#bloodthirst

That’s what you’d like to tell her, but it’d be selfish to drag her into your personal problems, not to mention that she wouldn’t understand anyway. You have to keep the truth behind Izuku’s Quirk a secret. All Might made both of you swear on it. Besides, even if you explained it to someone, it probably wouldn’t make you feel any better. Not when your relationship with Katsuki seems to be damaged beyond repair. 

“I’m fine.” Fortunately, you manage to hold back your tears, and you even smile for good measure. “Katsuki’s always like that. Him and Izuku really don’t get along, and because I’m so close with Izuku, he gets mad at me all the time too. I’m used to it, so… it’s really fine.” 

Neither Uraraka nor Iida look awfully convinced, but out of respect for you, they don’t try to pry any further. 

The three of you walk out of the building together, and although you tell them they’re free to go ahead, they insist on waiting to make sure Izuku is okay. He went to get treated by Recovery Girl for his broken finger, but he should be just about done by now. 

“Ah,” you perk up. “There he is.”

Izuku walks over, and despite how exhausted he clearly is, he smiles the moment your eyes meet his. If there’s one silver lining in all of this, it’s that nobody ended up being expelled, at least. Also, all things considered, Izuku looks happy. He was able to use his Quirk in such a way that Aizawa acknowledged him. If that’s not a step in the right direction, you’re not sure what is.

“Is your finger all healed?” Iida asks. 

“Huh? O-Oh. Yeah,” Izuku nods, shrinking away out of reflex. “Recovery Girl said I’ll be fine. I’m just feeling a bit tired.” 

“[Name] said you two always walk home together, so we figured we’d all head to the station as a group, if you don’t mind,” Uraraka smiles. She pauses for a moment, looking a touch confused. “By the way, which is it?” 

“Huh?” 

“Your first name. Is it Deku, or Izuku? Because Bakugou calls you Deku, but I keep hearing [Name] refer to you as Izuku, so…” 

Unsurprisingly, Izuku flinches. He’s been conditioned to have a negative reaction to that nickname. Well, not that you can blame him. If someone randomly assigned you a new name and used it to demean you for the better portion of your life, you would probably hate it, too. 

“Ah, um, Deku is just what Kacchan calls me to make fun of me,” Izuku mumbles, gaze drifting towards the ground. 

“So, it’s an insult,” Iida mutters, crossing his arms in obvious distaste. “Good grief. What’s wrong with Bakugou? Just earlier, he was incredibly hostile to [Name] as well. Has he really always been like that?” 

“...he did what to [Name]?”

Izuku immediately lifts his head up, and there’s no trace of the awkwardness or embarrassment from just moments ago. He stares at Iida, gaze firm and unwavering, and although you don’t notice it, one of his hands is clenched into a fist.

“It was no big deal,” you reassure. You don’t want to worry him for no reason. All Katsuki did was get angry at you, but that’s hardly anything new. Even if it scared you more than you’d like to admit. “He was just mad, like always. He was upset because he thinks I’ve been hiding things from him.” 

Izuku clearly realizes you’re referring to One For All, so he nods in understanding, but even as he slowly unclenches his fist, the discomfort stays with him. 

But he puts on a smile, so that he can hide it from you. 

“As long as you’re okay,” Izuku says. 

Uraraka blinks. “I’m not really sure what’s going on, but it sounds like things are really complicated. It sucks that Bakugou acts that way. But, you know, I actually think Deku sounds pretty cool! It gives the impression of never giving up!”

She grins, enthusiastically pumping her fist in the air, and you have to admit, she has a point. You never thought there was anything wrong with the nickname Deku, per se. It’s just that Katsuki made a point of constantly shaming Izuku with it. You consciously avoided using it because you figured it would only upset him more. 

Maybe it’s time to stop thinking of it that way, though. U.A is supposed to be a fresh start. Already, things are changing. Izuku has a Quirk now. He got into his dream school, and he was chosen by none other than All Might. Maybe… it’s time to finally leave the past behind. And this doesn’t just apply to Izuku, but you as well. 

“Um… I-I’d appreciate it if you didn’t use that nickname at all,” Izuku mumbles, decisively rejecting what Uraraka just said, as well as your own thought process.  

