting and Kiku was blocking the door; I hoped.
I had to calm down, I inhaled, closing my eyes for a short moment then started again to scan my gaze against each name there. When I saw the name âArthurâ, I quickly took it, opening the folder. And started to read everything there.
My full name is Arthur Kirkland and I have one older sibling, I was born on April 23- just like Alfred said. I bit my lower lip, chewing down on the skin there as I continued. I read that I was to be operated on because of higher potential to be an actual male-carrying-a-baby? What? This doesnât even make sense! I was brought here just because of that? And not only that, I already know this, whatâs the point in hiding it?
I made my way to the door, swinging it open and saw Kiku being strangled by Matthew. âWhat are you doing?!â I impulsively spat out, âStop!â
Matthew glared at me, letting Kiku go by dropping him to the floor. âYouâre really useless.â He muttered out. âAnd what gave you the right to come here?â he questioned, taking a step in my direction.
âI thought you were hiding something important from me.â I laughed, but my heart says so otherwise, âWhatâs the point in hiding this from me when I already know what was going to happen to me.â
âDo you really think itâs healthy to release this kind of information to the same people who got tortured here?â
âMatthew, stop.â Alfred breathed out in a sigh. Matthewâs right. The people here have done nothing wrong and yet they got to experience something so horrifying. And these three people silently made the rule to not let anyone come here, the second floor, where every information of each person is stored and filed here- like they were some sort of live stock. Lowering my head, I nodded, agreeing to Matthewâs statement. âIâm sorry- I didnât know that that were your intensions.â
âThatâs right.â Suddenly a hand wrapped around my neck, taking away my breath. The floor beneath me became out of reach for my feet. Purple eyes stared into mine, glaring but unintentional. âWh-?â I tried to ask. I could see Alfred gripping Matthewâs shoulder, shouting at him and most likely telling him to stop. I clawed at Matthewâs arm, tears pooling at the edges of my eyes. I closed them, begging in my mind for Matthew to stop; heart beating faster and breathing cut off, I thought that this is how I was going to die.
I dropped to the floor, coughing and Matthew facing the other direction. Kiku crawled towards me, whispering with a gruff, small voice if I was okay. Glancing up, Matthew and Alfred exchanged looks before running in a hurry. Where are they going?
I blinked back my tears, turning to look at Kiku, âWhere are they going?â
âSomething was approaching here.â He told me, helping me stand on my two feet. âWhere is your machine?â
âI left it in my cell.â My heart was steadily getting faster and I could feel my arms and legs tremble. Kiku knelt to the floor and leaned me against his back, pressing my open chest against his clothing made me burn but he told me to endure it as he takes me down. âIt hurts.â I groaned out. People were coming outside as Kiku passed by them all.
In my cell, he laid my body down, asking me how the device works. âI donât really know.â I said, shaking my head. My chest felt like it was clenching and being pulled out at the same time. I clutched the bed, gritting my teeth against the pain. With my vision blurring, I saw Alfred run into my cell, speaking to Kiku. He looked like heâs breathless, when he saw me, he came closer, flapping his mouth. All I did was nod to him, closing my eyes and trying to calm my breathing down.
Waking up, I was in a small space, much smaller than my cell. It was filled with people. They all looked at me then looking all around in hurry. One of them flashing a flashlight at my eyes before talking to each other. I couldnât understand a thing, so I decided to close my eyes again and sleep.
When I woke up again, the first thing I saw was a white ceiling. It was cold but warm at the same time. A dinging sound coming to my ears each second. I shifted my head, taking in my surroundings. A man was sitting on the chair beside the bed, his head on the mattress and holding my hand. His hair a light brown and just a bit messy. Pulling my body up, I let go of him and he immediately jolted awake, staring with his green eyes wide at me; green like mine, just like what Alfred told me. âArthur?â he called, âYouâre awake?â he stood, running out of the room and when he came back, people in white and light blue clothing came rushing in with their faces contorted in surprise and panic.
Ah, I get it, Iâm in a hospital. But whoâs the man with thick eyebrows and looking at me with a worried face; is he the sibling that I have? It must be because I donât see Francis, Kiku, Matthew or even Alfred around here. So, heâs definitely my brother. Maybe. I didnât panic when one of the people told me that I was going to be alright. All I did was nod when she said that, also, I just noticed that Iâm wearing a shirt and the sound of my heart is coming from inside me; does that mean that my chest is closed?
What about Francis and his stomach and metallic spine? Or Kiku with his tail and ears and claws and spine? Or Matthew and his arm and face? And Alfred with his neck and ankles? Gilbert, Feli and Roderich too? Are they okay? Are they all in the same place as I am? I didnât bother asking, because if Iâm here then that means that theyâre all okay- Iâm sure they are.
And I was right. About everything. Although Francis showed up in a wheelchair, slightly being pampered by Matthew. And Alfred was annoying and energetic, leaning closer to me every time he had to ask if I was okay as if he was scanning my face for any kind of information. Kiku didnât show up though, when I asked about him, they told me that heâs being âtaken careâ of by professionals. I didnât know whether to feel happy or worried. And I couldnât help but wonder where he is.
