Burnsey for the nit!fic prompt?
The live action part of the heist videos crack me up but the newer ones are doubly hilarious because they’re always shoved into some tiny space that clearly isn’t meant for heist planning, you know?
So, like.
FAHC AU where Geoff and Burnie met way back when before the Fakes made it big and all that.
Geoff is some small-time criminal who’s doing well enough for himself that he can afford a halfway decent place to live.
Burnie’s been with LSPD for a few years now, has money saved up to get a somewhat decent place to live too.
Unbeknownst to one another they’re both interested in this place, right?
Decent-ish neighborhood with a few small businesses operating out of the same building and not ideal for most people, but neither of them are all that picky at the time, right? Don’t know they’re going through the same realtor or whatever and there’s a showing or whatever.
Burnie finds the place after getting turned around a time or two, apologizes to the receptionist in one of the businesses and she’s like, “No worries, happens all the time,” and points him in the right direction.
Geoff – gets turned around and meets a receptionist having a shit day so his experience is less friendly and helpful and he walks into the right place muttering to himself, right? Not paying attention and he literally bumps into Burnie out of all the best romcom meet-cutes that ever meet-cuted.
Only in this instance, Geoff is a wanted criminal and Burnie is diligent enough at his job he clearly recognizes him.
There’s this oh, shit moment for both of them – along with suspicion and paranoia because what are the fuckin’ odds they’d run into one another like this, right?
Burnie’s off-duty and Geoff’s playing average civilian and the whatnot, but still!
Mortal Enemies.
(Because reasons?)
Before either of them can react the realtor shows up, this sweet little old lady who’s a little forgetful but super adorable and all that. (Reminds them of their own grandmothers, you know?)
They freeze because like hell do either of them want to drag her into this mess, get her hurt, and also she’s totally oblivious to the whole Mortal Enemies thing going on over her head.
There’s this unspoken understanding to not start shit with her there, but!
Burnie can’t bring himself to just up and leave – no knowing what dastardly crime Geoff might commit he does. (And also, that asshole is totally laughing at him and like hell is he going to let him win…or something.)Geoff is just like. Totally laughing at the idiot cop – maybe they’ve run into one another before this while Geoff’s criminal-ing, right? And Burnie practically seething about not being able to arrest him or whatever because is hilarious as shit and he spends the whole time the realtor shows them around annoying the hell out of Burnie.
Neither of them get the place – tell the realtor they’ll think about it knowing they won’t. (Talk about terrible idea, okay. A criminal knowing where a cop lives is a recipe for disaster and vice versa for a cop knowing where a criminal lives.)
But!
It turns into a Thing between them, or rather Geoff turns it into a Thing.
First it’s just something to taunt Burnie about those early days just to ruffle Burnie’s feathers, but they keep running into one another. Either in the middle of Geoff being a criminal and Burnie trying to bring him in, and sometimes when they’re both off the clock, so to speak.
Turns into an inside joke between them as time goes by and they become – not friends, because wow, no, just.
Something.
The taunting and teasing goes from being cutting, mean to something softer. (Flirty, some might say.)
Burnie helps clear Geoff’s name when someone tries to pin a crime on him he didn’t actually commit that might have fucked him over a few times. (He wants Geoff behind bars, sure, but for the right reasons and all that?)
And Geoff does the same for Burnie when some asshole is trying to make him look like a crooked cop. (He’s an asshole, but he’s not on the take, okay?)
They save each other’s lives at least once, because of course they do and eventually their closest friends realize they’re the only two people in all of Los Santos who doesn’t realize they’re totally in love. (Like. It’s sad, really.)
But anyway, anyway, all that’s backstory, okay?
Setting up the whole Thing where the Fakes are a Big Deal and Burnie makes police commissioner and they’re both stupidly in love with one another and annoyed about it? (Still assholes after all these years and ridiculous with it.)
Burnie’s made major strides in cleaning up the LSPD and rooting out crooked cops and politicians.
Geoff and his asshole crew are more of Robin Hood and his merry band (but like, more assholish about  it because come on.)
Geoff’s started this tradition with the crew that whenever they plan a heist they borrow an office or storage room or whatever to do it at police HQ. (Because he lives for making Burnie’s life a misery when he can, okay. One of life’s small pleasures and all that.)
Brazen as anything, they waltz on in and go to town planning their heists knowing Burnie will find out and be absolutely furious because what kind of idiots are they?
Either they go in wearing disguises and IDs where no one knows anything until they leave? OR they just decide that is a day they give no fucks and are all but daring whoever they run into to do something about it. (The shock of the Fakes being that goddamned ballsy about things buys them time to get the hell out before the shooting starts.)
But also?
The cops or whoever else working there are just like, fuck, because this weird way of flirting Geoff and Burnie have is super ridiculous at this point.
And to be fair, the two of them have totally had dinner dates and the whatnot over the years even if neither of them would call them that.
…Well, Geoff might, because he’s a bastard. Burnie just calls it Geoff being a pain in his side all this time.
(Burnie thinking he’s going to be meeting with an Informant or something, right? Arranging a table at some restaurant or a booth at a bar somewhere and nervous because what if the wrong people catch him at it? Enemies who’d put him down without a thought or someone looking to paint him as just another slick-talking cop on the take.
Just about to walk out because the anonymous source he’s supposed to meet with obviously bailed on him and then that asshole Geoff plops himself down across the table or booth from Burnie. Smirk on his face as he grabs a menu or calls one of the waitstaff over and Burnie is like “Oh, you fucker,” realizing he’s been had again -
And Geoff – still smirking – tells him he has no idea what’s got Burnie so riled up and then proceeds to rile him up even more.
Waits until Burnie’s about to lose his shit before letting him know that Geoff was his informant all along, or the Fakes picked Burnie’s source up because hey Did they know someone put a price on the poor fuckers head?
Lot of zeros attached and if Ryan wasn’t on one of his murder breaks Burnie would be shit out of luck, but as it is, the Fakes have Burnie’s source hidden away for safekeeping.
Also, does Burnie recommend anything on the menu or should Geoff just go with the house special?
And other encounters along those lines and honestly, honestly, the two of them are so married it’s kind of sickening.)
Anyway, anyway, when words gets to Burnie the Fakes did it again, he storms right on down to give Geoff a piece of his mind, you know?
The others left a long time ago, but Geoff’s still hanging around.
Either kicking back with his feet up on the conference table or ~ambushing Burnie in an empty hallway to give him that crooked little grin of his that’s always more of a smirk and “Hey, asshole, long time no see,” and Burnie’s is just so >:(((((((((((((((((( because Jesus Christ, Geoff.
Breaking into police HQ in the middle of the day for goddamned shenanigans? AGAIN?
Geoff just >:DDDDDDD because yes, and also, Burnie’s cops people are real dumb, and – again – hey.
(Burnie’s people – the ones loyal to him and his ~cause aren’t, really.  Just resigned to the Fakes and their antics and this whole Thing between Burnie and Geoff everyone knows about but damned if they know what to do about it, you know?)
And then maybe a smooch – stolen, of course, because Geoff’s a notorious criminal and stealing is what he does – and this little smile and soft sigh from Burnie because what the hell is he going to do with this asshole?
(He finds a slip of paper in his pocket later, when he’s up in his office and Geoff’s long gone. Dinner reservations at this place they like and so on and Burnie just sighs again because it’s as good of an answer as anything else.)
