If you, like me, are just done reading what’s out of 17776 for the 8th time you might want to also look at Breaking Madden, honestly just think CarBoys but Madden and in article form.

All starts with;

https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2013/9/5/4691010/breaking-madden-clarence-beeftank-jaguars

Born in 1937. Parents were a rhinoceros, a Sherman oak, a wheelbarrow full of graphite, a ray of light that shone through the clouds, a fulfilled prophecy, a buried time capsule full of set-and-baited mouse traps, and a real big ol' dude.

Was encouraged to play football at age 10, when he chanced upon a mannequin at the clothing store wearing a shirt with the words "FOOTBALL GAME" and a drawing of a football on the front. He talked to it for hours, and it never told him he was too round for this world or that he shouldn't eat the plastic bologna rings.

Played college football at DeVry, where he studied poetry. He finished with a GPA of reddish-gray.

Dislikes taking the subway, not because of any particular phobia, but because whenever the car stops and nobody gets off, he feels terrible for the train operator.

Refers to liquids in plural, i.e., a glass of milk is "a glass of some milks."

Breaking Madden is one of my favorite things on the entire Internet, and I don’t like football. Or Madden. At all.

Jon Bois is, quite simply, one of the funniest bloggers alive. And his twenty-three separate attempts to utterly destroy the systems of any given Madden game are consistently hilarious, and slightly horrifying.

There was the time he created a monster named BEEFTANK, who Bois described as a well-meaning buffoon who refers to milk in the plural, as in, “a glass of some milks.”

Or the time he made a team of godlike Seahawks with the best stats possible and pitted them against a team of Broncos with the worst stats possible, then tried to make the Broncos score a single touchdown.