#birddrawings

Crusty Blackturd

Look for these medium-sized blackbirds in wet marshes, bogs, and other flooded areas of boreal forest, because they like it soggy. 

Dowdy Woodfucker This might be the smallest woodpecker in North America. Who knows? It’s like a small version of a real woodpecker, but that doesn’t make it any less aggravating when they start drumming on a tree.

You may find this dick in your backyard eating seed or suet from your feeder, because I guess he’s too lazy to dig bugs out of trees if there’s an alternative.

Red-breasted Shitsucker These shit suckers can be found at low or middle elevations in the coniferous forests of the northern Pacific Coast. It’s piercing and scream-like "EEEAHH!!" call is enough to stop your heart if you’re not expecting it, but what will really get on your tits is the drumming… a slow, irregular knocking that’s indistinguishable from a rhythmically challenged kid banging on a tree with a stick.

Dumb Western Bluebird Guess what color this dumb bluebird bird is! Yeah. Now that we’ve covered identification, let’s talk about the real story here, which is this bird is a loser. They are what’s called a “cavity nester”, which means they live in holes, but these schmucks can’t even dig out their own holes because their beaks are too weak. This means they have to squat in abandoned woodpecker nests or whatever other hole they can find. Failing that, they move into man-made nest boxes, which are basically bird slums where they’re attacked by competing freeloaders like starlings and house sparrows. Then there are the raccoons, cats, possums and various hawks who can’t wait to fuck up a bluebird, or make off with an egg. Oh, and ants, bees, wasps and earwigs all love to get into a bluebird-hole and cause problems for the young. Two words: born loser.

Caspian Turd This big son of a bitch is the biggest tern in North America. It may also be the biggest turd. The aggressive shits are known for inflicting bloody wounds on the heads of people who accidentally wander into their territory on the beach. But if a single bald eagle flies overhead, the entire colony will take flight and leave the chicks to be eaten by gulls.

Solitary Sandpooper Pretty much all sandpipers migrate in flocks and nest on the ground, but not this dickweed. It is usually found alone along the bank of some shitty creek. If approached, it bobs nervously, then flies away. Rather than nesting on the ground, like a normal Sandpiper, this turd lays its eggs in old songbird nests up in the trees. Fucking weirdo.

Fuck-tailed Flycatcher This flycatcher is from the tropics, but many show up annually in North America, some reaching as far as the North Eastern seaboard, even into Canada. It’s impossible to predict exactly where they will appear though, because the dumbshits who show up here were trying to migrate from southern South America to Mexico. What a bunch of fuck-ups.