Tagged by @garglyswoof to list five things you typically find in my works.
1.) Dicks If you find any of my fics lacking in dicks, please lodge a formal complaint. I strive to provide the most dicks. If Shakespeare resurrected, I would want him to read my writing and be blown away by all the dicks.
2.) Bitchy Social Commentary A lot of things piss me off, and I use gay fanfiction to vent my ire. If you like dicks and social commentary, this is the place to be.Β
3.) History Do you want to learn about medieval siege warfare? Weird medieval medical treatments? How about your gay porn being constantly interrupted by little details about daily medieval life? I have a massive boner for history, and I like to wave it around in peopleβs faces while theyβre just trying to read some porn in peace.
4.) Landscape Descriptions I am a cheap whore for these, actually. I love nature writing, and I love inflicting it on readers.
5.) Bar Fights This is so I can vicariously live out my dreams of hitting someone over the head with a barstool without going to prison. I put on some Dropkick Murphys and just let my characters start headbutting people.
Tagging: @kirythestitchwitch @thetourguidebarbie @bellemorte180 Uhh...I am trying to think of people off the top of my head that have multiple fics, but I just clocked off work like twenty minutes ago and am a bit braindead. So if you want to do this, please do this.
I would tag @aemelia as well, but she only has the one fic. Boo, you whore.
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all human fluff meet cute where Caroline insults Klaus for some reason and he is just like "yup, she is the one" - bonus points if historical
She leaned boldly over the bar, the fringe of her dress swinging low across her knees. "Hello," she called over the din of the crowd and the band. "What's a girl gotta do to get a drink in this joint?"
Sidling up beside her, Klaus snapped for Joshua's attention. Eyes wide, the bartender hurried to splash his favorite liquor in a glass. When shaking hands set it in front of him, he smiled at her lethal glare. "It helps to make friends with the owner, love. What are you drinking?"
"Two gins," she answered, hesitant - more so, when she added, "Please."
He nodded to Joshua before turning toward her entirely. She was too busy digging into her glove to notice until she triumphantly removed a few dollars from within, only for her expression to flatten at him waving the kid away once he poured the drinks. "Allow me," he insisted, "to apologize for your wait."
Her jaw seemed to tilt - with suspicion or offense, he didn't know. "I don't know what your game is, but thanks for the free booze." Picking up the glasses, she moved to slip away. "Hope your friend doesn't mind."
"My friend?"
Gin sloshed between them as she paused, confused. "The owner? You said it helps to make friends with the owner."
A smirk pulled at his lips, and he couldn't resist a courtly bow. "Klaus Mikaelson, at your service. And you are?"
Her tongue poked out between her teeth as her whole body heaved with a deep breath. "Too smart for this," she finally answered, rolling her eyes. "I have to get back to my friend."
"Save me a dance, sweetheart," he said as she walked away, her hips dodging people left and right. He watched her reach another woman and how they whispered together, and his smile stretched wide when she glanced back toward him.
Settling back against the bar, he savored his drink and the pretty blonde who kept accidentally meeting his eyes from across the room. If only he had gotten her name...
Mafia + soulmate OR anything in the "Before He Cheats" universe .
Drunk drabbles. Prompt here.
---
"The girl is, and I cannot emphasize this enough, Nik, a right pain in the arse," Kol said grumpily, pulling on the top of his gun to make sure it wasn't loaded before disassembling it and setting it down on the towel in front of him, glowering at nothing in particular. "I've had enough of it, to be honest. She's boring and dim and her little blonde friend keeps helping her give me the slip so they can go make a mess of themselves at the fraternity houses."
"We have to keep her safe until the wedding, or the deal is off."
"And why can't we just kill her again?" Kol asked grumpily, wiping a cloth over the inside of the gun.
"They need to be married to inherit the money," Klaus drawled, drumming his fingers on the table. "And therefore for us to get our share. And obviously he can't kill her because of the damned bond. Fortuitous that he's the soulmate of the richest orphan socialite in town. Inconvenient that we have to do the messy bits."
"Well, I'm done keeping her safe. Give the girl to Rebekah. I'm sure she'd be ecstatic to have someone else's clothes to criticize."
"It's only for another two months, Kol. Then they'll have their silly little wedding and we'll dispose of the girl and it'll all be over with."
