#bsd chapter 111

he owns the line "you can't kill me" in all eras like a goddamn king

[ID in alt]

when characters with very carefully crafted personas begin to crack and expose the truth behind the mask. nikolai, who has spent the entire time he's known fyodor plotting ways to kill him, is horrified when he actually sustains a life-threatening injury. and not only is this the first time we see him express an emotion like this, but he's also stumbling over his words - both verbally and internally - which is not something Nikolai does. he's confident. he's smug. he's a clown and the world is his circus. he's a performer and the mask stays on for everyone.

until fyodor's death is real. he never expected fyodor to be the one to die. he brought a radio with him to celebrate. he wouldn't do that for dazai. he claims he wants to kill fyodor, and he probably thinks he does, but he also didn't truly believe it was possible. he set a goal he didn't believe was achievable. except it was, it is, and it's happening right now before his eyes and--

Look at Gogol's expression, the resigned sorrow as he accepts that he never reached Fyodors heart the way Fyodor reached his.

Look at their different reactions to seeing eachother, Gogol is extatic to see Fyodor and puts on a huge display for him, both his love for him as his "true friend" and his desire to kill him. But Fyodor seems completely uninterested in either, honestly he looks like he just wishes Gogol would leave him alone.

He says nothing to Gogol explaining his motivation and keeps that bored expression as if Gogols philosophical struggle could not be less interesting to him. Heck even Dazai shows more interest then Fyodor does.

In fact, the only thing that makes Fyodor show any interest in what Gogol is doing is when it gives him a chance to kill Dazai, he only sees value in Gogol when he has some strategic benefit for him.

Fyodor is entirely focused on Dazai throughout the whole discussion, he pretty much ignores Gogol entirely, only focusing on how he can use this opportunity to eliminate his biggest threat.

Gogol's care for Fyodor is obvious, he says multiple times that Fyodor is the only one who ever understood him, but he never once implies that he thinks Fyodor cares about him, only that he understood him. He knows Fyodor doesn't share his feelings, and since Gogol surrounds himself with what causes him the most pain I'm sure that this only made him more attached to Fyodor.

Anyway this post was mostly just meant to outline how Fyodor and Gogol feel about eachother in cannon, I think with this latest chapter we can definitively say Fyodor never cared for Gogol as a person, making Gogols tragedy even deeper

DOSTOEVSKY'S WHITE NIGHTS SPOILERS AHEAD

you, a genius, sent by god with a seemingly situational ability causing instant death, are stabbed by your zombie follower and the man who jumps into rivers for fun, who you watched be shot in the head just walked out and smirked at you.