#blockbusterfilms

WHO HOLDS YOUR WORLD?

Synopsis: She heard their whispers, even though she pretended not to. “She doesn’t apply herself.” “She cares TOO much.” “She’s a liability.” They don’t know that she holds the whole world for them. Her parents, her siblings, her friends, her job. And when she refuses to carry it all anymore, she gets called the villain. And so the cracks begin to form. She holds it together for as long as possible, but when the walls come tumbling down, who is there to hold the world for her?

Status: ongoing

Total Word Count: to be determined

Pairing: Psychiatrist!Joshua Hong x Fem!Psychiatric Nurse!Reader

Themes: Angst, Fluff, Hurt, Comfort, Crack

Warnings: Psychiatry (lingo, diagnoses, current and past practice mentions), Nursing (the bad side of it like bullying), Prejudice (against mental health issues, disabilities), Descriptions of Mental Health Crisis (panic attack, BPAD depressive and manic state episodes)

Author's Note: This work is a part of THE BLOCKBUSTERS COLLABORATION. Massive thank yous to our darling hosts and managers Em @gyuswhore, Izzy @jakedustry, Luna @belovedgyu, and Rae @nerdycheol for giving us smaller Carat writers a platform of our own to find our voices. To my fellow collaborators @chogiwaw @paradiseonthemoon @pomegranate-teardrop @caratchronicles @livmarauder @cxffecoupx @cherrymayz @mellowgyu @gentleisa @hopecutie @luvrung and @choco-scoups for all your support, encouragement and friendship, I am so grateful. Please have a look at everyone’s work for this collab and in general. Mi people dem write good ya ‘ear. 💅🏾💅🏾💅🏾 An extra special thank you to my favourite and only Ghanaian gyal. Love you sweetie.😉

~ TJ ~

Dividers: @enchanthings

Banner: yours truly

PROLOGUE

There wasn’t much said between Joshua and yourself between last week’s ICP and now. You had both obviously shared rounds, done handovers, and sent correspondence over the course of the week, but if it didn’t have anything to do with patient care it wasn’t spoken.

And truly how could you speak to the man who had given you such a thorough verbal beat down, that your only wish since the encounter was to fade into non-existence rather than have to even interact with him again.

The comment he had made about you being “...a fish that saw a bird and now wants to fly...” was on replay in your mind since he made it. 

Words sharp as katanas.

He knew the pain they would cause when he uttered them, and yet he said them anyway. And that was why you couldn’t stand him. He is honestly one of the most petty, bitter men you’ve had the displeasure of knowing. Somehow even worse than the senior nurses you’ve survived being ‘eaten’ by. And the worst part is- clearly it is going to get worse before it gets better.

In more ways than one.

“Are you two still not talking?” Seungkwan asks, nudging you with his hip while checking through the ICP documents and patient files for the last time before the rest of the team came into the meeting room.

“Of course we’ve spoken.” you attempt to bluff, as if Kwannie doesn’t superimpose a Pinocchio nose on your face whenever you lie. “I told him to have a good day two days ago, and he wished me the same. It was probably a curse on his end though because not even 30 minutes later, I then proceeded to spill tea on my brand new scrub pants, and I still can’t get the stain out. He is the definition of a jinx, that man.”

“And you are head over heels in love with him.” Seungkwan counters, the grin on his face inescapable.

The look you give him back can really only be described as affronted.

“If you pull out the Greta Thunberg ‘How dare you?’, we will in fact have to battle royale right here. And I don’t care if your little crush walks in, I will still force several servings of knuckle sandwich straight down your throat.” Seungkwan deadpans, his seriousness palpable. 

Your response? Stick your tongue out at him like the child you are.

“Yo, Sunnie, you have a crush girlie?” A very familiar sing-song tone inquires behind, and you all but freeze on the spot.

The traitor at your side begins to open his mouth to speak, but you intercept with a quick pinch to his hip, spinning around to vehemently deny all charges to the new arrivals. The squeal Kwannie lets out is a small balm to your heart which begins its palpitations once you see that it’s not just Changbin - who had asked the question - that is standing behind you. Attempting to hide the invading sense of alarm, your eyes lock on the one dude to whom you do not want it to have known that you have the capability for feelings, let alone a crush. Immediately all the denying you were about to spew, dies a shrivelled death on your suddenly dehydrated tongue.

The expectant silence that settles on the room is tear-inducing.

“All men do is lie.” is all you are able to say to Changbin in response to his earlier question, because any other form of denial would be adding a woman to the list of falsehood perpetrators. And God forbid you do anything that could set women back, during Halle Berry’s International Women’s Month.

“Let’s begin the ICP shall we. I’ll call in the regulars first.” you deflect further, averting your gaze from Joshua and all the other team members in the room.

And so the ball starts rolling as it always does.

Relatively good time is made on the long-standing patients as usual, the familiarity and solid therapeutic relationship easing the way. Some of them bring up changes they would like to make to their current plans, minor ones that will hopefully help to aid them in being discharged sooner, or conversely make their time here even more comfortable. Both cases are so extremely valid I couldn’t fault it. Once the familiar patients are sorted, you and Seungkwan begin to bring in the newer patients that the doctors have only seen during admission, and have yet to be introduced to the team.

“Peter Kwon, a 37 year old male, not known to the services, presented with mania symptoms to the emergency department at 05:26 two nights ago. Content, volume, and rhythm of speech during assessment were of very poor quality. Delusions of most likely grandeur present and rather difficult to reassure. During initial assessment his main concerns were in relation to his new job. Seems that he was laid off from his old position, not sure where at, and got a new job in an adjacent but still different field. The anxiety around this new job, in addition to him feeling rejected by his old job, seems to have compounded into his current presentation. At several points he stated that he “Needs to do well in this pivot.” No known social support at present, or rather the ones contacted don’t seem to be interested in being linked in.” 