“Oh.” She looks a bit surprised, but her smile doesn’t fade. “Don’t worry, I understand if you’re not comfortable with it! So, your real name is Izuku, right? In that case, I’ll just—” 

“That’s what [Name] calls me.” 

“Oh,” Uraraka says again. This time, she actually does stop smiling. “R-Right. You two are close friends, after all. Sorry! That was rude of me, asking to call you by your first name all of a sudden. I’ll just stick with Midoriya from now on!” 

Izuku smiles appreciatively, and the four of you start heading to the train station. As always, you don’t bother reading into Izuku’s behavior. In your eyes, he’s no different than usual. Having people refer to him a certain way all comes down to personal preference, and the fact of the matter is that you’re the only real friend he’s ever had. You’re sure he’ll become more comfortable opening up to others over time. 

After all, it’s not like his world only revolves around you. 

Maybe it’s because of how stressful your first day of school was, or maybe it’s because you’ve always had an active imagination, or maybe —and sadly, this is most likely the real reason—the truth is that you’re already much more traumatized than you realize. 

Whatever the case, that night, your dreams are more vivid than ever before. 

It starts off with a familiar scene. Snow is falling from the sky, covering the ground in a blanket of white. You’re dragging your feet along in an attempt to finish your 20-kilometer run, limbs feeling as if they’re heavier than lead, when suddenly, you stop. 

Dabi is standing right in front of you. 

By the time you scream, it’s too late. Blue flames engulf your body whole. Unlike in the real world, you don’t manage to use your Quirk in time to save yourself. It’s only a dream. A nightmare. Unfortunately, in your present state, you’re not conscious of this fact. You truly believe that you’re dying. That you’re being burned alive. 

Please… someone, please. Please just make it stop …!

Miraculously, your prayers are answered. When you blink, you find that you’re completely unharmed. Your skin no longer feels as if it’s being melted off. There aren’t any burn marks, either, and it seems as though Dabi has also disappeared. 

You press a hand to your chest and take a weak, shuddering breath. Thank goodness. You’re safe now.

Except you’re not . 

The scene changes again. This time, you’re in an alley, and there’s a knife pressed to your throat. You already know all too well what comes next. Sobbing, you grit your teeth and prepare yourself for the sensation of having your throat slit open. 

But that doesn’t happen either. Instead, Chisaki appears behind the man that’s holding you hostage, reaching an ungloved hand towards him, and by the time your assailant realizes what’s going on, it’s already too late. 

You watch, terror-stricken, as the man’s body erupts. It barely even takes a second. A single one of Chisaki’s fingers grazes him, and just like that, he’s nothing more than a puddle on the ground. You blink repeatedly, somewhat in a daze. There’s a slick sensation against your cheeks, and a distinct, metallic scent filling the air. 

“I-It’s—It’s all over me,” you gasp, realizing that you’re now covered head to toe in the man’s blood. “Get it off! Get it off !”

“Shut your fucking mouth,” Chisaki growls. He slams you against the wall and holds you there, anger flashing through his golden eyes. Unfortunately, this just scares you even more, and your sobs grow louder, more agonized and desperate. 

Until finally, Chisaki runs out of patience. 

“Such a headache. All you had to do was be quiet. Didn’t I warn you before? But you didn’t listen. That’s why… you have no one to blame but yourself.” 

What follows is a strange, sickening sensation that honestly makes you wish your throat had been slit instead.The pain is instantaneous, like a wave that just crashed into you head-on. It somehow feels as if you’re being ripped apart from all angles, broken down into an infinite number of pieces. You feel everything , down to an atomic level. You can feel your existence being completely and utterly eradicated. 

And the worst part of it is that you know that if Chisaki really wanted to, he could bring you back. 

But he won’t. 

Over and over again, you die. The nightmare replays on a near endless loop, and each time, the outcome is no different than before. You don’t understand why this is happening to you. You don’t understand what you’ve done so wrong to deserve this. 

You don’t understand why you’re so fucking weak . 

At some point, you awaken, gasping for breath and choking on your own tears. It takes a while to even make sense of everything. You swear you still feel the pain. Either that or you’re being purposefully taunted right now. You’re being granted false hope, a brief respite before someone will inevitably kill you all over again. 

