I’m just nervous.  I feel like it’s pretty obvious I don’t want you to leave. - @bxstiarius​

Luche leans across the bed, callused fingers touching the other’s cheek. So rarely does he show affection in uniform, but they are still in the quiet of his home, half-dressed. Intimately close. 

[Xiao will text him naughty pics when he's in the office]

Sonitus stands stock-still for a long moment.

Then, piece by piece, his tense body eases, relaxing against Xiaowen.

He presses his face against the other man’s shoulder, breathing in and breathing out, taking comfort in the small motions of his hands.

He could remember the past, but he’d rather focus on the now: Xiaowen is here now.  That’s what’s important.

[I’m so sorry… Are you two safe??? I MEAN-]

one again, i don’t interpret their relationship as being very healthy. i never have. could it be, in the future or if things were different ? sure…

aymeric says during one cutscene that estinien didn’t notice him / pay him any attention in their younger years. the fact he considers that worth bringing up, many years later did concern me. && though he calls him friend, estinien never really shows any gratitude or acts towards him like a friend does… 

it’s understandable, mind, given what estinien has been through && the impact it has had on his behaviour but that doesn’t make it okay nor does it remove the risk of the birth of a toxic relationship where it’s all give on one end && no taking on either.

basically, i see estinien as being very clearly not wanting of a relationship of any sort. he’s far too set on revenge. he’s shut ━ off. he’s cold. he barely seems to feel. he isn’t a giver or a taker.

aymeric, on the other hand, feels too much. he’s a total giver yet is still saddened by all he does not deserve, if mostly due to the understanding that in normal society, everything seems to happen in a certain way… he desires to fit in && when he doesn’t, it’s upsetting. he’s very clearly lonely && isn’t very used to having friends or people to relate to, as he’s so different from many && is hated by many. 

perhaps he latched onto estinien in the hopes that they’d understand one another. perhaps he felt he could help estinien open up && heal, aided some by his own pains && not wishing for others to feel the way he does. i don’t know.

at this point, aymeric is starting to understand that estinien isn’t really a friend but certainly isn’t an enemy either. he’s a bit more apparent in his annoyance / upset around those he can trust && confide in. those he feels he can actually talk to, knowing they’ll listen / respond.

unfortunately, he worries himself sick over estinien still, when he has more than enough on his plate as it is. he’d give his life for him. even though his raised hopes that constantly get crushed hurt him so.

he still hopes one day he’ll be like a friend is “ meant to be like “ so quietly clings onto him deep down. how could he not ? estinien deserves so much better. in a way, to pull away from entirely, registers to aymeric as him not caring about the other, which goes so against his nature. if he did not care immensely for others, regardless of aught, he would not be himself.

it’s… a bit of a mess. the fact aymeric struggles to comprehend it doesn’t surprise me.

essentially, it’s a relationship that exists only on one side. born of longing, hope, && a desire to relate / for normalcy, doomed to rot aymeric from the inside out, like the frog brought to the boil in a pan.

MY MUSE IS UNDER AN HONESTY SPELL FOR ONE HOUR.

Send 👐+ any question you wish to ask my muse. They will have no choice but to answer truthfully.