Nine

Jose glances over at the man in his passenger’s seat and gives him a smile. He still can’t really believe all that has happened since last night. It feels like a dream.

Not only has Brock finally talked with him, but told him he loves him, wants to be with him as his boyfriend and now even wants to come out to his parents.

Jose’s not sure how he feels about the last part because the only way he can see this going is really badly. He’s very nervous about it. He’s also scared for Brock’s safety, because he doesn’t trust his asshole father one bit.

Jose’s own coming out had been unnerving and stressful, but all he had to worry about was getting beat up at school or mocked by his relatives. Getting shot by his mother or father had never been one of his worries, not that the rest hadn’t been horrible enough for a sixteen year old. But he’d been in love back then, with his first boyfriend and he’d wanted to hold his hand and kiss him. Sneaking around wasn’t as much fun as it sounded, and at some point he just got scared that the rumours would get to his mother before he had a chance to talk to her. She hadn’t been surprised at all, but had still managed to make the whole thing horrible, by sitting him down and giving him a very detailed talk about sex - gay sex. It had come in helpful about a six months later, but at the time he’d thought he’d die out of embarrassment.

He’s worried about Brock, about all of it being too much too fast. Of course, he wants him in L.A. with him and he doesn’t want to hide him or sneak around. If Brock asked him to however, he would do it. He’d drive to this fucking stupid yeehaw-town every week if he had to, just to go and see his man in secret – that’s how crazy he is about him, literally.

A kiss placed on the back of his hand brings him out of his head.

”You’re ok?” Brock asks him.

”Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

Brock chuckles and keeps his hand in his. ”Take a right behind that barn and park the car there. I can go in through the back and the car can’t be seen from the house.”

Jose parks the car as instructed and turns the engine off. ”You sure you wanna do this? You know you don’t have to.”

”Yes.” Brock sounds absolutely sure and weirdly calm.

”And you sure you don’t want me to come in with ya?”

”Absolutely. You stay here. The second you’d come in, it would be a fight.”

”If you not back in thirty minutes or give me some kind of sign you alive, I’m coming in with the troops to get ya,” Jose vows.

”What kind of troops?”

”Me and the twenty people living in my head.” Brock guffaws and pulls him into another kiss. When he pulls back, Jose wraps his arms around his neck to keep him close.

”You’re crazy.” Brock says it so lovingly that Jose doesn’t even protest, but instead kisses him again.

”You been warned now. No complaining when you stuck with my crazy ass.”

”I’d love to be stuck with your crazy ass. And I won’t regret doing his, don’t worry. No matter the outcome, I can’t see things being worse than just a week ago.”  Jose is surprised that Brock picked up on his worries even though he didn’t voice them out loud. ”Just… be here when I get back. Don’t leave, ok?”

”Never. My gay ass won’t leave this car or this place or you, promise. You got thirty minutes.”

”Ok,” Brock takes a deep breath and seems to steel himself for what’s coming. Before he leaves, he leans back into the car and pecks Jose’s lips a couple of times. ”For luck.” He winks at him and then is gone, has walked into the large barn. Jose takes his phone out and starts the 30 minute countdown, nervous about how this is going to go and his worries grow with every second that ticks down.

***

Brock takes another deep breath before he opens the backdoor to the house. He knows his parents will be sitting in the kitchen having breakfast. He wants to surprise them, so they won’t see him come. As quietly as possible he slips inside and can hear the usual breakfast sounds from the kitchen: the clatter of  the dishes and cutlery, his mother hurrying through the kitchen getting things for his father and his father flipping through the newspaper.

”Good morning,” he greets them, very aware that he is still wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

”Brock!” His mother sounds either relieved or worried, he can’t really tell, but she puts her fork down and looks at him.

”Where the hell have you been? I had to do all the work in the stable and barn on my own this morning. You gonna do the hay on ya own later,” his father barks and only shortly looks up from his newspaper.

”I’m gonna get you some coffee and make you something to eat,” his mother makes a move to stand up, but Brock stops her.

”No, I already had breakfast, thank you,” he says politely.

”I don’t care about your breakfast. I asked you a question!” His father puts his newspaper down and glares at him.

”I have to talk to you,” Brock says instead.

”You got the hussy pregnant, whoever she is?”

Brock ignores his fathers comment, leans against the counter and crosses his arms in front of his chest. He feels his heart beat away in his chest, much faster than usual, but he’s not scared. He knows that no matter what happens Jose is waiting in the car behind the barn and Ada will be on his side. He won’t be alone, he won’t be homeless and he will be loved; maybe even more than he’s ever been here in this house.

”I didn’t get anyone pregnant and I didn’t spent last night with a woman.” He just wants to go on when his mother interrupts him.

”Then where have you been? It’s not right being gone all night, no one knowing where ya at. Then you show up here in yesterday’s clothes. It’s not right, son.”

”Before I can tell you where I’ve been, there’s something else I need to tell you first. I… like… I know you’re gonna be disappointed and probably hate me, but… I can’t go on like this anymore. Things need to change.”

”You wanna bail on us again and leave us with the work, so you can go to some fancy school no one needs?”

”No, dad.” Brock shakes his head, but there’s a glimmer of hope in his chest that one day he will be able to do exactly that and study what he always wanted to study. ”But, like, it’s gonna depend on you, if I keep working on the farm or not. Because…. I’m gay.”

There, he’s said it.

He’s come out to his parents and they stare at him with wide eyes. The silence is very loud.

”What?” His father is so shocked that his voice is weirdly soft for once and Brock wonders when he has last heard it like this.

”I’m gay.” He says it louder, nearly proudly.

”But…no. No!” His mother shakes her head and presses her hand to her mouth. Brock feels the sadness and disappointment radiating off of her. It hurts, it does, but he’s still bracing himself for the explosion he knows is going to happen with his father.

”No son of mine is gay! I made sure of that!” He mumbles the words, which is weird.

”You surely tried beating it out of me, but it didn’t work.”

”You’re no faggot!” There it is, the yelling he has been waiting for. His father’s fists  slam down on the kitchen table.

”I spent last night with a man, so I’m pretty sure I am.” Brock ignores the slurs and tries to stay calm. A broken sob makes him look to his mother who has started to cry.

”Get the fuck out of my house! You disgust me! You no son of mine! My son’s no faggot!”

Brock takes a deep breath as more and more homophobic insults fly his way, that are getting cruder by the second. ”You sure you want me to leave? What about the farm and the work?”

”I’d rather burn the damn thing to the ground than have a faggot working and sleeping here. It’s damn time Dan takes over and starts working on the land he’s gonna inherit anyway, while you’ll burn in hell. And now fuck off before I shoot ya!”

”I’m gonna pack my things and leave. You won’t have to see me no more,” Brock replies, looking his father straight in the eyes. There’s so much he wants to say to him, tell him what an awful joke of a man and he is, but he knows it’s not worth it. This man doesn’t even deserve his anger. It’s not like he expected anything else. ”Mom? That’s what you want, too? You want me to leave?” He needs to ask though, because he still has hope. But she simply looks down to the table, like she can’t bear to even look at him anymore. ”Alright,” he nods, knowing that’s it.

He grabs his suitcase from under his bed and first puts his clothes in, then the few other things he wants to take: Photos, a couple of books, his bible, his old laptop, his photo camera and his phone charger. He also adds the small wooden chess game his grandmother bought him a long time ago and a small wooden chest he carved himself.

”Brock?” his mother is standing in the doorway, a tissue clasped tightly in her hand. He stops checking the room for forgotten things for a second and gives her his full attention.

”Mom?”

”Don’t… just say you didn’t mean it. We can like… the reverend can get you help and your dad will calm down and… we just gonna forget it all. If you take it back…” She’s still crying.

”I can’t, mom. I’ve tried conversion therapy when I went away to College and it didn’t work.”

”You knew back then that you’re…. that you’re thinking like that?”

”I’ve always known mom. And I tried to fight it and I tried to change and lie, even to myself, because I thought it was wrong and a sin and… everything y’all always told me. But I can’t do it no more. I’ve felt like shit for so long and I thought about killing myself a couple of times…” Another sob escapes his mother. ”And now, for the first time I’m in love. I love him, mom, so much. I tried to forget about him and continue living a lie, but I just can’t do it. You saw me lying in this bed, depressed and sick to my stomach. You know I’ve been unhappy. I just… I choose to be me this time and I choose to be happy. And I’d rather do it with you than without you, but you give me no choice.”