Anarawd told me everything; he really is my brother with a small smile on his face like he was sad to be telling me that weâre related, I asked him about it and all he told me was that he didnât think heâd see me again. My brother told me that I have amnesia due to the trauma and that I might not be able to remember him right away, I said that it was okay and that I was glad to meet someone that was related and a family to me. Anarawd was somewhat crying, always telling me that he wasnât sad or crying or on the brink of suicide when I was gone for almost three years- I was gone for three years. Then what have I been doing before my chest was open? âJust be glad that they found you-!â he said in a patronizing way.
âOkay.â I replied, trying not to laugh at him. I didnât indulge myself to think about what they did to me.
A few days in my stay, two men named Yao Wang and Ivan- just Ivan he said, were the two people who found the building and brought us all here. They asked me and the others about our stay in that place. Asked us if we could share the information of what they did. And I told them, I explained what they were planning to do to me and what happened when Alfred and Matthew killed them. Yao and Ivan were strangely calm when I told them about us eating all those staff members. All they were really worried about was if I knew who the leader of everything was in there- Yao said that heâs been investigating about all of this since three kids disappeared about ten years ago; it was Gilbert, Ludwig and Roderich. Then, after those three kids, about ten or twenty or even more people went missing in the following years, I was one of them, including Kiku and Feli and Francis and that the man behind everything was already arrested- I told them I didnât know and they left.
There were days where I would see Yao pacing back and forth in front of the windows that were on the door, watching him in his anxious way of walking, biting his nails. I guess he was just seeing if we were alright? Or maybe he knew somebody here? I donât know, I never asked.
I stayed in the hospital for about four to five months. Francis stayed a bit longer, when he was released, his cousins showed up and took him back to France. Anarawd did the same for me, except we went to England. I donât know where Matthew is, but I heard he and Francis are in contact with each other while Matthewâs busy playing a sport with the prosthetic arm he was given and Francis is busy creating sweets. I got a letter from Kiku when he was staying in Greece and in that letter said that heâs headed for Japan. Feli told me before he left the hospital, earlier than me, that he has a family in Italy; an older brother and a grandparent, apparently. Iâm not sure what happened to Gilbert and Roderich though but, Francis said they were somewhere in Germany. I havenât heard from Alfred. But I got something that I didnât need: attention. One day, Anarawd was watching something when he started yelling my name, telling me that Alfred was on t.v. and said something about winning me over. Anarawd wasnât all that happy about it, glaring at me and calling Alfred an âidiotic, energized Yank of a faggot with no decencyâ. I didnât give any kind of comment about what he said.
Alfred visited me during Christmas. He started complaining that he wanted to visit me earlier during the week but apparently couldnât because of the rain. Anarawd wasnât having any kind of his complaints and told Alfred to just leave the country and never comeback.
âThen I wouldnât be able to see Artie or hear his voice.â Alfred replied. His nickname for me ringing in my ears, I really would like it if he just stuck to my name instead.
âHe doesnât even want to see you-!â Anarawd fumed a bit, glaring at him. Alfred laughed, mouth wide open and mocking, âSorry, but I think Arthur wants to see me more than you think.â
âWhat?!â
âNo I donât.â I spat at Alfred as Anarawd sighed a breath of relief. Iâm starting to think that Anarawd really doesnât like Alfred and just tolerated him during Alfredâs visit in our house. Not only that but Anarawd kept his eyes at all times on Alfred, watching him with wariness. When I told him to stop because it was clearly weird and somewhat embarrassing, he told me no and I asked why.
âBecause heâs gay for you and I donât like that.â
Sometimes I want to tell him that I kissed Alfred on the cheek just to see what his reaction would be. But I never did since he might never let me see the light of day if I told him.
I find it peaceful and secretly rewarding to be living a normal life again. Some nights, I would wake up and forget where I am, going to the free space behind our house and watching the treesâ leaves drift against the wind.
Anarawd hasnât let me apply for a job since heâs afraid of something bad happening again, and I agree with him. However, when I see him coming home from work, exhausted, tired and clearly sleep deprived, I feel like Iâm starting to become a burden.
âMaybe you should get a day off.â I said as I placed a mug of hot tea for Anarawd. He groaned, leaning his head back and stared at the ceiling. âNo and thank you.â
âBut, youâre tired and overworked- are you sure?â
âYes, Iâm sure.â
âMaybe I should start working too-â
âNo-!â He sat up straight, staring into my eyes. Dark lines under his eyes, wrinkles on his forehead and hair messy and unkempt. I nodded, reluctantly. âArthur, we talked about this. I donât want anything to happen to you ever again.â
âI know.â
âYouâve been gone for three years.â He trailed off, looking away from me and staring into his mug, his hands wound tight around it. âI just want to keep you safe.â Anarawd mumbled, furrowing his brows and formed a small frown on his lips.
I walked up behind him, loosely wrapping my arms around his neck. âThank you.â I whispered, burying my face into his shoulder, âFor looking for me.â
âYouâre my little brother!â Anarawd chuckled, ruffling my hair, âOf course Iâd be looking for you!â His laughter trailed off and with a soft voice he said, âWeâre family and we have each other.â
For some reason, I felt uneasy as I recalled those words later that night. Sometimes, I canât help but think of how convenient it is that they found us, how Alfred and Matthew managed to free all of us from their actions. Itâs almost as if it was all planned out.