#brie larson x reader

"Everything in life is worth fighting for every person, every family, every one's dream , everyone's happiness, everyone's peace, everyone's heart; every race, gender, sexual orientation be happy we live in this world were the darkness can chance us down if it lets you so stand for the people around you when you something wrong happening give someone a smile its worth a million a bucks, give someone a hug its worth a million smiles, make sure some ones okay its worth a million hugs. Don't be afraid of what others think be brave, be strong, be hopeful and everything will work itself out"- Y/N Y/L/N

At the age of 18 you start getting called to be a jury, But for me it was the age of 11 and it wasn't a juror it was a plaintiff or witness I don’t remember. I didn’t look too much into it, I just prepared to testify against someone I loved. My mother yes I loved her she might be the devil wearing human skin but I still cared about her. Now that I think about it from where I am at in life now  I most definitely didn’t love her.  I remember clearly sitting next to John wearing a black dress. (It’s funny how things come full circle because I stopped wearing dresses and I forgot why but while writing this I remembered that I have bad memories around it.) I don’t Remember  much about the courtroom. My therapist has taught me how to block most of this stuff out so that I don't have to deal with the nightmares anymore. But one thing that is permanently burned in my head is when My mother walked in except she didn't look like my mother this time she looked like she was a serial killer. She still looked like the woman who raised me but I could see an evil in her eyes, an evil I hope to never see on my  own. An evil that everyone else thought would appear in me. That was until I started my new life I mean people know me know my mom but I’ve learned how to just let it be that’s why I’m writing this book I want people to relize that I hat her as much as everyone else maybe ever more sure I didn’t title this I’m glad my mom died which is what I wanted to but Jeannette Mcurdy took that title before I even thought about writing this. Anyway She was clearly drunk and high. The words that I remember is when the judge asked,  

"how i knew the defendant." 

John said, "She's the daughter of the defendant."

My mom shouted out, "Daughter I've never had a Daughter. I've never seen this person a day in my life."

I looked down at the ground knowing all the bad stuff that my mom had done but this person was still my mom. The person that used to let me cuddle her when I was sick on the couch. What had I done wrong to the world that made this be my life. I don't want anyone else to have to go through this pain; it's enough trauma for a lifetime that nothing can fix. I thought of the reason I had said theater to John when he asked me what I wanted to do. I said it because I wanted to use a stage to echo my voice for anyone in the world who was hurting or atleast where I lived for now. One by one the witnesses went on the stands until it was my turn. John wasn't the lawyer but I had refused to have anyone but jhon ask me the Questions.

John asked  "Hello Miss. Y/L/N  where did you find out all of this stuff? "

"Hello sir in these diarys of  my moms she wrote everything shes ever done in these she also gave the location of where she hid the bodies," I looked at the jury, 

“Everyone hates there mother once they hit double digits thats been going on for a while I would never want to do this to my mom even if she had bailed me out of jail when i was six like a good mother i would still do this when someone loses a loved one it's the hardest moment in that person's life they will go to eveery end to just get a small amount of clojure  to these families whom my mom has killed the loved ones of clojure  to the man whom my mother had me with closure to the kid i use to call my bestfriend and flirt with whom is actuall my sister closuer for me to know its okay to date both boy in girl but its not okay to cheat and murder them and i hope that god can forgive my mom one day but I know that shes my mother and shes done alot of bad stuff I would still fight to the end of earth to hear her say once in my life to me that she loves me. But i know that will never happen. my mom isn't a bad person. she's the one who let me cuddle with her when i was sick,Would turn my radio up when my favorite song would come on, Would turn on christmas movies because she knew they were my favorite this woman that stands before you today is not my mother she has her face but she doesn't have her heart the woman was not whom I knew my mother to be and in my head it's going to stay that way because im 11 and i've already gone through more trauma then most of you adults can say you have been my mom has killed several innocent people and I want to give those people that have gone through that trauma happiness for once in their life. Sir i hope that answers your question If it doesn't too bad to sad but Im not staying another minute in this courtroom with the worst mother in the world," I turned towards the judge, "fax me the information once you guys find out pls," Looked at john, "your the only true parent i've had for now john your welcome to thanksgiving any time," Turned to the jury, "thanks for your time," Turned to my mother,"Go to hell." I replied 

Sometimes I regret the decision I made that day. I mean she was my mother and I’m not condoning her behavior but pepole make mistakes 

Trauma defention: an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape or natural disaster.

My definition: the years of lies and pain my mother put me through.

