#beware ... it's long

so this is natalia’s life. and it’s super long, and idek ... this is like timeline x psyche. 

the answer mickey, is no one. 

TW: eating disorder

23 MARCH 1996

it is late into the night that that natalia is born. an easy delivery- and hell, she hardly lets out a cry when she’s exposed to the world. the doctors have to check if she’s breathing- she is. her mother holds her tight, grateful that her features won out on the gene pool, and she is safe.

04 SEPTEMBER 1999 (3)

her mother and father are arguing- she doesn’t see them for long before she’s swooped away by the nanny. she sits in the kitchen with her nanny with a toy and some shortbread until her mother comes to retrieve her. something is off, she can tell, but she knows better than to raise questions.

09 MAY 2001 (5)

there’s so many cameras. she’d been photographed a time or two before but it seemed there was a mob as she exited the car. her mother is behind her, guiding her into the palace. the night before she’d been pulled aside by nicole- she heard an explanation that she could barely comprehend. her new, actual father ? she hadn’t heard of such a thing ... they didn’t make movies for these princesses.

16 AUGUST 2001 (5)

she’s grown used to arthur, it’s nice to have a companion, toys are fun but they only provide so much entertainment before you realize you are alone. sharing is not a skill she was used to- but she’s learned she does not mind it. it is the nice thing to do.

2003 (7)

the girls are just. like. her. every morning she’s dressed in a starched white blouse and a pleated, plaid jumper. knee socks hiked up along with the shiny mary janes. you wouldn’t be able to pick natalia out of the gaggle of noble daughters by looking at them. but teachers are more lax; and every one’s mum and dad wave at her after school before she’s put in the car. because she’s not just a lady, she’s the princess.

after school her governess takes over- ballet classes for hours, then time spent where she’s taught etiquette before she learns how to do addition; what fork to use for supper before completing her reading comprehension homework. dinner is eaten in silence, and they’re dismissed when her father leaves the table ... and the day starts again, and again.

14 APRIL 2004 (8)

she is eight and arthur jr. is eleven, and they’re brought to the races with their father. at one moment they bicker and get annoyed by petty sibling squabbles, but the next arthur is helping brush grass of her dress- and she thinks it’s in that moment, that one moment of caring affection, she has a brother.

23 MARCH 2006 (10)

she celebrates her 10th birthday in the gardens at kensington- and already the girls from her class are vying for invitations. she invites the cavendish siblings and the fitzroys of course, along with girls in her class her mother found to be particularly interesting and useful. whatever that means. she’s seated next to the scottish princesses- there’s something enviable about their bond that natalia can see from just looking.

2009 (13)

two new additions. antonia ives, the eldest child of her father so far, and now her older sister. and andrew beaufort, another older brother. it wasn’t just she and arthur anymore it seemed.

2010 (14)

vaugh ashcroft is the next name, and it’s four siblings she has now, correct ? when she gets to school the girls at st. george’s gather around her- they’ve made her their leader - every move she makes is noted and sometimes copied, she can’t fathom why, and any of her wishes is their command. but natalia doesn’t know what to do with the power of a queen b.

2011 (15)

natalia made balancing schooling and every other extracurricular that made her great look simple. it would have to be so - natalia would be reminded by her mother that she was better than the other girls, yes all of them, and would have to show them so. and as if she needed a reminder of her imperfections her ballet teacher reminds her that part of her role is looking the part, as eyes scan her body. she skips dinner. and sometimes lunch. no one notices anyways - her mother only gushes about how good she looks in her clothes.

but it all seems worth it as she takes her bow on stage, but she looks into the crowd for a familiar face, perhaps her mother, father, or brother were late and couldn’t wish her good luck. but to no avail, the crowd is full of parents and family, but not hers, not “hers”. it was a silly thought anyways and natalia can’t hold back the tears for much longer as she exits the stage - and it takes only seconds before her so called minions are at her side, coddling her. you can’t cry in front of them natalia. so she puts on a smile as the water falls, and waves them away. happy tears, she says - though, she doesn’t know the feeling.

2012 (16)

another year, but everything’s the same - the crushing responsibility of being perfect still weighs on her - but she’s caught the attention of a cute eton boy that calls her pretty and sometimes gives her attention she craves. it’s more than enough to feed the void and makes her feel slightly less empty than usual. a distraction - she hardly remembers her struggles when being paraded as a debutante in a pretty dress.

but when he graduates in may, and says goodbye for college - he breaks her heart. she supposes she knew he was going to leave, but she can’t help but dwell on the good memories.

2013 (17)

no one knows if her injury onstage was intentional or not, but after her tendon is torn a slight weight is lifted off her shoulders. her collection of pointe shoes are shoved in the closet to never be seen again, though it’s clear that it’s not the root her problems. 

2014 (18)

all the girls in her class gush about their colleges and passions, and she smiles and congratulates them of course - as they do her - but they don’t know that her choice has been made for her.

graduation day is full of uncertainty, she asks her chauffeur if he knows anything about who would attend for her, and it’s with anticipation that she walks out on stage - and for once, her mother and father are in the crowd. granted, for only a moment, but for the first time the faces in the crowd aren’t all so unfamiliar.

her first semester takes adjusting. at first she’s determined to make a name for herself that’s not the princess, though failing miserably. the classes are hard and boring and frankly she is not above using her title in her favor. 

umm take everything after this with a grain of salt i’m still adjusting the years. actually the stuff above too lmfao

2015 (19)

but what she likes is the semblance of freedom, or it might just be the fact she is away from the root of her problems (at least, physically.) she makes herself busy enough so that she doesn’t have to think about it.

it’s in her second year at oxford that giovanni catches her eye. it’s the same flags as before but she doesn’t learn, no, this is different. she reads into things too much and thinks she’s decoded him, any rudeness or callousness just means he likes her. right ? oh, what does she know about love ??

2016 (20)

natalia is all too comfortable. the main problems on her mind is how her political theory class is a complete snooze fest, and how she will get excused from her midterm to attend new york fashion week, because being away from everything (even if not very far) causes her to turn a blind eye on things brewing. 

2017 (21)

her final year and she can almost say she’s happy - life is lax until well - betrayal has her cutting her italian holiday short, returning home to england. though it doesn’t stop there - only a few months into her third year, her father has been forced to abdicate. the air around her changes - her peers are unsure of what to say and she’s not sure she wants their condolences anyways. 

2018 (22)

she graduates ! magna cum laude, and she even gets to make a speech, despite controversy. 

and after much deliberation she’s sent to the greek island - her mother says it’s safer than england and she had any sense she’d use her connections wisely. she tries to make peace and a semblance of a relationship with her sibling, usually to little avail. and when gio makes an appearance again, the cycle of unfortunate heartbreak begins all over.

2019 (23)

she’s surrounded by people but has never felt lonelier. five siblings, and even an engagement. but nothing was tying her to her siblings anymore, they were all drifting away. ties were being severed for the sake of a title - a stupid title.

when her mother calls her, it’s only for new developments at home, or reminders of conversations she needs to have with monarchs, relationships she’d need to maintain.