"I mean it, Nik. I'm not going back. Bonnie's cross with me all the time because I have, and I quote, a "bad attitude" after spending all day wrangling the girl. The blonde friend's a menace, honestly."
"She'll just have to manage, won't she? I've finished having this discussion, Kol."
"Just swap with me, Nik. I'll owe you a favor. You like those."
Klaus closed his eyes, feeling a migraine coming on. "How about I kill the blonde to stop your moaning, hmm? Will that make it easier?"
Kol seemed to think it over, clicking the parts of his gun back into place before nodding. "I suppose if you're willing to make her disappear and make it look like an accident, that would solve the problem. The Gilbert twit is too dim to escape on her own."
"Consider it done, as long as I never have to hear about this again," Klaus growled, grabbing his leather jacket from the back of a nearby chair and pulling it on. "What's the girl's name?"
"Caroline something. Never caught the last name, but she lives in the same dormitory."
"I'll call Maddox and have her retrieved," Klaus said, pulling his phone from his pocket and unlocking it with a swipe of his finger. "But you do owe me, Kol."
"Yes, yes, Nik," Kol said impatiently, waving him off. "I have to go. Bonnie'll be waiting."
---
Klaus walked into the warehouse his family owned by the docks and sighed in relief when he saw the blonde girl tied to the chair, a gag in her mouth. She was wriggling around, trying to get free, her (pretty, he absently noted) blue eyes tearing up as she struggled. It would be quick enough, he decided, pulling the gun out of his jacket and ignoring her muffled cries. He nodded for Maddox to go keep watch at the warehouse doors before pressing the front of the gun against the girl--Caroline's--forehead and pulling the trigger.
Or, he tried to.
"Bloody...what the fuck," he muttered pulling his gun away and frowning down at it. "Be quiet," he snapped at the girl, who was sniffling, before he aimed the gun at a stack of crates by the warehouse door and shot. The aim was true, the crate exploding into pieces of sharp wood, and he turned back to Caroline again, taking aim and again unable to pull the trigger. He shook his head, mystified at how the trigger wasn't--
The realization hit him like a stone block to the head, and he reached for her sleeve, shoving it up and groaning at the words etched onto her wrist.
Be quiet.
He looked up and met her eyes, which were no longer teary, and instead narrowed in anger.
Well, he couldn't blame her really. He'd made a terrible first impression.
Warnings: Graphic Descriptions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Summary:
They just knew the moment their eyes locked and suddenly the full moon made sense. No longer was Caroline going to have to suffer through a heat with no partner to calm that urge; having refused to take another to her bed since the incident. No longer was she going to have to run wild through the woods, searching for the other half that was to belong to her; only to come up empty. Caroline always knew that one day she would find her mate.
She just never thought it would be Klaus Mikaelson.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Now that weβve been revealed, I can share the fic I wrote for @bellemorte180.Β It is Klaroline, of course, but it also contains: Frienzoline, Baroline besties, Enzo/Bonnie/Kol, Elijah Slander, and, of course, Original!Caroline.Β It also includes my terrible humor, because I think Iβm hilarious and you all should too.Β
It all starts when Davina Claire shows up looking for help.
It all ends in a reunion that's been around a century in the making.
The Klaus is a serial killer mood board is possibly the best thing I've seen today. Its amazing and I ADORE it.
Thank you so much dear!! β₯οΈ Evil!Klaus is probably my favourite version of him, it opens so many dark & angsty possibilities.... aaaaaaaahh, deliciousness.
Your message made me feel less alone in this, lmao. Thank you again!
Seeing all these V&V questions is making me regret banning myself from reading anything regency related.
Ya'll over here making me regret my decision ππ.
Be prepared for spamming when I am finally able to read it.
Erica, hii! β¨
I blame Bridgerton for having everyone suddenly excited with regency aus! π€£π€£ There's never a better timing for that type of story than when Netflix has just dropped another season. π
I can't say anything because I have also fallen so behind with your regency fic after my crazy month of February (i fell behind on LIFE tbh π₯²) and also need to catch up!! I know you're going through a rough writing patch, but here's me manifesting you the will to keep going with 300 Miles of Good Road πβ¨
