- i want a new brain ! i want a new heart ! im sick of feeling , failing and falling apart ! i want the courage to make a new start ! time after time i flip from fine to failing and falling apart ! -
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so i'll keep dancing along to the rhythm, the stage is a prison, a beautiful nightmare, a war of attrition đ€
couldn't unhear the music box melody that caramel has so...music box dancer vessel for your feed đ€âš please do not repost without permission! thank you!
i intend on getting this (drawn by me) tattooed on my flesh prison somewhere... thinking my right hip bc i have some space there . this song makes me feel like someone else in the void recognizes me and sees me and lnows what it feels like to feel so entirely insane in your own bones .
(song is damaged goods by @narcissistcookbook please go listen to myth if you haven't yet!!k
thinking this morning about how when i come out to people as trans they just open up their arms and hug me . every single friend ive told . always . every time . they hold me . maybe it's because i look so scared every time , or maybe because they know how evil the world is , but there is nothing like a hug from someone i care about to tell me that it's okay to be me and that i am loved regardless .
one of my "kids" at work , her mom and my mom went to hs together . so she's not that much younger than me , but she's still my kiddo .
gave me the biggest hug after looking at me and going "um...bitch, i know" and smiling . she will probably never know how much it means to me to be seen like that. .
people like her make me wonder why i was ever scared to tell anyone .
i know not everyone is like that . and she's just a "kid" . but sigh i haven't felt that good about my inevitable unclosting in a while
case...they could never make me hate u baby <3 that's my BABY !! i intend on drawing "my" case (i know he has a name and stuff but like he's me soooo...) but um what the fuck was that and why was it the best campaign in years?!?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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wearing my binder to work for the first time and feeling like a god because between this and my apron im fucking FLAT dude . the euphoria ??? is INSANE . i could cry . holy shit
When I Watch the World Burn, All I Think About is You (4)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
âŠwas an Arizona Ranger, wouldn't be too long in town â he came here to take an outlaw back alive or maybe dead, he said it didn't matter he was after Texas RedâŠ
Mojave Radio blasting from Elliottâs Pip-Boy 3000 is the only real sound in the middle of the day, when all of the creatures are too tired from the scorching sun to be out and chirping, the occasional coyote grumbling from its den the only real break in scenery. Itâs a terribly long walk to The Strip from here, and Elliott is already starting to feel it by the next afternoon. His body, while young and agile, is not what it should be for his age. An injured knee as a child which never healed properly makes it difficult to make these long treks through the desert repeatedly, but he doesn't complain.
Revenge in some form was served the previous night, cold and on a silver platter, unto Caesarâs bastard Legion.Â
He would soon serve it to Benny Gecko, too.
First, a stop at Ranger Station Charlie.
After all, he's abandoned his post in Goodsprings, he may as well alert his fellow Rangers to his movement. The NCR radio he carries is an emergency one, for absolute necessary assistance, not for casual location and status updates. They stroll in off the train tracks and Elliott casts a glance at Ghost, one that says âlet me do the talkingâ, but that doesn't last very long once they're inside the small circle of trailers that makes up the Ranger Station. At some point, it'd been Shady Pines Trailer Park, but clearly in the blistering sunshine, it was no longer any such thing.
âAnd who might you be travelinâ with, Bates?â Ranger Beaumont cracks a smile as he extends a hand to Ghost for a shake and Elliott nearly trips over himself in an attempt to explain why he's escorting a Ghoul around before his brother-in-arms can ask, or notice. He and Beaumont, âMonty if weâre talkinâ up broadsâ he would say, had been in training together back at Camp Golf. Ba and Be were awfully close in the alphabet, and Beaumont was something of the older brother figure that Elliot never had. Nazareth was younger and meaner. Ghost shakes his hand, glowing tea-green fingers sticking out from underneath fingerless gloves as their palms collide.Â
âA courier. This is Ghost, he's ââ
âMojave Expressâ finest.â Ghost finishes, winking at Beaumont, who registers just what he's speaking to. âRanger Bates has been a great help.â
âWhat exactly have you been, uhâŠhelping with?â Beaumont raises a brow, his attention shifted to Elliott. If the sun didn't already leave his cheeks kissed red, he'd be flustered in the same shade.Â
âGhost here got shot in the head. Weâre trackinâ the bastard down and getting back what he stole.â Elliott nods, swallowing his anxiety about the entire situation. Watching for a negative reaction on Beaumontâs face with eagle eyed scrutiny. Mutants and ghouls aren't exactly welcome everywhere and Elliott is already pushing it these days by being the vague source of radiation he always has been.Â
âYou're fuckinâ with me, Bates. Ain't no way he's been shot.âÂ
âGhouls are a little extra spongy, in regards to bullets, it turns out.â Elliott sort of shrugs and Beaumont goes to retort a comment but chokes it back. He instead crosses his arms and looks the ghoul up and down, with more curiosity than scrutiny in his eyes this time. Elliott being the man he is, heâd never question anyone else the same way most humans do, butâŠBeaumont at least needed to understand why a ghoul, let alone a glowing one, wasn't feral and ripping their faces off at the moment.Â
âUnderstood. So, how long will you be off post? Gotta tell Hanlon something, replace you if need be.âÂ
âRight â a week, maybe?â Elliott hums, rocking back slightly on his heels. âTwo?â
âI can have one of my boys cover your ass for the week. That's it.â Beaumont murmurs, as if someone were listening, and Elliottâs eye lights up in response.Â
âThank you. Thank you, seriously. You're the fuckinâ man.â Elliott smiles, ear to ear, sharp teeth on display. Nearly canine in nature, but not quite that jagged. âIâll stop in again on my way back to Goodsprings, yeah?âÂ
âYou got it, Ell.â Ranger Bates cringes. âBe safe. The both of you.â
It's not far to the next town.