My life starts simple; While At Least I thought. You see the story I was told growing up was. My gorgeous, beautiful, Intelligent Mom met  my Handsome, Funny Dad and fell in love. They got married and then they  had me. It was the Exact American Dream, It wasn’t Gatsby and Daisy. My Dad and I were best friends. They Made me realize who I would want to marry. We were always going to be that perfect little family. Although that’s where the happiness ends. The rest isn’t  good, though how much stuff do you think can happen in 9 months? less than a year you're probably thinking not that much. Well trust me a lot can happen, my mom did everything a person could do to ruin my life before it even started. But for you to be able to know that part of the story you will need to wait till I'm older, like I did. 

Born into a Christian and Catholic family, and when I say that I mean it my dad was the youth group pastor and my mom was well she said she was catholic that should have been my first signal. That all being said, I was raised to have pride in my family and to love god. I met my childhood best friend at church. Her name was  Ezra Lee. She was named after a colonial Soldier from the 1800s. He was supposedly related to her. The first memory I have is of me and her playing in a sandbox 

. . . . .

"Hey, I have to go to the bathroom." I said to my best friend Ezra Lee  

"Okay I'll wait here." She said back to me

. . . . .

Looking back at this event makes me look at how simple our lives were, You see we thought that we would always get to have this perfect life and in a way her stayed okay or atleast better than mine. I ran into her a few years ago. She was in New York for New years and she had stopped at an ice cream shop in time square. I'm still not sure if I was happy to see her have the life. We both always dreamed about. We had promised each other that we would set each other on blind dates were we would meet our husbands and we would be the others kids' Aunt. But given that was back when I thought I was gonna marry men we were clearly wrong because now I’m writing this while my wife is sitting on the couch watching a romcom. I guess things never go according to plan anyway. Back to the past I realize How happy we were. How innocent  we were. It also makes me question why I didn't realize what was happening around me. It should have been obvious to me but I guess that when you're a kid you're oblivious of what happens around you. I mean it was normal for our  parents to leave their kids in their backyard alone at the age four but then again we were kids and this was normal to us. I have very few memories of being a happy child but I do remember this next fairly clearly. Because it has affected the rest of my life. You see in Colorado I was told by my mom that the normal age to lose your Virginity is 6. So the next part isn’t really going to affect a lot of my life but at the same time it has everything to do with the family I’ve built for myself. 

At a young age I did not only have feelings for the boys at my school but also the girls being a christian I thought that this was wrong. It might be that as an adult it's still hard to tell what's true and what's not but this one thing as a child had a big influence on my life. I remember being five and dating this girl back then dating was more like being best friends. When you're a kid you make a lot of mistakes; But I never thought that I would make this one. As a Preschooler and Elementary student I was considered a bit of a player, and to be honest my friends and my partner still think I am. I would chase the boys around and tackle them and kiss them I would pay them to date me; and like every player I cheated.I was at five and at spring break camp and went behind this boy that i still had a crush on named Christopher to get a crayon to color with, and I saw an opportunity my mind raced back in forth between his back and my lips, Back, lips, Back, lips. This was my opportunity so i sized the moment and  leaned down and kissed him. This was the end of everything. 

I was  popular or so I though you see I didn’t relize that people only liked me because they were scared of me, not because people liked me.blooming back I would have been scared of me too I was a lost kid who didn’t understand how to deal with emotions. Not only that but I had ADHD and Autism you see people love me because I’m diffrent now. But kids are scared of they don’t understand. You see I was like “Young Sheldon.” But my parents didn’t want me to be but you see she liked me she made an exception.she accepted me as an equal not someone to be feared atleast that was until I fucked up. You see she was the one for me the one that I had just messed everything up with. The day that we went back to school everyone in every grade was talking about what I had done. I didn't realize what I had done wrong (I mean it was a elementary relationship those don’t even count right; well apparently they started to count somewhere along the line. But I should also let you know that most pepole in Colorado lose there V card bettween the ages of 5-9  I didn’t no matter who I liked. I’m old fashioned I wanted to wait till marriage. That didn’t end up happening but once you have it with the person who you marry it’s not the same. You feel a spark of deepest emotions and regrets finally being released.) until I saw her and I felt this pit in my stomach grow. 

I walked up to her but kept staring at the ground and said "hay" 

she didn't not respond 

I started to say what I wanted to say and then the bell rang so I said to her, "I'll see you at recess. I want to discuss this."

I made it through the rest of my day with my head down until recess when I got outside I ran up to her smiling. We started to walk around and then I said, "we need some privacy to talk about this." so we moved to where no one could hear us.

She said, "Why did you do it?"

I responded looking down at the ground and kicking the dirt with my feet, "I don't know June."

