#bumble rambles

And I’m mad about it.

*crosses arms and pouts at the wall*

Alright y’all, I’ve gotta see who you want to read about next? Lmk if you want to be added to the taglist!

I don't usually make posts like this, but I think this is worth talking about because it made me realise, once again, that the whole "₹370 biryani incident" wasn't some funny internet joke. It's a very real pattern, and I don't think enough people take it seriously.

So, here's what happened.

I matched with someone a while ago. Right from the beginning, I told him that I have a partner. It came up naturally in conversation, and after that I brought it up again whenever there was even the slightest possibility of ambiguity. I also told him, repeatedly, that I wasn't on the app to date people. My bio literally said I was looking for community. I wanted to meet people, especially fellow queer people, make friends, maybe watch a play together or grab coffee, because moving through life as a queer person can be isolating, and I genuinely wanted more people around me.

Every single time I said I wasn't looking to date, he'd circle back to the fact that I'm poly. "But you're poly, so what's the harm?" "You can still date people." "Your partner wouldn't mind."

And every single time, I felt like I was saying the same thing in different words.

It's not about whether I can date.

It's about the fact that I don't want to.

Those are two completely different things.

Being poly doesn't mean I'm available to everyone. It doesn't mean "no" suddenly becomes "convince me." It doesn't mean friendship is just the waiting room before romance.

I thought I had been clear enough.

Yesterday, on the 28th, we met to watch a play. It was genuinely nice. We spoke about theatre, law, politics, random things. Afterwards we went for dinner.

At one point, completely casually, he referred to it as "our date."

I remember immediately saying, "No, it's not a date. It's a hangout."

I didn't laugh it off. I didn't leave it vague. I corrected him right there because I didn't want there to be any misunderstanding.

The bill came to around ₹650.

Like I almost always do, I said we should split it. I reached for my phone to pay. He wouldn't let me. I insisted again. He still paid.

Honestly, I didn't think much of it at the time because people sometimes do that. Friends treat each other. I've paid for friends before. Friends have paid for me before. I didn't want to read into something that wasn't there.

A few hours later, after I got home, he asked me if I wanted to sext.

I just sat there staring at my screen for a second, because suddenly the whole evening made sense in a way I hadn't wanted it to.

I said no.

Then I immediately offered to transfer him my share of dinner because I didn't want there to be even the smallest possibility that he thought I somehow "owed" him something because he'd paid despite me trying not to let him and I remember texting him, "This is exactly the ₹370 biryani incident."

I wasn't making a joke or trying to be clever; I really meant it because that's exactly how it felt.

People laughed so much when women started talking about similar incidents after the comedian's post. The point was never ₹370.

The point was that some people will insist on spending money after you've already tried to pay for yourself, and then the moment you don't give them the romantic or sexual response they wanted, that money suddenly isn't generosity anymore.

It becomes leverage: "Well, I did this for you..." and "I thought this meant...". It becomes an explanation for why your "no" is somehow disappointing or unfair.

He sent texts explaining himself and explaining why I had misunderstood him.

Maybe he genuinely thought he hadn't done anything wrong, maybe he didn't see the pattern I was seeing, but I did, and I didn't have the energy to explain, for the hundredth time in my life, why constantly pushing against clearly stated boundaries isn't respectful.

So I blocked him.

He called.

I blocked his number too.

Then he found my alternate Instagram account and messaged me there asking me to pay him ₹800 as "my share."

Not the amount I'd already offered.

Not half of ₹650.

₹800.

I actually laughed when I read it because it was so absurd that it almost felt satirical.

But underneath that laughter was this really familiar feeling.

That sinking feeling women get when they realise they weren't actually being seen as a person who wanted friendship.

They were being seen as a potential return on investment.

That's the part that hurts.

Not the sexting request. People can ask. People can also hear "no."

Not even the ₹800 message.

It's realising that despite saying "I'm not looking for anything romantic" over and over and over again, someone still chose to hear what they wanted to hear instead of what I was actually saying.

Anyway.

If there's one thing I want people to take away from this, it's this:

Please stop laughing at women when they talk about these experiences.

The ₹370 biryani incident isn't about biryani.

It's about entitlement.

It's about how often women are made to feel like basic decency, a meal, a coffee, or an evening out quietly comes with expectations attached—even after they've done everything they possibly could to make their boundaries clear.

And to the women reading this: if this sounds familiar, I'm sorry.

You're not imagining the pattern.

Also, if you're a woman and you think this is someone you might come across, or you simply want to know who I'm talking about so you can make your own informed decisions, you're welcome to message me privately. I don't want to make this into a public naming-and-shaming post, but I do believe women should be able to look out for one another. I'll tell you exactly what happened, show you the messages if needed, and you can decide for yourself.

I made an insta post about this but I haven’t mentioned it here or referenced that I even have instagram but that’s a different thing.

(My insta is @m.arcii.mp3)

What I want to talk about is the guys on dating apps.

I want a “homeboy” or even a male friend (I’m bisexual btw) and I have it plastered all over my profile on these two dating apps I’m using that’s I want to take things “slow” and not be as intimate or affectionate right off the bat e.g

I get annoyed/get put off when ppl flirt with me like based on my physical features as a way to start a conversation or try and warm their way into like make me feel flatter but I don’t really like that kind of stuff because I think is quite cheap and very one dimension and doesn’t leave a good impression of like yourself to me. I kind of feel like all you wanna do is just be overly not sexual but I’m not sure how to describe it.

Like like I don’t like him when I just meet someone for the first time on my first impression of them is being really really affectionate like holding hands hugging saying like freaky things and I just met them like I don’t even know them for like a day and they’re already acting like we’ve known each other for ages and this gonna laugh my socks off or whatever you know?

