#205 - âYou are strangely comfortableâÂ
The first time Dean falls asleep on him, Cas tells himself itâs an accident.
Theyâre sat side by side on the couch in the bunker, Sam clattering away on his laptop white noise in the background.
âI donât think thatâs medically accurate, Dean,â Cas says, as he always does, when Dr. Sexy is done diagnosing his latest patient with a case of a some-disease-no-oneâs-ever-heard-of.
âWhatever, Cas,â comes Deanâs standard reply. âIâm not watching it for the patients.â And Cas is left to ponder on that, as usual, wondering what it is that Deanâs trying to say.
Theyâve danced to this tune before, Dean making offhand comments with a look in his eyes that Cas is still struggling to understand. But the dance is cut short tonight, Deanâs eyes drooping in Casâ peripheral where usually theyâre shining with mischief. Cas shifts, moving closer to Dean to nudge him and suggest he go to bed, when Deanâs head unexpectedly falls to his shoulder. Cas freezes, every muscle tensing, until Dean exhales, the sound deep and comforting.
Cas glances up to see Sam smiling smugly at him over his laptop, and he glares, indignant. Sam has the grace to swallow his smile down to a raised eyebrow of bemusement, and satisfied, Cas relaxes. He settles back, a soft sound getting caught in his throat when Dean follows him down, nestling further into the space between Casâ shoulder and jaw.
Heâs too hot, his trenchcoat is bunched uncomfortably around him, and it turns out that now that Cas is human, Dean is way heavier than he looks, but Cas still thinks that he wouldnât trade this moment for anything.
The second time, Cas is only fairly certain that itâs an accident.
Deanâs hurt pretty badly on the hunt, so even after Samâs patched him back up, Cas maintains that heâll stay and watch over him. Sam excuses himself from the room with an over-dramatic hair flip, muttering under his breath about âgetting their shit together.â
And then Cas is left, kneeling worriedly by the side of Deanâs bed, watching his chest rise and fall and cursing himself for not being able to heal him.
âHey Cas,â Dean groans, and Cas starts, unaware that Dean was even conscious. âWhatâd I tell you âbout watching me sleep?â Dean peeks an eye open. âYou look pretty beat yourself.â
Dean looks unconvinced, the patented Winchester eyebrow of âsure, bro, whatever you sayâ rising at him. Cas huffs. âI canât sleep. Every time I shut my eyes, all I can think about isâŚâ
Dean blindly reaches a hand out towards him, and Cas is startled when his fingers clench in his sleeves and start tugging.
âWell you canât watch me all night and I sure as hell canât stay awake much longer, so take your stupid trench-coat off, and get your ass over here.â
Itâs only once Cas is lying stiffly next to Dean above the covers, his mind racing, that he manages to blurt out. âYou think my trench-coat is stupid?â And just because he canât see Dean rolling his eyes, doesnât mean that he doesnât know heâs just done it.
âGo to sleep, Cas,â Dean says. He rolls over until his head is resting on Casâ chest. âThere, now youâll be able to feel it if I stop breathing, so you can stop watching me.â
Cas is too stunned to protest, and eventually he falls asleep to the rhythm of Deanâs breath tickling across his chest.
By the tenth time, Cas is sure that Dean falling asleep on him is most definitely not an accident.
Itâs only after Dean willingly sits in the backseat with him and lets Sam drive the Impala, drifting off with his head conveniently lodged under Casâ chin and Samâs gloating smile glinting at him in the rear-view mirror, that Cas starts to question it.
Theyâre back in Deanâs bedroom now, ostensibly watching a film that Dean had insisted Cas had to see.
âDean?â Cas looks down at the top of Deanâs head thatâs currently resting on his chest. âI thought you wanted to watch this movie.â
âHmm?â Dean makes no effort to sit up. If anything, he simply presses himself nearer to Cas, adjusting to get comfy. âNo, wanted you to watch it. I donât need to be awake for that.â
And Cas drops his head back with a huff, deciding that if Dean wants to shamelessly use him as a pillow, who is he to argue. Aimlessly, he buries a hand in Deanâs hair, rubbing gently at the back of Deanâs head. Dean lets out a small moan, and Cas smiles down at him, his expression fonder than heâd normally allow, safe in the knowledge that Dean canât see it.
âI didnât know humans purred,â Cas says after a while, warmth spreading through him when Deanâs chuckle rumbles across his chest.
âCas, shh. Iâm trying to watch the movie.â
âReally? I thought you were sleeping?â
Dean does raise his head at that, glaring at Cas in a way that reminds him of an affronted kitten. His hairâs all sticking up from where Casâ hand has been in it, and all Cas can think is how he wants nothing more than to ruffle Dean up in other ways.
âItâs kind of hard to sleep when my pillow keeps making smartass comments,â Dean grouches, dropping his forehead down to Casâ sternum.
âAh, is that all I am to you now, a pillow?â
âItâs not my fault that youâre strangely comfortable,â Dean mutters into Casâ chest, so quietly that Cas barely hears him. From the warmth now radiating off the back of Deanâs neck, Cas summises that that had probably been Deanâs intention.
Dean sighs heavily, before pushing himself up and off of Cas.
âDean?â Cas questions, but Deanâs back is turned to him now, and Cas can practically hear the walls in his head slamming themselves back down. Cas shuffles up behind him, looping his arms around Deanâs waist and dropping his forehead to Deanâs shoulder. âYou know,â he murmurs. âYouâre pretty comfy too.â
Dean snorts, rubbing a hand down his face. âMan, we suck at this.â
And Cas has to smile at that, ruefully thinking back on all the times that theyâve been here, on all the times heâs woken up and been met by Deanâs shuttered expression that was always shimmering with something just out of reach.
But he gets it now, gets what Deanâs been doing and heâs not ready to just let it go.
âCome back to bed, Dean,â Cas says, hesitating before dropping a barely-there kiss to Deanâs shoulder. He feels Dean hesitate too, feels the shudder that shivers itâs way down Deanâs spine. But then Dean is turning in his arms, pushing him backwards and wrestling him back into positionâDeanâs head back on his chest, only this time Deanâs pulling his arms around him, tucking himself into Casâ embrace.
âIs thisâŚthis okay?â Dean asks. Cas can feel how tense he is, so he tightens his arms around him once, before relaxing, his palms drawing soft, slow circles across Deanâs back.
âYes, Dean,â he murmurs, dropping his chin to rest on the top of Deanâs head. âItâs perfect.â
And for the tenth time, Cas lets Dean fall asleep on him, safe in the knowledge that this time, when Dean wakes up, Cas wonât be letting him go.