#btsheadcanons

“You really can’t make it?” You whispered, your eyes constantly glancing to the bottom of the bedroom door to make sure two tiny feet wouldn’t show up to listen in. It was tough to keep your voice down, especially considering how upset you were becoming with your husband's constant last minute cancellations of plans that had been in effect for months. “We talked about this… you promised him that you’d be able to make it too.” You hissed as you pointed to the door, once again making sure your son hadn’t overheard the silent argument. 

Namjoon ran a hand through his hair as he moved further into the room, dropping down onto the edge of the bed. “You really think I find enjoyment in letting you down, in letting him down?” He huffed, falling back onto the bed with his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes squeezing shut to try to block out the agitation he was feeling. 

“Kind of seems like that.” You retorted, your jaw clenched with your own agitation at just another family trip that would be soiled by Namjoons cancellation. “I might as well just be a single mother at this point with how much you’re gone… You said that things would be slowing down, that you’d be able to make it this time around.” You scoffed, shaking your head as you rolled your eyes, not specifically at him, but at the circumstances in general. “It’s ridiculous.” 

He groaned loudly, letting both of his hands fall over his face, dragging them down as a loud sigh escaped his lips. “You make it seem like I do this shit on purpose. Not just seem though, it’s like you actually believe that I’m this much of an asshole.” He pushed himself up, his back ramrod straight as he stared at you. “Do you actually believe that?” 

Pursing your lips, you shrugged your shoulders, exasperated at everything at this point. “I don’t know, Namjoon. All I do know is that this trip has been planned weeks and weeks in advance, it’s on the calendar, our son… your son was so excited to finally take a family vacation with you and you just… You drop this on me the night before we have to go. God I…” You took a deep breath, wanting to pull your hair out, wanting to scream, but not wanting to upset your son in the process. “I hate you sometimes…” Slowly exhaling, your tongue in your cheek as you looked between him and the door, you let out an exhausted chuckle. “We’re leaving early, I’m sleeping in his room tonight. Don’t bother trying to wake up in time to catch us, I’d rather him not be upset on the way out.” You said, trying your best to stay calm and collected, swallowing back the anger that threatened to swallow you entirely. 

“You know, I told you… I told you that things would get difficult, that my life was hectic and I wouldn’t always have time.” His defense was strong, or so he thought, but his rebuttal only had you more disgusted, cursing yourself for even marrying him at this point. “You said that you’d support me, that you’d stand by me no matter what. You weren’t so upset to get hitched when I was raking in the cash, were you?” His assumption and low blow had you whipping around, your finger pointed at him on the bed as tears of anger built in the corners of your eyes, your entire body trembling with rage. 

“Don’t… Don’t you dare try to throw all this shit back up in my face like it’s my fault!” You shouted, completely forgetting about your son who was in the other room. “I did stand by you, I supported you every fucking chance that I got! I gave up my entire life for you! I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t go anywhere. Any semblance of normalcy that I once had, it was gone, but I dealt with it for you!” You seethed at him, your fingers gripping the edges of your shirt, worried that if you didn’t have something to keep yourself grounded you’d end up doing something that you’d regret. “For the past eight years… Eight fucking years, Namjoon, I wasn’t me, I was just some fucking extension of you, and I dealt with it, because I thought that… hey, maybe it’ll all get better as soon as his career starts dwindling down. But no! For some fucking reason it just keeps getting worse.” You took a shaky breath, your nose sniffling as you looked at your husband through glossy eyes. “And now… Now our son who just wanted to have some time with his family, which he for some reason thinks still includes you, now he’s going to be let down… Again. I’m tired of letting him down… But you wouldn’t understand that because you never have to be the one to tell him that you can’t make it. It’s never you.” Your head fell back as you let out a heavy sigh, running your hands over your face, gasping quietly in disbelief at everything that was going on right now. “Do you even know him?” You questioned him, watching as his eyes narrowed at you quizzically. 

“What do you mean? Of course I know my son, what kind of stupid question is that?” He scoffed at your question, shaking his head as he looked at you. 

“What’s he like? What’s his favorite color? What bedtime story does he like, what’s his favorite food, what’s his favorite movie, show, song, toy? What do you know about him?!” Namjoon shook his head once more, clearly finding your sudden questionnaire ridiculous and foolish, but it only further proved your point. “You walk around like you’re father of the year to a kid that you don’t even know.” 

He threw his hands up, his annoyance spilling over in the tone of his voice. “What do you want me to say, Y/N?! I’m sorry I’m busy, I’m sorry that I have a job to do! I mean… How the hell am I even supposed to know what he likes?! He’s six years old and he hasn’t spoken a word! How is that my fault?!” 

You were at a loss for words, seeing red as you looked at the man on the bed, the man that you felt like you didn’t even know anymore. He didn’t know the half of what you’ve dealt with the past four years, the absolute hell that you were put through trying to raise your son on your own. “I never said it was your fault!” You screamed, your chest rising and falling heavily as your teeth gritted together. “You didn’t even take the time to try to get to know him, you’re embarrassed by him! That’s why you feel no shame in doing what you’re doing, what you always do!” You pulled the rings off your finger, throwing them across the room, the action exhilarating and almost liberating in a way. “It’s always about you! It always has been and always will be! God forbid the fucking world knows that Kim Namjoon has a child with autism!” 

His glare was deadly as he looked between you and where the rings had landed on the floor, his own fingers yanking off the ring that you had placed there on the day of your wedding. “That’s really what you think?! That I don’t love my son?! You’re ridiculous, Y/N! You’re putting words in my mouth!” 

“I’ve known how you felt for a while… I saw the way you’d look at him when you’d come home, you wouldn’t even acknowledge him once he got the diagnosis. You won’t even let the guys around him… You haven’t even told your parents what’s going on, you’re ashamed!” You had been pacing the room, stopping once more at the door, your hand on the knob. “He didn’t ask for this either… He fought from the day he was born… And to have his own father turn his back on him… I couldn’t imagine the way that makes him feel. You know… Just because he can’t say it, doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it… I just want you to remember that.” There was nothing left for you to say, and the silence that followed after you had finished showed that he had nothing to say either. It was done, and the entire argument had left you exhausted, both physically and mentally and all you wanted to do was lay in bed next to your son and hold him, to let him know that not everyone had given up on him, that you’d always be there. 

Your son grunted loudly as he pulled against your hand, trying to lead you into the bedroom where Namjoon was sleeping. “Honey… He’s not coming… He can’t… I’m sorry.” You whispered, pausing in the middle of the hallway to lower yourself to his level, brushing your fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him as he stomped his feet on the ground. “I know… I know… Shhh, honey, it’s okay…” You kissed his forehead before lifting him up, trying to hide the tears that were building on your lashes. “We’re gonna go on a plane… You like planes.” You murmured, trying to keep your tone steady as you wheeled your luggage through the hallway, not wanting your son to hear just how much you were struggling. “And we’re gonna go see Mickey Mouse, you love Mickey Mouse.” 

He grunted again, this time a sound of approval at the mention of Mickey Mouse, clapping his hands together. His happiness was the source of your own and you sighed softly when his feet had finally stopped kicking against you, his head resting against your shoulder instead. “Wait… Y/N wait…” Namjoons voice called from behind you, his hair disheveled and his clothes a wrinkly mess as he stumbled out of the bedroom. The sound of his voice had your son turning, kicking his feet again as he reached out for his father. “Let me help…” 

You couldn’t show how annoyed you were, not in front of your son, and you would never go against your son's wishes, so you swallowed back your reluctance and handed him over to Namjoon. “I told you… That you shouldn’t come out when we’re leaving… He’ll only be more upset.” You tried to keep your voice light, a smile on your face as you said it, but the smile was anything but genuine, your teeth clenched so hard that you felt a cramp starting up in your jaw. “If you’d like, you can help carry the bags to the car. I’ll carry him down.” You tried to sound cheerful, as if your marriage hadn’t practically ended last night, but the task was becoming harder and harder with each passing second. 

“I love you, Namgil…” Namjoon murmured to your son, petting his own hand over your son’s hair, the tiniest trickle of a tear moving down his face as he said it. “You’re gonna have a fun time at Disney World… right? You’ll see Mickey?” Your son cheered excitedly once more at Mickey Mouse’s name, his hands clapping together on Namjoons cheeks before holding them firm, grunting quietly in frustration as his eyebrows furrowed. “What’s he doing?” Namjoon questioned, his eyes glancing over at you as you watched your son. 

“He’s trying to tell you he loves you…” You said matter-of-factly, your son finally relaxing once you had let Namjoon know. “I can’t miss the flight, I booked this time specifically for him.” You added, reaching out to grab your son from Namjoon. “I have to get him on the plane before anyone else, I have to make sure he doesn’t have to use the bathroom, I have to get him in his seat and get his headphones on and make sure his movie starts up and that he’s comfortable so he doesn’t have a meltdown… People don’t take too lightly to that, so I have to go.” 

Namjoon shook his head, but carefully handed your son over to you, kissing the top of his head as he did. “Why do you use commercial? You could have used the private plane, it would be way more comfortable for you and him. You wouldn’t have to worry about people complaining either… Not that they understand…” You eyed him incredulously, baffled at the nerve he had to say it that way. “I don’t understand either… Not as much as you do… But I’m trying to help here, for christ's sake, Y/N… Let me help.” 

Nobody was yelling, and while you normally wouldn’t have noticed the slight raise in volume of Namjoons voice, now you could, and so could your son who was covering his ears and kicking at your sides. “Shhh… Shhh, it’s alright, honey… We’re quiet… It’s okay, we’re being quiet.” You cooed to him, rubbing circles in his back as you glared up at Namjoon. “Could you please… Just bring the bags to the car so I can get him buckled in?” 

He nodded slowly, taking a deep breath as he grabbed the handles to yours and Namgils bags and carried them down the stairs and out the front door. You followed behind, still trying to soothe your son with back rubs and hair pats, his fingers gripping onto your shirt as you got him outside, practically running to your car once you were out of the house. “Let me help you buckle him in, just start up the car, I’ve got it.” Namjoon said, holding his arms out for your son, and you didn’t really feel like you had much time to spare, passing him over to Namjoon and running around to the front of the car to start the engine. 

“I’m… okay…” Your son said, the sound of his voice causing you to whip around in your seat. He was holding his plush Koya out to Namjoon who seemed frozen, as still as a statue as he looked down at him. “I’m… okay….” He repeated, thrusting the stuffed animal into Namjoons hands with a wide smile. It wasn’t the first time you had actually heard him speak, but it was the first time he had used words with Namjoon, something that clearly had your husband shocked. 

“Isn’t… This is your car Koya… Don’t you need him, buddy?” Namjoon asked, looking down at the plushy that was now in his hands, the tears coming more steadily now as his fingers dug into the blue koala. “You don’t need to give him to me… I’m okay too.” He tried to reassure his son, but Namgil only shook his head, kicking his feet against the seat in front of him in agitation. 

“No!” He shouted, kicking his feet harder as his little hands balled up into fists. “I’m… okay! I can… talk! I’m… okay!” The words hit you like a brick, your nails digging into your legs as you bit the insides of your cheeks, anger at yourself for the argument the night before getting so out of hand that your son obviously heard it, and anger at Namjoon for having said what he did, the words clearly sticking with your son. 

All you could do was shake your head, staring at Namjoon who looked like he had just been punched, and at that moment, you felt that it would have been better if he had been. “Please, shut the door… We need to get to the airport.” You whispered, trying your best not to show your son how upset you truly were. “When I get back home… I’m done… I just want you to know that so you’re not expecting anything… I’m not that kind of person.” You said, watching as Namjoon robotically shut your son's door without another word, backing away from the car so you could pull out of the driveway. 