June responded to me by saying, "Was it a dare?"

A part of me wanted to lie to her and say yes but the mature side of me developed and came out and said,"No."

She responded, "Why did you do it then?"

"I don't know but trust me there's not a bone in my body that doesn't want to take it back and doesn't regret doing it." I said as A tear fell down my face i quickly got rid of it in hopes that she wouldn't see it 

She told me, "How can I trust you when you cheated on me." ( by the way the only thing that I did was leaned over and kissed this kid on his back)

"I don't know what i was thinking." I said I took a pause to catch my breath so that I wouldn't cry and finished by saying,"I don't know if we can have the same level of trust but I will try every day for you to forgive me as long as it takes."

She stood up and Said "I don't think it will be i don't think i can trust you ever again."

"I love you." I said looking straight into her eyes making sure we both were making eye contact. ( I didnt love her because at this point in time I don’t know what love was. My  gorgeous family is across the room; As i wright  this and I don’t fell the same about her as I do about them. But at that point in time I thought I loved her things changed)

"And I hate you." she replied

I just stood there not knowing what to say. I wish I had said something because it might have saved me from these next words but then again I don't think anything could have as the two words I never wanted to come out of someone I loved mouth.

she said, "were over."

My world went dark I ran away crying and that pit didn't leave for a long time neither did the me not smiling and me not laughing and me not being happy it all went away for a very long time. So did the popularity the same day as everyone saw me being vulnerable and weak. I lost it all. Yet did I know that this was just the start of My Trauma as a child. This day ended everything good going for me or so I thought. You see for a long time I thought that no one else would care. But little did I know that there was someone having a normal life in Sacramento California. You see I was 8 when this happens which means she was 6 and attending the American Conservatory Theater which is located in San Francisco. See it’s weird saying all this because we have an 8 year old and a 6 year old right now and I just am so happy that there lives will be diffrent then ours. Anyway The next thing I know I was in the principal's office everyday. I remember one day Threatening to kill a kid and I was down in the office when the principal walked in. 

"Hello Jefferson," I said

"Hello Y/N," He replied 

"Can we just get this over with," I snarkly replied

"There are some people here to talk with you." He said in stern voice

I looked behind him expecting to see my parents but what I saw wasn't that It was two police officers. One started talking to me.

"Hello Mrs.?" one of them asked

"Y/L/N" I said

"Well Mrs.Y/L/N Im John. Will you come with us please," He asked

"Why?" I said standing up

"Hay SIT." He yelled as he pointed a tazer at me 

"Your not the boss of me." I said

Everything went fuzzy and black The next thing I knew I was getting taken out of the school in handcuffs and being put in the back of a cop car. It turned out they thought it wasn’t John though it was an officer who got fired shortly there after. I went to the station and waited at the station until they called my mom. I could hear the call. 

John asked,"Hello is this Mrs.Y/N/L ?"

My mom replied, " Yes, who's this?"

"This is officer john," He said well smiling at me

"What you want officer," My mom said 

"Well I have your daughter here, we need you to come pick her up." John said

"Yah no That's not gonna happen." My mom said and hung up.

I was seven and this isn't even the worst of it. I Stayed in that jail cell till anyone in my family would pick me up. Sadly no one ever did it was 1 year and 9 months until I saw my mother again but she wasnt there for me she was being arrested herself. They didn’t really have room for me in the officer area but I made that cell my home. I just don’t know how permanent it would become. 

I chuckled in my head and said in my head "that's where I got it." 

She had been there for a few days to get clean. The officers John, Peter, Liam, Roy, Rodger, Rodney, Zack, Kyle, Steve and Tony all treated me like family, not like a prisoner but like one of them. I remember Liam coming over to my cell and sitting down to play cards with me.  Well playing he told why my mom was there how she got caught high and selling drugs, how she was already wanted for being a sexual predator. Do you think this is enough trauma yet? Yah I would have too if i were you, but my life had other plans. They found my father 2 months later. He and my mother had split once she had started getting into drugs and when he found out that she was a sexual predator. We Were happy for 2 years. When he started drinking I was 10. When he started drinking he drank so much that some nights he wouldnt even be home when I would wake up. He would abuse me and I didnt know what to do. So one day I went to the police station and ran straight into peter. 

"Hello peter," I said

"Hay chipmunk. why are you here?" He said

Them  he looked at me and saw the bruises they kept me there until they arrested my dad for abuse. They gave me 2 options. I could change my identity and become a foster kid or I could live with my grandparents. I said i wanted to live with my grandparents and they drove me their  and gave my stuff to my grandparents thats were I lived until College. It was 1 year later I was 11 and I had to make a family tree i kept bugging my grandparents to tell me about my family but they just would ignore it. 

