#butitsok

I feel crazy for obsessing over my ADHD sometimes.

I feel like it isn’t even a valid thing to obsess about and for a lot of my life it was pushed aside and I was told that I was controlling it and that it isn’t a valid disability so I shouldn’t be acting the way that I do. I feel like it isn’t valid even though I 100% believe that mental illnesses and mental health should be treated just as important as physical illnesses and health.

But I have so many unanswered questions. I knew I had ADHD when I was a kid but I didn’t understand it and I don’t really remember the process of them figuring out I do have ADHD. I’m adopted and lived with my grandmother up until I was 6 years old but I don’t think I was diagnosed until after I got adopted. I went to several psychologists but it was for a variety of other reasons but the ones I remember most are for behavior (and possibly my ADHD) and for my adoption. I knew I had it at least diagnosed by the time I was 10 because that’s when it affected me most and I ended up going to a psychologist for my behavior.

My mom tried her best and I love her for that but she doesn’t understand my ADHD and thought of it as just me being irresponsible and choosing my actions and all of that but I really didn’t understand why I did things I did (like my impulsivity and forgetfulness) or why I didn’t do things.

I didn’t really start understanding my ADHD and that I had the symptoms until I was in my first year of college. It was never really talked about by my parents until my mom talked about it at random in the car on my way to college. I asked questions and then did some research but I never asked in-depth questions because I wasn’t sure what to ask.

Now that I’m in my second year of college, I want to better understand it so I can better myself and get better at being an adult because I’m awful at it.

I still can’t study like I should and I get so easily distracted by so many things. And a lot more than it used to be my mind has been going really blank and I can’t think of things when I need to, even the simpliest questions asked to me I blank out.