#bested by feels

LOOK AT THIS PEANUT BEING SO AWKWARD AND SHY ABOUT RECEIVING PRAISE FROM DAVID IN EPISODE 3X05 D:

Bonus:

A Surprising Revelation in episode 3x04 “Nasty Habits”

Saying “No” to Liam in episode 3x05 “Good Form”

Neverland Angst in episode 2x22 “And Straight On ‘Til Morning”

This is just some short Hooked Queen fluff. Takes place in S7, somewhere after Lucy was born in the New Enchanted Forest, but not long after. Also includes my own headcanon that TLKs couldn’t cure the poisoned heart curse.

If there was one thing Regina Mills was not remotely good at, it was not getting what she wanted. She was sure it was a side-effect of her decades spent as either a Queen or an all-powerful Mayor, but regardless... Even now that she was no longer a villain, her first impulse upon hearing the word “no” was still to lob a fireball straight at the speaker’s head. She never did, of course, but the urge was still there.

And so it was most certainly there when Hook - the one she’d taken to thinking of as her Hook, though she would never speak such words aloud - sat down on her bed and declared:

“We cannot do this any longer, your Majesty.”

Rage was, of course, the first thing she felt. How dare he put a stop to- Her anger was quickly replaced by confusion, as she realized she wasn’t exactly sure what the hell he was talking about. “Do what?” she snapped.

“This,” he said vaguely, gesturing at the bed he was sitting on.

That didn’t really help the confusion in the least. Despite sharing the bed most nights, they’d only ever slept together - as in actual eyes closed, dreaming and snoring (lightly, on his part - Queens didn’t snore, of course) sleep. Of course, neither of them were naive enough to think there wasn’t something more between them. After all, friends didn’t usually spoon together in the wee small hours of the night unless they were trapped in an avalanche or in some other sort of dire situation where body heat needed to be conserved.

And, most definitely, Hook’s body heat didn’t need to be conserved. The man was like a damn space heater - which, while handy in the winter months, was a little less than pleasant in the summer ones.

Still, Regina opted to feign ignorance. “If you plan to stop sleeping entirely, you’re on your own.”

“You know what I mean, love.”

“Actually, I don’t,” Regina said bluntly. “If you’d rather sleep in your own bed, you could just stop coming into mine. You don’t need to sit me down and...” She frowned, not finishing the sentence. You don’t need to reject me. “...do whatever this is. It’s not like there’s anything going on between us.”

She knew her desperate attempt to reject him and any notion of anything existing between them before he could successfully do the same to her was obvious at best, pathetic at worst. Still, the words were out before she could stop them, and it wasn’t in her to take them back.

Hook literally waved her words - and her entire attempt at saving face - away with a flippant flick of his wrist. “Of course there is.”

His quiet confidence in that fact, when she’d been wondering and questioning exactly that for weeks now, infuriated her. “How dare you just assume-”

“One does not share a bed with a Queen lightly, Your Majesty,” he said with a smirk. “That’s a good way to lose your head, one way or another.”

She felt her heart quicken at his subtle admission that sharing her bed didn’t, after all, mean nothing to him - but there was still the fact that he was trying to more or less dump her at the moment. “Well, that doesn’t mean it makes any difference to me. Certainly not so much that you have to come in here and be so dramatic about no longer wanting it.” Me, she thought bitterly. Wanting me.

“I do still want it, love.” His words were gentle, and she knew he’d seen right through all of her blustering and anger and seen the hurt she’d been trying to cover up with it. “I still want you.”

Regina blinked at him for a moment. “Oh,” she said finally. “I see.”

She didn’t see at all, of course.

And he knew it. “As I said, Your Majesty, bedding a Queen has its drawbacks - one of which happens to be losing one’s head, either literally or figuratively... and I’m afraid I’ve done the latter.”

Her heart was beating through her chest again, dammit. She wished it would stop doing that before the perceptive pirate somehow saw that, as well.

“And that is why we can no longer do this.” Hook made that vague gesture at the bed between them once again, then looked expectantly up at her as if this should make all the sense in the world now.