There was a sense of finality in the actions that had your eyes welling up, struggling to keep them clear so you could drive. What had happened the night before, what had happened so many times… It had all led up to this moment. 

Namjoon sat on the edge of the bed, Koya held tightly in his arms as he tried to think of what to do, what he could do, as if there was something that could possibly make any of this better. As much as he wanted to believe there was something that would fix things, something that would make you come back to him, but he knows now that he’s done too much, he went too far, and not only did he hurt you, but he had hurt his son as well. He didn’t even know how he was supposed to live with himself knowing what he had done, seeing the pain that he had caused in yours and his son's eyes. 

The tears had come immediately after he had stepped over the threshold into the house again and they hadn’t stopped since, the light blue fabric that was Koya had since turned a darker shade from the tears that had puddled on top of the plushies head. The rain came soon after, pouring from the sky much like his tears poured from his eyes, beating against the windows of the bedroom that felt far too large now. He could barely even see through the glass, the trees out in the front yard had disappeared behind the raindrops that covered his window and the sudden sense of panic and fear and dread that overwhelmed him when he thought of you driving in these conditions couldn’t be pushed back. 

He spent the better half of the next 30 minutes straightening up the already practically spotless master bedroom, continually glancing out the window just to catch the dismal gray sky alight with the bolts of lightning that struck close by, followed by the house shaking thunder. The airport couldn’t possibly allow any of the flights to take off in this kind of weather, and while he wasn’t too fond of the idea of you and your son stuck in a crowded airport, he’d rather the two of you stay there than take your chances on the roads. 

As he continued cleaning the room, a glint of light came from the foot of the bed, catching his eye immediately, causing him to drop down on his knees to pick it up. The rings that you had thrown in a fit of angry passion were still on the floor which meant that they weren’t on your fingers, the one place where he thought they’d stay for the rest of the forever that he wanted to spend with you. “I’m sorry…” He whispered, as if his apology would be heard by you, and as much as he wished it would be, he knew that the only audience he had were the 4 walls of the bedroom that he had encased himself within. 

Another roaring roll of thunder seemed to have the entire foundation of the house vibrating beneath him, that vibration only continuing as his phone rang out on the nightstand beside the bed. In a hurry, he crawled across the floor that he had been sitting on, snatching his phone to answer the call before even checking the ID. “Hey, we’re canceling the meeting today, there’s no way we’re all making it to the office.” Jungkook said through the speaker, and all Namjoon could muster was a hum of agreement in response. “Bang isn’t really sure when we’ll be able to reschedule it for, so uh… Enjoy some time with Y/N and Namgil… Tell them I said hi too.” 

The rings that he held in his hand felt like freshly heated silver, as if the bands were still blazing red in his palm, but he knew that it was just the heat of his own anger boiling over inside of him. Angry at himself, angry at the world, angry at everything and everyone in the world that seemed to work so hard against him. It was like the universe wanted things to work out this way, but he wouldn’t allow it to be like that, he wouldn’t allow the universe to get its way, not this time, not when it came down to you and him, not when it came down to his family. 

Pushing himself up off the floor, he ran out of the bedroom and down the stairs, grabbing his keys off the keyring hook beside the door before flipping on the news. There was no reason to try to make it to the airport, to make it to you, if traffic were backed up. He would get there once the rain started to clear up, but he couldn’t risk himself and the lives of other people on the road for the sake of some romantic movie like reunion at the airport. 

“The traffic isn’t looking very good if you’re heading in the direction of Incheon airport. A seven car accident has left road workers and emergency workers turning everyone around to head back home. We have no reports as of now on the status of the drivers and or passengers in these seven vehicles, although we’re hoping that they all make it out alright.” The news anchor spoke as a live view of the accident was being shown on the screen, the helicopter flying right above the sight of it and the vehicles that had been involved in the accident were almost unrecognizable. “We’ll keep you updated on the status of the crash and the people that were involved as this story develops.” 

The sudden sinking feeling in Namjoons chest almost had him crumbling to the floor, and while he hadn’t been able to see the vehicles, something in him was just screaming, telling him that you and his son had been in that wreck, the thought of it sending him running to the sink in the kitchen, the urge to throw up overcoming him completely. 

His legs felt like noodles, his knees weak and the constant heavy breathing had him feeling like he was going to throw up again. He didn’t know what he’d do if you and Namgil were in that crash, he didn’t even want to think about it, but as the light of the television flickered and the droning sound of the reporter filled the empty space around him, he knew that he needed to face the fact that it could be a possibility. “Breaking news now, the first car that has been pulled from the wreckage was a black 2022 Hyundai Palisade with a woman and a young boy inside. We can’t release any information on who these people are yet, but if this description sounds familiar to anyone that you know, please call in to the number at the bottom on your screen.” 

Sinking, that’s what it felt like as soon as he heard it. It was like a lightswitch had been flicked on, but he didn’t want to see the contents of the room, he wanted to shut it all out, he wanted to slam the door and pretend he hadn’t seen it at all. He knew what he had to do though, and his hand, as if on its own, reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his phone to dial the number, praying that it was a coincidence, praying that you and your son weren’t the ones in that car. 

Guilt was the damndest thing, the way it could eat away at a person, the reasons for feeling it sometimes strange and morbid in their own way. It wasn’t exactly survivor's guilt, but that didn’t change the fact that he’d rather be dead than standing over the tiny hospital bed where his son lay connected to breathing tubes and IV’s in the ICU. 

You were in the next room over, and he had to take turns walking between each room, unsure of how he was even able to manage that much. Every step he took felt like he was carrying the weight of a million pounds on his shoulders, his own breathing unsteady as he took in the image of the two people he loved most in the world, looking like they were on the verge of leaving him. 

The Koya was still gripped in his arms as he walked between the rooms, the rings that you had thrown were being worn on his pinky finger, like they were the last two things connecting him to you and Namgil. “Sir, maybe you’d like to go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat or drink.” One of the nurses said as she came into the room to check you over, writing something out on her clipboard as she did. He wished that he could see it, he wished that he could see what was written, but he feared that whatever it was was something that would only make the pain he felt worse. 

“They were going to Disney World…” He muttered in a raspy voice, a voice that he barely had from all the crying he had done. “I was… I was supposed to go with them… But I couldn’t…” His voice broke at the end as he clutched tighter onto the plush koala in his hands. “My son… He loves Mickey Mouse… And he loves planes. His favorite food is… is pizza… cheese pizza… And he loves apple juice. His favorite movie is… Toy Story…. And his favorite toy is… Bullseye… From the movie… That’s my boy….” The nurse nodded in understanding, although he was sure that she didn’t truly understand why he was telling her all of these things, she most likely assumed that he was just having a breakdown, and maybe he was, but he needed someone to know that he did know his son, that he did love his son. 

“Sir… your son is going to be okay and so is your wife…” He glanced over to you, watching your chest rise and fall unnaturally with the help of the machine that you were hooked up to. “They’re going to be just fine, so please, go get something to eat and then get some rest, you need it.” She nodded at him before pivoting and walking out of the room and leaving Namjoon alone with his thoughts once more, the silence of the room only broken by the soft beeps of the heart monitor beside your bed. 

How hypocritical it would be to get something to eat right now, when you and your son were being fed through IV’s because both your mouths were filled with tubes that helped you to breathe. He was terrified to sleep, the unknown of the future lingering above his head like the dark clouds that had filled the sky the day of the accident. He was petrified of what he’d possibly wake up to if he even tried to get a wink of sleep, and he couldn’t even fathom leaving the room to go to the cafeteria. So he didn’t… He stayed in the vicinity of the two rooms, going back and forth between them both until his legs couldn’t carry him anymore, until he broke down at the side of Namgils bed, holding onto his son's hand and silently begging him and you to be okay. 

“Joon… you have to go home, get some sleep, we’ll stay here with both of them… Please… You need to look out for yourself too.” Taehyung said with Jimin murmuring in agreement right behind him, the younger members hand placed firmly on Namjoons shoulder in a sentiment of support and sympathy. “We’re worried about you…” He added, but Namjoon wasn’t having it, the words only further proved what you had said the night before all of this had happened. 

“Always about me…” Namjoon muttered, shaking his head, his disheveled hair flopping around his sullen face. “I’ve looked out for myself enough… That’s all I ever did… That’s why they’re here. If… If I had gone with them… This wouldn’t have happened… Or I’d at least be going through it with them. I’ve been selfish, and I always thought that he and her would always just… be there… That she’d always put up with my shit… And now look…” A quiet sob escaped him as his forehead fell against the edge of his son's bed, a spot where he had accidentally passed out every night for the past 5 days. 

“You can’t think like that.” Jimin whispered, moving to squat down beside Namjoon. “You can’t blame yourself for what happened… That storm came out of nowhere. No one had been able to predict it, and there were a lot of other accidents all over the area…” Words of what seemed like an attempt to be reassurance fell upon deaf ears as Namjoon continued to shake his head, weeping into the bedside. “Y/N wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up over this, and neither would he… If you’re not going to go home, at least grab something to eat and take a nap on the couch. You couldn’t possibly be comfortable right now…” 

“And who am I to enjoy the luxury of comfort when my wife and son have tubes shoved down their throats because they can’t even breathe on their own? Surely they’re not comfortable right now, so why should I be?” He took a shaky breath, letting it out slowly before turning to look at the two men who had become brothers to him, his eyes blotchy, red and puffy from the countless tears that had spilled from them. “I just want them to be okay…” He practically whimpered, curling into himself as he broke down once again, both of the guys falling to the floor beside him and holding onto him, a last ditch effort to hold together the man that had been their leader for so long. 

“Mmph…” You groaned as you shifted your body to climb out of the car, one hand holding onto the handle as your other hand worked to push you from the seat. You didn’t remember much, all you could remember was the fear that squeezed you like a vice grip as you tried to control your car from plowing into the two others that had already crashed in front of you. All that had run through your head was your son, wanting nothing more to protect him and hoping, praying that he had been strapped in well enough in his booster seat that he would be okay. 

The two of you had been okay, that was the crazy thing, you had pumped the brakes enough that when you hit the car in front of you, it hadn’t even been hard enough to leave much more than a small scratch in your fender. It wasn’t your initial crash that had been the problem, it was the four other cars that had come behind you, and somehow your car had ended up on the bottom of everyone else's. 

To say that you and your son were lucky would just be too minute a term. By some miracle, the two of you had made it out alive, although in critical condition, but after a month and a half in the hospital, you were finally able to go back home. “Let me help you, I can help you…” Namjoon said as he ran around the front of the car to hold the door open for you, his hand offered out for you to grab, and you quickly did, clenching your teeth as you finally planted your feet on the ground. 

He let out a sigh of relief when your hand stayed in his, but you could read it on his face, see it in his eyes that he was still upset. “Please stop blaming yourself, Joon… It’s not like you’re the one who brought on the storm. Just be happy that we’re here.” You smiled at him, letting his hand drop from your own as you looked towards the passenger doors. “Can you bring him in…? I don’t think I’ll be able to carry him.” 

He rolled his eyes at your joke, thinking that it was far too soon for you to be making fun at your current state, but then again, there was no point in staying sad about it, it would only bring you down and slow down the healing process. It was much easier to laugh about it, in the hypothetical sense, because it helped you to forget just how bad it really was. 

“I should have asked the guys to come over, they would have been able to help you while I get him.” Namjoon murmured, his back turned to you as he carefully lifted Namgil out of the car, cradling him against his chest delicately as he walked towards the house. Each of his steps were slow and calculated, trying to figure out how to move so that Namgil wouldn’t feel much of it. “And please don’t try to tell me that you’re okay, your ribs are still broken. It’s a miracle that they didn’t puncture your lungs…” 

His body shuddered at the thought of it, the thought of potentially having lost you, so you quickly snapped your mouth shut, not wanting to upset him more. “Lay him in our bed… I don’t think I’ll be able to fit into his and be comfortable, plus it’ll be easier for me to care for him.” You said, following slowly behind Namjoon, trying your best to refrain from grunting or wincing too much. 