But I know it’s like when I try and be friends with a lot of like lads on these apps it’s like saying man let’s be platonic about this because I wanna start slow but I mainly wanna look for friends as well. I don’t really want to be dating. they’re always like yeah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha yeah I’ll drag your ass out platonically of course ha ha ha ha And we’ll have a great time but like you know love you’re just so pretty a #like I need you right now you’re so gorgeous and blah blah blah blah blah,

Like personally I don’t really care. It doesn’t mean anything for me like you can say like the most beautiful heartfelt comment or flirt ever created but that doesn’t mean anything to me because I don’t know you like I literally don’t know you. I don’t know who you are I don’t know what you like. I don’t even know your soul man like I don’t know you.

On top of that, it’s like there’s no reason for me to even try and be friends with you if you’re trying to slide in a light skin ass comment I’m trying to flirt with me but be like respectfully respectfully it’s not respectful about that, it’s just annoying and fed up with that kind of bullshit like like I can’t even troll you you’re just annoying me and like I think it happens in span like a day I blocked two of these guys because I’m also they’re not even fit like? (For some of my mutuals fit means like attractive or whatever right) but like all I do is be weird like oh my God, I’m gonna have to visit you. I’m gonna have to come down to your city and we’re gonna have a blast. I’m gonna have to dry you out my side quest and we’re gonna we’re gonna show the world who we really are man like I appreciate that, but that’s not like like come on I’m not that easily impressed

I don’t know maybe that’s me being harsh but I don’t think I am. I think I’m being too fair for my liking.I wanna be platonic and friends. I wanna have more friends than usual because a lot of my friends are my coworkers on my own sister and I want more than that I want more friends but these I wanna like I don’t wanna have to prove to myself. Oh yeah I have to be friends with girls or friend presenting individuals because guys can’t handle being friends with the opposite gender without having to flirter shoot their shot or this is their chance kind of stupid thing this isn’t a fun fact and you’re not Gojo or nerdjo and you’re sure as hell not not plugchoso

But I digress I don’t even know if it’s possible to be friends with guys like I’m also like even romantically, it takes a lot for me to be impressed or even really really like you like I’ve been off and on on dating apps because I’m literally clutching my pearls like the entire time because these people are insane like down bad bars in hell cause what the fuck are you saying? Like who the hell says “professional eater?“ Who says that like I remember referenced in my bio“don’t hate me if I yap about plugchoso, nerdjo and fratkuna“ and some guy was like “you’re the kind of people I hate in this fandom“ like why are you even talking to me? You know you wasted a swipe on me just fucking say some stupid shit like that. What are you talking about? If you don’t like me, skip me like I’m not asking you for attention not begging you for some chopped shit to be like you can degrade me bro leave me alone if you don’t like me, you don’t like me like stop.

Like everyone I see on TikTok or Instagram is the main reason I don’t have a lot of empathy for people mainly men in this generation simply because if you’re loyal you get cheated on, if they’re supposed to be “loyal“ they cheat on you, if they’re supposed to be madly and love you for the past eight years and then they cheat on you, they could be nerdy loser, they cheat on you, they could be like I never had a girlfriend or a really hot girl or someone so look cute and awesome as you talking to me, they cheat on you.

Like it doesn’t even make sense to me it doesn’t matter who they are. They are they could be chopped they could be fine. They could be like dream person your dream partner and they cheat on you and then you’re like I wasted almost– some people was like seven years whether there be a marriage or a relationship or even a“Situationship“ and it’s like and sometimes even fucking state and I think that’s insane to me. How do you stay in a relationship like that? And you know? Damn well they’re cheating on you left right and centre and you still be like well he does treat me really nice oh well he does treat me as a dinner like that’s the bare minimum for our partner to do that for you. It’s the bare minimum like I would even do that to my own partner. I would give flowers to my partner that’s the bare minimum. Oh he opens the door for me bare minimum.you’re praising the bare minimum that’s why he’s going away with I don’t know what it’s called but it’s “some sort of incompetence“ not sure what it’s called but it’s something with incompetence and that’s why men get away with it. I think it’s called weaponised incompetence but that’s not the point. It’s the fact that they get away with you guys. Oh well he still handsome. Oh wow he’s such a great guy and he’s doing all these bare minimum things because the bars and fucking hell but like I love him he doesn’t love you man. He’s willing to treat you like dog shit doggy arse and yet you’re sitting here putting your fucking fingers waiting on a a text because you were left undelivered for 14 hours like stand up like lad stand up because obviously you don’t you’re always on your fucking knees I don’t know people are strange.

I’m not falling for this crap, the main reason is I don’t try like, I wanna try it all to date people or go outside.like the only reason I go outside is to go to work or to put money in the bank or if I really really have to like to buy something but I live quite far from town so and my work places obviously in town so it takes me awhile to get in so there’s no point of me even trying to commute in the town just to find some guys to flirt with or even to try and look attractive, especially in this“pandemic of men wanting to be the girls I’m sure y’all have seen that on social media like the men dancing on the platforms pushing the girls are the way the DJ Metro Boomin concert where he left because there’s too many fucking people on the stage and wouldn’t get off and they’re mainly men, or those men they’re like you can’t handle man baddie , like that’s not even a thing and by the way it’s the straight ones the hetero they are talking about this not the queer man if a queer man is a baddies yeah fair on that but the straight man calling himself men baddies.

Listen ima go to sleep cause I’m bothering my family ranting to this cause they can not only hear me coughing up a storm but I’m using a voice recorder to type the words out if that makes sense so the grammar can be incorrect or insane to look at because I didn’t want to keep saying the grammar and punctuation terms over and over again like “ quote/unquote” (bracket) etc.