”Who is he?” her question is quiet and lacks emotion.

”His name is Jose. You’ve met him. ‘Vanjie’, he was Rachel’s dance teacher and drove us to the hospital when Dan fell. That’s kind of how we met.”

She nods and doesn’t look surprised. ”You take care of yourself.” She looks at him and he can’t see any hate or disgust in her eyes. Brock wants to step forward and hug her goodbye, but she quickly turns around before he can do so and leaves the room. This stings a lot more than his father’s screamed insults.

He quickly finishes packing, then grabs the suitcase and a sports bag and leaves the way he has come.

Outside he takes a deep breath. He’s finally free.

When he walks through the barn, Henry shows up and greets him like he usually does. Brock scratches his head and wants to keep walking, but Henry jumps on him and clings to his leg.

”You wanna come?” he asks him and picks him up. Suddenly he knows he can’t leave him. ”Let’s hope Jose’s ok with you.”

With Henry on his arm he suddenly feels euphoric. He did it! He’s come out to his parents, no one got shot and now he gets to finally live his life without hiding who he is or who he loves.

Jose jumps out of the car as soon as he sees him, runs towards him and hugs him so tightly he nearly makes him tumble to the ground and squish the cat.

”I was so worried. There’s only eleven minutes left.”

”I’m ok,” he assures him and laughs. Nothing feels better than being in Jose’s arms again. Jose grabs the sports bag from him and puts it in the back seat while Brock puts the suitcase in the trunk.

”And who’s this?” Jose the asks when he spots Henry.

”That’s my kitten Henry.”

”Kitten? That’s one huge ass cat,” Jose laughs. ”He coming with us, Tiger King?”

”If you’ll have him.”

”We can’t leave your baby behind.” Jose shrugs and suddenly wrinkles his forehead. There’s a weird sound coming from behind Brock. It’s coming from the barn and is getting louder and louder. ”And what the fuck is this?” Jose points to the ground.

Brock laughs when he sees what he means. ”That’s Henry’s brother Apollo.  He sounds like a broken lawn-mower when he tries to meow.”

”He ain’t no brother! They look nothing alike! You lying!”

”I’m not. Same litter, but he has a different father, obviously.”

”Oh, their mama’s one of those…” Jose nods knowingly and makes Brock chuckle again. ”What we gonna do with him? He looks pressed.”

”Apollo can’t be bothered by me or any other humans, but I guess he likes Henry.”

”That true? You hate us hoomans?” Jose crouches down and holds out his hand. To Brock’s biggest surprise the grey cat walks over to him and bumps his head against it and starts purring. ”Guess Thacks gonna have two new step brothers, ‘cause I got myself a mans,” Jose smirks up at him. The warmth that spreads from his heart through his whole body, reminds Brock again why he just did what he did. Jose’s certainly all worth it and so much more.

”What did I do to deserve you?” Brock speaks his thoughts out loud, and expresses the wonder that he feels.

”You cute, you been a good christian white boy all your life and you gonna fuck me real good when we get home, that’s what.” With a sassy smile Jose picks up Apollo and places him in the car, before he gets back into the driver’s seat. Brock can only laugh and follows him into the car.

***

By the time they’re back at Jose’s apartment, Brock’s euphoria is gone and reality has settled in. The short drive gave him time to think and once the stress is over, the sadness settles in. Brock kept petting Henry, who was sitting on his lap, while Apollo jumped all over the interior of the car during the short drive.

”Let’s go upstairs,” Jose nudges him gently when they have arrived and manages to catch Apollo, while Brock keeps Henry in his arms.

”Where we gonna put them?” he wonders, because he knows they can’t just let them run round in the same space as Thackery, or it’d end up in war.

”The bathroom for now. We gonna think of something later,” Jose decides. After the two cats are in there, Jose sits down on the sofa and opens his arms. ”And now come here, boo, so I can give ya a hug.” Brock is more than ready for that hug at this point and falls into his arms.

For a while they are both silent, even though Brock knows Jose wants to know what exactly happened. But he needs a moment to sort his thoughts and analyse his own emotions, as he goes over the talk with his parents again and again, different feelings bubbling up.

”My dad reacted like expected. But my mom, she, like, she let me go, didn’t even fight for me. I mean, she like came after me to my room and asked me to take it all back, but she wouldn’t accept me, now that I’m finally being myself. She’d rather have me be fucking unhappy and lying, than gay. How fucked up is that?”

”Real fucked up.” Jose is running his fingers through Brock’s hair and it’s the most relaxing thing ever. ”Did she like throw you out? Your dad did, right?”

”My dad did. She just said I should take care of myself. No goodbye, no ‘I love you’, nothing. Aren’t your parents supposed to love you unconditionally? What happened to that? But, like, they never did anyway, not even my mom. All this crap about family and how we all there for each other and have each others back and love… it’s all just bullshit.”

”Dunno if it helps, but I love you.” Jose sounds timid and it makes Brock look up at him.

”It does. It helps a lot. And I love you, too.” Jose smiles and pecks his lips, which instantly makes Brock feel a whole lot better. ”Is it always like this when you’re in a relationship? That you feel so much so quickly?” He snuggles even more up to Jose, not caring that he’s taler than him. He just needs to be held right now.

”I don’t think so. It ain’t ever been like this for me before. That how I know you special. I couldn’t forget ya.”

”I had like crushes before, but… when I saw you the first time, like… I had to pray extra hard that night.”

”What did you pray for?”

”Salvation? Forgiveness for my sins, because I thought about how beautiful you are and how cute and like…”

”And how hot and sexy and how you was ogling my gay ass and wanted a piece of it?” Jose’s teasing is not too far away from the truth.

”Pretty much,” Brock admits with an embarrassed chuckle.

”Haaa! Babe!” Jose screeches, laughs and hugs him so tightly Brock has trouble breathing.

”I wanted to jump your bones the first time I saw you. You was so fucking hot when you was sleeping in the studio. I kept staring at ya for like ten minutes before I woke you up.”

”You were ogling me?” Brock smiles.

”Hey, bitch, you were ogling me too. Don’t play!” They both have to laugh.

”I’m so glad you came back,” Brock admits after another minute of silence, during which Brock just listens to Jose’s breathing, his head against his chest.

”Me too.”

”And now you’re stuck with taking me back to L.A. with you, paying for everything until I find a job and on top you have two more cats to take care of.” It’s meant to be a flippant and funny comment, but once he speaks the words, Brock realises that he’s scared; Scared that Jose will realised some day soon what he got himself into and will throw him out as well. If his parents don’t want him around, then why should he?

”Now listen….” Jose actually grabs his curls to make him look at him, when Brock doesn’t react to the nudges he gives him before. Once Brock is looking at him, he continues. ”I told you I want you in L.A. with me. If living together gets too much, we can find another solution, but bitch, if you thinking you too much… ya better wait until you realise how crazy I can get. I want my man with me and I want a future. I don’t like playing around and wandering eyes and all that shit. I want to think about a future and long term and I want exclusive. If I hear ”open relationship” from one of these L.A. hos one more time, Imma lose my fucking mind. I’m jealous and all my exes say I’m clingy and I might get too extra sometimes. But… what I wanna say is, we both not perfect and it’s not gonna be all perfect and sexy all the time, but, like, I love you a whole lot and I wanna make this work.”

Brock kisses him softly before he replies. ”Same. And I don’t even know what an open relationship is, but… I’ve never been in any relationship, so…we’ll learn together?” He shrugs. ”And I think… if there’s some way, I really wanna study photography. And I need a job, because I can’t just sit around all day. I’ll do some research later.”

”See, you already making plans. And maybe, you know, you should look into a therapist while you at it. I’m crazy enough for the two of us.” Jose smiles again when Brock chuckles.

”You’re not that crazy.” Brock slowly sits up and adjusts his position, so he is resting against the back of the couch, when his neck starts to hurt. Not being close to Jose is unacceptable, so he pulls him against him this time.

”What else do you wanna do in the future?”

”Someday, I want to go on a vacation. And I want to go to the beach and see the sea. I’ve never been to a real beach.”

”Like never ever?”

”Never ever.”

”Our house is not that far from the beach in L.A., just a ten minute drive. We’ll go, first thing when we get there.”

”And I want to buy a real car, one that doesn’t break down all the time. And one day, I think I want to get married.”

”You wanna have kids too?”