“...honey, are you alright?” 

It’s your mother’s voice. She must have heard you hyperventilating, and she steps into your room with a worried expression. Seeing her helps you regain your sanity a bit. It really was just a nightmare. The most frightening kind of nightmare of all.

One that could easily become reality. 

“I’m fine,” you sniffle, and as nice as it would be to just stay home and wallow in self-pity all day, you don’t have the luxury to do that. Not if you want to break out of this cycle of hopelessness. Not if you want to become a hero. 

I need to stop whining. Lots of people have it harder than me. And heroes risk their lives on the job, every single day. This is nothing. 

You forcefully push the nightmare—or rather, the trauma —to the back of your mind. As always, Izuku greets you at your front door, and together, you walk to school. Admittedly, seeing him helps. Now that the Quirk Apprehension Test is done and there’s no longer any threat of expulsion, all that remains is excitement. His enthusiasm is so contagious that you can’t help but smile. You really are happy for him. This is everything he’s ever dreamed of. 

Contrary to yesterday, you’re surprised to find that everything is so normal . In the morning, U.A has regular academic classes, like you’d find in any other high school. Rather than being bored, as some of your other classmates appear to be, you’re actually grateful for this mundane familiarity. It gives you the chance to calm down. To prepare yourself for whatever this afternoon has in store. 

“Let’s eat together!” Uraraka beams. It’s lunchtime now, and even though it’s barely the second day of school, it looks like her and Iida have already integrated themselves as part of your little friend group. Not that you’re complaining, of course. 

The cafeteria is huge, as expected of U.A. They’ve also got way more lunch options than you could’ve ever imagined, courtesy of the Cooking Hero who works here as a staff member, Lunch Rush. 

“What do you think we’ll be doing for hero studies?” Uraraka asks, shoving a generous helping of rice into her mouth. 

“I don’t know, but I can hardly wait!” Izuku exclaims. “All Might’s going to be the one teaching us. I’m so excited!” 

You chuckle softly. He’s already closer to All Might than anyone else could possibly fathom, but ultimately, he’s still a fanboy at heart. Some things just never change. 

Just as you’re about to take a bite of your own meal—which looks amazing , might you add—someone calls out to you. 

“[Name].”

The voice is familiar, and you quickly turn, only to find Monoma standing behind you. He’s not doing much besides holding a food tray, but for some reason, he’s wearing a cocky smirk. It might just be his face, though. He has a pretty arrogant-looking face to begin with. 

“Oh. Hey, Monoma,” you greet. Come to think of it, you already knew he ended up in the other Hero Department class, 1-B, but yesterday was so hectic that you didn’t get the chance to ask him about it. 

“Are these your classmates?” Monoma asks, gesturing towards the table. His eyes lock with Izuku’s for a split second, and the latter’s smile noticeably drops.

“Yep. Well, you’ve already met Izuku, but this is Uraraka, and this is Iida,” you introduce. 

“Hello!” Uraraka beams. 

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Iida nods. 

“So, you’re all in Class 1-A. I heard a rumor that you guys did some kind of weird test yesterday. And that someone was almost expelled,” Monoma frowns. “Is that true?” 

“Our teacher tricked us,” you sigh. “It was honestly pretty scary. But no, nobody got expelled. Apparently, he just wanted to push us to our limits and see how well we could do. We were evaluated solely based on our Quirks. It was like those physical tests we used to do in middle school, but this time, using Quirks was allowed. Which was… kind of challenging for me.” 

“Ah, right. Because your powers rely on other people, like mine.” Monoma scrunches up his nose, looking somewhat offended. “Well, not that you’ll ever tell me how it actually works. You just love keeping secrets.” 

“I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough,” you say, letting out a humorless chuckle—which doesn’t go unnoticed. 

Monoma frowns. He wonders if he’s reading into things too much, but sometimes, it really seems like you don’t like your own Quirk. Just based on the way you talk about it, with such tedium and visible reluctance. It’s strange. Being able to control others is a powerful ability for a hero. What’s there not to be proud of? 

“Well, if I was there, I definitely would’ve scored higher than anyone else,” Monoma proudly states. 

