Parings â Satoru Gojo x Gn!Reader
Summary â Satoru has never been one to known certain key signs, especially when it comes to mental health.
Warnings â Mentions of SH, acts of SH, angst with comfort, Not proofread!!
AN â So sorry this took forever to come out Anon! I do hope youâre doing better though, I understand what it is like and really hope this brought comfort to you and others. <3
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Satoruâs fingers idly traced the veins in your legs. His eyes half shut as he focused on particularly nothing. Heâd been silent for the past hour, granting you that pleasing silence you craved while working on the report from a following mission you both returned from.
He sat on the ground between your legs, face pressed against your knee opposite from the one his finger was tracing. While you sat on the edge of the bed, hard textbook being a flat surface for you to fill out paperwork on.
You werenât necessarily paying attention to him. Mainly due to the heaping amount of paperwork that you were facing, so you didnât notice when his finger dipped beneath your shorts.
Following one of the veins in your legs, it lead beneath your shorts. His finger followed up, your shorts raising in the process. Running his finger over a scab he thought nothing of it until he started to feel more of them. His movements hauled. He raised up from his spot and stared at the cuts that littered your thigh.
He blinked a few times. His mind not quite processing what he was exactly seeing. He was practically brain dead from the mission. But it didnât stop his finger from changing course and tracing the cuts.
His nails made goose bumps awaken on your legs. The shiver reaching your spine and making your arms shake. Finally it drew you from the paper, making you peek above the textbook and look down to see what he was up to. The sight alone of your shorts being pushed up and cuts shown made you freeze. It was like a secret that had been broadcast without your permission. Your voice caught in your throat, not giving you the chance to explain. Your heart hammered against your chest, panic setting in.
You made eye contact with him. His glasses slid down to the tip of his nose while he looked up through his lashes.
It felt like your entire world just stopped. Like the space around you kept going while you were stuck in this moment forever. The only sound you could process was the sound of your heart pounding in your ears. It was deafening. The silent between you both was deafening. Not knowing if he was going to speak, not knowing his reaction was killing you.
He just glanced back down at your thighs. His curiosity peeked as he slid the shorts on your other leg up revealing the same cuts on that leg as well.
What was causing these cuts?
â..Are these from curses?â He finally asked breaking the silence.
His stupidity was the only thing that saved you.
âYeah! Yes, itâs from cursesâ You answered almost too quickly
âThose are weird looking cuts thoughâ he murmured while staring down at them.
âThe curse had claw like features for hands. It was weird..â
Your heart was nearly trying to beat out of your chest. The pen in your hand shaking from how much you were trembling. And if you werenât shaking before you surely were now. It was like the nervousness was shot into your nerves making you shiver uncontrollably.
Satoru glanced up and watched the way the pen shook in your trembling hands. His hands slid up your thighs to your hips as he stood up from his position on the floor.
âGibme thatâ he pulled the textbook from your hands and dropped it somewhere down onto the ground. The papers fluttered around your flooring but he didnât care. The pen fell from your hands and got lost somewhere in your comforter.
âLay down with me, you need it, we need itâ
His fingers pressed into your stomach making you lay back against the bed. Slipping a pillow beneath your head he followed after you.
He laid his sun glasses near the top of the mattress somewhere before pressing his face into your shoulder. His left leg hiked up and laid across yours as his arm followed and draped across your stomach, completely holding you down with his body weight now.
âSatoru, I have to finish that paperworkâ you attempted a protest. Your heart finally calmed down once you realized he had absolutely no clue what was actually happening. But it also made a part of you feel guilty.
âYou can finish it laterâ his voice came out muffled against you.
âNo butts, nope, nadda, nothingâ
Sighing, you knew you were defeated. Once he focused on something, Satoru wouldnât let up until he got his way.
âYou could barely hold a pen without it shaking like we were in an earthquake. So obviously youâre tired and need rest.â
Yeah sure, you were definitely tired. Being tired may have added to the factor but the fact that your biggest secret was almost revealed was the main cause.
âJust take a nap with meâ his voice trailed off as he himself drifted off in the matter of seconds, which for Satoru Gojo, wasnât typically normal.
âMaybe youâre right, a nap may helpâ it may help the guilt that you felt welling in your gut. Sleep was always the answer, you canât dwell on the issue if you were asleep.
It took a while but soon you followed in his footsteps and drifted off to that dreamless land.
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For the next few days Satoru couldnât get his mind off what he saw. Something just wasnât sitting right with him. You wouldnât lie to him, surely you wouldnât. Would you?
He rocked his soda on the rim. His hand holding his hand up as he sat at the wooden picnic tables with Suguru and Shoko. His mind was elsewhere as the two others talk.
They both called his name but he didnât react. Some of his soda spilt out the side as he tipped it too far.
âSatoru Motherfucking Gojo!!â Suguruâs voice called him from his thoughts.
Suguru was drilling holes into him by just the way he was staring at him. âWhat is your problem dude?â
âI donât have a problemâ he protested while sitting up straighter.
âYou do Gojo, youâve been daydreaming this entire time.â
Shoko chimed in with a raised eyebrow. âSo whatâs going on with you?â
He exhaled sharply and dropped the can from his gasp. âAlright, well I saw something that just.. didnât look quite right to me.â
They both leaned forward, interested. Whatever had Gojo being silent and lost in thought for so long must be important.
