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Good girls use their safeword frequently btw
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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One thing that's really important in kink is the ability to separate your dynamic from your relationship. You can't fall into the trap of thinking they're one and the same, and you shouldn't sacrifice your relationship in an attempt to prolong a dynamic. It doesn't matter if you're friends or in a relationship, your kinky play is a way to enjoy yourself and connect with each other. It doesn't define who you are, or how you treat people when you aren't playing that role. You also shouldn't view your relationships in the context of your dynamics, and should instead remember that no matter how your dynamic looks, you are still fundamentally normal people who deserve an equal amount of deference and respect.
Do you think the sub has the right to demand as much aftercare as they want? Like there's gotta be a limit at some point
Yes. I think the sub and dom both have the right to demand as much aftercare as they want. No, I don't think there is a limit at any point. If you don't think you can handle giving your partner as much aftercare as they want you shouldn't be in a dynamic.
is there even any point to giving aftercare over online scenes? Not like I'm there to do anything why not just both people go to sleep afterwards
Yes. You should always offer aftercare in all scenes, online or otherwise, whether you were domming or subbing. You can be sweet and reassuring to a person without being there physically. Aftercare is never optional. You should always communicate with your partners to ensure that they get everything they need after a scene whether you're in person, online, or anything else. Aftercare is essential 100% of the time.
Could you maybe elaborate on aftercare for doms? How can it look like?
Because after a scene I just can’t to anything and require my partner to literally take care of me and I don’t know how i can give him aftercare if i am in this state
Hey anon, thanks for your ask.
Ask your partner what makes them calm down and feel whole, adequate, and respected after a scene. No two people are exactly alike and everyone might need something slightly different. If you aren't physically able to right away, or if they're taking care of you first, that's fine. Try taking turns.
Me personally, I like to cuddle and recap the scene, cleaning each other up and being affectionate while talking through what I liked and talking through what we both liked or didn't like about the scene. A comforting drink is also helpful, as is a familiar show or movie. That might all work for your Dom, or it might not. You should try having a conversation about it, it's generally something you should do before entering a dynamic or doing any sort of scene with someone. It's honestly an important conversation to have even before vanilla sex with a new person in my experience.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
If you've ever had experience with subs that use kink to deal with trauma, did you feel like it put extra pressure on you as a dom?
Hi anon, thanks for your ask.
First of all, I'm not a doctor or psychologist or someone who uses kink to cope with trauma so I am in no way equiped to answer the varsity of using kink in that way. Ask your therapist about it.
Kink can be intense inherently. BDSM plays with feelings which are overwhelming, confusing, hurtful, and difficult to manage. Utilizing kink specifically to cope with that trauma on top of the already complex nature of kink is extremely delicate, and it takes a lot of communication from all sides to ensure that the endeavor is healthy, maximally safe, and not damaging to anyone involved. Everyone involved should be aware of and consent to the risks associated with the scene.
When you say there's "extra pressure" on a Dom due to using kink to cope with trauma, it sounds like the scenes are becoming a bit too real. A Dom or sub is not a therapist. BDSM is meant to be fun. It shouldn't happen when anyone feels pressured or burdened by the situation. Doms need to consent too. Full stop. If I feel pressure in a kinky situation I am removing myself from it. And you should too. No exceptions.
What would you do about a girl whos still a virgin, and is a little nervous, but has done research about the risks of things she might like
Hi anon, thanks for your ask.
I get that this was probably intended as soliciting some type of horny response, but because I'm not someone who fetishizes inexperience whatsoever (and actually consider such fetishes to be a boundary), I'm just gonna level with you, anon.
Virginity is a social construct and no one who's a normal, adjusted adult really cares about your experience level. Having a lot of experience doesn't correlate to skill level nearly as much as a desire to understand and please your partner, and a willingness to learn what they like does.
In fact, each and every partner is at least a little different. No two people are going to like the exact same things, to be touched the exact same way. This is especially true in kink, where each dynamic you have is going to look distinct from one another. Being a mature adult who thinks about their own likes and dislikes, communicates their boundaries, and puts effort into understanding what their partner(s) like, is far more important than your experience level.
Hi. I'm fairly new to the BDSM community and I've been struggling with something.
My partner is the submissive and I'm the dom/top. After scenes (especially ones that feel intense to me), I often end up feeling completely inadequate as a dom and partner, sometimes to the point of crying about it afterward. I feel like I must have done something wrong or not been "good enough" even when everything seemed fine during the scene, which I heard might be indincative of a dom drop. I've tried talking to my partner about it multiple times and asked for honest feedback on how the scenes feel for them / what their headspace is like afterward, and their input into scenes so I don't plan them all by myself. They refuse to really tell me, talking in generic phrases ("It was okay").
Instead they say things like:
doms don't get drops like subs do
dom drops "aren't that bad" anyway
I'm probably faking it or exaggerating
Writing this out, I can see those responses aren't okay... but I'm still unsure.
So my question is: What does dom drop / top drop actually look and feel like for you? How intense can it get? Have you also feel guilt, self-doubt, or like you're "not a real dom" afterward?
Hi anon, thank you for your ask.
First and foremost I'm so sorry you've been struggling and that your partner has been treating you so poorly. While a drop can have different levels of intensity for different people, it's safe to say that you're describing definitely sounds like a drop. Your partner's responses to this feeling are wrong and not okay at all. They don't sound like someone who understands boundaries or aftercare, and are dehumanizing you when you're having a very valid and normal reaction post-scene.
Doms need aftercare too, and anyone who isn't willing to provide the support their partner needs after a scene, who devalues their partner's feelings, or ignores a drop is selfish and an unsafe partner. I would not do anything with someone like that.
Your feelings are just as valid as your partner's and you deserve aftercare just as much as they do. You aren't a kink dispenser. You're a person. Your boundaries are just as important. Your consent is just as important. Your aftercare needs are valid and no different than any other boundary.
I've definitely had feelings of inadequacy or guilt after a scene. It's completely normal for anyone who participates in kink to sometimes feel that way, especially after a particularly intense scene. It's the responsibility of your play partner(s) to support you through those feelings. Aftercare is a core aspect of kink, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. please take care of yourself and don't play with people who refuse to accept your boundaries.
Please take care of yourself anon. You can absolutely dm me or send another ask if you want to hear more of my thoughts on the topic. The same goes for anyone who feels something similar about a dynamic. Please be safe.