Namjoon sighed quietly, nudging open the front door with his knee and holding it for you as you walked in before going straight to the stairs. “I’ll help you up once I get him in… Don’t try to get up the stairs by yourself, please… If not for me, at least for him. I know he wouldn’t want you to end up back in the hospital.” He said on his way up, his words having you stop at the landing, silently grateful for the small break that you had, leaning against the railing and trying to collect yourself, telling yourself that the pain wasn’t as bad as it felt. 

“I’m gonna have to get a stairlift or something put in here so I can get up and down the stairs… He still needs to eat and drink…” You told nobody in particular as Namjoon made his way back down the stairs, his arm wrapping loosely around your waist once he reached you. “Maybe I can just get a mini fridge and a microwave for the bedroom for the time being, just so that I don’t have to leave him.” You were trying to figure things out, and for the most part, Namjoon was silent, listening to everything you had to say as he helped you up to the bedroom. 

Your son was awake, propped up on two pillows in the middle of the bed, watching the tv screen that hung over the dresser in the bedroom. Mickey Mouse was on, and for the first time since you had woken up in the hospital, you could see a faint smile on his face, the sight of it was enough to have you tearing up. “Lay down and get comfortable…” Namjoon urged as he walked you to the bed, his arm never letting you go until you were laying down and covered up. “And… could you stop talking as if you’re going to be doing this by yourself.” He whispered, lowering himself down next to your side of the bed, his voice quiet enough that only you’d be able to hear it. 

“I really don’t want to argue with you right now…” You whispered back, your nails gripping the blankets and pulling them up higher to your chin. “I just need to figure things out for when you go back to work… I just need to get myself better so I can make him better… Okay. Don’t worry about it.” That was the end of it, at least you wanted it to be the end, you didn’t want to come back home and immediately pick up where you had left off. The least he could have given you was one day to get comfortable in your home again. 

He shook his head, grabbing your hand and intertwining his fingers with your own and the feeling of his hand in yours, his skin against your own, it was something that you hadn’t felt in so long, not in this way, it was almost shocking to you. “I’m staying here with you, and with him. I’m not leaving… I’m not… I won’t, not for anything.” He murmured, his thumb brushing over yours as he looked into your eyes, wanting you to see the sincerity that burned within them. “I’ll be right here the whole time.” He emphasized his words, pulling the rings out of his pocket and sliding them onto your finger. “I messed up and I missed out on a lot of things… But I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m not going to be an idiot anymore, at least I’ll try my best not to be… But I love you, and I love him, and the two of you are my whole world… I’d do anything for you two, and I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize what I truly had.” His bottom lip trembled as it pressed against his upper lip, his nose twitching with silent sniffles. 

He was your husband, he was the father of your son, and he was the love of your life. He was genuine, and he was kind, albeit sometimes he didn’t use his head a lot, but he loved you and he loved his family, and that love was strong and it ran deep, that much you were sure of. You had heard the stories from the other guys during your recovery that he would go between the hospital rooms, and that he’d refuse to sleep, and that they basically had to force feed him jell-o because he didn’t want to eat and they were worried he’d end up in one of the rooms as well. At the end of the day, no matter how stressful things got, and no matter what happened, he’d always come home to you, and on those days where you felt your worst, he was always there to lift you up and tell you how amazing you were. You needed him just as much as he needed you, and your son needed both of you. 

“Have…” You whispered quietly, not wanting to disturb the quiet snores of your sleeping son beside you. Namjoons head tilted in confusion as he absentmindedly toyed with the rings on your finger. “You said had… Past tense… You still have us, we’re not going anywhere either… It was only goodbye for a little while.”

Room decor ;): very warm tones!! Beige, oranges, browns, very clean most of the time. He has a lil mini fridge with snacks and drinks for when people are in his room, mostly kook :)

Hobbies: He spends a lot of time on interior design! The apartment is BEAUTIFUL compared to Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung’s flat. He is constantly rearranging, buying decor. It is nice for Yoongi and Namjoon to have a nice home but it drives them crazy when they come home and the apartment has an entirely different layout.

What do they smell like: he has that ermmm… old smell? Hard to explain but he smells like the oLD aesthetic, a slight scent of yoongi’s cigarettes, a slight smell of his flatmate’s weed, and the smell of old books. A VERY pretty smell.

Yoongi

Age: 25

Job: Editor! He edits videos for quite a few youtubers which is his fave job but he also works in a cinema on the side. He ideally in the future wants to just edit and potentially work for a company editing. The cinema job is quite literally the least favourite thing in his life. He dreads it every day and his managers are assholes, BUT the rest of the boys will  not let him quit because they get discounts on screenings and free food :))

Sexuality: Bisexual, his last relationship the guy cheated on him and Hoseok nearly had a fight outside a bar when he saw they guy the week after lol. But Yoongi’s been single for a while but he quite likes fucking around with strangers recently :)

Housing: Lives in a flat with Namjoon and Jin. It’s a relatively nice flat, four bedrooms for the three guys, they've tried in the past with a fourth roommate but they either moved on with their lives?? Or it went BAD.

Crushes: Hoseok :))) Him and Hoseok had a thing a while back, nothing serious but Hoseok got a boyfriend which Yoongi was obviously fine with all they did was fuck around high. But once Hoseok and his boyfriend broke up, he and Yoongi didn't really reconnect the way they did and Yoongi misses it a lil. Shhh dont tell anyone but Hoseok misses it too. Also of course Yoongi is well aware of the crush Jungkook has on him but once again Jungkook likes all of them.

Smoking preferences: My guy Yoongi likes weed a whole bunch, he loves it. One of the decided stoners in the group. He is high basically everyday, his tolerance is through the ROOF. Him and Namjoon introduced weed into the gang and Jin LOVES to make them feel guilty about turning 17 year old Jungkook at the time into a stoner. No hard feelings though, they didn't actually let Jungkook smoke with them for a while.

Fave weed method: Joint

Drinking preferences: loves whiskey, doesn't drink very often because he is the biggest lightweight you have ever seen. ONE glass of whiskey and he's gone. The boys have gotten him very pissed a few times, the worst  being when Yoongi ended up in hospital because they thought they poisoned him. Turns out he was fine, he was just very vERY sick. So yeah, he’ll drink on occasion but very very rarely.

Room decor ;): imagine a tumblr user from 2014’s dream room, it's like that. Walls painted black with psychedelic mushrooms on the walls, vinyls stuck to the walls, photos of friends, and cant forget the LEDS which are only ever red or green. He likes to make it green if he's high because he thinks he’s hilarious. Also his room smells of weed, incense from Joon, cigarettes (he and Taehyung are the only cigarette smokers) and Linxs Africa because despite being 25 years old, he is still a teenager.

Hobbies: makes music, but nobody actually knows. He hires out a room in a studio and makes music. He’d die if people actually found out, even if he is proud of a song nobody gets to hear it. Jungkook heard one once coming from Yoongi’s phone and asked who that was but Yoongi just replied with a shrug

What do they smell like: cigarettes, his expensive aftershave that the boys love so much, he buys one every year for his own birthday because it's EXPENSIVE so he has to make one last a whole year, but it is so worth it it smells aMAZING.

Hoseok

Age: 24

Job: He is a preschool teacher. He teaches 3-5 year olds and he is vERY good with kids. Sometimes in public his students will come up to him and when he’s with another one of the boys, they MELT he is so sweet with them and it's so clear he has such a passion for the children and letting them learn. Another job he has is he teaches dance lessons to people, children and adults!!

Sexuality: He’s gay, he thought he was straight until recently-ish, he only learnt he was gay when he was around 22 so its only been the past 2 years he’s known and hes been out to the boys for about 1.5 years now. He’s had numerous girlfriends in the past but is yet to have a boyfriend, which the boys love as they get to be lil hunters trying to find someone for Hoseok.

Housing: Lives in a flat with Taehyung and Jimin, it also has 4 bedrooms like the other flat. The difference with this one is that they don’t have interior designer Jin living with them. It's an actual wreck. It's not MESSY per say, it's just the weirdest looking place ever. If you've never been high before this flat is NOT the place you wanna do it in. Overwhelming af, Jungkook learnt that the hard way.

Crushes: He misses Yoongi (mentioned before), but he really doesnt wanna make the first move to get back what they had because he's worried Yoongi will think hes needy and weird(yoongi would never think that lol) Oh and the Jungkook thing to, poor kook loves them all :(((

Smoking preferences: stoner, stoner, stoner. Sober Hoseok is a rare sight, let's be real. BUT he is mature about it and does not abuse it (disclaimer:: None of the members abuse drugs or alcohol it's just vibes man, and for the sake of the plotline, they all keep each other in check in terms of they stuff they are smoking <3) but yes Hoseok is a STONER, textbook definition of a stoner, down to his dress sense. You would know he was a stoner from 3 miles away, well you'd smell him from about 15 miles lol. Is the kind of stoner thay will smoke anything, strains are bullshit to him, if he gets high it's good weed for him.

Fave weed method: Bongs

Drinking preferences: Doesn't drink at all. His family were drinkers growing up and he doesn't even like to be around people who are insanely drunk. He has drank in the past but it really isn't for him. Also he has a predetermined opinion of alcohol from his family and he is vERY scared he would act like them drunk so he doesn't touch it.

Room decor ;): Once again, exactly how you'd imagine it, has the messiest room of all of them, besides mAYBE Kook. He has sO many bongs, I'd say he has one in every single place it will fit. Nightstands, wardrobes, drawers, he has about 12 in his room. Thrasher everywhere and he doesn't even skate he just likes it. Music playing 24/7, even at night it just is turned down much more. Taehyung loves Hoseok’s room vERY MUCH.

Hobbies: Dancing!! He loves dancing, he dances everywhere constantly, his room and Jimin’s are right next to each other and Jimin complains at least 34 times a week.

What do they smell like: the only one who vERY rarely smells like weed! Although he probably smokes the most he can not risk smelling a lot like weed even in public since a parent could see him and boom he’s lost his job. But he smells very clean at all times. This makes no sense but he smells warm? Not in a sweaty way lol, in a comforting way, all i can describe it as warm??? Idk 

Namjoon

Age: 24

Job: Owns in a wellness/self care/spirituality store. The most beautiful place you've ever seen. Crystals, incense, yoga, and a lot of healthy foods. It's a very nice and ‘aesthetic’ shop and he also does tarot readings in the back room which the boys enjoy a lot. Speaking of the room in the back, when the shop is closed some days during the week they all sit in there and get higher than the clouds, a prime hangout spot for the group. Also on the side Namjoon sells weed, mostly to just the boys and mutual friends though. 

Sexuality: namjoon is currently questioning! He is straight as far as everyone knows, he has had a few girlfriends over the years but he is now thinking whether he likes men? He isn't sure and it's causing some stress for him since he questioned when he was around 16 and he kind of just forgot about it?? He is thinking about going to some of the members and talking about it as he is well aware those gay mf will always help him.

Housing: Lives in a flat with Yoongi and Jin. It’s a relatively nice flat, four bedrooms for the three guys, they've tried in the past with a fourth roommate but they either moved on with their lives?? Or it went BAD.+

Crushes: He doesnt think he has a crush on anyone at the moment, but he is still figuring out the difference between platonic and romantic feelings about men but he thinks Yoongi is quite pretty (why is this so cute aww) but yeah he’s working on it <3

Smoking preferences: He sells weed so he obviously smokes quite a lot, he is one of the most chill smokers. Random thing he was REALLY against kook smoking when they all first met but kook eventually convinced them all it took namjoon mUCH longer to come around since he’s much younger but aNYWAY back to namjoon. He always has a joint on him. Last year he went to the extent of buying a lil box to keep one in his pocket to stop it from snapping which lets be real he should have bought a lil box much earlier than last year.