”I’m not sure. Do I have to decide now?” Brock wonders.

”Nah, I’m not sure either. Just… it’s good to know you on the same page in general. Like, I wanna get married, too. And I want someone loyal and faithful and… I wanna be enough.”

”How could you not be enough?” Brock really doesn’t get it.

”Ask my ex. He’s the one who cheated all the time.”

”I’m sorry,” Brock feels bad for him, but he also can’t understand how anyone could cheat on Jose.

”Just… if you ever get sick of me… don’t cheat, k? Just talk to me.”

”Same. If you ever want me gone, talk to me.”

”Deal.” Jose puckers his lips and they kiss to seal the deal.  ”How’bout we go back to bed and take a nap. This day’s already been a lot and some crazy motherfucker woke me up way too early and didn’t even let me go back to sleep after we done and did the dirty.” A wide yawn accompanies Jose’s words.

”Weren’t you the one who wanted the dirty? I just wanted to fix the AC.”

Jose snorts and slaps Brock’s shoulder before he sits up. ”Sure, asshole. That why you nearly fucked me again on the kitchen counter.” He holds out his hand to Brock. ”Come on. I need my beauty sleep, before I can come up with a plan for the cats and all the other crazy shit.”

They both just take their pants and shoes off, push Thackery aside and are asleep in no time, even though it’s not even noon yet.

***

Because of their long nap around noon, they are both still up around midnight. Brock knows it’s not that unusual for Jose, but for him it’s certainly past his usual bedtime. However he’s not even tired yet. They’ve done not much in the afternoon, just talked to Jason and had dinner together in the evening. Then Jose had made him watch another movie he insisted Brock absolutely needed to watch. He couldn’t even tell you what it was about, since they spent nearly the whole time making out like teenagers.

”It finally a bit cooler,” Jose remarks when he comes back from the bathroom, where he took care of the cats. Brock has opened the windows and enjoys the gentle breeze that comes in from outside.

”It’s nice outside.” He looks out the window and sees the fields around them illuminated by the moonlight.

”Mmh.” Jose wraps his arms around Brock’s waist from behind and leans his cheeks against his shoulder. ”In L.A. when it’s this nice out at night, I sometimes drive out to the beach and hang out with my friends.”

This gives Brock an idea. He lifts his arm and brings Jose around to his front. ”You up for going for a short drive? I think I know a place you might like.”

”Now?”

”Now.” Brock confirms and softly kisses his man. ”You got a blanket? I get the beer from the fridge.”

”Oooh, we going for a picnic?” Jose seems excited by the prospect and hurries off.

”One without food maybe,” Brock chuckles.

”I still got cold pizza in the fridge from yesterday. We could take it.”

”I hate cold pizza.” Brock actually shudders.

”You one weird motherfucker, boo.” Jose comes back with a woolen blanket and has changed from his sweats into shorts.

”Why did you change?”

”‘Cause we going out and not to the dance studio?”

”You know that everybody but us is asleep in this town?”

”So? You taking me out on our kinda first date and I gotta look good.”

The explanation is so much like Jose, that it makes Brock laugh. ”You always look good,” he kisses him again. ”But this is not a date. When we’re in L.A. and once I got some money, I’m going to take you out on a real date, I promise.”

Jose just smiles brightly and they leave. To his biggest surprise Jose just hands him the car keys, because he says it’s easier that way. He’s right of course, bur Brock is still a bit intimidated by the expensive car. It’s amazing to drive and Jose keeps watching him like one proud mother.

Brock pulls off the main road quickly and takes the small paths he’s known all his life. They are in the middle of endless corn fields, that are so high even the car can’t be seen from outside. When he reaches the clearing, he parks the car.

”Who that is?” Jose points to the oak tree, that is the reason why they are here.

”That’s a swing I put here for Rachel. The land belongs to my mom, but no one ever comes out here but me and so I made this Rachel’s secret hideaway. My dad’s always wanted to chop up the tree, but he never got to it,” Brock explains and gets out of he car. In the middle of the field is a small patch of grass and a huge oak tree that has a wooden swing hanging off one of the branches.

”You made that? How the fuck did you get up there?” Jose asks and walks closer to the swing.

”Just threw the ropes over the branch,” Brock shrugs.

”That safe?”

”I sometimes come here at night when I can’t sleep, just to sit on the swing and pretend I’m the only person in the world.” He pulls Jose close by wrapping an arm around his shoulders. ”I just thought, like, you’d like to see this place before we leave and like… I wanted you to see it.”

”You better stop with this romantic shit, asshole, or I’m gonna cry,” Jose hugs him around the middle and presses a kiss to his upper arm.

”You wanna try out the swing?”

”Kinky,” Jose winks at him, but then jumps on the swing.  At first Brock pushes him, but then Jose is flying high and higher, his usual enthusiasm taking over. Brock keeps an eye on him as he spreads out the blanket and grabs the beer from the car. Jose whoops and laughs as he flies through the air and Brock snaps a couple of pictures of him with his phone. He’s lucky he’s just filming a video of him, when Jose lets go of the ropes and jumps off the swing.

”Jo!” Brock yelps, scared he might hurt himself, but Jose lands perfectly and smiles proudly.

”Calm down, mami. I’m a dancer, we do shit like that on the regular. You not going on the swing?” He walks over to where Brock is sitting and sits down next to him.

”Nah, not right now. I had fun watching you.” He hands him a beer.

”And you say this ain’t a date. Most romantic shit I’ve ever been on.” Jose comments and leans back on his elbows.

”I always thought dates involve going out for dinner or a movie or something.”

”A date can be whatever you want. And if you asking me, like, it don’t need to be some huge ass production, you know. Like presents don’t have to be expensive. I don’t need someone to spend a shitload of money on some shit I don’t need or want. But, you know, if people put some thought into it…. Other things are important.”

”Mmh… you might want to remember that when I make you something for each anniversary, Christmas and birthday, because I don’t have any money.” Brock smiles, meaning it as a joke, but Jose remains thoughtful.

”I take this here and having time with you over roses or some shit.” Jose takes another sip of beer, then places the bottle on the ground next to him. ”Time’s gonna be a problem. I have to travel a lot for work and then you’re gonna be on your own in L.A.” He rolls towards Brock, who pulls him the rest of the way on top of him.

”I’m gonna miss you then.” He says lightly and kisses him. It doesn’t take long until Jose deepens the kiss and Brock opens his legs, so he can lie between them. Surrounded by corn fields and with the moon shining above them, they soon lose their shirts and pants, but they don’t change their positions. There’s no one nearby to hear their moans as they move, and Brock is surprised by how much he likes Jose’s weight on top of him, as they rut and grind against each other. Sometimes Jose’s dicks slips down between his butt cheeks, bumps against his sphincter and makes him groan even louder. Gasping into Jose’s mouth, Brock comes all over his stomach and chest, when Jose brings his hand between them and wraps it around their dicks, as they keep moving.

”That why you really brought me here?” Jose asks him with a smirk, after he’s followed him over the edge a while later.

”Not really. Or I would have brought condoms and lube,” Brock laughs and gives him a kiss.

”True dat,” Jose nods and looks down between them. ”Your shirt or mine?” he asks then and wrinkles his nose, seeing the mess they made.

”Just use the edge of the blanket. We need to wash it anyway.” Jose does just that and wipes them both clean with it, before he resumes his position on top of Brock again. Brock runs his hands up and down his back and enjoys the feeling of his smooth, warm skin. ”Hey Jo?”

”Huh?”

Brock is nervous and wonders if he should really say something. This is all so new and he’s never been in a relationship, so he has no reference for what’s ok or not. But… it’s what he feels and Jose asked him to speak his mind a couple of times. And he’d rather do it here in the semi-dark than in bright daylight at some later point.

”You know the first time… you said that you wouldn’t mind if… like… I really like you on top of me like this and, like….” Brock rambles and tries to find the right way to say it. Jose stops him with a kiss.

”You wanna bottom sometime, that it?”

”I’ve never done it before.”

”We’ll try it and see if you like it, ok?”

”Does it hurt?”

”Not of you prepped right. Imma make sure you gonna be ok,” Jose vows and suddenly the nervousness is gone. ”We gonna start slow and take our time. Paris wasn’t built in a day.”

Brock guffaws, he can’t help it. He strongly suspects that Jose messes up on purpose to make him laugh, because he always has that little smile on his face when he botches another saying. It’s like it’s a challenge.

