3 Things Mama Taught Me.
The 1st words of comfort that people tell you when a parent passes away is, “Always remembering (Blank) is what keeps them alive.”
And I mean…I guess that’s true. It soothes the soul for a moment then days fly by…no calls.
No texts.
No…seeing them or hearing their voice.
This transition of no longer having my Mother here physically has been a rollercoaster. She was my counselor, my cheerleader, my best friend…my Mommy. Has our relationship always been peachy? Nah…but with anybody you love, the interactions won’t be pleasant 24/7.
What made my bond with my mother so special is that she understood me, respected me, and had faith in my dreams even when I was wrapped up in being a working mother/wife.
Has her death forced me to dig deep within for strength?
Yeah.
Has it also made me weak?
For sure.
Getting that call after work (while playing the video game with my son) May 17th still doesn’t seem real.
Yet, the fact remains that I’m not the only one to lose a parent and unfortunately, will not be the last.
Fact of the matter…everyone has an expiration date. Like my Granny would tell me growing up, “We don’t know the time or the hour (God will whisk us away from his earthly realm).”
Here’s 3 vital lessons my Mother taught me consciously/subconsciously:
Be Yourself - Always.
It’s popular to wear what everybody’s wearing. Moving how everybody is moving. Say what everyone is saying. But who does that serve? Does it serve your highest good or someone else’s agenda?
My mom was herself so much, it was pretty clear who rocked with her and who didn’t, no matter how far out some of her beliefs seemed at times. When you go through life finding you and standing on that, it weeds out who’s not in alignment. I’ll do you one better…you’re happier. It takes WAYYYYY too much energy to be someone you’re not- could only imagine the anxiety that comes with keeping up an image cause baby I’m not buying anything I think is ugly for ‘cool points’. I’m not going to say anything on social media that could ever taint my children’s view of me. And I’m dang sure not calling anyone a friend I have to question. Trying to fit in as an adult is basically telling God “I’m not comfortable with how you made me.”. And you do yourself the biggest disservice by going against the current of your purpose to get what?
Validation?
Attention?
Likes?
Which one of those, if any, pays your bills and gives you inner peace longterm?
Uplift Others - with boundaries.
One of the main personality traits I noticed of my mom young was her love for the underdog. From a young age she knew she was different and she felt every bit of it. No matter the principalities that came against my mother, if she could help anyone, she would. However, the darkside of moving that way came with people who had hidden agendas. I believe my mother gave too much of her goodness to the wrong people and that tainted her in the long run.
Why I’m so private about my successes and failures is due to seeing how the same thing that makes you laugh will make you cry. People will use the same tactics that make you love them to manipulate you. It takes a strong person to have a heart for people and be kind after so many toxic cycles and situations. It’s easy to turn mean/angry in a world like this - we see examples of it everyday with the madness people portray. That’s why you NEED boundaries; to protect your heart in a society without one. You block your own blessings God wants to give you when you return nasty energy with nasty energy. You also do so by not cutting cords with people that no longer serve your highest good.
(BUT sometimes you gotta pop out and show n***as. Just depends.)
Never Too Late to Change for the Better.
In this day and age of digital footprints and cancel culture, it’s easy to believe that you are who people believe you are. And honestly cancel culture is dumb because who are we to judge anybody with skeletons hanging in our own closets? I mean…in some instances- it is needed when it comes to real atrocities. But for the most part, people should be granted the room to learn and grow. My husband told me a saying my father-in-love used to tell him, “Son, pressure will bust a pipe.”.
As far as our consciousness knows, all we know for sure is this one life. We don’t know (for sure, sorry Lord) if another life comes after this or heaven/hell. This is everyones’ first journey on paying bills and balancing your mental health or raising children. I’ve seen my mother live multiple lives. I grew by her side seeing her hardships and her victories. She went and got her college degree, saw all her children get married and start families, then turned around to help guide women through experiences of her own. I’m soul happy. I've got to enjoy life with her before she passed away and get to know my mother as not only my mother but as my best friend. As a woman who didn’t give up when life knocked her upside the head.
She had my back in ways I could never repay her. She laid out the most traumatizing experiences for me and my siblings so we could have a better life.
I listen to many experiences of other women with their mothers and I was shocked to find out they weren’t taught the basics outside of cooking, cleaning, and keeping their hair done.
My Mama may not have always been there while I was a child but I had to trust God and accept the choices my mother made because at the end of the day, she was there to share her issues when it counted most.
I’d never forget, I was in high school…I asked my mother if I could go eat with some friends after work. She said sure but the plan wasn’t to go eat - I hotboxed in the car with my friends. I didn’t smoke but they did and we simply wanted to recap after a long day of work and school.
As soon as I got home, I made a beeline towards me and my sister’s room.
“Mae?”
Her soft voice called to me from her bedroom.
I poked my head in to see her watching a crime documentary with her bible cracked open. Her warm smile greeted me as I nervously stepped into her bedroom.
“You had a good time?” She asked, her eyes kind but tired.
I told her yes then sat next to my mother and laid my head on her shoulder.
She laid her head on mine but didn’t say a word.
“Ma?”
“Yes peanut?”
“I didn’t go eat with my friends. I sat in the car with them while they smoked…”I confessed.
I remember the small chuckle she let out.
“I know. I can smell it on you.”
~Monet
Rest in Power Mama. Love you past this life and the next.
10/17/1970 ~ 05/17/2025
