#bsdnikolai

before you could react, something sharp struck the back of your neck. the last thing you saw was a masked figure stepping from the shadows, his mismatched eyes filled with glee as you lost consciousness.

╰──╮ ╭──╯

cold stone scraped against your cheek as you regained consciousness, the dim light making your head throb. you tried to move, but the heavy chains on your wrists clinked, biting into your skin. your body ached as if you’d been here for days - how long had you been out? as your mind cleared, so did the reality: you’d been captured.

the door creaked open, and a figure stepped in. Nikolai Gogol, the madman of the Decay of Angels, was watching you with an unsettling grin, his red-and-green eyes glinting with a morbid sort of joy.

“oh, look who’s awake!” he chirped, stepping closer with a swagger that bordered on a dance. “good morning, sleeping beauty!”

“what… do you want?” you managed, your throat dry and sore.

“oh, I have everything I want right here,” he replied, eyes glinting. “just a nice, leisurely chat. don’t you feel abandoned here? all alone?”

your heart sank. days passed, blending into each other in a fog of darkness and silence. Nikolai returned daily, toying with you, leaving food and cryptic remarks that wormed their way under your skin. he didn’t need chains; his words bound you in doubt and mistrust. slowly, against your will, his voice became the only anchor in the empty days.

one day, Nikolai crouched in front of you, eyes sharper than ever. “tell me something, my little stray dog,” he said, voice almost tender. “did your family at the ADA ever tell you that you’re valued? that they’d come for you no matter what?”

you clenched your jaw. “I don’t need your mind games, Nikolai. I know they’ll come. I trust them.” he smirked, but there was something pitying in his eyes. “is that so?” he leaned closer, his breath warm against your face, mere inches away from your lips. “trust is such a fragile thing. you know, I could offer you something the ADA never could: certainty.”

the way he said it felt wrong, like he’d practiced it. and yet, doubt whispered at the edges of your thoughts, blurring the lines between his words and your fears. was it really so certain that they’d come? the days felt longer, the walls closing in. you began to imagine yokohama continuing as always, the ADA moving on without you, distracted by new threats, new missions.

on the sixth day, or perhaps the seventh, you finally snapped. “why do you care if I trust them or not?” you asked, voice sharp. Nikolai paused, tilting his head. because my dear…” he whispered, leaning close, “I can give you a purpose. not one where you’re just another cog in the machine. you could be something more with us.”

you looked away, but his words coiled in your mind, unsettling.

if they had truly cared, if you truly mattered, where were they?

╰──╮ ╭──╯

the rescue was sudden. after weeks of darkness, blinding lights filled your cell, rough hands pulling at your fragile body, their voices urgent. familiar. “you’re safe now,” they whispered. Dazai’s voice, calm yet distant, filled your ears. safe. the word felt strange after weeks in captivity.

the ADA brought you back with concern written across their faces, asking about injuries, comfort, and health. but they asked so little about you. did they even realize how long you had waited? the bitterness gnawed at you, a seed that took root in the emptiness left by their silence. Kunikida was first to greet you, his eyes heavy with regret. “i’m sorry it took so long,” he said, but his voice sounded flat, almost rehearsed. you nodded, words caught in your throat. how could you explain the dark, lonely days, the sound of your own doubts echoing louder than any scream? you forced a small smile, slipping back into your role, but part of you felt ghostly, like you were already half-gone. their faces blurred, their voices hollow.

everyone welcomed you back, and you returned the gestures, slipping into your familiar ADA persona, while something colder and sharper brewed beneath the surface.

you met Nikolai in secret, each time passing on information about ADA’s plans and weaknesses. every meeting felt like peeling away another layer of your old self. at first, it felt like betrayal, but gradually, it became a thrill - an intoxicating mix of power and control, knowing you were one step ahead of everyone around you.

after one meeting, Nikolai grinned, handing you a card with a cryptic note. “you’re a star, you know that?” he said. “they’ll never see you coming.”

back at the ADA, you slipped into conversations with Dazai and Atsushi, gathering intel while pretending nothing had changed. each piece of information became another offering to the Decay of Angels, a way to solidify your alliance and remind yourself of your new path. everyone is dumb… dumb… dumb. the chant echoed with every secret you leaked, every mission you undermined. but with each success, the line blurred further. the ADA trusted you completely, their faces open and warm, their words still laced with loyalty and friendship. was their blindness naïveté, or a reflection of the trust you once shared?

one day, during a mission debrief, Atsushi caught your gaze, eyes worried. “you seem… different,” he said. “are you sure you’re alright?”

the worry in his voice almost cracked you. for a moment, the cold bitterness faded, leaving only a hollow ache. “i’m fine, Atsushi,” you lied, forcing a smile. “just… tired.”

he nodded, though his gaze lingered. he didn’t press any further, but the doubt lingered, a reminder that your path was lined with lies.

