â--Isaac!â Aster called out, reaching out and seizing his mate by his hand, âWait, please--â he pleaded, eyes shining desperately as he squeezed his wrist.
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beta-isaac-lahey You know how in movies or on TV that people's mouths will hang open when they see something and something will comically drop out of it or they'll comically drop whatever they're holding? When I read the punny tag, my remote control fell from my laptop podium right on cue in the most comical of ways... What have you done to my sense of reality?? xD
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Verse: Modern Verse: Safe and Sound
Title:Â Photograph
Warnings:Â Angst, lots of angst, but it's a sad, beautiful, touching angst
Notes: I missed writing Cam fics. Alternative title was "Birthday Wish". Previously entitled "What It Means To Be Happy (The Next Best Thing)", but was changed because of this song.
Tagging: storiesfromb36
Cameron Patrick did not know how to relax.
Even when he thought he was, he would still find himself worrying about⌠everything.
Cam let out a sigh as he sat up on the rooftop and gazed at the worn out picture of he and his family under the small curtain of light the stars and the moon had to offer. It was such an old picture, actually one of the only ones that had all of them in it. Him. His sister His mom. And his dad.
Just thinking about them made his chest hurt with a cacophony of emotions. Sadness, worry, guilt, regret, and even failure. He had let each and every one of his family down. That was already something he accepted. He failed Melissa for not being there to protect her like he promised to. He failed his mom for tearing apart their family even when he said heâd put it back together. And he disappointed his dad for just beingâŚ
Me. He thought, with another sharp stab of pain to his chest.
He had to close his eyes and take a few breaths from preventing himself from crying again. He was still rattled from all that had gone down at Connerâs house.
It was just⌠Too much. Too much to be around his dad and hug him and be close to him like that but just have him⌠Leave again.
Cam figured he should be mad. Any regular person would be if it happened to them. But Cam⌠Cam knew why he left. He knew why he didnât stay. It was the same reason why he let down all the people he loved.
Itâs because Iâm mistake.
Itâs been a while now since heâd carried that fact around. Ever since he took off after Connerâs wedding to talk to his dad. He shouldâve known that it wouldnât end well. He shouldâve known that by doing that, he forced his dad to tell it like that. He was a mistake. An accident that wasnât really meant to exist. And it only reinforced that dream he had where everyone was happy in a world without him.
It hurt, because everything he worked for, everything he thought would somehow pay off, was just gone to waste. It hurt, because in a way, he lost all the meaning to his own life.
Breaking down and losing it there, right in front of Conner and Lucas⌠It just ate him up inside. He felt ashamed, because now they know just how pathetic he was, or at least, how he felt he was. He was a broken boy with a broken dream, living a broken life. He was broken.
Yet he was here.
Here on the Duvalâs rooftop, under the curtain of stars, holding a picture of his family as he waited for the final minutes to tick by to the end of his birthday.
Most of the time, he didnât even realize that he still had a birthday. He stopped celebrating it when his dad left. He even recalled missing his own surprise birthday party from working overtime at the motel. He had to comfort Melissa all night trying to tell her it was okay.
His chest hurt again. That was the last time heâd celebrated his birthday, and he made his own sister cry. Ever since then, he slowly forgot that his birthday still existed. That was, of course, until last year.
Walking in to his surprise birthday party stirred up an old feeling in his chest. It sparked a happiness in him that he so wanted to have, to be surrounded by all those people who cared about him, and wanted him to be there. It was the reason why the waterworks came out when he saw what Conner had gotten him; not so much as because he loved doing arts so much, but because Conner remembered.
It was his first âhappy birthdayâ he ever had in a long while.
Cam reopened his eyes and let out a sad sigh, taking a brief glance at the stars. In a mere minutes, his birthday would be again. He honestly was glad that his birthday this year was a quiet one, just being around Lucas and the others trying not to think that another year has passed and all he managed to do was screw it all up.
But stillâŚ
He looked back down again and gazed down at their picture, trying to take in as much detail as he could and wondering how much theyâve changed. If he did get a birthday wish, it would be to be with his family for a while. Just a short while. It would be enough for him. But the thing is his family doesnât want him near. Not at all.
So he guessed that this would be the next best thing. Holding this picture, thinking about them, hoping that they were okay, and hoping that they were happy. Some part of him thought that maybe this was a crude version of that dream he had. He was gone, away from them, and he could just imagine them being happy together. Them as one family that was happy.
He thought of Lucas, he thought of Lucas and how he felt like family. He was one of the few that still made him feel like he was at home. He made Cam happy, even when Cam canât make himself happy. He was family, and he was home.
The only thought that Cam had on his mind was that he would promise himself to be there for Lucas as long as he wanted him to be there. He would love him with all his heart, because thatâs what families do. And if ever there comes a time when he doesnât want him around anymore, or if he finds someone better⌠Cam would still love him too. Heâd be happy for him, because thatâs what families do.
Tears had clouded his vision, but he gently wiped it away. It hurt. But it was a good hurt. It was good because they would be happy, they would all be happy, and even if it was without him, he would be happy because they would be happy.
It was the next best thing. And he only hoped he could give them that.
Gingerly, he swiped his thumb over his own face in the picture and left it there. He felt himself smile sadly through the tears as he looked at his familyâs happy faces.
âI-Iâm sorry⌠I love you.â He whispered quietly, smiling sadly and closing his eyes as he let the tears fall gently on the picture.
He stayed like that for a while, just cradling the picture in his hands and whispering the same things over and over. It wasnât long before his tears had ran out, and all he could do left was lay down on the side of the rooftop and wait for the minutes to tick by. Wait for the minutes to tick by, and hope that his wish would come true.
