closed starter for @brighteds
winter air chewed on the edges of her fingers, on the tip of her ruddy, freckled nose. it nipped and suckled. a puppy weened too early, shaking just as jude did. her narrow frame didn't tremble from temperature, but with fear — fear of being caught, traipsing through the rain past quiet hours. fear of the dark, threatening to swallow her up as she approached the abandoned boathouse. fear of the male she'd invited to meet her there, perhaps looming in that same terrifying blackness. a soft sigh of relief escaped her as she entered the shed, still alone, leaning back against the splintered door. to the left of her, she caught her own gaze in the warped reflection of a metal beam. it widened her features, gave her eyes like a bug and an expanded, lopsided mouth, but she couldn't help herself from wondering — was this distortion what she really looked like ? was this what other people saw when she peered up at them ?
was this how todd — the sketchy rehab nurse with the bridge piercing — beheld her visage as she let him finish in her mouth ?
hands dug into the front pocket of her hoodie, pulling out a tiny bag with four brightly-colored tabs nestled inside. this wasn't what she wanted. wasn't what she'd been promised, nor claimed to have access to. then again, jude should've known better than to trust her roommate when she said she had a connection.
the idea of disappointing sid made her gag even harder than the reality of what she'd done to obtain the substance. there was no feasible way to apologize for misleading him. what an awful precursor to their impending ( at least as far as jude was concerned ) romance. it made her throat ache with a discomfort, a sharp anxiety. like swallowing razor blades. please don't be mad. please don't be mad. a piece of her hoped sid wouldn't even show up. that he'd somehow missed the note she left for him, conveniently on the table he sat at every single afternoon during dinner. better yet, he could've ignored her invitation all together. it took everything in her not to litter the post-it in hearts and stars, not to doodle a little stick figure, not to yammer on and on about how badly she wanted to see him. she'd kept the message short and simple, hoping to appeal to him.
boathouse ? 9pm. -J
she'd also ( poorly ) drawn a melting smiley face in attempt to identify her shortcomings, but uneasiness still churned in her stomach. if she knew anything about cocaine, it was the harsh sting of when it wasn't available. and rolling was surely no replacement. armed only with their mutual desperation for release, jude jumped away from the door as someone else pushed it open. her features were painted with guilt as she willed herself not to smile upon recognizing his face. " hi. "
