#btvs rambles

And you try explaining it to anyone who hasn't watched Buffy like yeah this character has more sides than a d20 and you show her to them and she's just like

Buffy in some ways is always trying to go back. Back to when she had more freedom, back to when she was less traumatised, when she'd buried less people she loved. Willow on the other hand, spends most of the series trying to escape her past. Trying to grow and push forwards and clinging onto every avenue that'll help her with no care for the warning signs . Buffy adapts, she survives, but she clings to her core and frantically tries to fit into her old skin even when it harms her. Meanwhile Willow is equally as frantically trying to shed every piece of her old skin, trying to scrub every bit of Willow away and let something Better come out of it, something that she can actually survive in.

And this whole time they're both looking at each other like Wow I love my best friend so much she is so admirable and I hope I can be even half as great as her some day. I bet she wouldn't be such a hot mess if she was in my shoes!

How many times did Buffy chat away about her mom and Dawn while Willow and Xander shot each other confused glances trying to correlate the kind of love they're hearing about with their own version that they messily pieced together when they met in kindergarten. And then Buffy talks about Hank Summers and they're like ah yes. Much more familiar territory.

And of course it all culminates in the ending of S6. Xander can't stop Willow spiralling into nihilistic evil. They're both broken people who never had a real blueprint for how to be a functional child, let alone a functional adult. But at the same time, they taught each other love before they learned how to write the word. It doesn't matter that he's kind of shitty in general. It doesn't matter that by this point she's kind of worse. Even if they can't fix themselves or the world that shaped them so cruelly, he can at least love her. She can at least trust that much to always be true.

Everything about Willow at the end of s6 is so awful and tragic but also so very fun, because not only does she get to vent every single issue and mean thought she's had for years now to show how committed she is to burning bridges, but she also gets to say as many silly villain lines as she wants. The amusement in her voice when she summons a fireball to murder two men and says "fly my pretty fly" like she was having so much fun ticking every villain cliche and joke off her list and honestly good for her! I was having fun watching it too. You go Willow, say bored now and complete your downward spiral by referencing your own evil mirror from years ago who foreshadowed your slide into the dark side. Give Buffy an enemy to destroy so she can go out fighting. Make fun of how Dawn was underutilised and only seemed to suffer. Mock Xander for his obvious power of friendship speech but then get friendshipped anyway sucker because no matter your level of metatextual awareness you are still a part of that text and you suffer the real emotions that come with it.