#bluepill'd

waking up at 4:30 in the morning and being unable to go back to sleep because i gotta sit here like a nerd listening to paratise on loop brah it's so over which btw ik alienstage literally revolves around mizi for the most part she is like the MC and maybe this is my bias/delusion but ivan is such a favorite child for vivinos i'm sayingggg i'm telling you.

wondering if paratise and nowhere are canonically published disks after his death within the alienstage universe... <- fuackkkkkkk till better get the fuck up outta mizi's arms and listen to them nightmare nightmare nightmare guilt ridden and regret filled attack onto till 5 million times imagine listening to a dead guy's music who you're responsible for the death of and you know the songs are about you <- technically nowhere is more about ivan's illness of being alley boy and his connection troubles/autism but still nowhere literally starts with the lyric "in love with you, when you were mine" and plays in the background of the song for almost the whole time i hope till just alive to listen to ivan's death disks and then kills himself out of grief and guilt and torture and loneliness lock in till you gotta lock in!!!