âHave you ever seen cuts that were like.. horizontal but clustered together? Well not like clustered together but close together?â
For a second everyone was quiet. Suguru and Shoko glanced between each other then back at Satoru.
â..were they like, on the thinner side?â Suguruâs tone dropped as he asked, almost like this was a question he dreaded to ask.
âI believe so.. yeahâ
Satoru confirmed after taking a small moment to think back to the sight.
âWhat do you mean who?..â He could feel the air shift, his own nerves starting to come alive.
He hesitated even answering. It felt like this was a conversation and he didnât want to put your name out there. To draw more attention to the issue.
âThatâs.. I donât want-â
âSelf harm Satoru! Its self harm cutsâ
His voice died in his throat as he sat there. All he could do was stare at them both. They both explained it but he already knew now. And he felt like his world was falling apart. How could he have been so damn stupid to not realize what was truly happening there?
âI need to go, nowâ He was already up and swinging himself out of the bench.
Suguru and Shoko watched as he sprinted.
Not fast enough. The air shifted around him and he was gone within thin air.
The air shifted around in your bedroom before he dropped in, turning and scanning the entire room before his eyes landed on the closed bathroom door.
âBabes, you in there?â He was twisting the door knob while knocking with his other hand.
Not giving you the chance to even answer he was pushing the door open.
His heart completely dropped.
There you were, sitting on the floor. Knife in hand, blade creasing into the skin of your thighs. You stared back at him. Too stunned to even realize what was happening. He was just here all of a sudden.
âSatoru I can explain-â there was nothing to explain. He knew what was going on but he just froze.
Now it was his turn for his heart to be hammering against his chest, like it was trying to break free from his body. His ears rang as he stared, the knob in his hand cracking slightly as he clinched his hand.
He didnât even realize he was moving but his legs acted on their own. He was crouched down in front of you, hand gripping the knife and taking it from your hand before throwing it behind him and letting it slide off somewhere. His fingers tangled into your hair and he pulled you against him. Your face pressing right against where his heart is, you could hear how fast it was beating.
âBabyâ his voice came out weak, almost brokenâ
âDonât cut.. pleaseâ
His shirt dampened from your tears. He could feel you crying and that broke him further. His tough boy act dropped, his shoulders shaking lightly as he too, shedded a few tears.
âI know.. I know that the knife feels like itâs your only friendâ His voice was cracking as he spoke. His trail of thoughts were moving faster than he could keep up with.
âItâs not. Itâs not your only friend. Iâm here too, Iâll be anything as long as Iâm here. Friend, boyfriend, a fucking stranger if I have toâ his laugh came out empty. âBut please, please donât cut, no more. Not anymore. Iâm sorry, fucking damnit Iâm sorry. I should have caught on quicker. Iâm an idiot, a damn idiot for not being there and Iâm so fucking sorry.â
He was placing numerous kisses to the top of your head as he spoke.
âI will always be here.. okay baby? Always. No matter what. No matter the day or time. You call and Iâll be here faster than you can blink. Please.. just please promise me you will stopâŚâ
He was struggling to even speak. His emotions were winding him up and just making it hard for him to even think straight.
Your crying broke into full sobs at just hearing his voice crack. Your hands gripped at his shirt.
âItâs okay.. hey hey.. itâs okay, Iâm here.â He reassured you quietly.
But it was too much, too soon. You didnât mean for this to happen. But now it was and you were having to face it.
âTake your time.. Iâm not leaving, I promise. Cry it all out. Iâm hereâ He murmured into your hair.
You werenât able to talk. The spit falling from your mouth was enough to show you werenât stable enough to talk. He didnât need you to talk, he just needed you to know he was there. Through thick and thin he would be there, no matter what.
So there you both sat, on the bathroom floor together crying and letting your emotions out. The best stress reliever there is..
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Satoru stood in front of you patiently. His eyes staring down at your legs as you raised your shorts up enough to show him the healing cuts. They were healing well actually.
Ever since that day heâd been watching you closely. Making sure you were alright but not overstepping his line.
His grin widened as he strolled over to the calendar on the wall. In black sharpie he drew a line through the day dates.
âA week clean!â He pointed at the 7 black lines through each day.
He practically jumped at you, bring you down onto the bed and tickling at your sides just to hear you laugh.
You pushed at his chest trying to get away from his grip. He settled down and just laid there with you.
He pressed a kiss to your forehead. âIâm so proud of youâ his tone was low, showing the sincere side of him.
âI donât think you truly understand how proud I am. My heart is just bursting with joy! We should celebrate! This is important, this is amazing!â
He dragged you up and out of bed like a rag doll. Ushering you to get some shoes on, he was dragging you out the door. And as the door shut, so did the pain in your chest. Cause being with him made life better, brighter, even when life shows you the darkness, once you find that spark it makes everything better.
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An â For people who struggle with Sh, I hope this helps in some way. I know life is difficult, itâs a bitch. Iâve struggled, and Iâve harmed myself too. But I do promise it gets better. Right now it may not seem that way, everything may feel like itâs out of your control or you feel like everything is against you. Itâs not, I promise. Itâs like obstacles in a video game. Once you learn to beat it, it gets easier. So I truly do hope for the people out there who are struggling you find that happiness you seek. And get help from people. Friends, family, or even strangers online. Youâre loved and cared for, I donât have to know you to know that I love and care about you. Be strong okay? Iâm rooting for you <3