#biebergasmic

On the night of November 21, 2010, my father had a cardiac arrest, in front of my sister and I. We had to administrate the first resuscitation. On November 21, you were at the American Music Awards and it was very late at night when I heard for the first time your song Pray that you performed earlier that night. When I listen to that song, it makes me think that I’m not the only one going through hard moments... My father was in a coma, so we could do anything for him except PRAY...

At the hospital, the atmosphere was always the same. For a girl like me, it was very heavy and tough, because I used to smile and laugh every time. But as soon as my life changed, my attitude changed. I wasn’t that happy girl anymore. But as soon as I got home, every night after the day I’ve passed at the hospital, I jumped on my iPod and there, I listened to you singing. And when I listen to you, your world becomes my world. Evenings, in my bedroom, it was then that I let go completely, into the wee hours of the morning...

It’s been almost three years since my father almost died. Sure, there’s been a lot of progress, but there have been moments where I felt like nothing would ever be back in order... In these moments, I’ve always thought: «what would Justin tell me?» Never Say Never. Today, my father is still alive, but he’s living in a seniors’ center. He lived in Montreal for like 2 years and a half, which is 5 minutes in car from my home but since we don’t own a car it took us more than an hour to get there. (Update: he lives in the same town as us now!)

In March 2012, my mom had a choc septic and pneumonia, and almost died too. It was so chocking you know, to see what God was putting me through, but I guess if he put all those obstacles on my way, He must have thought that I could overcome them. Just when I thought things would get together and that I could start living a normal life again, we learned in October 2012 that my father had a cancer. This type of cancer is really cruel and he’s mostly going to die in October this year, if not before... It’s hard knowing that I’ll have to walk down the aisle without my father by my side, and raise my children without him, but the fact that you’re alive and that I «know you» comforts me a lot…

When you released Believe last June, I started working to earn money in case the Believe Tour would stop in Montreal. On May 23, my two best friends and I bought our concert tickets for what would be my first attendance to one of your shows. November 26 finally came. I couldn’t afford Meet & Greets but knowing the sweet guy you are, I thought that if you knew fans were waiting for you outside the arena, you’d probably stop by. At 8am that morning, we skipped school and took the bus. We waited with thousands of screaming fans until 3pm when you came outside. At first, the garage door opened and we started yelling as we did every time they opened, not believing that this time it would be you that would get out of there. But I saw Scrappy, and then Bruce, your grandfather. And then, I saw you. I couldn’t believe it. The rest of the story, you know it. Fans on the other side of the street ran on you so you had to leave. But just seeing you this close made all that waiting worth it. We had an eye contact and I even touched your arm when fans pushed me. I couldn’t give you my letter but I gave it to a security guard. In all honesty, that moment was perfect. I was with my best friends and my Beliebers family and we were all crying and hugging each other because we’d saw you. So thank you for that. And that amazing show.

I was afraid that nobody could save me, but you, since the beginning, were there. It’s like my family and friends didn’t even exist. Nobody knows how to make me feel ok but you. Justin, you are, and were, the only one I want to be proud of me. So many things I do just in the thinking of you being proud of what I do... I’m young and the things I’ve went through were really hard so I developed a depression and beside your presence in my life, the only thing that “helped” me was self-harm… I’m not proud of it… But if I didn’t take it any further, it’s because of you. I wanted to be able to meet you and tell you I’ve overcame all this BS. Thank you so much. It’s my love and admiration for you that kept me from drowning.

And I think all of this led me to one thing. Loving you. I’m not in love with you because of your fame or money or something like that. I’m in love with you because you’re the one who makes me feel good in my darkest times. I’m in love with you because you made me realize that good things would happened to me too, and that I need to be alive to see it. Everyday, I’m being judged not only because of what I look like, but because whenever I tell someone that I love you, they say I don’t know anything about love and that I’m just idolizing you. But they don’t know about all those nights where I just wanted to give up on everything… and guess what?! They weren’t the ones that saved me. You were, and you’ve always been. Since the beginning. You don’t know this but if I’m still here today, it’s because of you. Everything that has happened to me since the last few years have left scars on my body, but them scars on my heart you make them fade away. Not matter what happens next, I want you to know that I’m so thankful for everything, that I love you and that I’m so proud of everything you’ve achieved. I will never forget what you did for me, and I hope we can keep in touch or something so that you have a way to remember that I am here for you too. All I know is that it’s your smile that gives me the strength to keep going, it’s your eyes that give me hope and your songs that make me smile, cry… You’re so beautiful. Your face gives me chills. I’m not even kidding. You’re my world. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you this, because you might think I’m just another fan that loves you for being Justin Bieber… Well think what you want Mr. Bieber, but I can tell you I know what a celeb crush is, and the feelings I have towards you are way more complicated than that. I fell in love with you. Not for how you look, just for who you are. (Although you look pretty great too). I mean, you’re honestly the most caring and kind person in the world. And I mean it.  You are my lifesaver; you kept me out of the water.

  I love you so much

Nice try gaylord