”Rome, you goof.”

”Bitch, what? You ain’t gonna tell me Paris was built in a day!” Now they’re both cackling.

***

”Brock! Your phone! It’s Ada,” Jose calls the next morning when he stumbles out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, where Brock is sitting in front of his laptop with a cup of coffee.

”Thanks.” He quickly gives him a kiss good morning before he answers the call, as he watches Jose trudge into the bathroom. ”Hey Ada.”

”Hey, little brother. Mom stopped by this morning and told me you came out to them yesterday. Something you wanna tell me?” the tone of her voice makes it clear she knows the main things already anyway.

”Jose and I are together now.”

”Oh my god!” Ada’s loud and excited scream keeps Brock from continuing. ”Oh my god! I’m so happy for you! I knew it!”

”Speaking of which… Jose tells me you kind of talked him into coming back here. Anything you wanna add?”

”Uhm… not really. I don’t feel sorry, but I can say it if you wanna hear it,” she giggles.

”Nah… I guess I have to say thank you,” Brock chuckles.

”So, you’re happy?”

”Very.”

”Aww, my brother’s in love. Finally! How about the two of you come over for dinner today and tell me all about it and your coming-out and what you gonna do next?”

”Uhm… let me just check with Jose real quick.” Brock gets up and walks into the bathroom where the shower is running. ”Jo?”

”Yes, you can come in, but only if you wash my hair again.” He still sounds like he’s half asleep, which makes Brock laugh.

”I don’t wanna shower with you. Ada’s asking, if we wanna come over for dinner tonight.”

”Cool. What should we bring?”

”Jose asks if we should bring something.” Brock tells his sister.

”Just some wine of you want some, because I only have kid friendly drinks in the house.”

”Alright, then see you tonight,” Brock tells her.

”See you later. Enjoy your ‘shower’,” Ada laughs before she hangs up. For a second Brock stares disbelievingly at the phone.

”What, why you looking at the phone like that?” Jose’s head pops around the shower curtain.

”Ada just made a sexual reference or joke.” Brock tells him.

”Bitch, that lady has seven kids! Don’t tell me you think the stork brought them, or we having some serious issues here,” Jose rolls his eyes and disappears back behind the curtain. Brock just laughs, places his phone on the shelf and quickly steps out of his clothes.

”Give me that.” He gently takes the shampoo bottle from Jose when he sees into the shower, and starts washing his hair as requested. His boyfriend moans obscenely as he massages his skull.

”You gotta do that every day from now on.” His eyes are closed as he enjoys Brock’s touches.

”That what you had in mind when you talked about making me your sex slave?”

”When you suck my cock after this, we might be getting close,” the bratty answer comes, which makes Brock chuckle.

”My mom told Ada about me coming out to them. So I guess Dan knows too at this point.”

”How do you think he’ll react?”

”I don’t know. Honesty, I don’t think Dan on his own would care too much, but my sister in law will surely have something to say about it.”

”She one of those stuck up bit…women?”

”You can say it, she really is a bitch. Always has been,” Brock laughs.

”My mama’ gonna whoop your ass, if you ever talk about a women like that when she’s present.”

”Speaking of which… does your family know anything about this?” He grabs the shower head and rinses Jose’s hair out.

”Who do you think let me cry in her arms when I got back? And I told her I was coming back here and I might have texted her last night, when we was driving to the swing and let her know I got myself a man.” He smiles proudly.

”And what does she think about this? Me?” Now Brock is scared, because he knows how much his mother means to Jose. If she doesn’t like him or what she knows about him, it might be a deal breaker.

”She’s happy I’m happy and she wants to meet you soon. I think she’ll just show up as soon as we tell her we back in L.A.”

”She doesn’t have a problem with you bringing back a poor hillbilly?”

”My ma?” Jose guffaws. ”I showed her your picture and she only asked if you got a single older brother, ‘cause you hot as fuck.”

”Come on! No way your mother said that! ‘Hot as fuck’, no way!” Brock laughs.

”You better believe it, child, or you in for a shock when you meet my ma. She even crazier than I am. A warning: Don’t ever drink with her, ‘cause she’ll win and you’ll be dead the next day.”

”She sounds nothing like my mother.” Brock tries to picture her, but he can’t. Jose’s description sounds like no mother he’s ever met around here.

”Nope. Think J.Lo really being from the block.”

”Who’s J.Lo?”

Jose’s loud groan echoes through the bathroom. ”We got so much work to do, so much motherfucking work.” Then his kisses Brock and ends the discussion for the next two hours, because they have better things to do.

***

Ada is so excited she’s basically dancing through the house when they get there. Rachel, Jonathan and Ruthie are still up as well, while the other four are already in bed. To Brock’s surprise Joe, Ada’s husband, is also home and he greets him like always, with a pat on the back and not many words. He’s nice to Jose though, offers him something to drink and tries to stop Ruthie from climbing all over him. Ada hugs Brock tightly and he thinks she might even be crying a little.

”I’m just so glad and happy,” she says when he looks at her questioningly. ”Rachel, Jonathan can you go and wash your hands? Joe can you take Ruthie to bed? She said she’d go once she saw Vanjie.”

”Sure,” Joe agrees and plucks Ruthie off Jose’s back, not that he seems to mind her climbing all over him while he chats with Rachel.

”Rachel showed her videos of you and pictures and now she says she’s your biggest fan,” Ada explains to Jose, when he joins them in the kitchen.

”That’s real cute. Imma send her one of my shirts when we back home in LaLaland.”

”We? You’re really going to L.A. with him?” Ada asks Brock.

”Yes,” he nods and smiles at Jose, who wraps an arm around his waist. ”I’m going back to school for photography. We already signed me up for classes this afternoon and I can start right away. We also found me a therapist and I’ll start that two weeks from now. All I got to do now is find a job,” Brock tells his sister. He is so excited that they managed to get all that done in just one afternoon, but with Jose’s help it wasn’t a problem at all. He’s seen on google maps where he’s going to live and they found a school that’s in the area and both affordable and offers a good program. Jose took care of the therapist by asking around with his friends… it all just fell into place.

”That can wait. You gonna be busy with school and therapy and the house and three kitty cats. You know I won’t be around much for the first month or so.” Jose reminds him. It’s a bit nerve wrecking to think about being alone in a big city and find his way, but he knows he’ll manage and it’s not like Jose won’t be home at all. He just has a lot of rehearsals for a video shoot.

”You gonna move to L.A.?” Rachel’s voice comes from behind and she sounds less than happy.

”Yes, I’m going to L.A.” Brock confirms and both he and Jose turn around, their arms still wrapped around each other.

”But what about me? You can’t leave!” Rachel bursts into tears.

”Oh, honey,” Brock rushes over to her and picks her up. He knows she’s too old for that with her nearly eleven years, but at the moment it feels right and he has to console her.

”Why you leaving me?” She sobs. ”You’re my best friend.”

”And I’ll always be your best friend, Rache’.” He tries to wipe her tears away but they keep falling. Jose comes up behind them and rubs her back.

”You can always come and visit us. There’s a guest room that’s gonna be yours whenever you want it,” Jose vows.

”You gonna live together?” Rachel’s eyes widen.

”Yes. You know that I’m gay, right? You know I like men?” Brock asks her and sits down on the sofa in the living room with her, Jose sitting down on the other side of her.

”Momma told me.”

”I think you kind of knew before, didn’t you?” Brock smiles.

”Kinda,” she confirms, smiles and sniffs one last time before she wipes her own tears away.

”And I love Jose a  lot and we want to be together, but we can’t do that here. Jose has no work here and grandma and grandpa don’t want me living at their house anymore. That’s why I’m going to Los Angeles with Jose.”

”You not gonna be happy here without him and no work and no house.” Rachel nods her head.

”Yeah.”

”You gonna be nice to him, right? He’s my best friend! Or I’ll kick your ass!” She suddenly warns Jose. He’s the one who screeches and screams with laughter, while Brock’s mouth just hangs open.

”Rachel! That’s one dollar for the swearing jar,” Ada speaks up, even though she’s looking really amused as well.

Jose takes a ten dollar bill out of his jeans pocket and hands it to the girl. ”Here. The rest’s bribe money,” he tells her.

”Accepted,” she smirks and wanders off to pay her bill.

”You go and spoil her like that, Jose, and I’ll send her your way to set her straight when she enters the teen years.” Ada warns him and starts putting food on the table.

