#besaem

the day is turning out more and more surprising by the minute. first the little field trip, the notice of the next evaluation-- the fact it’s basically a competition and on top of that-- they’re interacting throughout all of the big companies too. yuji notices a few familiar faces, and once they’re released to explore, yuji darts out like a shark to blood in the water. 

as she peruses through the plethora of trainees exploring the campus, she wonders what this little competition is going to even lead to. another competition? what’s going to be different? what’s going to happen if they do win? wonders why they brought up next gen in the first place. wonders if something is going to be connected that way. 

— COMPANY NOTICE

HAN SAEM has joined studio delta as of JANUARY 18, 2023.

A HIGH SCHOOL, SEOUL —[ SOMETIME IN 2018 ] Saem checks up on KIM NAEUN …

[ tw: talk of death ]

Deaths happen every day. It’s a natural part of life—the end of it. Everything comes to an end eventually; every day, every meal, every conversation, every story. In a way, that inevitable end of everything makes the bits before that all the more special. Being confronted by the end of life at such a young age, and so consistently throughout his life, Saem had realised that there really wasn’t any point to life. Not inherently. That didn’t make life pointless, though; far from it. Life is what you make it, and if you achieve great things it’s really no more special than achieving nothing of much merit, at least when it comes to your last moments. You don’t lay there thinking about that Nobel Peace Prize you won, or how you built a rocket ship that went to the moon. You think about your loved ones—the people you’ll miss, and who will miss you the most. Any life can have meaning, as long as you strive to be happy, no matter how you gain that happiness.  

Death, for those that die, often isn’t that bad at all. Once you’re dead, you don’t even know about it. It’s the people left behind that suffer. They wonder what it was like, if there’s anything after. They think about how life will be now that one less person is in the world, someone they held close to their heart, that has now left a gaping hole in their wake. But, death doesn’t have to knock us to our knees—Saem has seen the effects of loss, time and time again, and one he thinks about now, is that of Kim Naeun, a classmate of his. Recently, his families funeral parlour had held her parents funeral, and despite Saem’s feelings of ‘well, it happens to us all’ about it, the story of how she’d lost them both had shaken that belief that it didn’t have to ruin you. Both parents in the blink of an eye was a lot different to an elderly woman losing her already ill and immobile husband. 

Saem recalls the moment Naeun had left the funeral, and how he’d carried a mug of warm tea, a bottle of water, and pack of tissues out to her, sitting beside her on the steps just outside the door and letting the silence linger around them. One thing Saem had learnt from helping out at the funerals was that often people just needed time to be with their thoughts. That didn’t mean he was about to let the daughter of the deceased be alone at a time like this, but he wasn’t about to talk her ear off either, not when he expected her head to already be filled with things she didn’t want to hear. He’d let her lead, and after a while they’d talked. Not a lot, but enough. 

joomi, despite a somewhat complicated history with relationships and everything that comes with them, is not above casual hook ups. thankfully, his therapist is not a prude or a religious nutcase that insists he remain abstinent, even with her need to unpack the topic a little. for example: is it just for fun, or does he think he's seeking affection to replace the lack of love he's experienced in his whole fucking life thus far?

honestly, joomi still doesn't know the answer to that question. he thinks about it a lot, except when the attraction is there, and he's stumbling through a doorway with someone that may or may not give a shit about him for more than one night. he doesn't really care about that. it's probably better that they don't.

tonight, it's a guy by the name of han he met at a club, at joomi's place, which admittedly is a little unusual, because he never wants to risk having to deal with his roommate, but it's what han wanted and joomi was (embarrassingly) a little too desperate to fuss about it. it seems, by the time they're through the entryway, that they got lucky; the apartment is quiet. maybe his roommate is either asleep or found someone to spend the night with too.

despite joomi's desperation, however, there's something about the situation that doesn't sit right with him, and he can't put his finger on why. there's something weird in han's eyes, like a certain sadness accompanying the hunger, and truthfully, joomi doesn't mind being someone's distraction for a night. he tries to ignore it; he kisses him anyway, but no, he can't ignore it, so he pulls away quickly enough, hands still resting on both of han's shoulders.

"you're sure you want to do this?" he figures it's most important to check that much, while he searches for the words to address his other concerns. in the end, they leave his mouth rather ungracefully and vaguely: "and are you like...okay?"

            for majority of his life he lived in canada. once a year during summer they’d come to korea for a few weeks, but as he only was in korea for a few weeks a year, he’d seen no reason to go out and make lots of friends in korea. then he moved to korea, and all of the friends he’d gained in canada he needed to leave. of course, he was old enough to live alone and stay in canada, but with his whole family to korea he decided to move together with his family. eighteen years old, and he barely knew anyone besides family. han saem ( @besaem ) was someone he knew who was not family. it’d gotten boring visiting korea when you’d already seen all of the things to see, so he decided it couldn’t hurt to make a friend, even if they wouldn’t see each other a lot. so saem was his first friend in korea. and though wook turned out to be an extrovert and to be able to speak to lots of people, he still treasured his friendship with saem.

     saem had hurt his foot, and upon hearing the news, wook wanted to do something nice for the other. so he paid for a taxi for saem, so the other could visit him, and he’d made food and bought alcohol. usually wook was more of a party, club or bar guy when it came to alcohol, but he wouldn’t mind drinking with a friend in his apartment. he looked at the table, it already seemed like so much alcohol, and it wasn’t even all he had bought, had he gone too far with buying alcohol? he shrugs, if they can’t drink it all he can just drink it another time.

  he looks at a clock, saem should be here soon, so he shoots the other a message.

@besaem

ah. the alcohol is really getting to her head.

nessa blinks aimlessly at the ceiling as she's jostled around by the crowd on the dancefloor. the motion isn't helping the rising nausea. she pushes her way out of the menagerie, regaining her balance just barely as someone nearly shoves her over. thanks asshole.

her friends are nowhere to be found, as expected—not that she needs them anyway. she can handle herself well enough, even if it means standing still staring at the ground for an embarrassingly long time. man, why does it always end up like this.

and as one would expect, someone bumps into her. if she had been sober she would've recognized it as her fault for being in the way, but she's too disoriented to care. as far as she’s concerned, someone went out of their way to bother her, and by god she was going to be a problem because of it.

    < w. @besaem  >

contrary to popular belief, stevie is a decent skate. sure, he’s got a million and one scars and injuries to prove that maybe he’s not the most graceful skater, but he’s persistent and determined. hard work has given him at least a decent enough of skill-- which should give him clearance alone to be able to teach someone else skating. hell, maybe they’ll even be better than him-- or at least have better grip on balance. it’s something stevie does struggle with, it being vastly different as opposed to surfing. he won’t feel too bad if his skating protégé excels him; isn’t that proof of good education or something?