#bvrner

          “Just one?”  Hands trembled, moving to mould against the curve of his jaw, the contours of his features used as a brace for her own sanity. Focus did not remain of his visage, eyes lowering to the floor. Breathing deeply, Calista willed both her find and body to not crumble, to not surrender to the inevitability. But she’d always been so good at belittling herself.

         “If I were able to tell you that. Perhaps, I wouldn’t have to say goodbye...I’d just know.” 

Kass bit back the torrential rain that threatened to pour from the heavens, the way she could feel herself forming a storm cloud with her emotions. Kassiopea Nolle never cried, but sometimes the heavens did. She had never expected this, stationed at the palace. To be honest, she never thought she’d be around the royals that much, much less catch any of their attentions. And yet there was Orion Calore, Crown Prince, standing before her, hurt like so many before him had been. And oh, how badly she wished he weren’t.

“Your Highness.” She emphasized, reminding him of their differences. “I… My whole life, people have been telling me how they felt, how I make them feel. It’s…” Exhausting. “You are the Crown Prince. I am a soldier. I live for war while you try to make peace. The person fortunate enough to be with you can be no warrior, and I wish to be nothing else. Don’t you see how… ill-set this already is?”

She scrubbed her face in her hands. Nobody said this would be easy. But no one also said that this would be this hard. It would be different if he was any other man. Someone, like the others, who hardly knew her, who saw nothing of who she truly was, who she didn’t care about. Heaven above, how she cared.

♥: Reacting to the other one crying about something.

It had been a year to the day. And all Valeria had wanted to do since she’d woken up was go back to bed and pull the blankets over her head. But that was hardly becoming of the crown prince’s guard so she’d forced herself out of bed, steeling her nerves for what she knew was going to be a terrifically terrible day.

It wouldn’t be enough.

She must’ve looked haggard as she slipped into her place at Orion’s right, because he looked at her with eyes full of an unspoken sadness. Alexei was gone. That had been bearable. A secret glance to share their pain. Valeria could handle that. It was some how gratifying to know he hadn’t forgotten him so soon.

It was when house Laris came into the throne room, talking about honoring their fallen hero that Valeria had to excuse herself. It was, in a word, unprofessional. But Valeria knew it would be more unprofessional to lose her cool in public. More unprofessional to try and tell the fat Laris man that Alexei wouldn’t have wanted a feast in his name. Wouldn’t have wanted any of the pomp and circumstance.

The minute she’d entered the her room she felt her control waver and she didn’t try to hold back the waves of emotion. Her room was her safe place. The one place she knew she could fall apart in without people watching. It was her sanctuary when Vezina wasn’t around to punch at or Nicolaus there to listen.

What she hadn’t expected was for Orion to check up on her. He’d startled her. Her grief quickly being replaced with her shame. On principle she hadn’t allowed herself to cry in front of Orion since her less than graceful melt down at the funeral. He needed her to be strong. She shook her head and wiped at her face hurriedly. She couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” It came out harsher than she intended it to and her voice was shaky but Valeria was too focused on getting out of the situation to care too much. Orion wasn’t supposed to see her cry. She was already halfway out the door. “Come.” At least this time her voice sounded stronger. “I doubt house Laris would approve of being stood up by the crown prince for very long.”