#blizzard writes stuff

a @marvelrarepairbingo Secret Santa fic for @burdenedwithpointlesspurpose

‘Come here often, gorgeous?’

Clint grins, grabs an empty coffee cup, and turns to face his favourite customer. ‘Every day, open til close. As you know.’

The man in the sharp suit gives him an appreciative full-body glance. ‘Lucky me.’

‘Are you gonna buy something, or you just here to admire the décor? I got a line here.’ He glances meaningfully at the stony-faced, burly men waiting patiently nearby. A lot of these guys keep coming in today, for some reason.

Tony glances at the menu on the wall. In the three weeks Clint has been working here, he’s never ordered the same drink twice. ‘You know what? Surprise me. I’m feeling dangerous today.’ He pays, and Clint whips him up a matcha latte. He’s getting good at those.

As he bends down for the matcha powder, Clint checks that his gun is still taped under the counter.

‘Thanks again, Agent Caffeine,’ Tony says, accepting the cup. ‘Don’t quit your job. I’d have nowhere else to go.’ He winks, then weaves between the crowded tables to take a seat in the corner.

Not much is known about the one they call Iron Man. Intel suggests that he was born into a rich family but turned to a life of crime, hacking millions from bad corporations and using the funds for good – and for advanced personal weaponry. Tony has the swagger, certainly. Clint wonders if he’s aware of the danger in coming here every day, having a regular routine, a favourite table. It’s almost like he’s looking for a fight…

Bruce Banner/Thor & Love for @bruceweek 2023 💚

'How do you spell Mjolnir?'

Bruce looks up from his laptop. Love sits opposite him at the kitchen table, pink glitter gel pen poised over the paper. She quickly covers her work when he leans over, but he glimpses a drawing of them all holding hands. Warmth fills his chest. Only a year ago, Thor had returned to New Asgard with a child resurrected by Eternity, bound by a promise to keep her safe. It hadn’t been easy, but they’d made it work.

‘Hello? Bruce?’ Love waves at him.

Bruce blinks. ‘Sorry, what did you say?’

‘Mjolnir. How do you spell it?’ She taps her pen against her chin.

‘M-O-I-J-N-A-R.’

‘Thanks.’

Bruce returns to his spreadsheet and fills in a few cells. Then stops. ‘Wait. Hang on. That’s not right.’

Love groans. ‘Aww, now I have to cross it out!’

There’s a chuckle behind them. Thor is slicing up vegetables for soup. After a lifetime of being waited on by Asgard’s finest, he’s learnt to enjoy cooking. ‘It is a difficult word to spell.’

Jennifer Walters/Hela (and off-screen Bruce Banner/Thor) for @marvelrarepairbingo 2024!

Jen’s afterglow is fading as she walks down the dim, draughty corridor lined with flickering torches. Even so, she can’t help smiling as she hugs the black satin dressing gown against her body. It’s not hers, but she might just keep it.

There’s only one downside to hot sex with an Asgardian goddess: the long-ass walk of shame down endless Asgardian corridors. Her feet ache from a night of dancing, her face aches from smiling so much, and… everything else aches in a very pleasant way.

Bruce probably noticed Hela flirting with her. Actually, everyone probably noticed. The Avengers had been summoned to a long, boring, official meeting that boiled down to “yeah, Loki took out half of New York but he’s very sorry and he won’t do it again”. He’d been imprisoned (for now), but Odin clearly didn’t think Earth was his problem. Tony sassed the crap out of him and Steve struggled to keep the peace. Meanwhile, Jen had stared at the gorgeous gothic princess sitting opposite her and entertained some filthy daydreams.

Hela, the goddess of death, had long black hair and eyeshadow that belonged at a rock concert, with a deep and sultry voice. She seemed equally bored by the proceedings. Perhaps that was why those grey eyes had finally locked onto hers. Then her pale lips curled into a smile.

After the Battle of New York, Bruce goes home. Bruce & Walters Fam for @bruceweek 2023 💚

For the second time that day, Bruce wakes up in a pile of rubble.

He breathes in the smell of freshly-mown grass, struggling to anchor himself as the aftermath of Hulk threatens to overwhelm him. He remembers metal bending in his hands, and Thor’s triumphant grin, and… nothing else.

Head spinning, Bruce sits up. He was lying in the remains of a wooden shed; a lawnmower is now a crumpled metal pancake beneath him. It’s afternoon – but whether it’s the same day, Bruce can’t be sure. He has no sense of time when the other guy takes over.

It takes him a few moments to realise that he knows this backyard. In fact, he spent years out here: sitting on the grass with a book, making snowmen with Jen, endless barbeques in the summer…

Bruce clambers to his feet and looks around in shock. He’s in LA. He’s home.

The back door opens and Morris Walters steps out, frowning in confusion. ‘What the hell is going – ‘ Then he sees Bruce. He stops.

A thousand thoughts flicker through Bruce’s head. He hasn’t had any contact with his family since the accident. They must have thought he’d abandoned them – or turned into a dangerous monster. This isn’t the most tactful way to tell them he’s still alive.

‘Hi, Uncle Morris,’ he whispers.

Morris drifts towards him, staring as if he’s afraid Bruce will disappear. It’s been seven years but he’s aged more than that – the moustache has remained, though. Aunt Elaine can never convince him to shave it.

An apology rises to Bruce’s lips. He shouldn’t have come here, shouldn’t have literally come crashing back into their lives – but Morris grabs him in a hug. ‘Good to see you, kiddo,’ he says tightly.

And Bruce understands that everything is going to be okay. He hides his face in Morris’ thick sweater and clings to him like he did when he was a kid. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he mumbles, ‘I missed you all so much…’

‘You’re here now. That’s all that matters.’