”She cute, clever and sassy. I like her.”

”Sounds like someone else I know,” Brock points out. First a large smile blossoms on Jose’s face, before he pulls him close for another kiss.

”Seeing you together, it might really be better you’re moving to the big city. You can’t keep your hands off each other,” Ada laughs and makes Brock blush.

”Hey, don’t play shy now! You the one who won’t give my hand back,” Jose teases and looks pointedly to their linked fingers. ”Miss Ada, watch him later. As soon as I’m gonna be done eating, he  be holding my hand again, or touching my shoulder. He always been this touchy feely?” Jose gives his hand a squeeze that Ada can’t see.

”My brother was very tactile and affectionate as a child but then it stopped. Seems you bring it back out of him.”

”Can you two stop talking about me? I’m sitting right here.” Brock finally complaints when his ears are so hot and red he fears they might falls off soon.

Ada laughs. ”So when are you two going to L.A.?”

”I have to be back on Thursday for rehearsal and we thought some days to show Brock around town might be nice.” Jose starts the explanation.

”Monday,” Brock finally tells his sister.

”So soon? That’s just two days from now.”

”I know.” Brock takes a deep breath to stop himself from bursting into tears. He’s going to miss his sister so much. ”We thought we could maybe do something tomorrow, because we know you all got church on Sunday.”

”Sounds good. Joe has to leave tomorrow morning, but we can come up with something.”

”We could all go swimming,” Rachel suggests as she walks back into the room with her father.

”That sounds great, Miss Rachel,” Jose nods. ”And this looks amazing.” He compliments the food.

”Then let’s eat,” Ada says, and that’s what they do.

It turns out Jose is wrong about the touching. He’s barely finished his salad when he feels Brock’s free hand on his thigh. Only Ada’s pointed look makes Brock realise what he’s doing, but he just shrugs, smiles and places a kiss on Jose’s cheek that makes Jonathan gag, Rachel squeal and Ada sigh happily.

Two

 2

It’s the first time since he’s arrived in Los Angeles that Brock goes out at night and he goes out alone.

It’s not that unusual for him to go out alone to a gay club or bar on Saturday night and look to meet someone, but until a couple of weeks ago he knew everyone from the bouncer to the bartenders to the usual crowd. He’d been part of the gay scene for so long that people looked familiar at least, and even if he went out alone, he knew he would run into someone he knew. Then he moved.

Here in Los Angeles everything is different and unfamiliar. Brock sits at the bar alone and so far has dodged two very open requests for a quick fuck in the bathroom. It’s not what he’s here for, not anymore. It might not be the best place, but he hopes that in a room full of gay men, there will be someone he likes, who is looking for something of more substance and longevity.

Each time Brock thinks about dating and a possible relationship, the face of the elevator hottie, as Steve has named him, shows up in his mind. He has such a cute smile and there’s always some kind of spark in his eyes that makes Brock’s heart beat faster. Brock doesn’t know if it’s mischief or cheekiness, but it’s always there in his expression and it fascinates Brock.

He still hasn’t found out his name, workplace or if he’s even gay, but that doesn’t stop Brock from thinking about the elevator hottie throughout the day, or during the night – or while being in a gay club, nursing his drink alone at the bar.

After a while the barkeeper strikes up a conversation with him and keeps the drinks coming. Brock debates dancing, but he is positive that as soon as he’d step out onto the dance floor alone, someone would rub against him, push his junk up against his ass or grind  down on him.  He doesn’t judge and has done it himself before, but it’s not what he wants at the moment.

When the bar gets really busy and his only source of conversation has to actually work, Brock turns around on his stool and watches the crowd, but is careful not to look at anyone for too long.

It’s funny how even here in L.A. you can make out the different types of people in a club, that never seem  to differ. The dressed up gays that walk the dance floor alone and try to find a fuck for the night. The ones who look around with a slight panic in their eyes and hold on to their drinks too tightly, either because it’s their first time at a gay club like this or because they are officially straight and most likely married. The ones who are very comfortable, chat a bit here and there and seem to know everyone because they are here a couple of times a week are the regulars. And then there are the groups, who just come to have fun, either with their boyfriends or with other gay friends. They are loud and usually drunk.

One group on the other side of the dance floor catches his attention. There’s a man there who is the same height, has the same skin tone, the same built, same hair color… it can’t be… can it? Brock’s heart does that thing again where it speeds up and his stomach feels all fluttery at the mere possibility of the elevator hottie being here.

Brock watches as they move onto the dance floor, their drinks spilling over the rims of their cups, not that they seem to care as they start to move. Moves they certainly have, the one in question in particular. The way he twerks and shakes his ass should be illegal, no matter who he is. Brock gets half hard just watching this guy dance. Does it matter if it’s the elevator guy? Maybe he should try and hook up with him even if he’s not?

When the man turns around and crouches down, just to come back up a second later, Brock gasps; it really is the elevator hottie. If Brock ever needed any confirmation that he’s gay, he has it now. He’s as beautiful as always and Brock just knows that he will smell just as amazing as he does every morning in the elevator.

This is his chance, Brock knows. He has to know if he stands a chance with the guy. He leaves his drink at the bar, knowing he won’t come back to it no matter what and then dances out into the crowd. Brock quickly wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans and tries to push his nervousness down. Brock keeps it very mild and sways a bit to the music as he moves in the right direction, so he can accidentally bump into his crush. He giggles, when he realizes how juvenile this move is, but he doesn’t have any other idea at the moment. Just walking over and introducing himself would be awkward after all those weeks in silence every morning. And Brock’s not willing to gamble and wait for the off-chance that he will glance his way and come to him. He’s done with that.

When Brock has finally reached the group, he dances with his back towards them, not sure which one of them is standing behind him at the moment.

The beat gets louder, the crowd goes crazy for the song and Brock finally turns around. There’s a small, cute, black guy with curly hair dancing in front of him but when he looks straight ahead, Brock meets two twinkling brown eyes, who widen in surprise, before they start smiling at him, like they do each morning.

Brock smiles as well and tries to look surprised. His crush doesn’t seem to believe him though, seems to snort and starts laughing.  Then he walks towards him, sassy expression on his face , wraps his arms around Brock’s waist and starts dancing with him, much slower and more closely than the song really calls for. They keep the eye contact as they dance and grind and do all the things Brock didn’t want to do earlier. He really wants to do them now.

It’s only natural that some time into the next song when their eyes meet again, their lips meet. Brock tries to keep his eyes open when their tongues touch and he pulls the smaller man even closer.

They make out right there on the dance floor in the middle of sweaty bodies surrounding them and slamming into them or they slam into the others as they stumble blindly through the dim room. Their way ends up with Brock being pressed against the wall as elevator hottie kisses him senseless, his hands on his ass and in his hair, angling his head. Brock wonders if he should stop this for a second, just to make it clear that he’s not a bottom, an info that seems needed the way his ass gets kneaded and fondled through his jeans. The idea flies from his head when their crotches touch again. They’re basically fucking each other against the wall with their clothes still on, yet Brock doesn’t want to stop it – not that he could. He’s completely overwhelmed by the smaller man and the way he kisses, tastes, feels and smells. It’s even better than he imagined.

Brock’s very close to coming in his pants, hopes that this is just the start of the night for them, when Brock suddenly remembers that he doesn’t even know the name of the other man. He can’t call him elevator hottie while they are fucking, can he? And asking him the next morning, in a ‘by the way’ kind of way would be very awkward.

So Brock places a hand on his chest and slowly pushes him backwards, following him with a his head for a moment, so their lips and tongues won’t have to separate just yet. Brock would keep kissing him all night, if this wasn’t so important to him.

”What’s your name?” Brock yells over the loud music of the club, panting hard. Cutie wrinkles his forehead and cocks his head to the side, then gestures up in the air and points to his ears, Brock curses quietly and tries to dig his cellphone out of his pocket, which is difficult, because the hottie’s arms are still wrapped around him, his mouth back to sucking on his neck and Brock’s still painfully hard and straining against his jeans, which doesn’t exactly create space to work with.

‘What’s your name?’ Brock types and shows it to the smaller man.

‘Jose. You?’ Comes the typed reply.

‘I’m Brock’

Jose smiles and types again for a moment longer. ‘Nice 2 meet ya. Gimme a call sometime. Number saved under Jose elevator’ Brock reads the message as soon as his phone is handed back to him. When he looks up, Jose smirks, smooches him one more time, the kiss messy and wet, then purses his lips and walks off into the crowd with a long glance back and that sassy expression on his face, that makes Brock even harder in his pants.