The registrar that delivers the opening assessment notes takes a deep breath after dumping her spiel and smiles like she didn’t just deliver a one-breath rap verse. While she takes a sip of water, chuckles reverb through the room, and someone at the table throws out a sarcastic but fond “Thank you, Slim Shady.”

Meanwhile your mind replays the word that caught your attention and made everything said afterwards sound like static.

Pivot.

As a child of parents with great expectations, the concept of making a career pivot was not viewed without heavy skepticism and disappointment. In their household, you either hit your milestones at the correct ages and stages, or you are considered a developmental failure. Nevermind if you figure out in the first step that you are headed in the wrong direction; once you pick a path you had better stick with it.  

What didn’t help is that in addition to the high expectations, your particular brand of parents relied heavily on you for their survival. Cause God forbid that immigrant parents could consider not making their barely adult children their retirement plan. It isn’t easy to realise that you were unwillingly brought onto a planet to be considered nothing but a safety net.

When you first told your parents that you had been “suggested” for a nursing transfer from your dementia care setting to the psychiatric setting, they didn’t bat an eye about it except to ask if you would be making less money. No queries about why the transfer was happening, or how you were feeling about it, just a simple and detached “If your paycheck gets any lower we won’t have enough to pay for your brother’s tuition, and the portion to the bills that you’re supposed to cover. Can you at least make choices that won’t affect us all for once?”

As if you had made the choice. As if you hadn’t done everything in your power to ensure that you could stay in your old ward. As if you wanted to be whispered about behind your back.

As if you were only what Joshua had said you are.

A fish that saw a bird and now wants to fly.

No room to explore. No grace for a misstep. No second chances.

You must do what is to be done. Bear the responsibility, even if it is killing you.

In environments like that, what would one know of dreams?

Hi, this is my first fic here. English is not my first language, but i hope you like it.

Blockbuster Times

It was a Monday, and everyone knows on the planet that Mondays are the worst. Even on other planets, Martians must think Mondays are awful, or maybe humans are awful. Anyway, it’s a monday at blockbuster, and a ton of cargo just got loaded in the garage, thousands of movies to categorize, to put labels on, to read, to learn, to watch…

Suddenly, you’re out of your thoughts, all because your boss is screaming at you to start the work by moving the heavy boxes. You think that as a gentleman he could offer some help at least to carry the heaviest boxes, but given that you are 21, paying for your creative writing career in an expensive university, and mildly broke, you decide wisely to imagine that you can evaporate him out of existence. The hours pass, and you got two boxes done, the horror genre movies, and rom com movies, you were opening the third box, that had “sci fi” written with a sharpie in the top, and then you hear the ringing of the bell. “A client? At these hours of the morning? please don´t be an old lady, or a weirdo, damn, I hate the horror gore obsessed weirdos…”. You stand up and sob your back from being seated so long, only to encounter the definition of perfect client in blockbuster. A guy with good composure, with a little smile while he checks everything in the store, not you, but the changes in the store and some new movies if there are.

— Hi— He says in a monotone voice

— Good morning— You say in return already smiling, you didn’t know why, maybe because he seems to be a good person, and because he isn’t a pain in your ass (yet).

— If I’m correct, the new boxes arrive the Monday’s here, and I was very interested to search any new material of science fiction. —

— That’s right, you got it! We were just opening this box, and it’s your lucky day because tadaaaan— You show proudly the box making jazz hands and being a little embarrassed by your enthusiasm on someone having interest in the makings of your job. Suddenly, you stare at his T-shirt noticing something very familiar, you could tell this customer didn’t like being specially observed, until you said.

— Mother of God, that’s Bill and Ted with the TARDIS?! that’s the coolest shit I’ve ever seen—

His semblant changed at the instant, surprised in a good way.

— You know Bill and Ted? and Dr. Who? At the same time? Both? —

— Hell yeah! One of Keanu Reeves’ best roles, and you must stop me if I start to talk about Dr. Who because I will not get my turn done—

— You like more sci-fi movies and shows? — He says now looking at you in the eyes, in profound curiosity. When he entered the store he didn’t even consider the idea of observing and analyzing people, but to be honest, nobody had recognized his T-shirt, and he had that shirt for 4 years, always people recognized the TARDIS, but nothing else. Apart from that, a little thought flew for a second “she’s kinda cute”

— Oh boy, first “Star Trek: The Next Generation” Data is my favorite of all time, then we have “Babylon 5” Lennier is my favorite, then we have… Of course, Dr. Who, the tenth and fourth doctors, are my favorite ones. I like…— You stop counting with your fingers and look up to encounter admiration in this costumers’ eyes, you don’t know how to continue the moment without making it awkward, he’s tall, pretty, and… and…

— Do you want to open the box with me?— You say in a hurry, you know customers can’t touch the new stuff, but it’s the only thing you thought to make the situation more comfortable, and it wouldn’t be bad or annoying to share your interests with someone for a little while.

— Are you sure? — He says, and you nod very fast —How do you know I’m not a thief or a super villain? — You smile at that look of suspicion crossing your arms.

—Maybe, you could tell me your name, so you wouldn’t be a “secret” super villain. And if you don’t, you won’t see the new deluxe edition of Inspector Spacetime, your loss—

He thinks about it and accepts it almost immediately.

Explosivo. Imperdível. Em cartaz agora. O blockbuster que vai dominar sua semana. Só nas melhores salas.