Fave weed method: Joints/Bongs

Drinking preferences: loves a beer he does!! Someone that often drinks with Jimin. They love going to the club together when the others don't wanna go anywhere. Sometimes he has phases when he prefers drinking to smoking!

Room decor ;): its giving incense smell, its giving spirituality, its giving crystals, but it's also giving weed smell, rolling trays and pure vibes (that sounds very cringy) He has a yoga mat in front of his bed, and he in fact does use it every morning.

Hobbies: Yoga obviously, but also he really enjoys spending time with Jin in his shop. He obviously LOVES when everyone is in the shop but when it's just him and Jin he gets to hear Jin talk about ideas for the shop and how it can be better. His main hobby is spirituality and wellness though, he spends his DAY researching and learning!!

What do they smell like: Incense, weed and his really pretty scents that he sells in his shops. His favourite smell he sells is tobacco and orange which is dIVINE, jungkook’s is not shy to shoving his head in namjoon’s neck when he's high and just ‘breathing’

Jimin

Age: 21

Job: ‘accountant'..if you know what i mean. No seriously he has onlyfans which fund most of his life but he also sometimes works in the local strip clubs which the boys take a lot of pride in going in whenever he's working. Only because Jimin refuses to give any of them his onlyfans name!!

Sexuality: very veRY VERY gay.

Housing: Lives in a flat with Taehyung and Hoseok, it also has 4 bedrooms like the other flat. The difference with this one is that they don’t have interior designer Jin living with them. It's an actual wreck. It's not MESSY per say, it's just the weirdest looking place ever. If you've never been high before this flat is NOT the place you wanna do it in. Overwhelming af, Jungkook learnt that the hard way.

Crushes: One of the only guys who doesn't have a lil crush on another one in the group. BUT he has a very good eye for figuring out who might. I can guarantee Jimin is aware of every single crush within the group.

Smoking preferences: He has smoked in the past, have you SEEN his friend group? Of course he has. But he prefers not to because he’s not a massive lover of the feeling of being high. Getting cross-faded tho? That's something he likes to get involved in. Jimim likes getting FUCKED UP, which isnt the smartest thing to do but he loves it and lets be real…so does his onlyfans supporters.

Fave weed method: Edibles

Drinking preferences: Wine, spirits, beer? It's all good. Jimin looooves alcohol. Biggest drinker in the group 100%. Is his tolerance high? No, but he will still outdrink the whole group.

Room decor ;): Very classy, a sexy vibe bc if my boy is taking photos *wink* He needs a good background. LEDS also, always red, doesn't matter time of day or occasion always red.

Hobbies: clubbing, not rlly a hOBBY but he loves it. He also draws all the time but only Tae gets to see his drawings and Taehyung prides himself on the fact that only he gets to see them!!

What do they smell like: fresh plant vibe, descriptors would be: sunny, refreshing. He very rarely smells of weed just as he does it much less basically not at all.

Taehyung

Age: 21

Job: Tae works as a photographer. He has his own photography business that he set up in the past few months. He's only gone ‘professional’ and created it into a business in the past few months since he'd been doing weddings of people he knew, photoshoots for his semi-influencer friends and namjoon told him one day he should go professional since he already has a lot of pre-existing clients and charging people would mean he could quit his job at the library. He did enjoy his job at the library, he would just talk to some old people and get high on his break but he only had the job for the money which he now didn't need.

Sexuality: Taehyung is a lil quirky, he doesn't know if there is a label for what he experiences so he just says Bisxual but it is definitely not jUST bisexual. He doesn't have any desire to date men, he dates women and he has had multiple girlfriends. But he will fuck men, and he likes men he just doesn’t date men. Which for a while he thought was internalised homophobia but after trying to date a guy he realised he just didn't like the idea of having a boyfriend. (BTW if anyone knows the label, or a better way of describing this pls lmk <3)

Housing: Lives in a flat with Jimin and Hoseok, it also has 4 bedrooms like the other flat. The difference with this one is that they don’t have interior designer Jin living with them. It's an actual wreck. It's not MESSY per say, it's just the weirdest looking place ever. If you've never been high before this flat is NOT the place you wanna do it in. Overwhelming af, Jungkook learnt that the hard way.

Crushes: he really likes Jungkook, like he really likes Jungkook. Everyone is aware other than Jungkook. It’s adorable watching Taehyung dote over him and Jungkook being oblivious <3

Smoking preferences: Loves a cheeky blunt, doesn’t use them a lot as no one else is a massive fan but he loves them :))) but joints with Namjoon at 3am is his favourite thing <33

Fave weed method: Blunts/Joints

Drinking preferences: Much like Jin is also a vodka drinker. Not a lightweight at all, pisses him off sometimes but it is a good thing there's always someone who can be there for the rest of the group!!

Room decor ;): He always has music playing, it's always from his record player. Jimin and Hoseok love to call him an old man. The music playing drives Jimin mental as both of his flatmates are aLWAYS playing music so he has to choose between Hoseok’s stoner/indie music or Taehyung’s 50s/classical music. Creates an odd vibe in the flat but very fun. Tae’s room is the stereotypical skater room. Old boards on the walls, posters and a lot of black. Like Yoongi, his room also smells like cigarettes at times.

Hobbies: He really likes skateboarding!! Is he good at it? Not really he only started a few months ago and he is getting better! He loves making Hoseok go to the skatepark with him and take videos of him, very cute bonding sessions for them.

What do they smell like: cigarettes, with a slight smell of weed, more cigarettes and then more cigarettes. 

Jungkook.

Age: 19

Job: is only a wee kid so he works in a shoe shop in a shopping mall. Much like Yoongi’s job he has the worst manager on the planet and all the other staff are 45+ so every shift he talks to no one all shift. He hates it so much that one of the boys normally picks him up after he’s finished and goes out with him to cheer him up. His ‘goal’ is to be a tattoo artist so he has been working on a portfolio and is looking for places he'd like to do his tattoo artist apprenticeship.

Sexuality: nobody ask him or he will cry. He has been aware he’s not straight since he was around 14, he has panicked himself since as he is yet to find a label that fits him and he doesn't know what a lot of his feelings mean and it scares him that he needs to find an identity. Jin told him recently that he doesn't need a label!! Jin doesn't label himself and mentioned to Jungkook that unlabeled is jUST as valid as anyone who has a label. The word ‘queer’ is somethign that resonates with Jungkook so he has been using that recently.

Housing: This lil 19 year old still lives with his Mom, trust me you don’t need to bully him, heh gets enough shit from the boys. Although he lives with his Mom, he crashes in the spare room of one of the flats a lot of the time. He was going to buy his own flat once he saved from his job but the boys said he’s more than welcome at either flat. He just needs to decide which one lol.

Crushes: All of them, he loves them all so much. He cherished all the hugs and cheek/forehead kisses he gets when a member is high. What he doesn't know is that all of the members are well aware of his lil crushes on everyone. Poor thing thinks he's so fly and nobody has caught him.

Smoking preferences: oK, he was quite young when he became friends with the rest of them and they flat out refused to let him smoke, or even get high around him massively. Which used to irritate him so much he was so confused why since Tae and Jimin were only 2 years older?? But he experienced the age-old tale of accidentally eating an edible that Hoseok left out and the rest berated him for wEEKS. From then on they let him smoke sometimes and it took a while for Namjoon to agree with it just because he was still living with his Mom. Eventually he became the stoner they all know and love. Jungkook high is the sweetest thing ever. He is just adorable, chilled and hilarious. But still to this day Hoseok is blamed for ‘corrupting the child’

Fave weed method: Edibles/Bongs

Drinking preferences: He only started drinking in the last year so isn't very good at it. He often gets too drunk accidentally so he doesn't drink mUCH but he has had enough bad experiences in the past to stop him from going too far now.

Room decor ;): His room hasn't changed much since he was a younger teenager, he still has blue walls and pictures of his family on the walls, which is fine but he sometimes gets quite insecure of it as the rest of the boys have their own homes and he lives with his Mom. His Mom always said that since Kook’s older brother moved out, Jungkook should redo his brother's room and he could have it how he wants, which he was going to do for a while but since he's planning to move into one of the apartments he never bothered. Also his room is the only one that doesn't sTINK of weed, his Mom would kill him if he stunk the house out. She knows what the group get up to because he really isn't that subtle when high and she had a conversation with him saying she doesn't care what he gets up to (he's an adult and she only cares that he’s safe and she knows the rest of the boys are mature), so yeah she doesnt care what he does with his time but she would prefer nothing happened in her house, which Jungkook respects.

Hobbies: loving his friends, no JOKING but not really lol. He really likes gaming! He's a lil gamer, his favourite thing is getting high and playing video games all night!!

Getting into the fan sign was one thing, you never thought you’d be chosen out of the millions of other people who had entered the raffle, but by some miracle your name had been drawn. Of course, you had gone to tell all of your friends, friends who had been the mastermind behind the crazy plan that had changed your life completely.

“Just give him the paper. What’s the worst that could happen? He doesn’t message you? That’s what everyone, including you, is expecting anyway.” Your friend had pointed out the obvious. It’s not like you actually expected him to message you, but it still had you sweating bullets as you held the small sheet of paper in your hand, your ID written neatly by your friend who had practically shoved it into your hand and manually clamped your fingers around it. “You’re going to be late if you don’t go now. Just do it. It’ll be fine. Plus, you’ll never see him again after today anyway… Unless you go to a concert but I’m sure he’s not going to pick you out in the crowd.”

It was a harsh way to tell you that you had nothing to worry about, nonchalantly informing you that your ultimate bias wouldn’t remember you, but she was so right that it was almost painful. You weren’t sure if you felt better about it or if you didn’t want to go to the fan sign at all, but she wasn’t giving you a choice in the matter, pushing you off the bed and towards the front door. “This is the dumbest thing…” You mumbled as she pulled open the door, a wide smile on her face as she shoved you out into the hallway, waving her fingers at you as she slowly shut the door.

“I’m sure I could come up with something even more ridiculous.” She said, but it sounded more like a threat, so you quickly shook your head, shoving the small piece of paper into the pocket of your jacket and heading towards the stairs that would lead you down to the first floor of your apartment, mentally screaming at yourself to just not give him the note, to just enjoy the small amount of time that you’d get to interact with your favorite idols, but a part of you wanted to know what would happen… Wishing on some type of lucky star that something would come of this foolish plan that your friend had come up with. Wishes didn’t come true though, you knew that after the countless amount of stars you had wished upon as a child, your eyes shut tight with your head tilted up to the dark sky, your hands clasped tightly together, innocent hopes and dreams whispered out into the open night air that had gone unanswered. It was foolish to wish for anything to come true now, but you wanted to hold onto that childish dream just a little longer, just long enough for it to be shattered completely by the end of the night.

Making your way through the members, your nerves were eating away at you, sweating profusely as they all tried to talk to you, but your eyes were on the member at the end of the table, smiling and chatting with the fan who was in front of him. Your fingers rubbed against the paper in your pocket, gnawing your lip nervously as you finally looked back down at Jimin who was laughing loudly. “You’re so nervous. You don’t have to be. We’re normal people too.” He said, and you wished that much was true, just another wish that wouldn’t be answered, but they weren’t the type of normal you were used to experiencing in your own life. If they were, they wouldn’t have a line of antsy fans waiting around just to see them. “And don’t worry about Suga. He had a nap before this, so he won’t be as cranky.”

