Hi, so I have terrible anger issues, I'm mostly a very quiet and calm person, but I get angered easily, I start hitting and crying and can't calm myself even if I focus on my breathing, the problem is that sometimes when it gets too much, I start hitting myself. I also get stressed over nothing and have panic attacks, it would help me very much if you could give me some tips and advice to get over these issues. Thanks.
Hi, hun. I’m sorry your feeling out of control. The thing is, anger is normal. How we express it becomes a matter of self-control. There is a feeling that comes right before anger. It is frustration. This is the best time to take control of your actions. You can feel your body tense, breathing faster, heart pounding, etc. These are signs to back down and assess, 1-where the emotion is coming from, and, 2-what result you are looking for. So while your trying to do that slow relaxed breathing, think on this. It is a matter of self-control but that becomes easier if you make yourself look at things outside of the emotion your feeling. Ask yourself, “Why am I angry at this?” “What to I want to happen?” An apology? An irritating situation to stop? More understanding from others about a particular subject? Our anger, as you probably have learned, actually hinders our chance of getting what we want.
Know your triggers. Some can be avoided but some you will have to plan ahead how to react to them. If you think this is a part of a bigger issue or have conerns for you emotional health, it is important to engage in a self-care program. Breathing exercises work better in the midst of emotion if you practice it when you are calm. You will find what actually helps you relax and you will master the practice so it is effective on quick notice in an emotional situation to be a better tool. Journal what sets you off and alternative actions. Consider calling a counselor for a few sessions to see if there is something else going on. You may have a chemical imbalance that needs controlled for successful behavior managment. Meanwhile, hit a pillow, walk it off, whack a golf ball...you get what I mean. Anger is not bad but expressing it agressively ruins relationships, can put us in a rut, or distance ourselves from others.
Though we can’t control certain situations we end up in or the emotion that we feel, we can control, with practice, how we react to it.
Hope this helps. (((hugs)))
