#blue writes

Will whines when Mack pulls away for a moment because no, don’t go, she needs more, more, more, and Mack laughs at the desperate little noise, but not meanly. He pushes some of his hair out of his face, which is kind of pointless because it immediately falls forward again and tickles her skin when he leans down to plant kisses down her belly. Will props herself up a little with her elbows to watch Mack crawl backwards on the bed, only lifting his lips up from her skin to say, “I should’ve known you’d be kind of a freak in bed.”

But I’m not, Will thinks but doesn’t say. She bites her bottom lip and lies back down to stare up at the ceiling again. I’ve never been like this about sex before. 

"I was," he replies as he takes another spine out. The pain is never as sharp as Will is expecting it to be. Hannibal's hands are soft, his movements are never prolonging the pain unnecessarily long. He is confident in his dexterity. "Among the nurses as well," he adds, fugitively darting his gaze towards Will, who arches both of his eyebrows.

"Your colleagues must have hated you."

Smug bastard, Will refrains from adding but Hannibal somehow manages to read his mind.

"Greatness often evokes that sort of bitter feelings in the others. No point in being modest about your own capacity. And trust me," Hannibal says as he takes another spine out and squeezes Will's foot slightly, as a silent way of comforting him, "back then I really wasn't modest at all. I did come to learn that attitude speaks louder than words."

Will shifts himself, his foot slightly numb from keeping it in the same position. Hannibal guesses that and gently massages his ankle, careful not to touch the area where he had stepped on the sea urchin.

"Knowing you, I have the feeling you resent yourself for stepping on that poor thing."

"I do," he agrees and buries his face in his palms, "He was minding his business. I invaded his home basically."

Hannibal knows how gentle Will is with every living critter, he would never hurt one for no purpose. He had accidentally stepped on it then crawled on the beach. He had tried to remove the spines himself before giving up and calling his name, as the venom was slowly spreading.

He had secretly found a lot of comfort in Hannibal's arms, despite complaining about being carried all the way to their little house. Hannibal had washed his foot with hot water and vinegar. He had been in so much agony that he hadn't fully paid attention to his explanations about breaking down the venom particles.

"His family will cry when he doesn't return home tonight," Hannibal said, slightly amused by his dear Will's concerns.

"Thanks, that makes me feel better. Are you done there?"

"Three more that I can still access. I will rinse your foot once more afterwards. What is left will come out by itself in time. I am terribly sorry, Will. This will be painful for a week or two."

"I was stupid, I deserve this."

"Is that the type of thinking your psychiatrist would agree with? I am actually mad at this creature for hurting you."

Will sighs and playfully kicks Hannibal with his other leg.

"How many times have you actually done this before? You seem to have it all under control."

"This?" Hannibal asks as he removes another one, "Never. I quickly searched it on google as you were on the verge of passing out."

Will blinked. Google. Great. He had to admit that Hannibal performed the whole operation like an expert in spite of doing it for the first time.

"That makes me feel great," Will says.

"It would be tremendous if you avoided stepping on other venomous creatures in the future, Will."

"Did Google recommend that too?"

Hannibal stops for a second and gazes at him.

"You can be really snarky when you're in pain. You are really in no position to be bitchy."

"Said Count Bitch himself," Will replies, not wasting an opportunity. There was something about provoking Hannibal that brought him great satisfaction.

Hannibal abandons the tweezers. He looka like he is debating whether to bite Will'a foot off with his own teeth.

"Hey, Will?"

He sounds relaxed. Chill. Amused.

"What is it?"

Every single other first overall before him did it, every single one. He’s heard the stories. 

Some picks try to fight it, a little, once they’re in the room. Apparently Dahlin had been a handful during his year. Celebrini was reportedly difficult, too, but Jumbo had found his attitude so endearing he’d taken Celebrini under his wing and let the kid live with him for his first two seasons, so it couldn’t have been that bad. 

Other guys think it’s easier if you just accept that this is part of your journey and go with it - McDavid was said to have taken that approach. Crosby has famously advocated to the NHLPA that it was a privilege to be in that situation. 

i really like kids and animals, so i like the idea of being one of the people on yavin who takes care of any animals and watches the kids while their parents do rebel stuff or go on missions. so kids become a natural part of our life. i don't need my own because every kid is mine to care for. getting to watch her figure out how to exist around them, never pressuring her, playfully scolding her if she's rude, the kids seeing how safe i feel with her shows them that she's safe too so they start getting attached in their own ways, talking through all the things that come up for her because being around kids will do that, not forcing her to become soft in a way she's not but giving her space to learn that it's safe to be as fragile and reckless as a person could possibly be if she ever wants to try.

her coming to see me at lunch when im feeding the animals, the way she'd just let me talk for way too long about how they're acting today, loving me because she knows i learned how to be gentle on purpose, the more time goes by the more comfortable she feels touching me in public the way she does at home, quiet and intentional and just for me because she knows that that's how i feel loved, helping me with the menial tasks i'd have to do even after i tell her not to, the way she's sarcastic as an obvious bit to bait me into some kind of goofy back-and-forth that i will go for every time because it makes her laugh and then i have to kiss her because jesus fucking christ it really is the only way i can try and express how much love i'm holding inside for her.

and now i'm thinking about how she kisses and god i'm so smitten like you know that she wants to be perfect at it. she wants you to feel loved and taken care of, but she's still working through how to actually feel her feelings, so it's like she has to get through that every time and is trying not to let you know that's happening. your hands on her waist, fingers curling into fabric because you just need to hold onto her, and her hands on your face or in your hair while she gets her bearings. she's so attentive so she knows exactly where you like to be touched but she's not rushing. this is just as overwhelming for her as it is for you, even if it's not building to anything. unless you're overwhelmed in a bad way, then she has no doubts, no fears, no insecurities, just "i'm here. i've got you. no one's going to take me away from you."

of course there are also days when she's very sure of herself and every choice is intended to guide you further into a somatic knowing of exactly how in control she is and how amazing it feels when that's the case. everywhere her lips and fingers move is plotted so far in advance to unravel you until your mind shuts off altogether because she's thinking for the both of you like it's a walk in the park. and she could very easily get you to beg, tease you, or be merciless, but i don't think she would. she knows you're hers and that she's in control. she doesn't need proof. she could play those kinds of games every once in a while, especially if you liked it, but her default isn't about making you earn anything or jump through hoops. it's making you feel as good as possible, reminding you she's in control and that you're safe, playing you like a fucking instrument until you have nothing left and you're just a fuzzy, sleepy mess.