Jimins small, lighthearted jab had Yoongi turning to look at the younger member, his eyebrows lowering as a small scowl took its place on his face. “Thank you for the introduction, Jimin.” Yoongi muttered, finally looking up at you as the line moved forward, his scowl fading to a soft smile as you bowed your head to him. “He makes me cranky, don’t worry about what he said though, I’m fine.” He defended himself quickly and you let out a nervous chuckle, the paper in your pocket felt red hot as you fidgeted with it even more, a quick pain shooting across your finger in the process. You hissed quietly, the sound had him looking at you with a puzzled expression as you pulled your hand out of your pocket, a small bubble of blood forming on the tip of your pointer finger as you stared at it. “Oh no… Do you need a bandaid? A napkin? I think I have tissues…”

You quickly shook your head, embarrassment consuming you completely, but he was already calling over one of the security members that were standing behind him and the rest of the members, asking them for a tissue, and as soon as he got it, it was handed to you. “You didn’t have to… I’m sorry.” You mumbled, lightly dabbing at your finger with the tissue before wrapping the thin cloth around it.

He hummed softly, folding his hands under his chin and tilting his head as he stared up at you. “You don’t have to be sorry. Just promise you’ll be more careful with the receipts in your pockets, or at least carry around a pack of bandaids just in case.” That gummy smile that you had come to love, that you had become so familiar with spread across his face, a low chuckle resounding in his chest.

Nodding quickly, you started to step away, but in a second you stopped, pulling the paper out of your pocket and placing it on the table and sliding it towards his hands that were drumming against the table top. “You don’t have to read it now… But when you’re not busy…” The words came out quickly, and you were half expecting him to wait for you to leave before handing it to one of the security to throw away, but he nodded to you, pulling out his wallet and slipping the small piece of paper inside one of the slots. It probably didn’t mean as much as you hoped it did, there was still a chance that the paper would end up in the garbage anyway, that it was all just an act to make you think he’d actually read it, but there was only one way you’d be able to find out if he read it, and for that, you’d have to wait.

Laying in your bed back at your apartment, you stared up at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep or even close your eyes. Every vibration of your phone on the nightstand next to your bed had you jumping up, only to be let down by the notification on your screen from your friend, asking once again if you had gotten a message from Yoongi. She was only fueling your wishful thinking, and you were sure that it wasn’t good for your heart, or your mind, to get your hopes up the way that you were.

After the eighth text, you had grown tired of responding to her. At this point she was well past twenty, and you were getting tired of it. You hadn’t responded to any of her texts, and you were on the verge of turning off your phone completely. Another notification had your phone vibrating, the sound going right through you, your body jolting upright to snatch your phone off the nightstand, about to tell her to stop asking, to tell her that you just wanted to go to sleep, but then you saw the name at the top of the notification. Clearly you had fallen asleep and this was all a dream, but there was nothing wrong with indulging your subconscious mind in the dream that it had conjured up, so you quickly unlocked your phone, reading the message with a wide smile on your face.

“Papercut…? I’m pretty sure this is you… You’re the only one who was brave enough to slip your Kakao ID to me today. How’s your finger?” The message read, and even in the dream, you felt like you were going to faint, the burst of adrenaline and pure joy coursing through your veins was too much even for the dream version of you. Not just that, but even with all of that, your entire body froze up. So much for being able to be whoever you wanted to be in your dreams. You had assumed that you’d be a little more brave, a little less shy, that you’d be able to think of some witty reply to what he had said, but you were blank, you couldn’t think of anything, the fear of sounding foolish overcoming every other feeling and thought you had. “I was assuming that you had fallen asleep, but I see that you read the message. Is your finger keeping you from being able to text?”

A double text, not just a double text, but a double text from Min Yoongi. It was unexpected, you didn’t think he’d do something like that, he didn’t strike you as the type, but then again, you didn’t truly know him, you only knew the side of himself that he showed in front of the cameras. “No… My finger is fine. I just wasn’t expecting you to actually message me.” Honesty was the best quality, most people would respect that trait, and you hoped that Yoongi would understand the honesty behind your message.

It was immediately read, and then the little bubbles showed up at the bottom of the screen indicating that he was typing. A quick response, he had been waiting on your message screen for your response. Just another thing that you hadn’t expected from him. “That would have been rude of me. You gave me your Kakao ID, the least I could do is say hello. I’m sure you’ve been losing sleep over it.” Intuitive, but you weren’t going to flat out tell him that you had been waiting with your phone beside your bed for him to message you. Honesty was a good thing, but you had humility, and you weren’t going to be that forward with him. You were sure that this would be the only conversation you’d have with him, and you didn’t want to leave him with the impression that you were weird or obsessive.

“I’m not losing sleep. I’m not even tired right now.” You typed out the lie, hoping that he’d believe it when he read it. Not that it actually mattered though, did it? “But you’re probably tired… Goodnight, Suga. It was nice talking to you.” You quickly sent the message, smiling to yourself as a bittersweet feeling washed over you. The conversation, the interaction had been short lived, but it had happened, and you could finally fall asleep.

“Good morning, Papercut. Make sure to change the bandaid on your finger and eat breakfast.” The message had been sent two hours before you had actually gotten up, but the sight of it had you falling back onto the bed, burying your face into your pillows and letting out a squeal of excitement. “You’re finally up. You sleep long… You were lying about not being tired. You were exhausted. Eat.” The net message had your phone vibrating in your hand, and even though you felt yourself wake up, you could see the sun shining outside your window, you could feel it burning your eyes as they slowly adjusted to the light, you could barely believe that he was still texting you, that he hadn’t deleted your messages and just forgot about you completely.

For the second time, you couldn’t think of what to say. Of course you’d say good morning, but you weren’t sure what to say after that. Your mind was in a fog and the elation that overwhelmed you was only making it harder for you to think coherently. “Good morning. I slept in, it’s Saturday… most people do that. I wasn’t even tired. I’ll eat. Did you?” Before you could even read over your message, you had sent it, a habit formed from the texts between you and your friend. You never read over what you were sending, and your thumb was so used to pressing the send button as soon as it was done moving across the keyboard, you couldn’t even take it back, watching as the message showed that it had been read as soon as it was delivered.

“I wish I was most people. I already ate. Now you have to. Let me know what you have. I’ll be working for a bit though, so my phone is off. I’ll talk to you later.” Pinching yourself, shaking your head fast, blinking rapidly, all of those things you did just to make sure that what you were seeing was real, and every time you looked back down at your phone screen, you read the same message from him. He’d talk to you later… It had your heart racing with anticipation, but it also could have just been a polite way of saying that he wasn’t going to talk to you anymore. Later wasn’t a specific variable of time, it could have meant that night or in like ten years, it had no weight to it, and you weren’t going to depend on it meaning anything, and you surely weren’t going to wait around for later to come just in case you’d get let down.

Seven years later, you stand in the front row of the crowd, a sold out stadium, their farewell concert after so many years of performing, they were finally saying goodbye, heading down different roads, but they had promised that they’d always love ARMY, that they’d always be BTS no matter what they’re doing. Everyone had seen it coming, and when all the members talked about what their new path in life was, there was no response more shocking than Yoongis had been. He wanted to take a break from music, from the public eye, he wanted to settle down. It had come as a surprise to so many fans and even the reporters had been confused. There had never been a hint that he had actually met someone, let alone someone to settle down with. Then again, their lives were private, they didn’t show everything to everyone, and it was most likely to protect his significant other and himself from the prying eyes of the media and the backlash from the fans.

Now here he was on stage, performing for what could potentially be the last time, a wide smile on his face as he looked out at the crowd, but the light that was shining down on him and the rest of the members reflected off his glassy eyes. It would be a bittersweet performance, not only for him and the guys, but for all of the fans who surrounded the stage. “Look! There he is!” The tiny hand that was clasped around yours squeezed tightly, your daughter tugging at your arm as she pointed her finger up at Yoongi on stage.

She loved BTS, she knew almost all of their songs by heart, and while you weren’t really fond of taking your five year old daughter to a sold out concert, it would be hers and your last time to ever see them all live, unless they planned a reunion tour sometime down the road. “There he is.” You repeated, looking down at your daughter who had stars in her eyes as she looked on at not just Yoongi, but all of the other members. “You keep holding my hand though, honey. Don’t try to move away from me.” There was that constant worry that filled your heart, a worry that wouldn’t allow you to focus on the concert at all, every nerve in your body hyper focused on the feeling of your daughter's hand in your own.

“They see me?” She asked, and you could barely hear her over the sound of the crowd chanting the members' names around you, but you quickly nodded to her. Even if you were in the front row, the chances of them focusing all of their attention on the front was slim to none. The rows of people spanned further back than your eyes could see, and they all deserved the attention of the idols who stood on stage in front of them. “I sing loud… They all hear me.” She said proudly, holding her arms out, motioning for you to pick her up and you quickly obliged, lifting her up and holding her on your hip. “Now they see me.”

The members' eyes scanned the crowd as they waved, and one member's eyes in particular landed on you and your daughter, his smile softening as he walked over to the edge of the stage, sitting down and leaning in so he could see better. “Look at you!” He said, your daughter's hands clapping together as she reached out towards him.

“Jimin!!” She cheered, sounding much like the other fans around you who were mirroring the motions of your daughter. “Singing dinosaursus?” She asked, her head tilted to the side questioningly, but you and Jimin couldn’t help but laugh together at the innocently incorrect way she said the title of the song.

He nodded his head, grabbing your daughter’s hand and shaking it gently before patting her head and standing up, heading back to where the other members were standing. “I think they’ll sing it just for you.” You whispered to your daughter, watching as Jimin whispered to the guys, their heads all turning in your direction. “And now they all see you.”

Yoongi walked over next, hopping off the stage completely, much to the shock of the security guard who looked highly confused. “What are you doing here?” He cooed, brushing his hand over your daughter's hair, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead before looking at you. “You didn’t tell me you were coming.” He whispered, his eyes glancing around at the multitude of fans who were staring intently at the interaction between you and Yoongi, the confusion on their faces just as vivid as the security guards had been.

“We wanted to surprise you. Plus, it’s your last concert, she’d be heartbroken if she didn’t see any of them.” You explained, watching as his lips pursed, his eyes glancing back over at your daughter who simply nodded, although you were sure she didn’t understand what you were talking about. “You don’t know how hard it was to get front row to this concert. It’s nuts, they almost sold out before I got two tickets.”

He scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief, but his lips were spread into the wide gummy smile that you absolutely adored. “Can’t believe you bought two tickets, when I could have just gotten you both backstage.” He rolled his eyes, sighing loudly. “You’re something else, jagi. And you…” He tapped his finger against your daughter's nose, her twinkling laughter filling both his and your ears, his eyes lighting up at the sound of it. “Uncle Jimin told me that you wanted to hear dinosaursus?” Your daughter nodded enthusiastically, and then Yoongi looked at you with a strange look, like he was waiting for you to answer a question that he hadn’t even asked yet before looking back at your daughter. “Do you want to go up and sing it with us? Show ARMY how amazing my little girl is?” She was already leaning toward him, her arms wrapping around his neck as she wiggled out of your own arms.

“Yoongi…” You murmured, hearing the gasps from the crowd as they watched your daughter shift from your arms into Yoongis on the other side of the rails. “We came so she could watch the concert… What if she falls off the stage? What if she trips? And the fans… what if-” He leaned in to kiss you, smiling against your lips as the group of fans around you erupted into both cheers and something that sounded a lot like disapproval.

“That’s why you’re coming up too.” He said, pulling back the rails just enough for you to slip through, and you could have sworn the security guard was losing his mind at what he was seeing, immediately running over to keep the rest of the fans from pushing through. “It’ll be fun. And now everyone will get to see the two amazing reasons why I’m taking a break from music.”

The show went on without a hitch, and when your daughter got tired from dancing and singing along with her father and her uncles, she’d run off to the side where you were standing, plopping down in front of you to watch in awe as the guys moved across the stage in perfect sync.

