Entrails | Barbarous | Imperishable | Last Retch | Kontusion | Grave Hex | Betrayme | Dying Awkward Angel | Impureza | Undeath | Mental Funeral | Caesarean | Innumerable Forms | Anthrodynia

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Music On This Mixtape:

Entrails: "Wings Of Death" taken from the album "Grip Of Ancient Evil"

Barbarous: "By Lead or Steel" taken from the album "Initium Mors"

Imperishable: "Spewing Retribution" taken from the album "Revelation In Purity"

Last Retch: "In the Polder They Reek" taken from the album "Abject Cruelty"

Kontusion: "Throne of Skulls" taken from the album "Insatiable Lust For Death"

Grave Hex: "Vultural Scourge" taken from the album "Vermian Death"

Betrayme: "Unnamed" taken from the single "Unnamed"

Dying Awkward Angel: "9.99" taken from the single "9.99"

Impureza: "La Orden Del Yelmo Negro" taken from the album "Alcázares"

Undeath: "Enter Patient" taken from the EP "Enter Patient/Endless Graveyard"

Mental Funeral: "The Sorrow Of Winter" taken from the album "Mental Funeral"

Caesarean: "Submerged In Insecticide" taken from the album "Wretched Decrepitude"

Innumerable Forms: "Impulse" taken from the album "Pain Effulgence"

This is a long one..

I was 41 weeks and 3 days pregnant when I had my last 'normal' appointment with the midwife team. It was then that they told me if I hadn't naturally gone into labour in 2 days, then they would have to induce me.

Not exactly what you want to hear with your first pregnancy. Lots of people tell you lots of stories and how induction can be more intense or it was the best labour they'd ever had. Whatever, everyone is different, so I took it all with a grain of salt and hoped for the best.

2 days went by and I had my next appointment where the midwife and Drs recommended a 'Cook's Catheter'. To try and prompt my body to do its thing without the need for an IV.

Well I came back the next morning and still no labour! Shit. I was going to have to be induced.

Ok, so I'm in the birthing unit ready to go (and completely terrified but trying to hold it together).

They take out the Cooks Catheter and I'm 4cm dilated. Great! Almost half way there!!

The nurses broke my water, put the IV in and the contractions began.

Holy shit.

To quote my mum- "they don't call it labour for nothing." Boy, was she right. I had all the pain from my contractions in my lower back, and it was excruciating!

I'd never had anything hurt as much as those bloody contractions! No one told me as much, but I presume my baby was posterior because of all the back pain.

I was using heat pack after heat pack. Having my husband massage my back as hard as he could and it still barely helped! I was using the gas, which I think mainly just helped keep my breathing under control...

After 5 hours, I was ready to up the ante - I asked the nurse for the next step in pain management - Endone.

Well, all of the people who say Endone is the best are all fucking liars. It didn't take any of my pain away, just made me super drowsy and want to fall asleep even during a contraction!

Right, so by this time, I'd had the IV induced contractions for roughly 12 hours, and every time the nurse did an internal exam, my cervix was at 4 cm. There was no change! I could have cried! Well.. I did! And I was exhausted!!!

So the reason it took so long to get to this point was because every time I contracted my baby's heartbeat was waver and so the nurses couldn't increase the hormones to get me to dilate more/faster. They turned it off for a short time, and bub was all good, but then they turned it on, and the heartbeat wavered again.

So the Dr recommended an emergency ceasarean section due to failed to progress. Meaning my body didn't do what it was supposed to and bub couldn't come out!

I was ok with having a caesar, that part honestly didn't bother me. It is what it is and the team I had were incredible.

I had an epidural, which was heaven! For about half an hour. Until it made me vomit and bubs heartbeat wavered again and I needed to lay on my side. Well then the anaesthetic drained to the side didn't it and I started feeling the contractions down the other side again! This certainly wasn't what I expected when they gave me an epidural.

Ok, so after this, we headed to surgery. We're talking 17hrs after being induced now.

I'd never had any sort of surgery in my life. Only ever had mild local anaesthetics!

So when they numbed my torso and down it was the weirdest feeling. So see my legs being moved but unable to feel it. I hated it.

And then, being in the ice-cold theatre, thank God I had my husband by my side because I was downright terrified.

Terrified of feeling pain (which I didn't)

Terrified of the surgery (I would visualise it and freak out)

Terrified something bad would happen to me (haemorrhage or have tools left inside)

Terrified most of all that I wouldn't hear my baby cry.

During the surgery I kept vomiting and felt gross as fuck. The lovely nurse suctioned the vomit from my mouth and all was well.

Bub was taken out, and he cried! So I cried in relief! I can't tell you how much relief I felt about that. He had a bit of a hard time breathing, so I couldn't hold him, and he had to go up to special care. My husband went with him, and I went to recovery (where I slept for 2 hours, apparently!!)

I was then taken to the maternity ward and special care unit to see my bub. So surreal being able to see and touch him! Still no cuddles yet though because he was on the breathing apparatus.

I was wheeled back to maternity and tried to sleep. Though that was difficult being so very numb and worried about tearing stitches or whatever else might've gone on down there.

Thus, my baby boy was born, and I am still emotional remembering these happenings. Very emotional.

and the topic came up at work, and one of my coworkers told me this superstition that babies delivered by c-section aren’t risk takers and are predestined to be more shy ;O;

another coworker had a similar story about caesareans never leaving the country and moving somewhere else, because they don’t change their life in any major way without any reason/motivation behind it (because they didn’t even come to this world “by themselves”)

Signal boosting the newest chapter of my Class 1-B!Izuku fanfiction, because my newest chapter got significantly fewer reviews than usual.