#breathingout

My real friends know the real me. 

I have this awesome and fun circle of friends, which I really treasured most because without them I think I will not easily survive my first year in college with the absence of my parents, who calls me badang or lesbian in English for fun. Probably because:

1.I usually wear t-shirts, jeans and sneakers. Since the University where I am studying doesn’t have a prescribed uniform so obviously we can wear whatever we want (as long as it doesn’t violate the dress code of our school) and most of the time we are just walking from colleges to colleges to attend our classes for the whole day so I must use the clothes that I will be most comfortable wearing of. And also I really do not have many blouses kasi nga I’m so into shirts. I rarely wear dresses, I only wear girly outfit occasionally. And for the footwear, I wear anything as long as it is flats. If only slippers are allowed in the campus (haha).

2.I am one-of-the-boys and I have lots of ‘boyfriends.’ I’m not a playgirl or  what others call one of the b*tch. What I meant is that I have many friends that are boys. I am really comfortable with my boys maybe because I really want to have a big brother biologically so whenever I meet good boys that were older than me I automatically call them ‘KUYA.’ What I like most about being one of them is that I’m the princess of the group. Everyone’s there to protect you, teach you what are the real nature of boys are and the meaning of their gestures towards girls, they got to give you lots of freebies, they will never backbite nor back stab you,they will frankly tell you about their observation towards you, and you’ll surely feel what it felt to be loved and given importance.

3.I am really into sports. I play badminton and table tennis since I was in my late elementary years ‘til now and because of these I get to meet new faces and friends, which are usually boys, just by playing. I love watching games and I easily understand its mechanics even when it is my first time to watch it. Maybe it was mostly because my father also loves sports and he usually brought me whenever he watches those games, it was some sort of spending our quality time together. And for me boys are cooler when they play sports, as in REAL SPORTS.

4.I don’t usually use girls’ stuff. Headbands? dress? make-up? lipsticks? trimming the eyebrows? I am really not into that. Why? simply because it’s too girly and I am not comfortable applying those highly needed some self-discipline and it should be a routine so it won’t work for me. But I really love PINK.

5. I was never demure or maybe demure is an overstatement. I just wanted to point out that I never acted girlish whenever I’m with them probably because it is the real me and I don’t want to act as someone else in front of the people who knows me well.

I know they’re just teasing me. It’s the nature of barkadas to say stuff recklessly to one another without thinking that MAYBE at some point they did hurt someone. At first, I didn’t mind them at all but as time passes by they never stopped teasing me. It comes to the point that I became conscious to myself. Whenever I am with one of my lady friends, I seldom imagine if I looked like lesbian to others who saw us and I really hate it. It made me appear like I don’t know even myself and it sucks. I don’t want to come to the point that I will doubt myself if I really am a girl. Perhaps the most difficult thing in life is in doubting who you really are. I never dreamt to experience identity crisis. I myself know that I am a girl, straight, but maybe if this will continue my system will be conditioned and automatically become one.

PS. How I wish mabasahan ninyo ni friends kay 2:19 am na ko ni nahuman, anyway way gasugo nako. Di man gud nako kaya iestorya sa inyo kay di ko gusto maingna’g guilty tapos mudako nasad ang estorya. Ug naa may run-on sentences and incorrect usage of grammar pasensyos kay wa ko gamatter ana honestly.