#belowthesurface

        Mikey was the one to pick you up back in the city, which completely surprised you. He explained that all three of his brothers pitched in on teaching him how to drive over the last few months. Coming to pick you up is the first unsupervised drive he’s been allowed to go on, and he was incredibly proud to show you his newest skill. Mikey explained that they’ve been staying at the farmhouse kind of off and on, with the city so quiet lately, and that it’s been nice being able to visit Master Splinter's resting place. You ask how he’s doing with all of that, with missing his father and how this is their first Christmas without him, and he shrugs, making a brief comment about how he will miss the hot chocolate Splinter would always make them, before he brushes it off and jumps excitedly into how his three brothers are doing. Raph has an occasional outburst, but is otherwise doing fine, and Donnie seems to be a bit quieter than normal, but Leo disappears for long walks out in the woods, rain or shine–which they all know is him spending time at Splinter’s grave. No one can blame him for that, but the one thing that catches you off guard–that even now, while you’re shoveling snow, you can’t stop thinking about–is when Michelangelo’s tone quickly shifted afterwards.

        “We can’t blame him for that,” Mikey said, gripping the steeringwheel a bit tighter, “but what we do blame him for is leaving you behind while we faced the Shredder.” He glances over at you, his freckled cheeks rosy from the cold, his chin resting on the fluffy orange scarf he’s wearing–one of the many layers he’s under to keep warm. “I would never do something like that to you.” 

        You had said a polite thank you, but something about his tone makes you frown even now. And the way he said that last part, the ‘I would never do something like that to you,’ made you feel a bit uncomfortable. It was strange the way he said it, like he was trying to imply deeper feelings behind it, but you had quickly changed the topic, trying to restore the lighthearted conversation of before. And while the conversation continued to flow normally after, that strange feeling didn’t go away for the entire last hour of your ride to the farmhouse. 

        When you took that first step into the foyer, Donnie and Raph practically tackled you, exclaiming how happy they were to finally see you again. Raph scolded you for being a stranger, not visiting the lair to see them, and Donnie says he can’t wait to show you the new projects he’s been working on, saying he thinks you’ll like them. You grinned at both brothers, squeezing them tightly in a hug, saying how happy you were to see them all. And before you could ask, Raph told you their ‘fearless leader in blue’ was visiting Splinter's grave again, which surprisingly made you relax a bit, knowing you wouldn’t immediately have to face him. Though it didn’t take long for your nervousness to settle back in. Sitting on the couch, in front of the crackling fireplace, you studied the colorful Christmas tree while the three boys asked you questions about what it’s like working for Karai and Shinigami–they both had to stay behind due to their reinforcements from Japan not having arrived on time as they had hoped. You wonder if they made the excuse on purpose, just to get you here with the turtles alone, but you don’t dwell on it. It was nice, catching up with the brothers, but after an hour or so, you realized your leg was bouncing with nerves, and you were starting to pull threads out of the hem of your off-white sweater, nervously awaiting Leo’s return. You asked them if they had a shovel, your excuse to get outside and do something. Raph tried to protest, saying he’d go out there and shovel, and it took you a while to convince him, but you insisted you needed the fresh air. Then Mikey, Raph, and Donnie all fussed over making sure you stayed warm. You couldn’t help but laugh, assuring them you were entirely warm-blooded and would not freeze in the time it takes you to shovel a path, but here you are, perfectly cozy in their gear, shoveling the beautiful snow in silence. 

        You exhale, watching your breath turn white, the steam melting the snowflakes from your lashes. You’re thankful they let you borrow their winter gear to come out here and shovel, and though it’s a bit big on you, Raph’s fleece-lined jacket (despite you telling him you had your own coat, he insisted his would be warmer), Donnie’s knit hat, Mikey’s fluffy scarf, and your own fleece gloves keep you a balmy temperature while the freezing air twirls snow around you. The wind isn’t too bad, just a gust here and there, and in the dimly lit yard with the sun already below the horizon, you feel content. Peaceful even. You were worried being back at the farmhouse would only remind you of the three lonliest days of your life, but you’re relived to find that you can still make new memories here. And then, you hear the subtle swish of footsteps from behind, and your heart jumps to your throat as you quickly spin around. 

        A large, dark figure stands just off the shoveled path, hooded, their face covered in shadow, and before you can think, you’re swinging the shovel with a shriek. It collides with the figure’s face–or rather, their forearm, which they’d jerked up at the last second to catch the brunt of the blow–and they lose their balance, falling back into the bank of snow, sending puffs of white up into the air. 

        “Get back!” You yell, swinging the shovel up, threatening to bring it back down. “I’m warning you, I–” 

        “It’s me!” The figure yells, throwing their hands out. 

