#bloggerph

This bluetooth speaker has been in my wishlist since forever. If you're gunning for a cute bluetooth speaker that offers more than music, then this is for you!

Half of my stay in college was dragging myself to attend classes and the intense feeling of disgust just never left my body for four fucking years. I never cared for school.  I would slack off and calculate the absences left before I get dropped out. I was even regarded as “the-girl-who-never-shows-up” unless it’s an actual class. But you would never see me on seminars, meetings or gatherings not even when it’s counted as an attendance. My blockmates were even skeptic about me attending the fucking graduation. I am that bad, i know.

I really picked the classes or seminars I attended, the ones who are crucial and grade-depending attendances. It’s not that I hate learning, oh boy, I love learning. I hate the absurd activities, the boring professors, late night classes, bad transportation system and *duh* annoying classmates. 

College felt like a trap I couldn’t wait to escape. Although I would slack off here and there, people would tell me I was “gifted” when all I actually did was make decent grades because I was terrified to make anything less. I want to achieve things quickly and do it the easy way so I could have more time doing things that really interest me. 

But nobody warned me about life after college. It felt like I’m a new born fish. I did not know how to find worth outside of good grades or identity outside the four walls of school  even when I didn’t give two shits about them. I’m having an existential crisis.

It was a path to endless guilt and crippling loneliness day by day and night by night. And I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because I’m a strong person who needs no one to get this through.  I was fine with wanting to live a ~meh~ life, but that contentment was hard to find in those around me.

Every decision big or small could really feel so overwhelming. Everyone’s on different pages. But hey, I’m here. I’m writing. I’m loving and continuing this shitty life. Holy fuck, there’s more to finding a position in this world. 

2016. Interview nina Señor Archie at Alex sa MYX nun (I still have the link pero ngayon hindi na s’ya nagdidirect sa mismong interview vid, homepage na ng MYX yung lumalabas), dun sinabi ni Señor Archie na makikita pa namin s’ya sa next movie. March that year, on a phone call I had with him, he told me/us/Ruscats na mag-aarrange s’ya ng sched para makabisita kami sa shooting nila.

2018. Nagsisimula na yung promotion ng Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral, presscon, FB/Twitter/IG updates, pero hindi kelan man nagkaroon ng hint kung makikita ba ulit namin si Kapitan.

Nagreply ako sa rp acct ni Kapitan sa Twitter kasi tinanong ko kung may appearance nga ba s’ya sa Goyo. Ang sagot sakin ni rp account, “Wag kang mawalan ng pag-asa.” and although ganun yung sinabi n’ya, hindi na rin nga ako umasa. Hahaha. Bahala na.

Wala naman talaga akong balak magstay hanggang bago yung credits part kung hindi ko lang nalamang nahila palang extra sina mama det at lira. Wala lang. Kaya ‘yun, inantay ko na din, baka kako makikita ko yung pangalan nila. Hahahahaha.

Ngunit, subalit, datapwat, sa di inaasahang pangyayari...

“Kumusta, Joven.”

Medyo nakikiramdam ako kung sino ‘yung taong ‘yun. Sabay luminaw ang paningin namin ni Joven, at ayun nga, imbes na ensaymada o suman ay nagngangata s’ya ng tubo.

Maligayang pagbabalik, Kapitan!

PS. Did he really grow his hair????

to you, who can't sleep at night doubting your worth;

to you, who only want acceptance and belonging, but was given the opposite;

to you, who only loves deeply but got tears in return:

you are enough. you are worth it.

not because someone made you feel worthless does it mean you really are,

only you could determine your self-worth.

most of the time, those who make us feel down are the ones who aren't worthy of our time

they know our worth, but doesn't acknowledge it.

but, if ever, someone doesn't really see our worth

it may be best to just let that someone go,

you'll never stop asking for your worth as long as you have that someone around you.

let us stick to those who are always after what's best for us

for they are the ones who really are worth keeping

100718 :        C h e c k e r e d     a n d      B o w

Inner from @jewels_inc ; Romper from @manikamanilaph ; Bangles from @clairestores ; Earrings from @bohomnl  

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