She recharged a lot quicker than you and they did though, only sitting for five minutes tops before running back into center stage, her own beautifully bedazzled microphone gripped tightly in her hands as she belted out the lyrics. The fans absolutely adored her, cheering loudly whenever she’d get back on the stage, but they weren’t the only ones who adored her stage presence. Yoongi had been so worried about her being the public eye at all, he had kept her and you a secret for the most part, but now that he had her up there with him, he was beaming with pride. He stood right beside her or right behind her, his steps mirroring hers wherever she moved, and if she got even ten feet from the edge of the stage, he’d pull her back, but his smile never faltered when he had her with him.

“And the last song for the night… Our last song, by popular demand… Is…?” Yoongi said, breathless from rapping, dancing, and chasing your daughter around the stage, leaving the statement open ended, turning it into a question and squatting down beside your daughter. “Tell them what we’re doing next, bubby.” He whispered to her, the pride radiating off of him as he watched her lift the microphone up to her lips.

“Dinosaurysus!” She shouted into her microphone, mirroring her fathers wide gummy smile right back to him as the beginning of the song started up. You watched her intently, unable to hide your own smile as she practically took over the stage. She had the presence of her father when she was in front of a crowd, and it was undoubtedly something that she got from him considering how shy you always were, how shy you still were when it came to being in a room full of people.

She ended up becoming the center focus of the stage, the other members, aside from Yoongi, moving back just enough to give her the space to dance, watching on with amused expressions, trying to hold back their laughter as they sang. Her eyes were aglow with her own passion and excitement, and it was as if you could see her dreams forming in front of her, the dream to be just like her father, and she was already paving that path for herself.

The song came to an end and the crowd roared with applause as your daughter bowed to them all before waving to everyone, much like her father and her uncles did. Yoongi lowered himself to his knees beside her, moving her hair back to whisper in her ear, and before you could question what he had told her, she brought the mic back to her lips. “And that’s my mom over there!” She shouted, pointing her finger over to where you were sitting. “And my baby brother! I can’t see him yet but my mommy and daddy said I’ll have to share my toys with him and I-” She continued on with her story, her free hand waving in the air as she explained to all the fans how excited she was to have a new brother, but how upset she was that she’ll have to share with him.

Laughter poured from the fans and the members and you as you all listened to her. Yoongi let her continue long enough to get his own laughter out, his arms crossed over his chest as he stood back just enough to give her room to pace the stage. She had captured the attention and the hearts of everyone, and even though she was jumping from topic to topic every ten seconds, no one seemed to mind. “Alright, bubby…” Yoongi murmured, lifting her up and pressing a kiss to her cheek as he shifted her onto his hip. “You told ARMY such a good story, they’ll be able to go right to sleep tonight. It’s way past your bedtime though, so, say goodbye to everyone, and then we can go home.” He kept her in his arms as the guys lined up beside him, all of them, including your daughter, waving to the sea of people as they said their goodbyes, and it was almost sad to think that it was the last time you’d see them like this, that anyone would see them like this. It was the last time they’d say goodbye to a sold out arena, it was enough to have you tearing up.

You pushed yourself up off the stage floor when Yoongi walked over, leading you backstage as your daughter's head fell against his shoulder, her eyes fluttering shut as the excitement wore off and the tiredness finally set in. “She’s gonna be a little star, just like her dad.” You murmured, speaking as softly as possible so you wouldn’t wake her, gently brushing the hair out of her face and smiling up at Yoongi.

He pursed his lips, glancing down at her before resting his cheek against the top of her head. “Yeah… I just want her to be my baby for a little longer though…” Your smile softened and you quickly kissed the small pout that was forming on his face. “It’s crazy. I didn’t see myself here seven years ago… I never pictured myself being this happy. I don’t know what I did to deserve this kind of luck… But it must’ve been something really good. Now I get to wake up every morning to you, spend every day with my family, and fall asleep every night next to you… Who do I thank for that?”

It was a rhetorical question, or possibly a question that he thought no one had the answer to, but you had the answer, and you quickly pressed your lips against his own, mumblind against them as you kissed him. “You can thank my friend who wrote my name on the little piece of paper… I think I’ll thank her again tonight too.”

He scoffed quietly, pressing his lips further against yours as his free hand wrapped around your waist. “I would have gone after you anyway, papercut. I knew when I first saw you that I wanted you… But we can thank her… After we get (Y/D/N) home and tucked in.”

Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung… They were the two biggest vloggers on campus, they always did videos together, and while none of the videos ever actually made sense, they had blown up. They became instant celebrities overnight when one of their videos blew up and went viral, and now everyone on campus absolutely adored them. No matter where it was that they went, they were being asked for pictures to be taken with them, being asked what classes they had just so that the other student could try to switch into the same class as them. It was crazy, but what made it even crazier was the fact that you were in the middle of all of it.

Your relationship with Jimin had started long before his sudden rise to fame on Youtube and around campus. Before then he had been sweet, he had been loving, he had taken you on dates whenever your schedules would allow it, he would meet you after class outside of the building you were in, sweat dripping from his forehead and his hair a windblown mess from clearly running just to make it in time. He was always kind of flirtatious, knowing that he was extremely cute, and while some of the girls would swoon over him and ogle at him as he walked by, you were the lucky girl that he called his own.

Being with Jimin also meant that you and Taehyung were as close as he and Jimin were. Whenever they made a video, Taehyung would be the first one to send the video to you to ask if you thought it was good enough. He wasn’t as flirty as Jimin, but he was still a sweetheart. He’d get shy whenever one of the girls on campus stared at him for too long, and even with Jimins urgings to go talk to the girl, Taehyung would stay beside you and Jimin, his face beet red as he walked a little faster. There was nothing that the three of you didn’t do together, at least, before everything happened. You used to spend evenings in the boys shared dorm room watching movies, playing video games or board games. The three of you were practically inseparable. You wished you could say that you didn’t know what happened, but you knew exactly what, and when it happened, and while you wanted to be proud of the both of them, you couldn’t help the anger that boiled within you whenever you thought about it.

Jimin hadn’t been this way before, you never thought that he’d let his college celebrity status go to his head, but he had completely changed. The sweet, loving boyfriend that you had fallen in love with had turned into an asshole, a fuckboy, someone that you could barely even recognize when you saw him. He was still your boyfriend, but you could barely even look at him when you had the chance to go out with him, and those chances were a rarity in themselves. He thrived off the attention that he got from the other girls on campus, he lived for it, relished in it. Every picture that he was asked for, every hug that he got from his fans, they boosted his ego through the roof, and it was almost sickening to see what he had become.

Taehyung on the other hand, was indifferent to it. He didn’t change one bit. He’d try to avoid the mobs of people that would gather around Jimin whenever he stepped out of the dorm building, keeping his hoodie up and his head down to try to slip past them. He’d get flustered whenever someone would call out his name, his head whipping side to side hoping to find somewhere that he would be able to run off and hide so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the onslaught of people coming after him. He still texted you, asking how you were doing, asking why you haven’t come by the dorms, and you’d always tell him that you were just too busy when in actuality you just couldn’t bare to look at Jimin, or better yet, bare to go over to the dorm room and not see him there. You hated how things were now, and you missed the way that things were before, and you wished that you could rewind, to tell Taehyung that the video wasn’t good, that they shouldn’t upload it so that this never would have happened, but a tiny part of you realized how selfish that was, that you should be proud of the both of them for getting this big. You wished that tiny part of you would shut the hell up, it didn’t know what it was talking about.

The fame never seemed to die down, it only seemed to get bigger and bigger the more videos that he uploaded. Even Taehyung had decided to only make cameo appearances now, wanting to focus more on his education rather than becoming a Youtube celebrity. Rare visits with you and Jimin that only seemed to last a couple minutes had become so rare that they barely even happened anymore. You couldn’t remember the last time you actually got to sit down and watch a movie with him, the last time you had a simple conversation with him. The dwindling relationship put a wrench in your friendship with Taehyung as well, and it wasn’t like the two of you purposely stopped talking, the conversations seemed to just slowly dwindle down until you’d go weeks without texting each other.

At this point you were clinging onto a thread, the last salvageable piece of your relationship with Jimin. You thought that there was hope for the two of you, that the only thing needed was a long talk about how you both were feeling, a chance to rekindle a relationship that was running so perfectly only a couple months ago.

It was his birthday, he absolutely loved his birthday, and you had planned to drop off his gifts to him. They were neatly wrapped and stacked one on top of the other as you walked to the dorm building. You couldn’t help the smile on your face when you saw that the coast was mainly clear aside from the few people who lived in the dorm building, but none of them were there for Jimin at least. You were hoping that it meant you’d finally be able to spend some time with him, to celebrate his birthday with him, together.

Your hand was raised, your knuckles ready to rap against the door to his room when you heard the sound of moaning, a bed squeaking far too loud to be acceptable, and the quiet murmured curses of a man. Immediate embarrassment consumed you, your body turning hot as you turned to walk away, shaking your head to yourself. Taehyung was clearly busy, and you were sure that you’d never hear the end of it if you interrupted what he was doing.

Sheepishly laughing to yourself, you took a deep breath, preparing yourself for the adventure you’d soon have of finding Jimin on campus, but your laughter was cut short when you saw Taehyung walking down the hall, his backpack slung over one of his shoulders and his head lowered as he looked into his phone screen. “Tae?” You asked, your head tilted to the side, silently praying that you were wrong, that it wasn’t Taehyung who was walking over to you, that it was just someone who looked uncannily similar.

“Oh… Y/N? What are you doing-” His eyes immediately dropped to the presents in your hands and his head fell back, a low groan escaping him. “Shit. It’s Jimins birthday. Do you think he’d mind that I forgot? I’ve been so busy with homework and…” He droned off, slipping his key into the lock of the door, somehow not hearing the noises in the room that only seemed to be getting louder, or maybe they were getting louder now because the door was being opened, and you couldn’t help but turn your head and look inside. “What the hell…?” Taehyung whispered, his and your eyes unable to look away from the scene that looked like it was straight out of a porno.

Jimin cursed under his breath, the sound way different from what you had heard behind the door not too long ago. “Christ… Do you even knock? Why’d you bring her with you?” The way that he acknowledged your presence had your heart sinking into your stomach and in its place rose a rage that you had never felt before. Anger, resentment, humiliation, despair, all of these emotions and more balled up into a clustered tumbleweed. “She wasn’t supposed to find out.”

The presents that had been in your hands dropped to the floor, your feet pulling you away from what felt like a crime scene now. You weren’t supposed to see him doing that, you weren’t supposed to find out. Did that mean that he had been doing it longer than you thought? It surely seemed like it, and now the only thing you wanted to do was run away, to hide in your own dorm room underneath your blankets and never show your face around campus ever again. That’s exactly what you did.

“Y/N! Y/N!” His voice called out from behind you, his footsteps much faster than your own as his legs carried him closer to you. Closer and closer until his hand reached out and was placed on your shoulder, the both of you breathless from running. The tears that had begun to fall clouded your vision, but you knew exactly who it was. “Don’t run away from me… I don’t know why… I don’t… I-”

A loud sniffle escaped you, your breaths shaky as you turned to look at him, blinking away the tears that were still building in your eyes. “Did you know?” Would he be honest with you even if he did know? Would he actually tell you the truth? Him and Jimin had been friends much longer than he and you had been, and you wondered what friendship was more important to him. He still had to share a room with Jimin at the end of all this, so deep down, it felt like you already knew the answer to what now seemed like a pointless question.

Taehyungs head shook fervently, his eyes going wide as he looked at you. “I didn’t. I didn’t know about this at all. If I did, I would have told you, trust me.” It was a funny thing for him to ask of you. Trust. How were you supposed to trust anyone at this point after what you had just seen? It truly felt like you were incapable of trusting anything or anyone, especially someone who’s so close to the person who had completely obliterated your trust in the first place.

