#bisexuality defined

Let’s get it all out there on the table: there are a ton of hurtful myths out there about bisexual people and none of them are our fault. In fact, many biphobic stereotypes are actually widely perpetuated inside the LGBTQ+ community. No matter how accepting we pretend to be, there are always lgtq+ biphobes, lgbq+ transphobes, lgbtq+ acephobes, and other forms of discrimination (racism/sexism/ableism/xenophobia/etc.) within our own ranks. It’s not a perfect community because people aren’t perfect. But as a group that claims to be open and accepting of all queer people, we should definitely be holding ourselves to a higher standard than most.

Below are just some of the hurtful myths that bi people face:

Myth: Bisexuality isn’t real/valid. - Fact: it is valid and it always has been! You’re just confused because you’re not bi and therefore you don’t feel the need to understand it.

Myth: Bi people are cheaters - Fact: Bisexual people are just as likely to desire monogamy as anyone else. Having the potential to be attracted to a larger group of people than most does not mean you want or need to be with more than one person at a time. Many bisexual people--the author of this post included!--desire closed, committed relationships with one other person and no one else. The idea that bisexuality changes your desire for monogamy (or polyamory or whatever else!) stems directly and completely from biphobia.

Myth: Bi people can’t be monogamous because they need to have at least one male and one female partner at all times in order to feel whole - Fact: Bisexuality is not--nor has it ever been--inherently duogamous. Bi people do not need a male partner and a female partner in order to feel complete. Also, this is a pretty transphobic look at bisexuality, which brings us to our next myth…

Myth: Bisexuality is transphobic - Fact: bisexuality--which can only be defined by people who identify as bisexual--has been inclusive of all genders the entire time! It is literally stated in the Bisexual Manifesto of 1990 that bisexuality is not “binary or duogamous in nature”. Plainly put, bisexuality doesn’t mean two genders! And only transphobes think that being attracted to men and women would somehow not include our trans brothers, sisters, and siblings! Nonbinary people are not only included in the spectrum of genders that bisexual people are attracted to, but many nonbinary people--the author of this post included--actually identify as bisexual! Not pansexual, not polysexual or omnisexual or anything else--bisexual.

Myth: Bi people are just indecisive! They all pick a side eventually. - Fact: Bisexuality is a whole, real, fluid sexuality that has nothing to do with “sides”. Do a lot of bi people eventually find someone they want to settle down with? Yes! Does that equal picking a side? Not even close! Being bisexual means you’ll be bisexual before, during, and after every relationship in your life because it’s a part of who you are! The only reason people say this is because of biphobia and the prevailing idea that you have to see someone with two partners of different genders simultaneously to think they are bisexual and not straight or gay.

Myth: bi people are slutty/dirty - Fact: it’s this kind of narrow-minded, slut-shaming attitude that contributes to bisexual people having some of the highest rates of depression of anyone inside or outside the community! You only need to think critically for two seconds to see that this toxic mindset literally doesn’t make sense. So...you think straight women are only sluts if they sleep around, but bi women are sluts regardless of how they behave? What about polysexual people who are saving their first time for the right person? What about omniromantic asexuals who never want to be intimate with someone? What about panromantic demisexuals who have only had a small number of partners? Are they sluts too? Does that make sense to you? Of course not. Because your sexuality doesn’t determine your behavior. (And even if it did, calling people “slutty” or dirty for having sex is disgusting and reductive and incredibly rude. Keep that backwards talk out of our spaces.)

Myth: Bi people don’t need their own space in the LGBTQIA+ community - Fact: we do! Bi people are regularly pushed out of other queer spaces for not being seen as “queer enough” and pushed out of straight spaces for not being straight. And since we face some of the highest levels of depression, sexual assault, and domestic violence in the community on top of everything else, we need a space of our own to get real about those issues without being talked over by biphobes.

Myth: I’m not biphobic/that biphobic--I’m gay/lesbian/trans/queer/ace/etc.! - Fact: being in the LGBTQIA+ community doesn’t make you immune to biphobia! In fact, some of the most hurtful stereotypes about bisexuality are perpetuated within the community! Gay men and lesbians are the first to shut bi people out of queer spaces and call us cheaters and posers for not being exclusively attracted to one gender.

Myth: Well it’s not actually biphobic to… - I’m gonna stop you right there. Bi people are the only ones who get to decide what is and isn’t biphobic, okay? Just like trans people are the only ones who get to define transphobia, lesbians are the only ones who get to define lesbophobia, and asexual people are the only ones who can define acephobia. If it’s not your community being attacked, you don’t have the power to validate or invalidate the pain they feel. When a bi person tells you your behavior is biphobic, LISTEN. We know our own pain better than you do.

Myth: Bi people are “half gay/half straight” - nope! Bisexuality is its own sexuality and comes with its own culture, history, and set of challenges! To say that bi people are half gay and half straight is to ignore all of that in order to put us into a box we didn’t ask for. Not only are many bi people not split 50/50 on gender preference, but it isn’t really your business to ask anyway!

Myth: It’s easier for bi people than it is for gay people because they can choose to be straight. Fact: bisexual people don’t choose to be anything! Even in m/f relationships, bi people face a ton of stigma from, once again, inside and outside the LGBTQIA+ community. Regardless of relationship status, bisexual people still face homophobia, biphobia, and constant erasure. There is no cheat code for bisexual people, which is definitely why we’re the most closeted group in the LGBTQIA+ community.

Friendly reminder that bisexual people are real people and that we deserve to control our own narratives without biphobes entering our spaces to spread hateful lies about a group of people they clearly want nothing to do with. Keep that in mind when considering commenting on this post.

Stay safe and Happy Pride!