After being rescued from drowning, Dylan gets sick. The Horsemen turn their skills to looking after their leader.

TW: Flashbacks to Dylan's canonical drowning in NYSM2, multiple mentions of vomit and throwing up

Dylan leans heavily on Atlas as they walk back to Iong’s magic shop. His cold, wet clothes hang heavy on him, and every inch of him stings with pain, but he’s alive and back with his Horsemen. Right now, nothing else matters.

Back at the shop they take refuge in the basement, surrounded by old magic junk. There are a few small rooms leading off from here, furnished with crude beds, and Bu Bu, the elderly owner, insists they stay as long as they like. Dylan limps into the tiny bathroom. He can’t face a shower, so he stands over the sink and scrubs until his skin is raw and he can’t smell the seawater. His body is covered in bruises from Tressler’s grunts, and he sucks in a breath as he pats himself dry. He’s taken plenty of hits during his FBI career, but nothing so personal.

The safe door slamming shut, handcuffs cutting into his wrists, gravity disappearing as he’s dropped into the water –

No. He can’t think about it right now. They have work to do.

As soon as he leaves the bathroom, Jack throws a blanket over his shoulders. Atlas is sitting on the stairs, and acknowledges Dylan with an awkward nod.

They might not have the computer chip, but as Lula points out they have each other. A short while later, Bu Bu and her son Li reveal themselves to be part of the Eye; all is not lost, but there’s plenty to do. They share a pot of tea, and drink a toast to the work ahead. The moment Dylan’s drained his cup, he runs to the bathroom to throw up.

Bruce Banner/Jimmy Woo for @bruceweek 2023! Rating: Teen Summary: Jimmy performs card tricks to calm Hulk down. In the year that follows, he and Bruce get to know each other a little better.

There’s a growl in the darkness. Hulk is sat in the corner of the room, attempting to tie a motorcycle in a knot. At Jimmy’s approach, he bears green lips in a snarl.

In times of crisis, instinct takes over. Hands trembling, Jimmy whips out his badge. ‘Mister uh, Hulk? Agent Woo, FBI.’

Hulk grunts, giving him only a cursory glare before returning to the task at hand. At least he’s not ripped Jimmy’s arms off yet, which is a really promising sign.

‘I heard you like card tricks. Scott’s a buddy of mine, he’s sorry he couldn’t make it today.’ Not as sorry as he’s going to be later, Jimmy adds mentally. He takes out the deck of cards. Now Hulk’s looking at him. Oh god he hasn’t practiced in two weeks. It’s fine. It’s practically muscle memory at this point.

Jimmy takes a card from the deck. His thumb slips. The whole deck flutters to the floor.

Hulk’s beady eyes narrow. Yep, this is how he dies. Like a jester whose king tires of their jokes. Jimmy’s lower lip wobbles.

Then Hulk chuckles. He sets the motorcycle aside. ‘S’okay. Go again, new guy.’

At Jen's Galentine's party, Bruce has a close encounter with a Viking stripper.

ThorBruce (with background Helen Cho/Nikki Ramos!) for @marvelrarepairbingo​round 2!

Rating: Mature (for some very brief stripping!)

Warnings: Characters drinking alcohol, fainting

‘Cocktail,’ Jen announces, and a cold glass is pressed into Bruce’s hand. ‘Drink up, it’s good for you.’

Bruce swirls the pink liquid experimentally. Ice cubes and strawberry slices swirl with it. ‘If you’re planning to drown your sorrows, this won’t get you far.’

‘Oh, we’ll get there.’ She winks, and practically skips back over to the kitchen area. Jen’s living room is bedecked with paper hearts, confetti and pink balloons; she does nothing by halves, and this hastily-planned Galentine’s party is no exception.

On the couch beside him, Helen studies her drink. For once she’s foregone the lab coat in favour of a sequinned black dress, and her hair falls loose and glossy about her shoulders. ‘Is this a mojito?’

‘It’s a strawberry mojito.’ Nikki throws herself down on Bruce’s other side. ‘It’s Galentine’s, it’s gotta be pink!’

‘I see.’ Helen, cautiously picks out a strawberry piece and pops it in her mouth. She usually avoids social gatherings, but when Jen had extended the invitation to Bruce’s “work bestie”, she’d been flattered into agreeing. Bruce has a sneaking suspicion his cousin is trying to play wingman.

‘Okay.’ Jen paces opposite them. ‘We all know why we’re here: Valentine’s Day is stupid and we’re all single, so we’re gonna get drunk and watch movies.’

‘Hell yeah.’ Nikki raises her glass.

‘Bruce is an honorary gal, because he’s also lonely and miserable.’

‘I’m not miserable,’ Bruce protests. ‘Or lonely.’

Nikki pats him on the shoulder. ‘It’s okay Bruce, you’re among friends.’

Bruce Banner/Thor for @marvelrarepairbingo round 2

Rating: Explicit

He crashes into someone as he rounds the corner. ‘Careful, Banner!’ Strong hands grasp his shoulders, and Bruce is now looking into a pair of concerned blue eyes. ‘Why such haste?’

Bruce barely hears him. His brain is too busy cataloguing the scent of honey and petrichor and the points of contact where Thor’s fingers dig into his biceps.

Even with Bruce’s level of self-control, he can’t keep this back with willpower alone. Tingling spreads through his body as his skin shifts to a dusky, sultry pink.

‘Are you well?’ Thor asks hesitantly.

A pair of red wings explode from the back of Bruce’s shirt.

‘I’ve been better,’ Bruce admits, and passes out.