#c3e105

I already think of Loquatius all the time but I digress

As an Aeormaton, FCG had a demonstrably dehumanizing view of their metallic body, from not believing they had a soul to being willing to sell or sacrifice themself as a mere object to their final moment of utilizing their body's design to save their friends. I don't remember him ever saying that Dancer was his "owner" at any point, maybe just his "maker" or "creator" in the earlier episodes, but there seemed to be a very different dynamic with the Division of Public Benefit--aka with automatons that Dancer did create--versus with Bells Hells where everyone encouraged him to see himself as equal with a soul like any of theirs. Plus, the discovery of what he was originally created for and the actual Murder Bot moments on stream likely only increased any feelings of powerlessness over his body. Although all beings are technically "created" by others against their wills, FCG was built with a specific purpose they were meant to fulfill and then presumably be disassembled or repurposed after that task had been completed.

And with the gender thing: I've been thinking about the wider implications of having automaton and construct PCs. Historically, a lot of robotic characters in media have either been referred to as a genderless yet dehumanized it or forced into a human concept of the gender binary, the former being mostly because they're meant to be portrayed as non-sentient objects and the latter being mostly projection and attempting to erase the creators' (and audience's) fear of the unknown. So the choice to give some automatons in Exandria sentience and soul and the room for some genderfuckery has allowed for FCG's largely unaired but undoubtedly beautiful gender journey. (I mean, the irony and Pun Value of a robit being nonbinary is hilarious on its own.)

So while I can't know for sure how much FCG's he/they pronouns were chosen in relation to--or in defiance of--the historical depictions of robots I mentioned, there was undoubtedly a theme of reclaiming bodily autonomy throughout their arc.

Moving onto our other favorite he/they C3 PC though... Ashton's own history with their body isn't much better.

I mean, their first memory is the ritual of the Shard of Ka'Mort and being unwillingly portaled away to another continent, which later resulted in their entire body being transformed into stone and gem. (And while this is purely in headcanon territory, it wouldn't be that far off to imagine that maybe their father Efterin the cult leader may have even had Ashton for ulterior purposes, like having a sorta cult heir or even fully intending to give Ashton up for the ritual from the get-go, which would be incredibly dark and further lend to their lack of bodily autonomy.) Then, there's The Fall. The cracks and gold scars, the half-blindness, the head injury and slag glass. Even though it saved his life and has been used to his benefit since, he never asked Milo to pour the Potion of Possibility into his head or to get his unfathomable and unique dunamantic Rage abilities. And then, there's the recent Shard stuff, both the incident with the Rau'shan Shard--especially how it literally rejected him--and the full activation of the Ka'Mort Shard with its resulting Titan transformations. While I can't quite remember if Ashton's chronic pain began with the initial transformation in Bassuras or after The Fall, there's gotta be frustration and helplessness present whenever their body doesn't want to cooperate because of the pain and Exhaustion. Plus, there's the literal mind/body control moments that have happened where some enemy magically puppeteers Ashton's strength against his friends--similar in some ways to FCG's Murder Bot moments.

Back to the gender thing: I'm sure part of Ashton's gender feelings are from their pretty queerpunk, very genderfuck identities, which can be a statement of reclaiming bodily autonomy in and of itself. But I will always remember how Tal made a point in the CR Sick Day Stream to state that Ashton could have anything in their pants, and making them potentially AFAB/transmasc brings up even more complications with gender dysphoria and bodily autonomy.

So. All this is to say: a) Ashton and FCG's friendship and bonding over mutual Gender and Trauma and Self-Hatred and Lack of Bodily Autonomy and such will always be everything to me, and b) it's starting to make a lot more sense why Ashton is throwing himself into the proverbial fire by recklessly showing people like the Bright Queen or even Essek his dunamantic abilities despite the warnings and despite prior experience with hubris-induced mistakes. (This is especially the case in the wake of FCG's sacrificial death, but that's a whole other Long Post about Ashton's grief over the friend they started this campaign with and how they could have very well learned the wrong lesson from that self-sacrifice.) Ashton likely hasn't felt like they've ever truly had full autonomy over their body or, at the very least, that their relationship to their body has been Complicated. He's talked about how people in Jrusar would ogle at the hole in his head, often for a charge--much like how people would offer to buy FCG or even how a circus performer sells tickets for a spectacle. So really, it's not that far of a stretch to have people "examining" or experimenting on him. And with how little Ashton knows about his own body and what's inside it and how it works (even their dunamantic class abilities are purposefully left to random chance), of course he's going to be motivated to put himself in the hands of those more knowledgeable and experienced. If he's never had full autonomy over his body, is it really his to give away for experimentation in the first place? Has he ever learned to entirely respect his body or to feel a sense of power or control over it--especially outside of combat when he can kinda harness his unique abilities?

Most importantly, will Ashton get a moment of reclaiming full autonomy over their body--and, consequently, their life--in a similar arc to FCG, or will some entity--like the Bright Queen, according to a lot of fans' fears--inevitably take advantage of their self-neglect in order to gain control over their body with little regard to their mind or will?