”You fucking tease.” Brock laughs and watches him go. It’s also the first thing he texts him later, when he’s back at home in bed.

***

One

1

Brock is happy when after only three weeks at his new job, he’s managed to implement a steady work routine; one that gives him time for not getting up too early, not working too late and therefore makes it possible to have a life outside of work. He’s able to workout again, meet friends or just relax in front of the tv. Brock could even date again, if he found someone worth his time.

He’s pretty sure all of his new colleagues are straight, even though none of them seem to have problem with him being gay.

Maybe it’s the start up character of the business or just the field they’re in. But as a company producing calendars, office devices and books that help create awareness and self-care, there seems to be no space for homophobic assholes. Instead Brock’s surrounded by vegans, yoga practitioners, happy go lucky personalities, social justice fighters and the occasional soft-hearted grump, who usually either works in accounting or IT.

Every morning, Brock gets up at seven and heads to the yoga class just around the corner of his apartment. Afterwards, he comes back and showers, then leaves and walks to the office building, buying breakfast on the way.

It’s usually the same people in the elevator: The small woman with the curly hair from the pet supply company. A man in his fifties, who looks like the director of something and always gets out first on the second floor. He could easily walk, but doesn’t. And ‘sexy guy’. Brock secretly named him after he seeing him the first time.

He’s cute, smaller than Brock – which is not unusual because he’s quite tall – has warm brown eyes, tan smooth skin and always accurately styled, dark hair. His whole outfit is always so on point and everything matches down to the necklaces, rings and earrings. Sometimes his tattoos show and sometimes they don’t. There’s a women’s name tattooed on his arm and Brock wonders if that’s his wife or girlfriend. Or, if he’s really unlucky, his ex? Then again, Brock’s gaydar goes off when he sees the guy and maybe the name belongs to someone else?

Brock always tries to stand close to him in the elevator, because he loves the cologne he uses. After two days of enjoying it, Brock makes a point of putting on cologne or aftershave as well.

The first day Brock sees him in the elevator, he catches glimpses of him out of the corner of his eyes. He wonders where he works, but Brock has to get out before him. So wherever he works, it’s higher up in the building.

After about a week of riding on the elevator together they sometimes nod at each other in recognition. To make it less obvious, Brock does the same with the other people in the elevator, but none of them make him as giddy as the sexy guy. Whenever he nods back at Brock, Brock can’t keep the dopey smile off his face and his colleagues quickly catch on that there’s something going on some mornings. Brock’s in a very good mood then, while he’s down whenever the sexy man isn’t there or is blocked by someone else standing in front of him.

Another two weeks later they nod and smile. What a smile it is! Brock marvels at the cute dimple on his left cheek.

And Brock tries to find out which company he could work for. There’s a couple of lawyers in the building, but that doesn’t sound right. A company who produces software for special needs children, which he also can’t picture him working for. There’s also a fashion outlet with offices and a make-up company somewhere up there. These two sound more likely, the way he’s dressed.

”Why don’t you just ask him?” his friend Steve asks him when he discusses the possibilities with him for the fourth day on a row. Debating if he’s working in make-up or fashion and which job he could have. Something creative? Certainly not accounting…

”I can’t just ask a complete stranger I only see once each day in the elevator ‘Oh, by the way, where’re you working?’”

”Why not? If he’s really gay it could be a good way to get talking. And if he’s not it’s innocent enough.”

”I don’t know,” Brock replies.

”Since when are you so shy? You were the biggest slut in town.”

”Yeah, exactly: were. I told you, I’m done with hookups and no strings attached. I want to take this new start here and find something that lasts.”

”Yeah, yeah, I know. You left New York and a job where you made a shitload of money for some small start up in L.A so you can find love.”

”Mock me all you want, I don’t care. I’m gonna find a man and settle down and I won’t be alone anymore.”

”Who knew you ho were such a romantic,” Steve laughs. ”But good for you. So the elevator hottie, he could be the one?”

”I don’t even know his name yet.” Brock chuckles and rolls his eyes at his best friend. Being the one is a lot of pressure and maybe Brock should try and find out his name and ask him out on a date first.

”Then find it out!”

”I will.” He promises Steve and himself as well, because he really knows that.

The next day waiting for the elevator Brock rehearses the words he’s come up with in his head. However, when he steps onto the elevator with the usual crowd, the person he looks for isn’t there.

For two weeks he’s gone and then he’s suddenly back again, looking better than ever and stuns Brock into silence. They nod at each other again; it takes another week until they’re back at smiling and nodding once more.

And then, one day when Brock reaches his floor and it’s just the two of them, he turns around when he’s already out of the elevator and gives him a small wave and another smile. And the hot guy looks surprised at first, but then his eyes crinkle at the corner, he smiles and waves back much more enthusiastically than Brock did. Brock knows it’s his chance and opens his mouth, but then the doors close and once more the chance is gone.

***

Four

4

Brock is fifteen minutes early to their first real date, but he just couldn’t wait at home any longer. He tried, not to be that dork again, but ultimately failed.

Brock changed his outfit five times, cuddled the cats for a bit, texted his best friend and finally walked part of the way before he called an uber; all of it in an attempt not to be ridiculously early.

When Brock got to the restaurant he smoked a cigarette in hopes of calming down, paced a bit in front of it and finally, five minutes after their agreed-upon the, he want inside and asked if his date was already inside. He wasn’t.

So Brock was back to waiting outside, pacing a bit and smoking. Each cigarette followed by some gum, because he didn’t want to smell and taste like ash, for the slim chance that he would to get to kiss Jose again. Eight came and went and Brock checked his phone.

Until when, ten past eight, Jose’s finally here and Brock can’t even be angry or annoyed, because he’s juts so glad that they are both here, finally, on this date he’s waited for weeks and months.

”Hey, it’s good to see you,” Brock greets Jose, who smiles widely in return, but blushes a bit. They quickly hug, share a quick peck on the lips, what  feels a bit awkward. The pressure of them all dressed up outside of this fancy restaurant seems to get to the both of them. ”Let’s go inside.”

Inside the posh Italian restaurant, they are guided to the table Brock has reserved. It’s outside on then patio, overlooking a large garden. It’s really romantic with the sun set in the background and the candle on the table.

”They even have fairy lights up. This is so cheesy,” Brock laughs and hides his face in his hands for a second. He wanted this to be a really romantic first date, because he likes Jose so much. But he’s afraid it’s a bit too much, if Jose isn’t into cheesy romance.

”The menus,” the waitress makes him look up again. As he takes one menu his eyes meet Jose’s who twinkle with amusement from across the table. ”Do you already know what you want to drink?” the waitress goes on, looking at the both of them.

”Some wine?” Brock asks Jose, who simply nods. ”Can you bring us a bottle of red wine, please? Maybe this one?” Brock asks her and points to the menu. He knows the wine, he just isn’t sure he wouldn’t bitch up the Italian name if he tried to pronounce it.

”Yes, of course.” She is gone again and they both open the large menus to see what they want to eat.

They waitress comes back once more with a basket with bread, some olives, ham and oil, before she returns and brings the ordered wine. She expertly uncorks the bottle and ours them each a glas of the dark red liquid.

”So, what would you like to eat?”

”I’ll take bruschetta as a side and the spaghetti vongole as the main course please.” Brock ells her and closes his menu. They both look expectantly at Jose. He seems unsure, but then seems to have made up his mind as he shows the waitress what he wants. Brock laughs and it makes him feel a bit better about the wine order and Jose returns his smile.

Once they are alone again, Brock raises his glass. ”To us finally being here on a date,” he toast and Jose softly clinks his glass against his. They sip their wine and for a moment Brock looks out into the garden, that’s illuminated in the near dark now.

”It’s so weird that the sun sets so fast here. Before, when I lived on the East coast it took much longer. Or at least it feels like it.” He muses. Jose watches him with a soft look, but doesn’t really react. Silence settles between them as they look at each other and for a while it’s comfortable. Until it isn’t anymore.

Jose’s smile is gone and he starts fiddling with the silverware.

”This is stupid.” Brock sighs and points between the two of them. Jose’s mouth drops open and his eyes go wide, before he seems to catch himself, bites his lip and looks down to the white table cloth.