        You step closer to take a look at their face, but your combat boots are too packed with snow to grip the surface, and you slip, face-planting on top of the figure with a loud oof! You sit up, meeting ocean eyes behind a blue mask, and your stomach flips. “Leo,” you say with a gasp. He smiles at you, a sweet, happy smile, and you swear your heart stops for a moment. 

        “Hi,” he says, the warm glow of the barn lights catching in his eyes. 

        “Hi,” you say, too stunned to respond with anything else. 

        “You dyed your hair,” he says, noticing the different colored strands peaking out of your hat and scarf. 

        You blink at him, feeling a stir in the pit of your stomach. Shinigami suggested the change for you during your first week staying with her and Karai. She said it was something people often did when they needed to feel like they had a fresh start. “I did,” you say, watching those blue eyes you so missed. 

        “It looks good on you.”

        Leo smiles then, a small, polite smile, and you try to swallow your nerves down. You stay like that for a brief moment, taking in his features for the first time in months. But then an embarrassing jolt of energy bursts through you, and you quickly push off of him, stuttering to find something to say. 

        Leo sits up, watching you a second before standing, dusting the snow off of his large coat, the fur-lined hood dropping to his shoulders. 

        “S-Sorry,” you say quickly, gesturing to the shovel in the snow. “You startled me, and I didn’t recognize you right away! I’ve never seen you in so many layers before.” 

        He chuckles, bending down to grab the shovel and returning it to you. “You’ve gotten stronger.” 

        You smile, despite your frazzled nerves, and take the shovel from him. “Thanks,” you answer. “I’ve been training.” 

        “You’ve been training hitting people with shovels?” He smirks, a glimmer in his eyes. 

        You laugh a little, thankful for his joking tone. “No,” you say with a shake of your head. You finally have a chance to take in his appearance: Leo’s wearing a dark gray knit hat, a blue scarf that matches his mask, an oversized dark jacket with a fur-lined hood, and denim jeans, which are now covered in snow. You scrunch your nose, bewildered. “You’re wearing pants?” 

        Leo laughs then, rubbing the back of his neck with a mittened hand. “Yeah, it’s cold out here,” he says. 

        “Sorry,” you say, apologizing for your bluntness. 

        “No, it’s fine,” he says quickly. There’s a moment of silence, and his expression drops into something more serious as he says with sincerity, “I’m sorry.” 

        He looks into your eyes with such an intense honesty that you feel your heart start to race. You open your mouth to speak, but no words come out. Leo lets out a quiet breath. 

        “It’s okay, you know,” he says, his voice hushed. “If you can’t ever forgive me. I would understand if you never wanted to see me again after what I did.” 

        His words punch through you, sapping the heat right from your bones. “No, I do,” you rush out. Leo looks at you questioningly, and you stumble over your words, “I do want to see you. I mean, I– I did want to see you again. I just… I don’t know, I…” 

        “I hurt you,” he says, finishing your thought gently. 

        You pause, looking over at the streak of light coming out from the barn. “Yes,” you say. 

        Leo steps out of the snow and into the shoveled path, standing just a short distance away, and you meet his gaze again. 

        “I know,” he says, his voice quiet as he studies your eyes. “I missed you,” he admits, but almost immediately begins doubling back. “Sorry if that was too much! I-I just meant that, well, I– Well, I did miss you, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to say it back if you don’t–” 

        “I missed you, too,” you admit softly. 

        Leo freezes, his chest filling with a warmth he was afraid he would never feel again. He can’t believe you came, that you’re really here. He fights the urge to embrace you, not knowing if you’d be willing, and wanting to give you as much space as you need. He’s been meditating day and night, focusing on letting go of his habit to try and control his environment–and the people in it–but not just to prove he’s better for you, to also improve as a leader. Since Leo chose to leave you behind from that final fight, it’s fractured his relationship with his brothers, with the whole team, and he’s determined to make things right, no matter how many months or years that may take. “Are you headed inside soon?” Leo asks. 

        “Yeah, I just wanted to finish this one strip here,” you say, gesturing up to the barn. “Then Donnie can have a clear path to and from the house.” 

        “That’s kind of you,” he says. He stands there a moment, just studying your face, thankful he gets to see it again, but when he realizes he’s been staring, he startles. “Okay, so–uh, I’ll see you in the house then?” 

        “Yes,” you say, trying not to laugh at his sudden flustered state. 

        “Right, yeah, of course I’ll see you in the house.” Leo lets out a nervous chuckle, then abruptly turns on his heels and heads inside. That was the dumbest line ever, he thinks, rolling his eyes. 