Until  one day my grandma set me down and said "do you really wanna know about your family," 

See I mean I really didn’t need to know because the assignment was done already as this was 9 months later. Which they used to keep me knowing because everything I mentioned happened in 9 months and a little bit before than.

I replied "yes"

"Okay sit down Me and your grandpa met in college and fell in love. your mom met your dad's brother and his friends in highschool, and your mom is a bit of a psychopath. You see she killed them, she stabbed most of them and burnt a couple alive. With the help of your father's ex wife. Who I think you know because she was your childhood best friend's mother .  Your father and your mother met in college in therapy. Your father for the death of his brother and Your Mother for mental help. They started dating, got married and got pregnant with you. The first four months she slept with your fathers ex wife.  You see your father and her got married Junior year of high school and were only married for only two years. Your father did not know they murdered a bunch of people in those 4 months about 43 people to be percisis they broke up to hide from the cops they got plastic surgery to not look the same so that the

 cops wouldn't find them. They weren’t that’s smart of people your mom never had been but the only time she was smart was when her sisters pet died or when she was getting in trouble you see she was always in the principal's office. ( wow just like me) After they broke up Your mother started hooking up with your fathers father, your grandfather your mother killed, your fathers mother your grandmother. Your mother slept with a highschooler 14 years old that kid was. The next was 17, then 12, then 9, then 10, then 5, then 4, then a 15 year old. She  wrote in journals that she couldn’t stop because they always made her fell so good. (I still question if this is why she kept on touching my legs when we were laying together.She always wanted me to sleep next to her. Another thing that only the cops knew for a while I find it hard to talk about is that my dad told my mom to go into the bedroom so they could do stuff she grabbed me and said can she come too.My dad stopped her and said no.) but she  kept those kids  in the basement of a house only she and no one else knew she owned .  Well she was still with your grandfather. your grandfather and her used to do drugs ( later on I also I found out that they would drug my dad and do drugs of off him and have sex on top of him while he was drugged.)in his son's house well he was at work at this time your mother had been pregnant with you 7 months. She stabbed your grandfather well sleeping  next to him. Blew up the house with the kids in it and then once your father found out she was doing drugs he checked her into a hospital to get her clean and make sure you were okay. they stayed married tell you were 1 to make sure she wouldn't do drugs during this one year he caught her cheating on him with the man you called dad for the rest of your life and divorced her your mother set her ex girlfriend up with your father they had your sister also and named her Ezra if I’m right she way your  best friend thats why they were always over there your dad divorced her when she cheated out him with your mother and the man you called your father. So did you really wanna know your family history?" she  asked me

" how do you know all of this," I asked

she pulled out a bunch of journals and diaries "because your mom wrote everything down."

When I said trauma I ment trauma. This drove something deep down in my core. You see I had always wanted to be a cop to give families the justice that they needed so I headed to the police satiation and ran into Johnson arms crying I could breathe I finally told him everything and . I showed them all the journals I stayed there for the night. The next day we went to the location where my mom had hid all the bodys that stupid bitch kept track of everything. My dog is even better at hiding his bones in our bed. Although I  was praying that they didn't find anybody, once we started finding bodies we never stopped finding the bodies there were too many too count. It guess she hadn’t stopped after I was born. I looked down in shock Crying. I walked up to John. 

I didn't know what to say but I said Cryinging " I want a normal life again. Everyones gonna look at me diffrent. I know that can't happen now but i'm willing to prove against my mom wrong. I feel bad for all these families but I want to do something normal.". 

John and I had a talk along with my grandparents and we decided that it would be better to have me be homeschooled. So that the bully wouldn’t get to me. It didn’t but I still struggled. I would go to the local store and people wouldn’t sell stuff to me. I was outside playing in the street and a car pulled up. It was the parents of the kids they had come to yell at me. They said I shouldn’t deserve to be alive and that they should look both me and my mom up. My grandfather came out and stopped him.

John wanted me too atleast stay near kids and I said theater actually what happened was. 

"Like what?" John said 

"I know i can't go to school yet because they don’t trust me and that i need to be acclimated into normall that’s why im doing homeschool but maybe( I looked down a saw a poster for a theater production at a highschool for Chicago there was a hot girl on the front wearing only a bra and pants.) i could start with doing theater." I said (hopping there would be hot pepole)

That's when this career choice started. That's when I made the first decision that I can remember. I arrived there that morning as a 12 year old left feeling like a 30 year old; With back issues needing a back massage and foot rub but that was all after my moms went to court