A 27-year-old writer of the mildly questionable. An architect of the twisted who, armed with her notebooks, prefers to explore the darkest, most psychologically and morally ambiguous corners of human affection rather than settle for conventional happy endings.

| ENG + ESP| ✦ WARNING: Shen Jiu lover

I recently re-read a fic of yours, "In Spite", of Bingjiu. Is from so long... 2024! I feel a little dumb asking, but will you ever continue it? It seemed you had other chapters, of course if you lost interest or smth is perfectly fine! I just wanted to know if there was still hope. Is a fic I really like! Is so interesting how you write I love it! And well... is the only fic that adapts to how I like bingjiu. Hope to not bother, thank youu 🫶

Hi!!

Firstly, thank you so much for reading In Spite! and re-reading and reaching out!

I do want to finish the fic, I've just been distracted by another fandom. I've been trying to get back into bingjiu because I love them and I want to complete the fic. I need to do a full re-read myself. It is definitely not abandoned!

If you feel comfortable, please reach out to my via dm! I would love to chat about bingjiu with you and it would motivate me to write more sooner rather than later <3

Thanks so much again! I'm so happy this story stayed with you so long, i actually can't believe it's been two years already lol.

And it's me again.

With my dead sun.

We stopped at Shen Jiu and Luo Binghe returning to Cangqiong...

Binghe's body wasn't human, it was harder and colder than human, his nails were sharp and his hair rough, outwardly — human and so what? But inside there was no heart, no blood and no organs, his body made from an artifact was strong and powerful but not alive at all... Pale skin embarrassed those who saw Luo Binghe, they were also embarrassed by Luo Binghe's youth. Perhaps when Luo Binghe saw his former body he hated it, but the new one became salvation and curse. He looked like a teenager who fell into the abyss. As if he was still 17, but if you look into his eyes you can understand how deceptive his appearance is.

Even with the new body (old in its newness) he hated it. He remembered everything Xin Mo did to the girls dear to him in the harem, how he killed them, humiliated and wounded them, he was disgusted with his own hands, face, voice, actions.

But most of all he hated Shen Jiu. Actually not that, he hated that he couldn't kill him and end his life.

In his youth Luo Binghe had sincere awkward and tender feelings for this person, he hoped until the very end that Shizun would someday change his opinion of him, would be proud of his disciple. Which never happened.

Now Shen Jiu loved him, panically, madly loved. Binghe was the sun in his world. But Luo Binghe couldn't be the sun, he didn't know how to shine in the darkness, he was afraid of this man's hatred, afraid that Shizun wouldn't understand and would kill him, deep down Luo Binghe hoped that he would do just that.... Destroy his body and maybe.. be free.

That didn't happen.

Xin Mo died. Drowning Shizun's personality with himself. Took away his mind and life, leaving Luo Binghe his body and broken soul.

Shen Jiu doesn't remember who he was, doesn't remember who Luo Binghe is, doesn't remember everything at once, he remembers his memories of torture in passing and as if trifling, not understanding how terrible they are.

Luo Binghe cannot kill him, cannot kill an innocent broken soul that lives because of him.

It hurts, so hurts. He hugs him when he starts to be afraid of something, tugs his hand so Luo Binghe would answer for him, touches his head to check if he's here or not. A chilly feeling scratches him for a long long time.

Shizun looks so fragile when he sleeps holding his hand, Luo Binghe can't fall asleep knowing what this person went through. Can't breathe can't.... Be with him.

"Leader of the sect, all this is in the past, I am able to continue carrying the position of lord of the peak. – cold voice and confident look of his Shizun affects everyone"

Shen Jiu is good at pretending to be someone he hasn't been for a long time. Luo Binghe praises him for it and Shen Jiu is so happy. Quietly alone... Luo Binghe understands that all this is wrong, wrong to lie and pretend, but what can he do? Shizun doesn't want to talk.

"But they will be angry, and they will kill you! And you will suffer! They will take you away from me if they understand something is wrong!!!"

Is that the only thing that worries you, Shizun?...

...

Luo Binghe couldn't do anything before. Couldn't defend his body, couldn't help before. He can only keep up the lie, and make "Shen Jiu" happy so he doesn't fall apart completely.