#bipolarii

hypomania moment

I missed my hearing test because I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WEEK IT WAS (is? Is, it's still this week). This move has been so hard on me. I've been just barely coping, and that's involved me keeping myself as distracted and ignorant of reality as possible. Trust me, it was necessary. Unfortunately this means I've been in a perpetual state of confusion and definitely not taking care of myself. My sleeping, eating, grooming, exercising, and socializing habits have all suffered. I have to figure out how to boost myself out of this without grief crushing me. And just in case any of you are thinking that perhaps I should just "roll with it" or "deal with it" I'll not so gently remind you that I'm mentally ill and this huge change has taken me into a very dangerous place, mood-wise. On the bright side, I look freaking fantastic today. #selfiepower #mentalillness #mentallyill #erasethestigma #bipolarII #actuallyocd #ptsd #agoraphobic #agoraphobia #mentalillnessesarerealillnesses #copingmechanisms #letmegobackhome

#butyoudontlooksick #chronicillness #chronicallyill #dysautonomia #POTSie #fibrowarrior #chronicfatigue #agoraphbic #agoraphobia #actuallyocd #bipolarII #ptsd #sickbutcute #feelshittylookpretty

Observations From The Outside World: -Disabled parking spots are bullshit. There's never enough, and some are nowhere near the doors. -Woman outside of See's could not stop smiling at me. She smiled so hard that she didn't get a word out. It's great that even when I'm super depressed I can still inspire joy. -Along with eye tests, the DMV should be making sure elderly drivers can see over their steering wheels. -Wear stuff in your hair. Trust me. -Smokers roll down their window to smoke while they drive, but I don't want that crap in my car either. -People should just never walk backwards. Ever. -Weird old guy who always sits at the out of commission doors at the Grocery Outlet: why are you there? Today you got up and ripped a bunch of ivy off a redwood. Did that make you feel better? #observationsfromtheoutsideworld #selfiepower #chronicallyfabulous #ptsd #actuallyocd #POTSie #dysautonomia #fibrowarrior #bipolarII #agoraphbic #agoraphobia #makeuparttherapy

Observations from the outside world: 1. After just three days of bed rest, distances look fake. 2. Dude with the skull watch who was so excited about my skull-heavy outfit today: you keep rocking it. 3. People who walk through grocery stores and announce items and prices to each other are baffling. 4. Redheads are adorable. No wonder I keep pretending to be one. 5. I should make more of an effort to visit areas with good memories. Pleasant flashbacks are such a nice way to change things up. 6. Coffee houses smell SO GOOD, even when you're just at a stop sign near one. 7. I had good luck with registers having no waiting, then being done and looking behind me to see a huge crowd had lined up. Usually it's me at the very end of that line. 8. I've been having less anxiety while driving. The smooth trip to the disability hearing might have something to do with it. Maybe it's the spring air. Maybe it's faeries. #everydaylifeobservations #justaddsalt #365dayswithdisability #dysautonomia #POTSie #fibrowarrior #chronicfatigue #chronicallyill #chronicillness #actuallyocd #bipolarII #ptsd #agoraphbic #agoraphobia #justagothgirl #fakeredhead #wannabeginger

Forensic Files, grilled cheese, peacock earrings, dragonfly necklace from mom, glowing labradorite, trying to not PANIC PANIC PANIC about going to San Rafael on Friday for my disability hearing. I hate being in the car. I hate people asking me questions. I hate fluorescent lighting, climbing stairs, not knowing where to park, not having my water bottle, not having my mints, going out without my stage makeup, etc etc. WHINE WHINE WHINE. (I'm terrified). On the way to therapy today I was behind a driver who was smoking some really rank weed. I was so distracted by how rank it was that I zoned out and followed them instead of taking my usual route. Thankfully I realized what I was doing when I was less than two miles off course. I guess it goes to show that you can fixate on negativity SO much that it literally gets you lost. #365dayswithdisability #dailylife #justlifethings #dysautonomia #ptsd #POTSie #actuallyocd #fibrowarrior #bipolarII #hellobrainfog