“Yeah… Sure…” You muttered, wiping the tears that streamed down your cheeks with the back of your sleeve. “I’m going home now… Please just… I want to be alone. Respect that?” You didn’t want to sound harsh, especially since he was the one who had chased after you. He could have just left you to walk home by yourself, to leave you with the bundled ball of emotions that you were internally fighting with. He could have gone and congratulated Jimin for being the way that he was like most fuckboys would. He didn’t though. He ran after you, he went after you, but none of that changed the fact that you wanted to suffer through this by yourself right now, you wanted to deal with the embarrassment that he caused you, the pain that he caused you, alone, in your own bed, in the comfort of your own dorm.

Taehyung nodded slowly, his hand slipped away from your shoulder as you started walking again. His footsteps weren’t heard behind you, he didn’t call out your name to try to bring you back. He was letting you go because you told him to, and a part of you wondered if that was a dumb idea.

10+ missed texts, 5 missed calls, 3 new voicemails. All of them from Jimin. You refused to open any of them, you refused to answer any of them, and you refused to listen to any of them. There was no reason to. There was nothing he could say that would make what he did any less awul than it was, although you’d love to hear his excuse, love to hear what he’d say to try to dig himself out of the hole he dug for himself. Still, as much as you’d love to, you didn’t let yourself do it. You knew that if you read his texts, if you listened to his voice, it would draw you back in and you didn’t want to be that girl. You weren’t desperate for love, and you definitely weren’t desperate for love from someone who had cheated on you.

1 new text from Taehyung, the message had your phone vibrating in your hand as you checked the time. He was checking up on you, something that he did hourly, every single day. The texts were coming more frequently now than even when you and Jimin were together. “Coffee?” It wasn’t the typical message that you’d get from him, but the thought of going out with anyone right now had your head hurting. The idea of getting coffee seemed too date like, and the last thing you wanted to do was go out on a date with anyone.

“No thank you. Maybe another time.” You responded, turning off your phone and sliding it to the far side of your desk, not wanting it to distract you from the work in front of you any longer. You had what felt like a whole month's worth of homework to do, all of it lined up on your desk and demanding to be done.

Your phone vibrated once more, and with a loud groan you picked it up, ready to yell at Taehyung through text for distracting you. “We can go out another time, yeah… But I was just dropping you off some coffee. I’m sure you need it.” Then your phone vibrated again, a picture of the floor in front of your front door and a carrier with a cup of coffee in it. Your heart seemed to move up an inch from the depths of your stomach, almost like the small act of kindness had your heart ready to return to its original place in your chest.

Pushing yourself away from your desk, you ran to your door, throwing it open just in time to see Taehyung turning the corner. What hadn’t been in the picture was the small teddy bear that was now sitting in the middle of the carrier, a helium balloon attached to its hand. Get Well Soon, the balloon and the small shirt the bear was wearing read. You couldn’t contain the small giggle that escaped you at the message, it was so common to see things like this in hospitals or when someone was sick, but not in situations like yours.

You quickly brought in the deliveries, removing the coffee from the carrier before moving into your room again, placing the bear on your bed and grabbing your phone to take a photo of him. “I guess they didn’t have a bear tshirt and a balloon that says ‘Sorry Your Boyfriend Cheated’?” You texted him along with the picture of the bear, a newfound smile on your face as you continued to stare at the little plushie that had found a new home on your otherwise empty bed.

“No they did not, and trust me, I looked. Joking. I don’t want to keep bringing that up. I just want you to feel better. Anyway, I hope you like your coffee. Drink up.” His text had come in almost immediately after you had sent yours, almost like he was sitting on top of his phone, waiting for you to ask him about the bear. It was… cute. He was being cute… No. No, you couldn’t think that. You shook your head quickly, throwing your phone onto your bed and turning your attention back to your work, not wanting to give the thought time to embed itself in your head. He was Jimins friend, he was Jimins roommate… You couldn’t let yourself see him as anything but a friend, it would be too weird.

There you sat at a small table in the back of one of the campus coffee shops, right across from Tae. It had been a month since you had broken up with Jimin, although you had never officially broken up, you didn’t really want to talk to him after what he had done, you just thought that he would know that in a perfect sequence of events, a break up would be inevitable after what he had done, after what you had walked in on.

You didn’t really have much to say to Tae though, and while he had, in a way, been your lifeline when you were going through everything, when your emotions were raw and you felt like your world was crashing down around you, you didn’t really know what to say to him in person. “I think your coffee is stirred really well now…” He said, attempting to make some sort of lighthearted conversation. His smile was faint, but he seemed to really be trying right now, although you were unsure of what it was that he was trying to do.

“I’m sorry…” You mumbled, letting go of the little straw and watching it twirl around the edges of your cup. “I don’t think I was ready to come out today.” You posed, your lips pursing as you felt the crushing weight of defeat become even heavier. You were letting your emotions defeat you, all while Jimin got to do whatever he wanted. He wasn’t bothered by the breakup, he wasn’t bothered by anything at all. His world, his life, was perfect right now. The star that he had created of himself didn’t seem close to burning out, it only continued to shine brighter with every new post that he made, every new follower and subscriber that he got. He would never feel the repercussions of what he had done.

Taehyung sighed, drumming his fingers against the table top as he looked around the small cafe. It was practically empty, not a lot of students came in during the early afternoon on a weekday, most of them were in their classes. “Talk to me…” He murmured, his hand twitching slightly across the table, as if he were trying to reach out to you, but he quickly dropped it, sliding it back over to his side and letting it slip off the edge onto his lap. You shook your head, lifting your drink up to your lips and taking a long sip of the coffee that was still billowing steam, but you didn’t mind the heat, you were using it as your reason for staying quiet. “Come on, Y/N. You’re never going to be ready to come out, you’re never going to get better, if you stay silent.”

It was annoying, he was being annoying, and while you knew that he didn’t exactly mean to be that way, you couldn’t help but get frustrated at him, slamming your cup down on the table. “What do you want me to say, Tae? I’m overjoyed? I’m fucking ecstatic that I lost my boyfriend… And it wouldn’t even matter to me this much if I didn’t lose him the way I did… It wouldn’t matter if I didn’t have to see him every fucking day on campus while I’m getting to class. But it does matter… Because every time I see him, every time I see that stupid, cocky, arrogant fucking smile on his face as he struts around like his shit don’t stink, I can only think of all the fucking pain he’s caused me.” You took a deep breath, trying to control your rapidly beating heart and the sudden boost of adrenaline that was coursing through you from finally being able to let all of that out. His eyes were wide with shock, clearly never having seen you like this, he had never heard you say the f word so many times in one sitting either. He was stunned into silence, his mouth agape as he tried to think of something to say himself, but words failed him as he simply stared at you. “I’m sorry… I really shouldn’t be here anyway… I shouldn’t have gone out with you today.”

The sudden motion of you pushing away from the table to leave had him coming back to reality, his brain shifting into gear once more as he quickly moved to follow after you as he had done in the dorm hallways on Jimins birthday. “Stop… Don’t leave. You don’t have to apologize for what you’re feeling, I get it. I shouldn’t have pushed you to talk about it, that’s my fault… I just want to see you get better. That’s all I want for you.” It was so easy for him to say, so easy for him to want that for you, but it was a lot harder for you to actually get better, and that much he must have known.

“I really just want to be alone, Tae. I appreciate you trying, but… it’s harder with you around. The only reason I even know you is because of him and… You’re a direct link to him and I don’t think that’s good for me.” You could hear the thick lump in his throat that he attempted to swallow back, his adams apple bobbing up and down as he continued to try, but he was silent, like he was trying to process in his head what you had said to him. You knew that it was hard to understand, but you weren’t only doing it for that reason… You were doing it because you knew that the more he tried to help you, the greater the chance would be that you’d fall for him, and that was something that you couldn’t risk happening. The last thing you needed was to have another relationship, let alone a relationship with the roommate of your cheating ex. “Thank you for the coffee. I’ll see you around.” You nodded to him, your teeth gritted as you turned on your heel to walk out of the coffee shop. A part of you was expecting him to run after you, it just seemed to be his forte, but the little bell above the coffee shop door never rang out again. He wasn’t following you this time because you had told him not to, because he respected your wishes, because he cared enough about you to not want to be the reason for even more of your pain.

Walking into the dorm room, he tossed his bag onto his bed and let his body fall down onto the mattress right beside it. Two weeks since you had left the coffee shop, and two weeks since he had last heard anything from you. Of course, he hadn’t attempted to reach out to you either, but it was only because you had practically told him to leave you alone. He didn’t want to push you to the edge, especially since he could visibly see just how hard things were for you the last time he had seen you. He wasn’t going to be the one to break you completely. He wasn’t Jimin.

He wondered if it was as hard for you as it was for him to see you around campus, maybe you didn’t even notice him when he walked by, the way his hand would twitch in the pocket of his hoodie, wanting to reach out to you, even wanting to simply wave to you, but he knew that even that could be too much. Did you notice him at all, or were you too focused on potentially seeing Jimin just so that you’d be prepared to avoid him? He wanted you to notice him, he wanted you to see in his eyes just how much he missed you, but you didn’t even cast him a glance as you walked by, moving in separate directions towards different buildings on the opposite ends of the grounds. Would there ever be a chance for the both of you to simply talk again, or was all of his wishful thinking and hope filled dreaming for nothing?

“Are you just going to lay around all day? I have someone coming over to be a guest on my vlog, so I kind of need your side of the room to look halfway decent.” Jimin said as he walked in, not even offering up a hello as he made his way over to his own side of the dorm. Things had gone sour real fast after everything that had gone down with you, Taehyung had lost all respect for him, canceling his part in the vlogs because he wanted nothing to do with Jimin at all. Even though Taes fame had waned, it only seemed to make Jimins fame rise up, and with the rising fame came an even more hideous ego. “I’ll be taking that one girl from the cheerleading squad out to the bar too, and you know what that means. I don’t really know where you’re gonna be, but I was hoping that you won’t be here by the time I get back.”

Anger, bubbling up and boiling over the more Taehyung had to listen to him. He wished that he didn’t have to, and he had already tried to get out of seeing him completely, but there were no open spots for roommates in any of the other dorms since it was only the middle of the semester. “I’m barely here, Jimin. My side of the room is clean. It’s not my fault you can’t respect the line in the center of the room and keep your shit out of my side.” Taehyung grumbled, pushing himself up off of his bed and grabbing his backpack to sling over his shoulder. “I don’t know who you’re bringing over, and I really don’t care, but I’m hoping that she’ll be out of here by the time I get back. Some of us have classes to get to in the morning and need some sleep.”

Jimin hummed softly, but he was snarkily amused with Taehyung, a smirk stretching across his face as he walked over to him, their chests practically touching, the toes of their shoes touching once Jimin had finally come to a stop. “Oh… Taehyung… Your animosity is showing.” He chimed, his voice mockingly high pitched as if he were admonishing a small child. “I get it. You made it obvious the day that it happened the way that you feel for her.” His hand raised up, and for a moment, Taehyung was prepared to defend himself against whatever might be coming, but instead, Jimins hand landed on Taehyungs shoulder. “It must be hard that the girl you’re in love with is so blinded by a star that she can’t even realize the one that’s burning out right behind it. Such a shame. If you’d like, I can tell you what she was like so that you can try to imag-” The sentence would forever go unfinished. There was no way in hell that Taehyung would let Jimin finish whatever it was that he was trying to say.