╰──╮ ╭──╯

the Decay of Angels’ grand plan was ready. you were the key, the trusted insider who would lead the ADA into the heart of the trap. Nikolai’s voice in your earpiece buzzed with excitement. “this is it,” he whispered. “the grand finalé. don’t you feel *alive?*”

alive. the word felt distant as you led Dazai, Kunikida, and Atsushi into position, every step driving you further into the betrayal you’d once promised yourself you’d never commit. the ADA followed, loyal as ever, their faith in you unshakable.

as you reached the target location, Nikolai’s instructions echoed in your ear. “now, slip away, dear. the ADA won’t know what hit them.”

you hesitated. Dazai was scanning the area, his expression sharp, focused. Kunikida was checking his notebook, strategizing for any unforeseen circumstances. Atsushi gave you a small, encouraging smile, his trust evident in his eyes.

the chant echoed louder: everyone is dumb… dumb… dumb…

but suddenly, it felt wrong. were they truly dumb, or had they simply trusted you without question? how could they, after all you had done?

the seconds ticked by, and the weight of your choice settled heavily in your chest. the ADA was your family - had been, at least. and the Decay of Angels was a force of chaos, driven by motives you could barely comprehend.

Nikolai’s voice crackled through your earpiece, impatient. “any day now, darling. time is ticking.”

you looked at Dazai, at Atsushi, at the faces that had once meant everything. the ADA had abandoned you once, yes, but was that reason enough to forsake them entirely?

with a breath, you moved, finally making your choice.

but alas, where there is free time, there is him smirking casually , swaying away his hands over yours, and in the heat of moment you book is gone.

"Enough with the confused talk Gogol, hand me the book" You stated, as you streached your hands outwards to take away the book from him.

"Nah-uh, you always spend time on paperwork by Fyodor, and here you are owning such a free time, you choose to spend it read a book over me?" Nokolai stated dramatically, as he disappeared the book inside his cape.

"WAIT NO-"

Nikolai could only give off an innocent smile.

"You why?" You said as you tried to throw some punches at him. Sadly he wasn't ready to give up just yet.

"GIVE IT TO MEEE" You weakly battle cried, as you tried to punch him despite the fact you were worn out from everything by now.

"Well maybe if...."

"Fine Fine, what is it?"

And most of the time he made sure your eyes, soul and attention always was on his to which he went to every extend an abnormal ability user could do.

You free? Lets disturb you <3

You are growing flowers? Lets make sure they are replaced with fresh ones from the nursery, I mean why grow them?

You are talking to anyone other then him? The audiency! He makes sure the shoes are untied and that their car is set in reverse gear.

"Gogal! You cant just scare away my clients!!" "But Y/NNNNN its not my fault that they are taking more time to leave then usualll"

"Nikolai Gogol, where the hell are you taking me?" You said, as you walked in front of him, his hands over you eyes as the world in front of you was dark.

"Ah-uh, now we don't want to ruin the fun do we?" He replied back, his face just beside your ear, as his breath could be felt on your face. The distance between you two was close and you swore, if Fyodor saw this state, He would be the first one to laugh off.

Slowly, his hands went back to his sides, as you opened you eyes wide, staring at the sight. It was breathtaking except

you both were on an edge of a cliff.

"Nikolai- where?" You said, as you held onto the man now, the fear of falling down scared you. If you ever wanted to die, you rather not die from heights.

"Isnt it pretty Y/NNNN?" he says, as he helds you close, his arms around your body secured, even if there was no sense of security because you both could fall off any minute.

"IT Is but- Can we just go somewhere else?"

"Awww I thought you liked the view?"

"Yea well I would if we just back away a little" You said, as both of you backed away, the sight still in view as the sun settled down.

"Y/N-"

"Look!" You suddenly pointed at the land far away excitedly, as he followed his eyes towards where you pointed out, "I DIDNT KNOW WE HAD AN AMUSEMENT PARK!?"

"Wellll RIDDLE ME!" He shouted, as he spun around, laughing meniacly asking "Do Ms Y/N Perhaps wanna visit it?"

"Could me?"

"Only if you want"

You laughed a little at his response, his goofiness over the place as you half ran towards him and hugged him, only for him to spin you around until dizziness caught the best of you and you fell onto the ground.

"So Y/N, wanna check it out?"

"Is that a date Nikolai?" you playfully asked.

"Yes"

Oh how that word make you feel butterflies and bees in stomach.