“That is the stupidest explanation I have ever heard in my life,” she stated. “And you know damn well I’ve had a longer one than most and I’ve heard a lot of stupidity throughout it.”

“I don’t know what else to say, love.”

“Try explaining to me why we have to stop doing something we’re both clearly enjoying. Tell me why we have to put a stop to something that hasn’t even really begun yet. Tell me why it hasn’t begun yet, if it’s something we both want.”

He sighed. “I shouldn’t.”

“You shouldn’t explain?” Regina asked. “Or you shouldn’t do this?”

“I shouldn’t do this. Love was something I sought, without fail, for so many years... but only because I thought it would cure my poisoned heart. Now that Alice has informed us that True Love’s Kiss does not work on this particular affliction...”

Regina scoffed. “It’s not worth it to you.”

“That’s not it at all, love. I’m not worth it.”

“That’s ridiculous,” she replied. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned since becoming a hero, it’s that everyone deserves love.”

“That may be, but I cannot let anything, even love, take precedence over curing my heart, reuniting with Alice... and making up for the ways in which I have failed her.” He heaved a deep sigh, his sorrow almost palpable.

“I see,” she said softly. And this time, she did. She sat down gingerly beside him on the bed. “You’re punishing yourself.”

He didn’t bother to refute it.

“Do you think Alice wants you to be miserable?”

“Of course not, but she deserves to have a father. It was my actions that deprived her of that when she needed it most, and-”

“And you’ll never forgive yourself for it,” Regina supplied. She doubted they were the words he would’ve chosen for himself, but they were the crux of whatever poetic words he would’ve used to avoid saying exactly that.

“I can’t,” he said simply.

She nodded. She knew, all too well, the pain of remorse and the difficulty of dealing with things you’d done that simply couldn’t be undone. But she’d also learned that the past was past, and the only thing anyone could ever do with it was move on from it. Of course, that was hard - if not impossible - to do while the wound itself was still open and bleeding, as this one was.

“I can’t do this, Regina. I have to maintain my focus on curing my heart, so I can be there for Alice in whatever may be left of my life. I cannot let her down again.”

“I understand,” she said gently. “I would never want to distract you from that or pull your focus away. But hey... You don’t have to close yourself off, you know. You don’t have to be alone.”

“I can’t be with someone, either."

“And yet... you are.” Regina gently toyed with an errant lock of hair on his temple. “You’re with me... and Henry... Ella and Lucy... Tiana... Zelena and Robin...”

“You know what I mean, love.”

“And you know what I mean. There’s a million different ways to be with people, Killian. Not being with someone doesn’t have to mean being alone.”

“Regardless, I have nothing to offer you. Any of you. Everything I have, everything I am... it all has to go to my daughter. I have to make this right, Regina.”

“I know, and you will, and we’ll all help you do it. But what makes you think we need anything from you, other than your presence and your friendship?”

He shook his head determinedly. “You deserve more than that, love. You deserve the world, and I... I can’t give that to you.”

Regina smirked. “Who says I couldn’t get it for myself? I don’t need you to give me anything, Killian. I’m perfectly capable of getting everything I need or want for myself."

“Of course,” he said, chagrined.

“Except there is one thing you can give me: your companionship. It doesn’t have to be anything. It doesn’t have to have a title, or a beginning, or an end if it comes to that... Just let me be a part of your life, and be a part of mine.”

“I can’t ask you to wait for me.”

“I’m not going to. I’m free to come and go if I please, as are you. But so long as this is where I want to be... I’ll be here.”

“What if... I never cure my heart?”

“Then I guess you’ll get old and fat again, and this time I’ll watch you do it.” She grinned. “Maybe I’ll even join you.”

He feigned shock. “My Queen, old and fat? For shame. Such a thing could never happen.”

“It could,” she assured him. “And I don’t even think I’d mind it, so long as there was someone older and fatter around to make me feel better about it.”

He laughed. “Aye, my love. I know a job fit for me when I hear it.”

“Good.” She gave him a hopeful smile. “Then we’re still good for... this?” She mirrored his earlier gestures indicating the bed they shared.

“If you’ll have me, aye.”