#bullet head

Everything that could have gone wrong had gone wrong. A break-in, it was just a damn break-in, a robbery and not something that should scale. At least that's what the three of them thought, it was supposed to be simple and not the possible end of their careers.

But in the end it was a nightmare the dog was not the man's friend the dog who tried to kill them the police and the men from the illegal dog fight they all tried to get them. If a call hadn't gone through, if one more thing hadn't happened.

If Gage hadn't been successful in calling his girlfriend, they would never have gotten out of here. She could tell by the trembling of his voice that he was stammering slightly and was nervous that something was wrong.

,,Just wait as best you can, I'll be right there," she had exclaimed into the cell phone for fear he wouldn't hear before she had rushed into the car to drive to the place. Her fear grew by the minute.

She didn't approve of his robbery, didn't approve of his secret, didn't approve of what he was doing. And yet her own job was not enough with his to pay any bills.

It was necessary, and although he was so fragile when you broke him, he sacrificed himself for her. ,,I'll-I'll take any job for you," he had once said as he gently pulled her into his arms.

His blue eyes showed truth and yet she saw the fear that he knew was dangerous. Saw that he was full of fear of the world, he would stay with her and would prefer to stay in her arms.

Ever since they had met, she had given him a bowl of soup at the food bank, something like dependency had developed between them. She was his anchor, his everything. And he would do anything for her so as not to lose her, but he would do just as much for his addiction.

She had seen it at first, the twitching, the nervousness, his diminished eye contact. But the worst was when she found him in her bathroom with the needle next to him, the oozing blood flowing from his arm and the tear-stained look on his face.

She didn't feel disgust or revulsion, she felt devotion. She called him angel from then on. Since then he was the image of a broken angel. The black hair, the bright blue eyes, the self-harm in the form of addiction.

He was so fragile that she believed that if she left him he would kill himself, that he saw no point in giving up, that he was so scarred by life. And yet she let him do his business, relying on his colleagues to make sure everything went well. Until now.

Now she raced through the streets in her car towards the building, knowing that all she had to do was open the door and get out, but she didn't know what she would find. 

Please just be complete,she pleaded inwardly, thinking back to that evening. As she slowly knelt down to him, she picked up the needle and looked at it.

Saw the drop of the drug, saw how the heroin had to go through his body. ,,I'm...so-sorry," she had heard him murmur as he opened his eyes, saw him looking at her and felt her heart beat faster.

She knew it was wrong that she wasn't disgusted and angry. But she wasn't angry like she should be, her anger came from the worry that he would die one day.

But before she let this coldness of punishment out on him or even let it get to him, she felt his cold, slightly trembling hand on hers. How he tried powerlessly to move up slightly to get closer to her. ,,You're just so... helpless," she replied, making it sound like a statement she was right to make.

He didn't speak back, just nodded silently and cuddled her almost pleadingly in her arms. He knew that she would always take him in and catch him. That she wouldn't leave him, wouldn't hit him, wouldn't be brutal like his father.

She was almost like a mother and was only too willing to blur this reality. ,,My helpless Gage, you'll never do it for me again, will you?" she asked, putting her arms around him. She could feel him looking at her, taking his head off her shoulder and moving closer to her.

He wanted to kiss her but she used her hand to gently grip his jaw. ,,I promise, I'm sorry...Mommy," he said, tears gathering in his blue eyes before she released him and he gave her a sloppy kiss before he fell limply back into her arms.

And all this while the little trickle of blood ran from his arm. The first time he had called her that she had accepted that he needed it.

She would not let him fall apart in this world. That was the first time she had ever seen him so ready. And now? ,,How do I find you now?" she asked into the car when she finally arrived at the building.

Getting out of the car and trying to find an entrance, the situation soon revealed itself, a dead getaway driver, Gage's colleagues suspiciously quiet, the sound of a dog barking what almost seemed like a farewell and then she saw him. ,,Gage! You're alive!" she shouted when she saw the black-haired man who seemed to be hiding behind the two older men.

