#blaisan

Oh my god I finally finished it. This was like giving birth. 

“Blaise isn’t coming,” said Pansy. “He’s got something special planned with Susan.”

“Oh Jesus,” said Draco. “He’s not going to propose, is he? I understand he’s in love, but really, it’s a little early.”

“Worse,” said Pansy. “He’s meeting her family. He’s trying to get their approval.”

“The Bones?” Parvati raised an eyebrow. “The most serious and well-respected family of legal scholars, politicians and all-round serious doo-gooders? Approving of Blaise?”

“He spent Christmas cooking for the homeless,” said Pansy. “Or possibly just cooking the homeless. The homeless were involved somehow. He’s very committed.”

“I cannot believe I’m missing that,” said Draco mournfully. “God, shall we start sending him obnoxious patronises? ‘Blaise, come quickly, the strippers that you suggested demand to be paid in illegal potions’? ‘Blaise, I’m having a bondage disaster and only you know how to untie me right’?”

“Susan would murder you,” said Hermione.

Hey! It’s the final plot-y chapter of Trying New Things! All that’s left is the epilogue. 

Weeks later, when asked about Blaise’s “Balls-Out End of Term Extravaganza,” Hermione would compare it to a Rube Goldberg machine. She would then flip a middle finger up at Blaise as he told her not to compare his ‘devastating night of romance to any Muggle crap,’ and explain that a Goldberg was a machine designed to do a simple task in an extraordinary complex chain of cause and effect – balls rolling along shelves to drop into buckets to lift up pulleys to spray water on delicately balanced scales. She would show them a video, which Harry had to admit was pretty funny. Blaise would complain that she could have just used a chain of dominoes as her metaphor, and why did she always have to make everything so unnecessarily complicated?

Trying New Things by LindenWaverly

University, as Hermione keeps insisting, is a time for trying new things. For Harry's friends, that seems to involve a bewildering array of things: collecting a Ravenclaw harem, drinking in Muggle pubs, developing new and terrifying feelings for your best friend, Muggle philosophy, something called a "slippery nipple" and Blaise Zabini whispering terrifying things about "expanding sexual horizons." For Harry himself, it mostly involves dealing with f*cking Malfoy.

“Can you do something for me though?”

“Could I launch myself into the sun instead?”

Harry flipped him off. “We’ll leave that as plan B. Can you explain the rest of this shite to me? The utilitarianism bit was very useful, thanks.”

“Oh, for fuck’s – fine, sure. What’s next? Deontology? All right, that one’s simple, it’s just following rules. Oh, my mistake, now I see why you’d find that one difficult.”

Trying New Things by LindenWaverly - Chapter 2 

“Harry,” said Blaise, cornering him outside the library with Susan appearing at his other side. “Me and Bones have decided to do something about your crushing loneliness.”

“I didn’t know I had a crushing loneliness.”

“In your romantic life, Harry,” said Susan.

“Sod romance,” said Blaise. “In your pants, Harry. Everyone else is using uni as a way of expanding their sexual horizons, and you’re – “

“Sitting out half our pub nights and generally wandering around in a daze,” said Susan. Harry had been sitting out a few pub nights, because sometimes just as they were leaving Draco would give him the look, and pool and beer suddenly lost their appeal.

“The daze of loneliness.”

“Right. Crushing loneliness.”

“Unless there’s something you’re not telling us?” said Blaise, peering at Harry.

“We’re your friends,” said Susan. “It’s imperative we know what’s going on with you.”

“So we can fix the loneliness.”

“The crushing loneliness.”

“Exactly, Bones.”

“Um, have you two been out expanding your sexual horizons?” said Harry. “Because I thought you’d mostly just been coming to the pub with us.”

Susan sniffed. “What, think a big girl like me can’t get it, Potter?”

“I myself have been committed in the pursuit of one Rubenesque auburn beauty – “ said Blaise.

“Just say fat,” said Susan. “It’s less annoying.”

“But unfortunately, she refuses to see my ardent expressions of desire as anything other than an irritant, so I remain in miserable chastity.”

“Her name was Charity, Blaise, and she seemed quite cheerful when she was making us pancakes this morning.”

“She was nice,” said Harry. “You should keep her around. Way better than Diamond.”

Blaise ignored him. “Emotional chastity, Bones. Now Harry, about the loneliness – “

“Do you think Blaise is serious about Susan?” Harry asked Draco that evening, in between kisses.

“It’s Blaise,” said Draco, dropping to his knees and fiddling with Harry’s fly. “He once told me that monogamy was the only STD he’d never caught.”