Novac.
No-Vacancy.
The sign outside blinks, bulbs flickering and illuminating the giant statue of a goddamn dinosaur that overlooks the surrounding landscape of the settlement. Green and intrusive against the sunset sky, big stupid head in the way of properly viewing the mountains, at least for Elliott. Ghost finds it amusing, at the very least.
âHow the fuck did this survive the nukes?â He laughs, patting his hand on the dinosaurâs massive tail, making Elliott roll his eyes.Â
âFuck if I know.â He states, looking up the small set of wooden stairs that enter the dinosaurâs side. âC'mon, I think they've got souvenirs in there. We can get a room, too.âÂ
His memory was correct. A man behind the counter deals in Dinky (the dinosaur, of course), as well as in ammunition on the side. Elliott gratefully purchases a fair helping of ammunition where Ghost buys himself a Dinky the Dinosaur toy. The little arms and legs are articulated, its mouth wide open, glassy, beady little eyes staring up at the ghoul with an unmatched intensity. Elliott can't deny, it'sâŠkind of cute. Its head sticks out of Ghostâs Mojave Express bag menacingly.Â
His attention is briefly on Dinky, ripped away in an instant by a familiar face.
One that he didn't think heâd ever see again.
âBoone?â Elliott says in pure disbelief as he stops the First Recon Sniper in his tracks. His hand lingers on the door handle to the entry going up the dinosaur to the mouth, and his back remains turned towards Elliott. âIt's been ages, man, how the hell are you?â
âYouâre mistaking me for someone else.â The man replies, glancing over his shoulder. âAnd I have a night watch shift.â
âIâll come with.â Elliott beams, but the man doesn't share the reaction. He sighs, leaning his head against the door in defeat at the Rangerâs insistence. âThree eyes are better than two. Five if you count Ghost, here.âÂ
âPersistent as always, huh?â Boone turns entirely now to look at Elliott. âCâmon. Need to let Manny off his shift.â
Despite the initial desire to be anywhere but in a conversation with Elliott Bates, the ex-First Recon Sniper gives in. He's not hard to convince, especially when he's seen his fair share of service time with the young ranger. They're the same age, having grown up near and around each other for some time, and it's more than easy to slip back into some sort of rhythm with him. Friendly, at the very least. The three of them, a misfit duo and the somewhat standoffish sniper, fall into comfortable conversation with little effort. It's mostly Elliott and Boone catching up, after all they hadn't seen each other since the Battle of the Hoover Dam.
Elliott had made that choice, not Boone.
Then, it quickly became that Boone was no longer interested in serving in the military.
They lost contact quickly thereafter, butâŠthose kinds of bonds, they never truly go away, even after years spent apart.
Morning comes without sleep, but Elliott (not Ghost) doesn't seem to mind. Not when it means an evening with a friend, albeit in the mouth of a giant tyrannosaur.
âYou should come with us.â Elliott murmurs, sipping on a bottle of purified water. Crunching the plastic between his fingers, listening to it crinkle. âHeaded to The Strip.â
âCome on â Iâm not emitting that much radiation.â Ghost teases as he leans against the mouth of the dinosaur, arm hanging out between two of the massive teeth. The subtle glow he lets off is more apparent in the night, a light green cast over everything, acting like a chem-light to illuminate the surrounding areas as they chat. Boone chuckles at Ghostâs musing, but he shakes his head still. The velvet of the red beret on his head catches the light, as does the symbol emblazoned on the front in shimmery embroidery floss. It reads âThe Last Thing You Never See' in black, surrounding the skull of a bear. Elliott knows it well, recognizes it as the First Recon logo, but it leaves him wondering why Boone still wears it. Heâs clearly not still working with his team, so why the beret? A badge of honor for a life he once lived? Elliott watches his response carefully, the way the sniperâs body language stiffens up as he replies.
âI can't. Iâm retired, you don't need me dragging you down. Won't be much help, I'm afraid.â Boone shrugs slightly, evading the Rangerâs eye contact intentionally. (Thatâs how Elliott sees it, anyways.) âYouâd have better luck with Manny.â
âWho? Listen -- we can use the help. Iâm going after someone, Craig, and --â
âElliott. No.â
âWhy? Really? Because youâre the best damn shot the NCR has.âÂ
âI was. You donât know what happened in between the dam and now. You scurried off before the rubble stopped smouldering at Boulder City.â
Suddenly itâs tense.
Elliott clears his throat and stands up, hands shaking slightly as he picks his rifle up from where it was leaned.Â
âWell Iâm gonna kill the motherfucker who dragged me to the Strip in the first place. Are you coming or not?â He gets up in Booneâs face, chest puffed, metaphorical hackles raised. Elliott doesnât have a height advantage, but he does have an unimaginable bravado. It doesnât rattle Boone, at least in appearance, for the sniper stands tall and proud with his arms crossed over his stained white t-shirt. Looking down through aviators even at night, a brow cocked up curiously at the Rangerâs persistence. Afterall, heâd commented on it before. Elliottâs inability to let things go. âWe can work things out. Make amends.â
â...I have a lot more penance to pay than just for not coming to find you, Elliott.â
âThen weâll figure it out. Câmon. You, me and Ghost. We put a bullet in Bennyâs forehead and burn the Tops down when weâre done?â