#blorbo marksmanship program

While she’s doing her whole spy thing, she’d have something suppressed near silent… but also terrible at the job it needs to do (because she’s genuinely an… incompetent spy) so we’ve elected to give her a pb makarov

Firing 9-18 makarov out of an integrally suppressed gun makes it pretty quiet… but it is fundamentally a makarov self loader, (good luck hitting anything with this gal)

however, outside of being a spy, Tara markov’s justifyable rage cannot be contained by a makarov. She needs something capable of putting a lot of lead down range, ideally something agile and punchy and pretty, so outside of her tenure as a infiltrator, she gets, the deadly, the gorgeous, the undeniably satisfying: Winchester 1887 lever action 12 gauge shotgun

it seems you are well versed in MB but! heres a quick description:

These two are Baptist Christian 1920's revivalist radio hosts, who happen to speak to their friends only through an antique radio. They have the ability to "transform" into other personalities, notably sportscasters and radio psychologists! They also happen to be incredibly, unknowably powerful, by the hand of mr jesus christ himself 🙏

alright, given their affiliation with Jesus, we find it to be fitting to give them firearms exclusively designed by firearms Jesus, that being john Moses browning.

Zebulon seems like he'd have a pretty standard hunting riffle. nothing fancy, quite frankly he'd use it more like a tool than a weapon, thus, we give him the Winchester 1895

this stylish little lever gun is the perfect choice for the pig farmer turned priest. it's an excellent hunting riffle especially given their whole... vibe. it's on the wall 99% of the time.

Effie on the other hand needs something spicy and fierce. she already has a affinity for shotguns, we have elected to give her the trench gun, the Winchester 1897

Hot mess of an engineer who’s a big fan of running from his manny problems. He’s absolutely brilliant at making and unmaking things. He spent some time as a space pirate… oh also he constantly feels crushing guilt over leaving earth without the dark matter energy source he made so womp womp.

we have 3 answers for this hot mess of a guy, one: a modded to shit hk g11, the engineering on this thing would make his autistic mechanical engineering heart sing

next up, this man is not one for smallarms, in fact, he's much more one for large arms, artilery, also using an explosive propellant is so passe, like come on, if you arent using railguns what are you even doing

specificaly japan's naval rail gun america doesn't rly have good railguns

lastly, he gets our director's wife, the mateba unica. it's simple, it's elegant, it's well engeneered, its beutiful, it's in ghost in the shell, what else needs to be said, this guy would love it

Personality: Megalomaniacal, greedy, narcissistic, all around asshole and loving it. Incredibly petty to the point of sustaining a rivalry with a man for 70 years just because he was rejected by him. Loves to be the center of attention and also implicitly has internalized homophobia.

Now here is a man who only accepts the best, or at least the theoretically best, (to compensate for his lack of redeeming qualities) thus, we give him, the theoretically best small arm that has ever existed, the gun so technologically advanced that it is also known as German space magic, the gun that was genuinely made way before it’s time: the HK G11

image:

personality description or wiki link: https://mspaintadventures.fandom.com/wiki/Terezi_Pyrope

Terezi, in terms of raw, unadulterated vibes, is a teenager larping as a film noir character archatype, and what is a film noir protaganist without her trusty revolver, however, she takes the trappings and vibes from a film noir character without the asthetic and temporal trapings, thus we grant terezi the Mateba unica 6 autorevolver

specificaly the 44 magnum varient

the mateba unica is perhaps the most drop dead gorgeous firearm to ever exist, she's sleek, she's angular, she's got overcomplicated mechanisms that you see moving whenever she fires. she's an auto revolver firing from the botom chamber, in other words she's a lazer beam with out much muzzle rize. uh anywhay back to why she fits terezi

Bernadetta von Varley

https://fireemblem.fandom.com/wiki/Bernadett

tldr; she is painfully introverted. she's really docile and meek but can bite when cornered. she also has an insane tendency to get critical hits and follow-up attacks, so really good aim and dexterity. main hobby is hiding in her room, eating cake painting.

Hmm, given your description, we believe a select fire dmr is ideal, especially one ment to be suppressed, thus, we give Bernadetta the VSS Vintorez.

she’s pretty, she’s accurate, she’s light weight, and she’s select fire for those all important follow-up attacks. She doesn’t have a bayonet lug but full auto 9 by 39 is plenty of bite.

The rail is so big and covers the whole thing, it’s a rectangle, a big fucking slab of a rectangle, like this is just tacticool bait. The og rhino, while not being a unica, is so sleek and cool but this, this is just bloated. We do not suport chiapa’s choice here and will not be giving this firearm out. Here’s the original rhino for comparison.