        You cover your mouth, hiding a giggle behind your gloved hand at seeing him trip on the last step, stumbling up to the door. You wonder if all of the clothes and layers makes him feel out of place or if he really is just that nervous to see you again. Leo pauses a moment, then walks into the house. Once the door is shut, you can’t help your laughter. It releases the tension in your shoulders, and a warmth spreads through your chest. “Wow,” you whisper to yourself. “I really did miss him.” Your heart races at saying it out loud, and your eyes go wide, turning back to the task at hand with a new energy. You toss the last few shovels of fluffy snow aside while wondering what forgiveness would feel like.

        Shinigami and Karai glance back at you. 

        “I was just saying,” Shini says, “that having you run the mission wasn’t even Karai’s idea.” 

        “Oh, it was yours?” You ask Shini. “Sorry, I should’ve said thank you sooner–”

        “No,” Shini answers, cutting you off with a sly grin. “It wasn’t my idea either.” 

        You make a face, keeping up with their run. “What do you mean?” You ask over the breeze picking up. 

        Shinigami giggles, expertly leaping and flipping her way across the cluttered rooftop. Karai rolls her eyes at Shini’s avoidance in the form of showoffs. 

        Karai says something back to you, but a gust of wind drowns out her sentence. 

        “What did you say?” You call over the breeze, skidding to a halt on the smooth blacktop roof. 

        Karai notices and motions for Shini to stop before jumping the next alley. 

        “It wasn’t my idea having you run a mission,” Karai explains once she’s at a comfortable talking distance to you, “although I think it was a great idea.” 

        You gesture with your hands as you say, “I don’t understand. If it wasn’t you or Shini’s idea, then whose was it? It wasn’t my idea.” 

        Karai smirks, turning toward Shini. They share a knowing look, then turn their attention back to you. 

        “What?” You ask, shrugging. 

        “You couldn’t tell?” Karai asks. 

        “Uhm,” you kiss your teeth, looking between the two smirking women, “what am I missing here?” 

        “It wasn’t Karai’s or my idea to have you run a mission,” Shini says, grinning. 

        “Yeah, I’ve got that much,” you sass. “Would one of you please just spit it out? Whose idea was it? Raph? Mikey? Because both of them would know–”

        “It was Leo,” Karai says. 

        “--that I– what?” You say, your head whipping back to look at Karai’s lifted expression. Your heart starts to pound, and your eyes widen as you realize what she said. 

        “Yeah, it was Leo’s,” Karai says again. “He swung by the warehouse the other week and pitched the idea to Shini and I–” 

        “To which we both excitedly said yes!” Shini says, throwing an arm casually over Karai’s shoulders, giving her a playful jostle. “We knew you’d have no problem handling a mission on your own. And then you did so great!” 

        “It was Leo’s idea…?” You breathe out, taking a step back in shock. 

        The wind picks up and whips stray strands of hair across your face, but you don’t bother brushing them away. You flex your hands at your sides, your mind racing with hope. 

        Everything over these last six months recenters itself. All of the subtle changes you’ve seen in Leonardo, flitting across your mind at record speed. The silent, but steady presence he’s provided, the maturity he’s taken on after the passing of his father, his countless apologies in the form of flowers on your doorstep, and now this. 

        “He trusts me,” you gasp, a smile growing on your lips as your heart beats loudly behind your ears. 

        “Of course he does,” Karai says softly. 

        Just a few short days ago, Leo promised you he would find a way to make it right between you. You wanted to believe him then, but how could you? You had no idea he was planning a mission for you to lead. You think about the farmhouse, watching his feet as they hit the dirt of the driveway, the sound of the van door shutting, the devastated look on his face as you told him you needed time… 

        “He never told me,” you say, looking up at Karai and Shini. He never even hinted at giving you a mission to lead all on your own, and it’s honestly not something you’d ever think he’d feel comfortable with letting go of control over. But he is, and he did, and he didn’t even brag about it. It wasn’t some bargaining chip to get you back, to try and convince you to forgive him. He offered it to Shini and Karai, who offered it to you, and stayed behind the scenes, watching you succeed on the mission without any interference or hovering from him. 

        “Well, no,” Shini says, tilting her head to the side. 

        “He knew if he told you, you’d think it was a pity prize,” Karai says, placing a hand on her hip. “He wanted you to know you earned it on your own.” 

        All of the fear you’ve been feeling, waiting for the next big mission he’d decide to leave you behind on, it all melts away. A laugh bubbles up from the pit of your stomach as a weight lifts from your shoulders. 

        Karai and Shini’s smiles soften, watching your expression change as you realize what Leo’s done. 

        “I have to go,” you say quickly, turning around and taking off in the opposite direction from the warehouse. 

        “There she goes,” Shini says with a dramatic sigh. “They grow up so fast.” 

        Karai chuckles. “Come on,” she says, turning to head home. 