,,Hello dear," he mumbled and lowered his gaze, not wanting her to see him like this, but the blood that had flowed from his nose was already dripping and he couldn't get rid of it without water. Besides, the pain and the smell of metal distracted him from the addiction that was raging inside him.

,,Your nose is bleeding," she realized with fear and carefully grasped his face, looking left and right to see if he still had anything. Every further bruise and every scratch and scrape made her heart ache even more.

,,It's...nothing," he said, mumbling, knowing that the other two wanted to go home, away from this place, that his friend was the thing that separated them from freedom. He gently took her hand, it was cold, and she saw his smile, saw through it, knew he was suffering.

The sigh that left her lips made him slightly sincere. Wordlessly, she squeezed his hand and gave him a look that could best be interpreted as one of concern before she opened the car and they all got in.

The engine started and they drove away from this terrible place. It was quiet between the four of them, no one said anything, no one dared or wanted to.

They had all experienced too much to want to dwell on it. She saw in the rear-view mirror that the two older ones were looking out of the window, their thoughts still completely elsewhere.

If he had died, I would have blamed you, she thought, her hands tightening around the leather of the steering wheel. His colleagues were the reason why he was now almost slumped over in the passenger seat.

His hands folded on his lap, she saw him trying to rub off the excess skin on the sides. The blood was still on him and he just looked completely wiped out. ,,It's going to be okay," she said softly and put her hand on his thigh for a moment. She felt him flinch and his gaze went to her.

The broken angel. She saw again the angel she loved and cared for. ,,It will be," he replied almost appathetically and squeezed her hand lightly, a touch that could almost have been an illusion. But she had felt it, she was there. He was with her again.

The car journey, which dragged on for a few minutes, only ended when the two of them were no longer in the car. The colleagues had been gone for a long time and they had closed the front door of the apartment behind them.

When she heard his almost vulnerable sounds as they walked up the stairs to the apartment. She saw him getting more and more lost and as the front door closed, tears flowed down his cheeks. ,,Gage...it's okay, I'm here...it's over," she said instantly and put the front door key aside, taking him by the hand, hearing him try to say something but it came out slurred under his crying.

She pulled him behind her on the way to the bathroom, the white streams in contrast to his blood and the blue of his eyes standing out against the dark charcoal black hair.

,,Don't...don't go," he said clearly, holding her firmly by the wrist as she sat him on the edge of the bath. He seemed completely out of it, distraught, traumatized, and partly because of the drugs, at least that much she guessed.

Leaning down to him, she gently stroked his dark hair and heard his suppressed whimper as his blue eyes turned to her. ,,I'm not going Mommy is just getting a towel okay?" she asked knowing it wasn't really a question. Gage knew inside himself that she was the one in control.

But he should still give his understanding to his inner self. Because a dangerous angel on earth could break at any time. Her gaze met his and her eyes detached themselves from the blood.

Showing him that she wasn't lying, she felt his grip tighten for a moment, he didn't want to be without her. Before he nodded slightly and gave a soft, ,,Okay ma'm" before letting go of her, his hand landed powerlessly on his leg and he remained sitting on the edge of the tub.

She calmly moved away from him, knowing that nothing would happen, and walked with unerring steps into the kitchen to fetch a towel and return as promised.

Saw how he exhaled shakily with relief when he saw her again, that she hadn't left him, that he wasn't just imagining her through the heroin. ,,Don't be alarmed, I'll wipe the blood off. Everything will be all right again in a minute," she said gently and gave him a small, warm smile.

She knew that he needed her, that she was everything to him, that her angel was everything to her. She took the cloth and held it under lukewarm water before she carefully began to dab away the blood and then rub it.

What at first only led to a wince became a plea and whimper after she rubbed it. ,,Shhh I know I know," she said slightly warningly, feeling his hands on her side as he held on almost convulsively, seemingly unable to bear the pain.