Brock gets up, walks around the table and takes his chair with him. The table is wide enough and he doesn’t care if it looks stupid. It’s their first date and everyone else just has to suck it. He places his chair next to Jose’s, then picks up his napkin, silverware and glas and places it in front of him under Jose’s watchful eyes.

”There, better,” he decides and takes his cellphone out of his pocket. ”There’s something I wanted to show you anyway.” Jose places his hand on top of Brock’s arm as he leans closer to the screen. Again, he smells incredible and Brock really has to ask him what cologne he uses, once it won’t make him sound like a creep anymore.

Brock shows him the new coffee place around the corner of their office building and tells him about the special blend of coffee they have. Jose agrees that they absolutely have to check it out next time they meet for lunch or coffee. The waitress is a bit surprised by the new seating arrangements when she comes back with their food, but it’s not like they care.

***

Six

6

Watching Jose talk and joke with his friends is like watching a good play. He is so incredibly expressive and animated. Brock loves watching him. It makes his heart flutter and his cheeks hurt and eyes crinkle, because he smiles so much.

He’s sitting outside on the balcony, smokes and watches the lively discussion inside. He has no idea what they are talking about, but he can see Jose’s hands flying through the air, the way his face expresses every emotion and how his whole body shakes when he throws his head back and laughs.

Jose’s easily the most beautiful man he’s ever seen and the most beautiful person he’s ever met. Jose has such a big heart, is incredibly funny and never boring. Every time they spend time together it feels like an adventure and Brock can never tell the outcome.

Also, Brock learns so much by seeing the world through Jose’s eyes. They come from completely different backgrounds, different cultures, still live in different worlds with different types of friends, different hobbies and work places, but Brock isn’t scared. He can’t wait to get to know Jose’s world more and more and hopefully become a part of it for a very long time.

They have been dating for a bit over five months, but already Brock doesn’t want to imagine a life without Jose. Brock came to L.A. looking for love and he’s found Jose. And Jose’s everything Brock dreamed of.

Brock blows the smoke out into the night and sees Jose coming his way.

‘You’re ok?’ he asks him and runs his hands through Brock’s hair a moment later. Brock knows Jose likes doing that, pulling at his curls, messing his hair up completely. Brock enjoys the familiar touch, even though Jose never lets him reciprocate in public. Not that it’s possible anyway with all the product Jose has in his hair to keep it styled perfectly, after blow-trying it each morning.

”Yes, of course. Just sneaked away to smoke.” He looks up at him and Jose kisses him, his teeth teasing Brock’s lower lip.

‘You’re not bored out here on your own?’ Jose wants to know once he’s pulled back.

”I’m good.” He assures him, but wraps his arms around Jose’s waist and pulls him closer. When he’s close enough, Brock rests his head against Jose’s chest for a second. When he pulls back he stubs out his cigarette. ”You wanna stay for much longer?”

‘An hour or two? Is that ok?’

”Yes, sure. You’re staying at my place tonight?”

Jose smirks and nods, then leans down and kisses him again. Brock knows he must taste like cigarettes, but Jose doesn’t seem to mind as they start making out on the small balcony, Jose ending up in his lap.

After a while a paper ball hits the side of Brock’s face.

”Hey!” he complains and turns around, where he finds A’keria staring at him with both eyebrows raised and a smirk on his face.

‘You’re coming or what?’ A’keria asks Jose, who rolls his eyes, pecks Brock’s lips again and walks back into the room. Halfway in, he stops and turns around again.

‘Half an hour’ he let’s Brock know, winks and then joins his friends again.

Brock watches once more, sees the laughter and the wild gestures of the man he knows he loves. But he hasn’t told him yet. He needs a bit more time to be able to tell him that.

***

Three

3

After their meeting and make-out session at the club, they text back and forth over the weekend and because Brock has a meeting in the morning and will be in much earlier than usual but skip lunch, they agree to meet for a coffee break in the afternoon.

Brock thinks it’s unbelievable how much they have in common, judging by the text messages they’ve exchanged. They both like the same movies and tv shows. They both like dancing and hanging out at the beach here in Los Angeles. They even favor the same coffee shop and live in the same area. It’s a wonder they haven’t run into each other much earlier outside of work.

The work meeting that seems endless takes Brock’s mind off the date for most of the morning, but when two o'clock comes around, he feels himself getting nervous again.

How should he greet Jose? They haven’t really spoken yet, only texted, but they have already made out and kissed A LOT. Hell, he nearly fucked him right beside the dance-floor.

He hurries out as soon as he dodges that one colleague, who has to ask a question that just cannot wait, when he’s halfway out the door.

Brock’s two minutes late when he gets to the coffee shop. Jose is already sitting at a table, his iced-coffee in front of him. Jose smiles and waves when he sees him and Brock is relieved when the awkwardness he felt before dissolves.

”I’m just getting my coffee,” he tells Jose loudly and points to the counter. Jose nods and smiles again.

They keep sneaking glances at each other as Brock orders and then waits for his drink. When he finally holds it in hands and makes his way over to Jose, he smiles even wider, warmth spreading through his chest. He’s waited months for this first date and the chance to finally get to know Jose.

”Hey, it’s so good to see you!” Brock greets him and gives him a quick hug. ”I nearly had to cancel when the meeting I was in, just wouldn’t stop,” Brock continues as he sits down at the small table and places his drink on it. ”You know these meetings that could be done in like an hour, but just go on and on without there really being a point?” When Brock looks at Jose, Jose has a strange look on his face. ”Or maybe you don’t, because maybe you don’t have meetings or something, like, I don’t even know what you do for work and I probably should’ve asked before, like…I wanted to but…” Brock rambles and only stops when Jose taps the back of his hand with his fingers and makes him look up. ”Mmh?” Brock looks at him when Jose remains silent and then takes a deep breath. Jose seems nervous all of a sudden.

Jose points to himself then to his ear, but that doesn’t matter at the moment, because Brock can read it from Jose’s lips, when he speaks the words without sound. ‘I’m deaf.’

Jose goes on, signing something, but Brock doesn’t get it. He’s never learned ASL and honestly, his mind is blown at the moment. Jose is deaf. But he was at the club, he danced, he works in the same building and… how are they gonna communicate?

Jose seems discouraged by Brock’s silence or maybe angry, Brock can’t tell, but either way Jose looks upset and wants to get up. Brock stops him by placing a hand on his arm.

”Wait,” Brock tells him, ”Please.” Then he quickly gets up and hurries to the counter and asks the barista for a pen and some paper. With a smile he shows it to Jose and sits back down.

‘I didn’t know. I’m sorry I don’t know sign language’ Brock writes on the paper and shows it to Jose, who starts laughing.

‘You got the worst fucking handwriting and I have no idea what that says’ his reply reads and Brock has to laugh, too. Then Jose hands him his phone with the notepad app open and Brock types in the same sentence, he just wrote down on the paper. ‘And I know my handwriting sucks’ Brock adds.

‘You don’t mind?’ Jose writes back, his face showing the same surprise as his words.

‘I don’t mind if you don’t mind. You could teach me some sign language.’ Brock’s answer makes Jose smile widely.

‘If you speak slowly I can also read your lips.’

This makes Brock laugh. ‘Bet that comes in handy sometimes when you want to know what people are saying who don’t want to be overheard.’

‘Yup! But now these hos on tv and sports always cover their mouths, robbing us poor deaf people of our fun.’ Brock laughs again and moves closer to Jose.

‘You’ve always been deaf?’ he asks him, now really curious.

‘Yup, born this way, mama. I’m a capital D’

Brock does a double take, but that’s really what the text says. ‘A big dick?’ he can’t help but ask.

Jose nearly spits out his coffee when he reads it, then laughs loudly and squeezes Brock’s wrist tightly.

‘Capital D means that I’m deaf, always have been and live in that culture, ya know? Most of my friends are deaf, I went to a school for deaf kids, I work for a company with deaf colleagues creating software for deaf kids…’ Jose explains. ‘If you nice, maybe you’ll find out about the other D.’ Jose smirks as he hands Brock the phone, who starts laughing again.

They giggle together over their coffees and the messages on Jose’s phone.  It feels like passing notes in class as teens and the messages get more flirty. Brock also asks how Jose can dance at the club and Jose explains to him, that he can feel the music, even though he doesn’t hear it.

”I really like you and I’d love to see you again,” Brock says slowly and looks Jose directly in the eyes, hoping he can read his lips, when their time is nearly up and they have to go back to work.

