hiss hissss

(hoping this shows as transparent)

we need more dazai osamu being an awkward mess ... ♡  —  dazai x gn!reader

⠀⠀⠀⠀how odd ...

⠀⠀⠀⠀the port mafia didn't leave room for the weak. he knew that better than anyone. as the boss' right hand man, he knew he was one of the smarter kids his age. he'd toughed out much harder battles, than this, strategised through far worse.

⠀⠀⠀⠀and yet, he was brought to his wits end by a very, very common problem ... his crush was in tears.

⠀⠀⠀⠀ you, in your teary state, were sitting on a park bench beside him, sobbing as you curled up into yourself. you barely reached his nose (he liked to say he couldn't see you, he definitely could. too much., actually. he couldn't take his eyes off you). and the only word he could think of to describe you was ... cute. for the first time in his short life, he's felt an inexplicable urge to cling to someone, despite everything. he knew you'd be torn away from him the minute he got to close, the second he got complacent but even then, he couldn't help be drawn closer each time he sees you.

⠀⠀⠀“im sorry you had to see this,” you mumbled. you were crying over an argument. “i was hoping to wait a while before i cried, but ... i couldn't help it. im so sorry.”

⠀⠀⠀⠀at the moment, you face was red from crying, nose especially so from all the tissues, eyes were bright with tears. the only sound between you was the soft noise of sniffling and the eventual tears that flowed back. it felt pathetic, how little he could think of to say at the moment.

⠀⠀⠀⠀he could feel his hands twitching at their sides, itching to be doing something, he wasn't entirely sure what. he'd never recieved any form of comfort. he lived in a shipping container for god's sake and the only visitors he had there were stray cats in the dock looking for fish. when he was sad, he'd merely pet them. they'd all gotten familiar with him after a point, and they purred like engines when he gave them any attention. he vaguely remembered that petting stray cats calmed them down so ....

⠀⠀⠀⠀before he could even think twice, his hand was right on your head, gliding through your hair, where it stayed, drifting through your locks.

⠀⠀⠀⠀“wh–what?” he looked up from the strands of hair. she seemed to be looking at his hand ... “what are you doing, ‘ai?”

⠀⠀⠀⠀ oh. oh god.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀it was only now that he noticed that he was practically petting you like a cat ...

⠀⠀⠀he pulled his hand back into his lap as fast as possible, as if he's been caught stealing. he seemed to be trying to play it off with a distant expression. it wasn't working too well, however. his ears were far too red to be fooling anyone.

⠀⠀⠀“sorry,“ he replied curtly. “i thought it would help.“ he was picking at his nails as he did.

⠀⠀⠀a moment of painfully awkward silence hung over the two of you as dazai looked away in pure embarrassment and you looked back with confusion.

⠀⠀⠀next thing he knew, you'd had grabbed his hand again, placing it on your head, right where he previously had.

⠀⠀⠀“i liked that. do it again,” you grinned.

⠀⠀⠀and he obliged.

i swear, when i first read stormbringer and Murase appeared - that one ray of light who could have pulled Chuuya to the other side - i was ready to cry

and i did cry when that bright little ray of light went out. everyone who wanted to help Chuuya ended up dying.

i really think Chuuya was always drawn to the light. he’s a man of principles and honor, and that makes him a good person at heart (and that’s also one of the reasons why he can’t leave the mafia). in the ada, he would be valued as a human first, not as a weapon. he could have built a good, happy life there

Kafka-sensei once mentioned that Chuuya could have run away with Dazai, and that would have been really interesting to see!

in the manga we can see how upset he looks, so it feels like he wanted to leave together with him too. Dazai is the one who brought him into the mafia, and in many ways Chuuya is loyal to him more than anyone else. they have limitless trust between them, and Chuuya had a similar chance, but he never managed to walk toward the light. in the end, Dazai left to change himself, and Chuuya accepted it, wishing him the best

Chuuya is the only character i truly sympathize with, and his story really touches me. in the end, he will probably become the next boss of the mafia, which makes me a little sad (even though i understand that it would make sense). he went through so much pain - he deserves the best

my rendition of the dead apple poster 🖤