#bettercooking

(via Fennel & citrus salad with smoky green onion dressing) Discover the perfect pairing of fennel and citrus in this versatile recipe. Elevate your culinary skills with a touch of green onion oil.

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Ok so the main point of this post and 2.0 was to get to the real meat of why I am even anxious and scared. Weight has always been as issue for me. growing up I was too skinny. My mom tried everything to make me gain weight and nothing would ever work. At 12 I developed some weird hormone issue where I would get chronic migraines and I was put on some mega steroids..well as you are guessing little miss stick became little miss piggy. I blew up like a blimp. I was hungry all the time and ate how most kids eat. But I never stopped being active. I was tormented for my weight and then developed a serious eating disorder that I felt the need to deal with it in the form of binge and purge ..That's right folks i developed bulimia. I would over eat on purpose then stick my hands down my throat and make myself puke until the green acid came up. That's How i dealt with it for about a year. I always chewed gum and i brushed my teeth 3 times a day and wore whitening strips because people who have bulimia usually have bad breath and yellow teeth. i hid this very well.  Then I lost all the weight. I went from being 140 lbs at 14 to 109. So once I lost all the weight I stopped. I converted to working out like a slave, but i was well hydrated with water and on very hot days I would add powerade for the retention of electrolytes.  Then My sister was also venturing in the same obsessive weight loss struggle with me. So we worked out like maniacs together and eventually eat healthier and then our habits turned into safe habits. well she got preggo, I became sister/auntie/baby daddy and gained weight during her pregnancy. I guess you call it sympathy weight. lol by then I was 16 so being 130lbs wasn't bad. i had also been active in sports so i quickly turned that fat into muscle. she spiraled out of control with her weight and while for about two years I stayed at 130 I stopped working out. I started working and eating fast food and junk food and then eventually at around 18 years old I noticed I was huge. 180 lbs I managed to drop about 15 for prom but that summer gained it all back. The guy I was dating was a stick and didnt gain weight at all and I was in love. i ate what he ate and while my thighs where getting bigger my self esteem was getting smaller. I hit about 209 lbs after i broke up with him at the age of 20 after I met my now husband but once I moved out of state. I was depressed and didn't know anyone. I finally said "israel you have no excuses" so i changed my eatng habits, drank water and instead of stress eating i ate to survive. i ate only when my stomach was 100% empty and once I was content, meaning the hungry pangs were gone i stopped. I got full off of water. i snacked on avocados, oranges  raw veggies. I got up every day before 6 am and walked, then jogged, then ran. I even started walking to the store and to everywhere I wanted to go. I got a job at a Gym and with my free membership why not work out. So i worked out there too before and after work. I even started surfing and when i didnt want to leave the house i danced in my room or played p90x dvds and did those work outs. I ate dinner at 6 went running again. came home hydrated on water and i would stretch infront of tv. I went from a whopping 220 down to 160. I moved back home after making plans to marry my now husband and continued the weight loss but slowly. we would work out about twice a day but in the form of intercourse but i didnt mind, he made me feel sexy and I liked being adventurous with him. then I got pregnant and i was very shocked, and scared. I had to stop working out and was put on bed rest then i started stress eating and my sister in law stuffed my face even more. So I went from 150-236. after my son was born I only lost 20 lbs. I had to do the rest myself. So a few months after he was born I had gotten down to about 189 now I am 38 weeks pregnant and I am 250..i rounded up because I am sure i will pack on a few more lbs in the next two weeks. But I am blessed because I carry my weight very well. when i have people guess my weight they stop at about 175. when i told my husband how much i weighed he called me a liar. Well I surely feel like a hell of a whale. But I have been stocking up on protein meal replacement shakes, workout dvds, dumbbells you name it i bought it I also have a gym membership. I even bought a stripper pole for extra workout. I plan on using it to seduce my husband after the lbs come off. But this is what i am noxious about. I want to lose weight, i want to work out I know i can do it. My weight goal respectably after two kids is 130-140. So I have 110-120 lbs to lose. I am giving myself a year to do it. I hope I do it in less but no rush. I have always been beautiful, and smart but I want to be healthy for my kids. I am tired of saying I am married or making my work schedule or parenting be an excuse. I am starting today April 2, 2013 at 1:31 pm to change my eating habits. I want any lbs gained to be pure baby and not fat. I have it all planned out and I also will be adding birth control to this regimen. I refuse to pop out another kid. I am not happy with myself in this size. Yes my husband loves how soft and plump my ass and boobs have gotten and he's in love with my big round baby bump but I don't care. I want them gone! I am happy to be a mother and excited about my baby girl don't get me wrong. But I am anxious to be healthy again. I did this to myself and it will take hard work, dedication and self control to get me back to the size I want to be in. Fingers crossed, feet on the ground and eyes facing forward to the future. good bye size 16 hello size 4.

call me fat but bitch im "fat tastic"