        Your feet fly across rooftops and over alleyways, the wind brushing against your flushed cheeks, your heart racing faster than ever. Out of all the joy you feel, the relief of knowing without a doubt that he’s changed, that he sees you for who you are, and trusts you to make your own decisions is the greatest feeling of them all. Leo didn’t just give you a mission; he gave you the right to choose again. And he trusted you not just with his team, his family, but with himself. Tears prick the corner of your eyes, and you blink them away with a short, breathy laugh. You can’t wait to see his face, tell him that you love him, and make things right between you. 

        In the distance, you see the four colors of the brothers' masks whipping behind them as they leap across another alleyway. At the very front of the group, blue mask tails flicker in the wind, and your heart leaps. “Leo!” You yell out, a smile stretching wide across your face. 

        Leonardo screeches to a halt the moment he hears your voice. His brothers rush past him across the roof. He turns around with a quick spin, his heart leaping into his throat, worried something might be wrong, but at the sight of your million-watt smile, his heart skips a beat. “(Y/N)?” He says, watching you leap the alley to the roof he’s standing in the middle of. 

        “Leo,” you say, breathless, skidding gradually to a stop just six feet from him. You thought you’d leap into his arms, but at the sight of him, a nervous energy mixes with your excitement, and you freeze. 

        “What is it?” He asks, taking a step closer. “Where’s Karai and Shinigami?” 

        You gulp the air, taking in the buzzing energy flicking and crackling between you. You lift your hands to squeeze your palms as you try to find the courage to say what you need to. 

        Donnie and Mikey peek their heads just over the parapet wall from the top floor of the fire escape. 

        “What’re y’all doing?” Raph asks irritably from the ground. He’s holding up the manhole cover, having expected them to jump down like usual, but when Donnie waves him up without looking back, he grouses, dropping the heavy cover and scaling the fire escape to see what they’re staring at. He stretches up on the tips of his toes, looking over the half-wall at the back of Leo’s shell. “Ooh, look, it’s a dork,” Raph says mockingly. “Why are we all staring at–” Just then, Leo shifts his weight nervously, moving over a touch, and Raph spots you. “Oh,” he says. “What’s she doing back here?” Donnie and Mikey shush their brother in red, and he frowns. 

        “(Y/N)?” Leo says your name again, worried you haven’t said anything. Your cheerful smile’s been replaced with tight lips and pleading eyes. “What is it?” 

        “I love you,” you blurt out.   

        Leo’s eyes widen. His stomach flips. “What–?” 

        “I love you,” you say again, your voice shaking and laced with emotion. As soon as the words come out of your mouth again, it’s like a floodgate opens, and you can’t hold back the truth rushing out. “I didn’t know. I thought I did, but I didn’t. I thought the only way to move on was to move out, pave a way for myself, figure out a life on my own.” Your voice is shaking now, each phrase charged with a confession you’ve only ever dreamed of making. “I didn’t think you were capable of trusting me the way I needed you to, but they told me that this mission… it was all your idea?” 

        Leo nods his head, loose gravel crunching beneath his feet as he moves closer to you one sure, slow step at a time. 

        “I thought time and space is what I needed,” you continue, the words stumbling out of your mouth, “and maybe that’s what I needed for a while, but Leo,” you take a shaky breath as he closes the distance, his feet just a foot away from yours now, “I don’t want that anymore.” 

        “What do you want?” He asks, his voice low, his eyes desperate, piercing. 

        “I want you,” you breathe out, a weight lifting from your chest as you finally confess. “Leonardo,” you say, your words as soft as a subtle breeze drifting through the short distance to the one you love. Leo lifts his hands to your face, brushing away an escaped tear with his thumb. You touch his wrapped wrists, holding onto them with trembling hands. “My life doesn’t feel right without you in it.” 

        “Neither does mine,” he admits, tears creeping over his cheeks, streaking the edges of his blue mask. 

        You give his wrists a gentle squeeze before grasping the sides of his rough plastron. You feel a shiver run through him, and you smile. “I forgive you,” you confess. 

        Without another word, he leans in and presses his lips to yours. New York City melts away, and you both drift off into a sea of swirling galaxies and exploding stars. Leo feels weightless, outside of time, like nothing could ever compare to this moment. All of the anxiety, the worry that he might have to finally let you go, dissipates, replaced with the most intense wave of love for you. 

        You pull him closer, and his hands shift, one to the base of your neck, sending hot chills down your spine, and one caressing the side of your face. Your breath mingles with his, breaking for air just long enough for you to say, “I love you.” 

        Leo pours his heart into you, breaking for air to murmur, “I love you, too,” before pressing his lips against yours again. He feels another tear slip over your cheek and bump into his thumb, and he swipes it away. “I love you so much,” he says, scooping you up into his arms with a swift motion. 

        Your feet lift from the gravel rooftop, and in this moment, only Leo exists. You press your flushed cheek against his cool neck, pressing a few soft kisses there, and you feel his embrace tighten around you.