Jose smiles widely and rests his hand on top of Brock’s while he types with the other.

‘Like a date?’ Brock reads and nods his head. Jose’s smile gets even wider. A moment later Jose kisses Brock softly.

”That a yes?”

Jose nods his head, beams at him and raises his eyebrows.

‘I have to go now, because I have another meeting in ten minutes. I’ll text you later about that date?’ Brock types into Jose’s phone.

’Sounds great.’ Jose agrees and Brock steals another quick kiss.

‘How do you say ‘Bye’ in ASL?’ Brock asks Jose before he leaves.

Jose rolls his eyes, then simply waves and makes Brock chuckle again.

”That’s easy. See I’m already learning ASL and doing good,” he smirks and waves back. Jose laughs and follows him outside, signs something else.

“What does that mean?” Brock asks.

Jose types again and shows him the screen 'Dumbass’ Brock reads and guffaws.

“So I’ll know all the insults before you teach me something else?” they reach their office building and wait for the elevator.

'That’s how you learn languages’. They step into the elevator. As soon as the doors close neither is interested in talking anymore and instead they get reacquainted with their lips until Brock has to leave. This whole coffee date was nothing like what he expected, but he loved every second of it. Now he just has to come up with an idea for a first real date.

***

Seven

7

The flashing lights of the alarm clock wake Brock up and he groans, not ready to get up yet. He rolls over and wraps his arm around Jose’s waist and presses his lips to his neck as the front of his naked body presses against Jose’s naked back. No matter how early it is when they have to get up, having his boyfriend there always makes it better.

Jose raises one arm without opening his eyes. ‘What time is it?’ he asks.

‘Seven. You wanted to join my at yoga today, remember?’  Brock signs and laughs when Jose groans loudly and pulls the comforter over his head. Brock quickly pulls it off, laughing about the way Jose’s hair stick up in every direction and his overall rumpled look.

‘I want to sleep’ Jose grumbles. Brock can tell the ‘tone of voice’ now by the way his man signs. He’s learned a lot over the last seven months. He’s by no means fluent in ASL, but he’s fluent in Jose and that’s even more important. Brock always understands what Jose’s saying, even when Brock might not always understand Jose’s friends.

”Come on, get up! Just last night you said you wanted to come so you’d be more flexible. You’re coming to yoga class with me.” Brock tells him when Jose is finally looking at him.

‘Fine, but you owe me!’ Jose finally gets up.

”What do I owe you?” Brock chuckles as he pulls Jose into the bathroom. He turns on the water and turns back around so he can see Jose’s answer. Jose already has his mouth full of toothpaste, but signs even with the toothbrush in hand.

‘A shower and sexy times after yoga, lunch, coffee in the afternoon so I won’t falls asleep at my desk. And you have to take me out to dinner tonight.’

”So you’re making me your slave for the day?” Brock laughs and picks up his own toothbrush.

‘Yes’ Jose smirks when he signs it.

”Asshole,” Brock rolls his eyes, pinches Jose’s nipple and starts brushing his own teeth.

Yoga class is a lot more fun with Jose there. The fact that they can talk while not disturbing the others because they are signing is amazing. Brock only hopes no one knows ASL as Jose’s comments get more and more dirty as the lesson continues. His boyfriend is already thinking of ways to include the poses into their sex life, which has Brock snorting with laughter more than once.

At the end of the class, he’s glad that they didn’t get thrown out because of his last laughing fit. They quickly get ready for work at home and take the second shower of the day. Usually Brock doesn’t shower before the class, but since they just fell asleep last night after sex, they still had to clean themselves up.

Jose gets his requested blowjob in the shower and they actually make it to work in time.

When they step into the elevator it’s empty and they make use of it by making out.

‘Don’t forget to bring me lunch’ Jose, still in a bratty mood, requests as they near Brock’s story.

”Knowing you, you’re gonna send me twenty messages reminding me,” he snarks back.

‘So?’ Jose smirks.

The elevator doors open and Brock has to get out. ‘I love you. See you later’ Brock signs and kisses his man one more time, blocking the doors with his body.

”Love you, too, babe,” Jose replies with a soft look, followed by another soft kiss. Then Brock leaves, a happy smile on his face. He can’t wait for lunch time to come around, so he gets to see Jose again. It’s part of their new routine together.

***

Five

5

It doesn’t happen the first time they have sex, or even the second or third. These first times are exciting as much as they are awkward, which is always true when you have sex for the first time with someone new.

You just don’t know yet what they like and they don’t know your body yet. You discover each other, explore and go by trial and error. With Jose that’s even more true, because Brock still doesn’t know ASL beyond the very basics and so Jose can’t tell Brock what he likes or doesn’t like. He has to pull and push him, guide his hand or shake his head. Still, they are good together right from there start; They have chemistry that’s off the charts and can laugh about themselves and their clumsy attempts at communication and sex.

Brock is surprised at first how bossy Jose can be in bed. Brock’s never been with anyone who took charge as much and has to laugh that he had fallen for the whole submissive bottom tale. Yet, during his hook-ups before the stereotype hadn’t been challenged.

They are in Jose’s bedroom, Jose riding Brock with his eyes closed and Brock’s hand wrapped around his dick. Brock knows how he likes to be stroked and touched at this point. Brock watches him, sees the pleasure on his face as Jose gets closer to climax, which brings Brock closer to the brink as well.

Suddenly Jose moans loudly once, then a second time. Brock comes immediately, the sound too exciting. Jose follows a couple of thrusts later and comes over Brock’s hand and stomach. Then he climbs off him and lies down next to Brock after wiping himself and Brock clean with a towel.

”You moaned.” Brock tells him after they shared another deep kiss. ”That’s the first time I heard your voice.”

‘Sorry’ Jose signs and hides his face in Brock’s shoulder.

Brock cups his cheek and makes him look at him, so he can see what he’s saying. ”Why are you apologising? I loved hearing your voice.”

Jose quickly grabs his phone off the nightstand and starts typing, so Brock knows the explanation will be longer and too complex to sign in a way that Brock would understand. Sometimes, he understands when Jose adds more gestures and facial expressions or points at things. But there are things that can’t be acted out.

‘As a kid I learned to speak at school, by mimicking sounds and shit. I can’t hear it but I must sound stupid ‘cause everyone was always laughing and mocking me at home. My cousin said I sound like a retard and my voice’s fucked up. And they never got what I was saying anyway, so I stopped trying to talk.’

”So you can speak?” Brock asks, weirdly proud of Jose, because it must be hard to learn words and form sounds you can’t hear.

‘Yeah, but I don’t want to. I’m sorry. I feel stupid doing it.’

”Don’t apologise, papi. I just really liked hearing your voice and I don’t want you to feel ashamed. You don’t have to speak if you don’t want to, ok? I didn’t even know that you were able to speak, so…you know, I’m learning ASL and I’ll get there and we can really talk, ok? Even fighting will be easier when we don’t have to text all the time.” Brock chuckles and so does Jose.

‘It’s fucking cute you learning ASL for me. No one’s ever tried.’ Jose smiles and kisses him, after Brock’s read the message.

”I’m trying, but it’s hard,” Brock chuckles about himself and his first few lessons. Who knew that sign language has grammar rules? And Brock’s always sucked at learning new languages. ”But I can sign my name now!” Brock reports proudly and sits up, so he can show his boyfriend. He hasn’t really shown Jose anything that he’s learned so far, scared he would fuck up and have Jose think he’s an idiot. However, he’d be a hypocrite for wanting Jose to use his voice sometimes, yearns to hear it actually, when he himself is too embarrassed to sign for Jose.

Jose watches him closely as he signs his own name, beams at him and kisses him.

‘Good job’ he lets him know.

”I know one more.” Brock goes on and signs ‘Jose’ slowly, then adds ‘my boyfriend’. He’s rewarded with enthusiastic kisses once again. He lies back down with Jose on top of him, holding Jose close as he runs his hands over his still naked body.

Jose breaks the kiss and smiles, before the look in his eyes becomes shy.

”Brock,” he says slowly, but clearly. Brock can’t believe that Jose’s just said his name out loud. He loves his voice and he loves that he’s using it just for him. So much so, that it brings tears to his eyes.

”You saying my name is perfect. Thank you,” he explains his tears and pulls him into another kiss, that quickly leads to round two. Jose doesn’t even try to stifle his moans anymore, his rough voice echoing through the room as he says Brock’s name.

The end