In an instant Jimins hand was shrugged off of his shoulder, and then Taehyungs fist was connected to Jimins face. “I don’t want to hear her name out of your mouth again.” He hissed the words through clenched teeth, his other hand coming up and hooking to land against the other side of Jimins face. “It’s all your fault. You hurt her and you don’t even care. You don’t even care that she’s suffering and it’s all your fault!” His voice got louder and louder as he continued to ramble, his words becoming incoherent as his frustrations overwhelmed him, his voice cracking as his throat tightened up, his fists continuing to swing and connect with Jimins face even after he had already fallen to the ground. He didn’t even notice the group of spectators that had gathered around the room, trying their best to look over the shoulders of the first ones who had shown up, their cameras held high hoping to get just a glimpse of whatever it was that was going on.

Your phone vibrated on your desk with a notification, one of your classmates had gone live on Instagram, and while you never actually watched them when the notifications came up, you were bored out of your mind, and you couldn’t think of anything better to do, so you clicked on the notification, your eyes going wide as soon as you saw the live feed on your screen.

Everything on your phone was moving so fast, but your own body was stuck in slow motion as you ran to the door, slipping on the first pair of shoes that you could get to and grabbing your jacket, rushing out of your own dorm building and going straight to the boys dorms. The video was still playing on your phone that was gripped tightly in your hand, the scene of Taehyung practically pummeling Jimin etched into your mind, and it didn’t seem like it would be erased anytime soon.

The closer you got to the building the louder the video seemed to become… Except it wasn’t the video… It was the sound of everyone in the boys dorm building trying to see what was going on in Jimins and Taehyungs room. Obviously it had caught a lot of attention with the amount of people who were now streaming the fight live on their Instagrams or Youtube channels. Most of them were titled “Jimin getting his ass kicked by Taehyung” but others were more click-baity and had you rolling your eyes.

“Move! MOVE!” You shouted, slipping your phone into your pocket and trying to maneuver your way through the crowd of people who had filled the hallway from wall to wall. “If you’re not going to help, at least get out of my way!” You hissed to the people who refused to move. Your heart was racing and your adrenaline was sky high, through the roof. You needed to get into that room, and you assumed that it must have been something greater than your own boredom that he made you click on the livestream notification just a couple minutes ago.

“You didn’t deserve-” You could hear some of what Taehyung was saying through the loud screaming of the sea of people around you. It pissed you off that no one else was helping, that no one seemed to be even slightly worried about what could happen to either of them. If Taehyung got in trouble for this, the punishment would be awful. Jimin… Who… While you didn’t exactly care for him in the way of loving him, you still didn’t want him to be beaten to death, but that was just because you didn’t like the idea of any human dying.

“Taehyung!” You screamed his name as you finally pushed through the last person, stumbling into the room and seeing Taehyung practically straddling a bloody faced, almost unconscious Jimin. “Stop! Stop it!” You shouted once more when his arm pulled back once more, clearly not having heard or even realized you coming into the room. Running over, you dropped down to your knees beside him, wrapping both your arms around him to try to keep him from landing any more hits. “Stop, please…” You whispered, breathless from the physical exertion it took just to get you to where you were now. Your head fell forward, your forehead leaning against his shoulder as you tried to catch your breath, but you could feel his body relax in your hold, a clear indicator that he was finally done with his attack.

“What are you doing here?” He whispered, his chest rising and falling heavily, his breaths coming out raspy and harsh as he leaned back enough to look at you. You simply shook your head, not wanting to look at him yet, your eyes instead trailing down to his hands, his knuckles covered in blood that was obviously Jimins. His own eyes followed yours before moving to Jimins face that was bloody and bruised. A quiet gasp escaped him, shocked by his own actions, and he quickly jumped up to his feet.

Jimin was still breathing luckily, but his body was limp, and if you didn’t know any better you’d have thought that he had no life left in him, but his fingers twitched and his chest rose and fell heavily. “I saw it… On someone's story…” You murmured, glancing between Jimin and Taehyung. “I needed to stop you before someone came… Before something really bad happened.”

His eyebrows lowered and his eyes narrowed as he shoved his hands into his pockets as if he was trying to hide the evidence of what he had done, even though the evidence was laying right there on the floor. “You came here to save him?” He muttered, and for some reason, he seemed annoyed by the prospect of that, but you quickly shook your head, your mouth lips parting as you tried to find the answer to his question.

“No… I came here to save you.” You whispered, taking one step closer to him. “I mean… I don’t want him to die… But I also don’t want you to get in serious trouble.” You looked past Taehyung at the people that were still standing around the door to the room, the lot of them going back further into the hallway, their murmurs of annoyance that you had stopped the fight getting louder. “You saved me… You’ve been there the entire time for me through everything and… And I just couldn’t face the fact that I was starting to… Catch feelings. I was scared…”

He let out a soft chuckle, his head dropping as he shook it, his hair falling and creating a curtain around his eyes. His mouth opened to speak, but just as he was about to the paramedics rushed in, followed by the police, creating another scene of chaos that would surely be live streamed on someone's instagram story.

“Did you enjoy your break?” You teased, greeting Taehyung at the campus cafe that you had been frequenting alone since everything had happened. He rolled his eyes, but his smile gave way to how he was really feeling, his bags dropping to the ground as he walked over to you with open arms, pulling you against his chest as his lips pressed against the top of your head. “You didn’t miss that much while you were gone… It’s been the usual.” You mused with your face buried in his chest, but it started to vibrate in response to your nonchalance, his arms squeezing you tighter.

“I missed a lot while I was gone, actually.” He said, letting his hands slide off your back to place them on your upper arms, stepping back and looking you over with a fond smile. “I missed you.” With a soft sigh and a tilt of his head, it looked like he was seeing his entire world in front of him, the twinkle in his eye sparkling brighter the longer he looked at you. “How have things been since I’ve been away though. Has anyone tried to talk to you… Has he tried to talk to you?” You could see his body tense up at the mention of Jimin, but you quickly shook your head, easing his mind instantaneously.

You slid out of his hold to grab one of his bags, slinging the backpack over your shoulder and smiling at him as he watched you with amusement. “We can talk back in my room. You’ve been gone for three months… Which is a pretty small amount of time considering the damage you’ve done.” Taehyung shrugged his shoulders, almost smugly, as if what he had done wasn’t that bad, or maybe he just didn’t care about the damage he had done, maybe, deep down, he was wishing that he could have done more. “Not much has changed though. He’s still famous… Even more so now actually. You’ve got your own group of fans though…”

His eyebrows lowered with confusion as he looked at you, his steps slow to match yours as you talked on the way back to your own dorm building. “I have fans?” He questioned, scoffing in disbelief at what you had told him. “I don’t see why I would… I didn’t do anything good.” He shook his head, slinging his arm over your shoulder to pull you closer as a group of students walked past. “I just didn’t like what he said. But, I have you now… So I guess I got something good out of doing what I did.” He chuckled, the sound sarcastic and almost incredulous. He was still shocked at the fact that you had gotten with him after seeing him that way.

The two of you had started dating a month into his suspension, and you spent most of your weekends off campus, meeting him at different restaurants or at the mall, literally anywhere that the two of you could be together. It had taken a while for him to open up and tell you exactly why he had attacked Jimin the way he did, almost like he was embarrassed by it, but when he did finally tell you what had set him off, you completely understood why he didn’t want to tell you at first.

Hearing from him that he liked you, that he liked you enough to pummel his own roommate for attempting to talk shit about you, it made you accept your own feelings that you had been harboring towards him for so long. Along with the acceptance came a bit of guilt though. If you had accepted them sooner, would he have done what he had? Would he have had a reason to attack Jimin the way that he did? You weren’t sure, and before you even had the chance to question your thoughts further, he had stopped you, telling you not to worry about any of that, as if he could see into your mind and knew exactly what it was that you were fretting over.

It was crazy, but ever since the day that you and Taehyung had started dating, everything seemed perfect. It was almost like every negative emotion that you had felt before disappeared completely. There were no feelings of mistrust when it came to Tae either, deep down you knew that you’d never have to worry about him hurting you the way that Jimin had. His love for you was evident in everything he did, in the way he moved around you, the way he spoke, even the way he texted, you could feel all of it and you had never been happier, not even when you were with Jimin.

“So, you never told me what dorm room you’ll be in… Are you going to be in the same building?” You asked, dropping his bag off by the front door of your own dorm room as you both made your way inside, moving straight to your bed and sitting down. He shuffled nervously beside the door, his eyes looking anywhere but at you. “What? Don’t tell me they roomed you with him again… That would be nuts.” His eyes went wide momentarily before shaking his head, sheepishly walking over to sit next to you on the bed. The way he was acting was strange, and it had you on edge, a feeling that you didn’t even get around him that day.

“I don’t… Have a dorm.” He mumbled, rolling his thumbs as he stared down at them, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly before looking up at you out of the corner of his eyes. “So…” It seemed to drag on for so long, your stomach dropping with every word that he said, with each of his hesitations. You weren’t sure what he would do if he didn’t have a dorm to stay in, and you knew that he couldn’t stay in your dorm with you, even if you didn’t have a roommate at the moment. “I got an apartment right off campus. I did some work for my parents during my suspension to make a bit of money because I kind of had a feeling I wouldn’t be let back in any of the dorm buildings… And I got an apartment. It’s nothing big or fancy… It’s only got one bedroom, but it’s nice.”

A big boxy smile adorned his face as he looked at you, but you couldn’t help but glance over at the bags that the two of you had lugged all the way up to your own dorm room, the question repeating over and over in your mind before you finally said it out loud. “If you already have an apartment, why did you bring your bags?” Your head tilted to the side questioningly, and you saw in the bright sun shining in through your window his cheeks turning pink, the shade becoming darker and darker with each passing second. “Tae…?” You pressed, leaning over so that you could try to see him better, peaking your head under his own that was still staring down at the ground.

“I was just wondering… I know it only has one bedroom, but… I was wondering if maybe you’d want to live in the apartment with me…?” He whispered, his nerves on edge as he waited for your response. He was clearly nervous, and you were sure that you had never seen him look as shy as he was right now. His question had thrown you for a loop though, and his question still didn’t answer the question that you had asked him before, so you motioned with your hand over to the bags that were still sitting beside your door, your eyebrow raised as you continued to look at him. “Oh… I uh… I brought those… Just in case you wanted to move some of your stuff in with me today…”

He bit his bottom lip sheepishly, now staring right back at you, counting down the seconds in his head until you said something, anything would be better than silence right now. “You’re crazy…” You murmured, looking between him and the bags, now realizing that they were empty. It made sense why they had been so light though. “I don’t think you’d be able to handle living with me, Tae… We just started dating only two months ago… Don’t you think this is kind of quick?”

His shoulders shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “I’m sure that I can handle living with you. It’s not something that I’d even feel like I have to handle, it’ll just be something that I can enjoy.” He leaned back on your bed, his back hitting the wall and his head tilting up to look at your ceiling. “We’ve only been dating for two months… But how long have we known each other?” It was a rhetorical question clearly because while you didn’t know the exact date that the two of you had met, you knew that it had been well over two years based on how long you had been with Jimin. “You know that I’d never push you to do something, so if you don’t want to move into the apartment with me, I’m okay with that. You can visit whenever you want.” His head rolled forward to look at you, one of his hands reaching out to caress his fingers along your cheek. “And if you’re unsure of what you want to do, there’s no rush to make that decision either. I still have to get a couch.”

He always knew how to make you feel comfortable, he always knew how to make you feel like you weren’t being pressured to do anything. The choice was yours, the ball was always in your court when it came to things of this type of importance, and he’d never make you do anything that could possibly make you feel uncomfortable. Not only that, but he always found a way to add something lighthearted at the end, just in case his words potentially had you stressing. There was no need to stress when you were with him though. He was easy going, he was laid back, and his goal at the end of the day will always be the same, just as it was before you had been dating. He wants to make you happy, and he’ll do everything he can to do just that and keep it that way. “I’ll…-”