#blue lives

“Listen up snowflake, it’s scary in there, I’m staying outside”

SAXONBURG, OH—Saying his naïve views failed to account for the unique difficulties of law enforcement, sources confirmed Friday that Charles Laurent, a man who criticized police tactics, did not have any idea what it was like to wake up every day and do a job that put lives in danger. “Unless you’re actually out there responding to a call, faced with the prospect that at any moment you could kill someone, then frankly, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” said local Police Chief Joshua Bennett, adding that until Laurent had put on a uniform, gotten in a squad car, and confronted a highly charged situation that he then escalated until it became violent and deadly, he ought to keep his mouth shut. “Sure, it’s easy to point a finger at police and call for them to resign. But how would you react during a tense encounter if you were an officer who spent all his time out on the streets making people fear for their safety and the safety of those around them? I’ve been on the force 20 years, and let me tell you, when you go to work each day knowing that you may be intimidating, assaulting, or even murdering members of the community—well, it’s harder than it looks.” The chief went on to say that if Laurent was so concerned about the state of policing, then maybe he should enroll in the academy and see for himself what it was like to become a lethal threat to the public.

Military Police in the region of Pará, near the Amazon jungle in Brazil, have taken to using water buffalo instead of horses because they can easily outrun criminals and manoeuvre through swamps.