Honestly, he’s probably right about that. Being able to copy others’ Quirks would have been perfect for the Apprehension Test. He could’ve alternated between the most suitable abilities for each trial. His Quirk is similar to yours in the sense that he needs someone else present in order for it to work, but the difference between your Quirks’ practicalities may as well be night and day.

As shameful as it is, you’re jealous of him. Jealous of pretty much everyone, really. Jealous of those who aren’t stuck with a Quirk as awful as yours. 

You force a smile. “That’s nice, Monoma.” 

“Hey, am I imagining it, or did that sound kind of patronizing?” 

“You’re imagining it.” 

“Well, whatever,” he snorts. “Anyway, come say hi to my classmates. I want to introduce you to some of them. We’re sitting at that table over there.” 

He points off into the distance. You spot a few students, like a boy whose entire body appears to be encased in silver—or is metal? There’s also a girl with orange hair pulled into a high side ponytail, and a dark-haired boy wearing a headband. 

“Oh, sure,” you say. “I wouldn’t mind meeting them.” 

You slowly stand up, but almost immediately, a hand latches onto your wrist. 

Izuku is staring at you, green eyes disturbingly wide. “[Name]? You’re… leaving?” 

“Just for a bit. I’m leaving my food here. I’ll go say hi to everyone and be right back,” you reassure. 

You try to walk away, but his grip remains firm. Is he worried that you’ll spend your lunchtime with the Class 1-B students instead? Of course you wouldn’t do that. You’re only going to be gone for a few minutes, at most. 

…isn’t he overreacting a bit? 

“Izuku,” you laugh, finally managing to pull away from him, with a forceful tug. “I’ll seriously be right back. Don’t worry. I would never ditch you. Do you want to come with me and say hi to them too?” 

“No… it’s fine.” 

You’re relieved to see him smiling again. Clearly, you must have been worried for nothing. He’s used to always having you around. It’s only ever been the two of you eating together at lunch, practically every single day for the past several years. He just needs to get used to a little change, that’s all.

You follow Monoma over to the table where his classmates are seated, and even though you don’t look back over your shoulder as you walk, Monoma sure does. And in doing so, he inadvertently meets Izuku’s gaze.

As always, it’s unsettling.

A Battle Trial. It turns out that’s what you’ll be doing this afternoon. All Might had you all change into your hero costumes and meet up outside, where he promptly announced that you’ll be going head-to-head against your classmates. 

I might have a chance. 

Unlike with the Apprehension Test, maybe you’ll actually prove yourself this time. Your Quirk is best suited to incapacitating others, or at the very least, briefly hindering their movements. Not that you want to use your powers in front of all these people watching, but you always knew you wouldn’t be able to hide them forever. It was only a matter of time before everyone found out. For now, you need to push your shame aside and try to win . 

“In the interest of fairness, your teammates and opponents will be randomly chosen,” All Might announces. “Now! Let’s draw lots to see who ends up with who!” 

Luck has never really favored you. It’s quite the opposite, in fact. Your luck is absolutely abysmal , to the point that you wonder if it might be a curse. Which is why you don’t have high hopes. You suspect you’ll probably be partnered up with a total stranger. It’s certainly not like you’ll be fortunate enough to end up on the same team as Izuku. 

…right? 

“Whoa!” Izuku exclaims, grinning ear-to-ear. “I can’t believe we get to be together!” 

You grin back at him. Look at that. Something actually went your way for once. It’ll be much easier to strategize with someone you know, not to mention that you have full faith in Izuku’s strength and resourcefulness. You trust him. If there’s anyone who can help you achieve victory, without a doubt, it’s him . 

Unfortunately, as is so often the case, you’re not allowed to be optimistic for very long. 

Moments later, you discover who your opponent is. 

Katsuki is glaring at the both of you with such intensity, such hatred, that you unknowingly take a step backwards. Izuku looks every bit as shaken up, if not more . Being matched up against him is the worst possible outcome. Whatever confidence you had just moments ago has completely dissipated, into nothingness.

The outcome of this trial won’t make a difference. No matter what happens, there’s just no way to make both of them happy. There’s never been a way. 

You are fighting a losing battle.

More chapters are available on Wattpad and Ao3!

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