#borderline meme

i'm struggling with bpd too, and usually when i'm feeling, idk, normal? like when i'm feeling just alright i'm calm and composed. and when i get not normal i start getting extreme. i either get really chaotic or i just shut myself away from the world and just get eerily silent.

so i had an exam recently and well i tanked it. this has nothing to do with the question, i'm just providing some context.

so when i was returning home on the schoolbus, i got like really hyperactive? manic? idk.

the schoolbus was crowded with people and i couldn't move and i was already wearing a mask which feels more like i'm muzzled and then i sort of lost it? i think. in my opinion, i did.

i got very loud, though i had to be loud as i was wearing a mask, so let's just say i got louder than necessary. and i was talking about sex a lot, which is something i don't really care about, but i still try not to bring up sex around my more prudish friends. and i was also talking really quick. i might have overshared too, about some stuff that i don't remember. i usually don't tell people anything about what's going on in my life, so anything can feel like oversharing to me.

anyway so here's the question. was all this thanks to my bpd or was it something else? was this some other, lesser known symptom of bpd or was it something else entirely?

yours truly (do people say that?)

a really confused and uncertain follower in need of validation.

ok so first and foremost: I am not a professional, but I have been living with bpd at least since the beginning of puberty if not longer

This, to me, sounds like BPD mania (or hypomania), and it sounds like the trigger was tanking your exam.

From my experience if something really bad happens, or I'm experiencing a really low mood swing, my brain will counteract it by getting super hyperactive - or manic. It's like your brain sees that youre low and goes "oh no, i gotta send them happy juice" but since its a bpd brain it WAYYY overcompensates.

The best way i can describe it is like a baby version of a bipolar swing. If you're bipolar you'll experience at least two weeks of a depressive episode, and then to counteract it your brain will go into happy overdrive and you'll get manic for at least two weeks. bpd does this just super fucking rapidly. (again, disclaimer: this isnt 100% scientific but its a gist of the reality)

My best advice i can give is don't let it fall into the cycle of:

I am super fucking sad->send happy juice-> become manic -> overshare -> freak out that you were 'acting weird' -> self isolate -> being alone causes bpd sadness mood swing -> send happy juice -> reach out to friends bc your manic -> overshare -> etc etc etc