She knew exactly what pain. ,,I just need you - I need you," he stammered, she knew what he meant and, above all, what he wanted.

By the time she had wiped the rest of the blood from his chin and cheek, there was hardly anything left of the injuries. He pulled her close and leaned his head against her stomach, hugging her, wanting to be closer to her.

She put her hand on his head as she did every time, stroking his black hair and holding him. ,,I know...I know Gage and you can do it too...but no drug...for today," she replied slowly, feeling him almost flinch as if she had hit him. But they both knew what it meant for the black-haired man.

More hours, another day without his drug. She knew he was screaming and raging inside that he needed it and yet he was so pathetically handsome to look at.

She placed a hand on his cheek and watched him lay his head against it, snuggling against her before he rose, powerless and surrendered. His hand was entwined with hers and he slowly led her into the bedroom.

The big bed they shared had seen better days, but that wasn't the point. What was between them was something completely different.

She saw him sit down on the bed, almost about to fall asleep, he didn't seem to know what he wanted to do for a moment. ,,Wait, let me help...everything will be better in a minute," she said and squeezed his hand before letting go of his.

She went to the window and drew the curtains, closed the door and undressed slightly. Folding her jeans and putting them aside, she had long since taken off her shoes and removed her top.

When she saw his gaze go to her, he almost seemed to be asking permission to look at her body. ",,The night is all yours," she murmured and opened her bra before it fell to the floor and she took her large T-shirt.

Hiding her body underneath, the shirt went up to her thighs. She saw him scrambling over to her as she lay down on her side of the bed.

Leaned against the pillow and opened her arms to him. ,,That's it," she said and Gage lay down between her legs. His upper body leaned against hers, his head on her shoulder, his hands on her legs.

She felt his tension, felt the slight trembling as his fingers traced small circles on her thighs again and again. ,,I-I'm not getting anything, am I?" he asked, she knew he was looking at her through the built-in mirror in the closet door. She saw his blue eyes closely. She slowly let her hands go of his hair.

What had started as a light stroke became a distraction. ,,No, you got me Gage...that'll have to do for today," she admonished him but didn't raise her voice, letting her hand wander over his neck.

She could feel the rapid pulse underneath and wanted to make it clear to him that he should pull himself together. That she would give him something.

But his protesting whimper was little resistance. Instead, she felt his fingers lightly draw the small circles further up to her center. ,,I know what you want, my angel," she murmured and let her hand wander down over his top.

Went under his shirt and felt the soft, cold skin of his upper body. Heard him exhale shakily as he pressed against her, he knew what she was getting at.

She lightly scratched his cold skin the lack of pain wasn't enough he wanted more instead the red strands were burning him. ,,Please-Please...I need you," he murmured, his gaze going to hers and she gave a knowing grin.

,,I know, my angel," she replied and gave him a soft kiss on his black head of hair before running her fingers over the waistband of his trousers. She felt his tension move around the silver button, wanting to finally be distracted with something else.

If it wasn't lust for addiction then it was always lust for love. For her. She slowly saw the bulge forming in his pants as she stroked the heavy fabric of his jeans.

The coldness that always seemed to emanate from him slowly mingled with the warmth of devotion. ,,Please-please Mommy," he murmured, pushing his hip against her hand, trying to get more of the feeling.

,,You were so strong today...I want you to have it all," she whispered and undid the button of his pants, pulling down the zipper and seeing his cheeks turn pink at the sound. Before she stroked his hardness, she saw the clear bulge in his shorts.

She gave him another kiss on the head before she closed her fingers around his hardness and made a few strokes over the hardness of his pants, the fabric teasing him and asking him to give her everything.

,,Let me hear you," she reminded him and took care of him again. The room filled with his lustful noises, the use of heroin long gone.

But his search for her was something he needed even more than his drug. She only needed one thing. Her broken angel.

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