#bellaswan

I could hear the pitter patter of the droplets of rain that hit the pavement outside as I scanned the items of a very eager customer that stood before me. I loved the rain but only from the comfort of my home when I didn’t have anywhere to go. It was nice to look at from inside, under a blanket and silence besides the tv that played a movie I’d put on then abandon after about 10 minutes. I hated the rain now because I was working and it meant I’d have to walk home in it. Something told me to bring my bike today, at least if I got rained on it wouldn’t last very long since I could get home much faster on a bike rather than two legs. I guess I could pay for a taxi but I didn’t really have the money to waste on that and the walk was only half an hour so it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Hopefully it’d stop just enough for me to make it home unscathed.

The machine beeped as I finally clocked out at work. It felt like the longest day ever today and I’m sure the lack of customers was to blame. The store was getting less and less popular by the day and I honestly didn’t know how long it’d be around– how long I’d be around. My boss could decide to let me go at any moment in order to save money and that was something I quite literally couldn't afford to happen right now. 

I had moved out on my own about three months ago and as difficult as it seemed to be at the moment, it was the best decision I’ve ever made. Don’t get me wrong I love my family but I needed my own space. There wasn’t anything that really made me move out but I just decided I was ready to be out in the world doing my own thing. To be fair, I wasn't actually “out in the world” yet but that was a work in progress. I liked being home and that got in the way of me going out and actually doing things. I only really went out if my friends decided to plan something but I guess that’s to be expected since we all have our own lives now. No one tells you how your early twenties will go except for that they’ll be the best of your life. What they should tell you is that you rarely get the chance to talk to your friends and hang out, it’s like your strangers every time one of you decides to text one day. However, I did plan on reaching out soon to some of them about this weekend. It was the first I had off in awhile and I wanted to enjoy it. There wasn’t much to do here in Seattle except shop and go out to eat. The occasional bowling alley was around but I didn’t want to risk losing a nail to that so it was up to me to find something else for us to do.

I shut the door of my apartment as I got inside, eager to get out of my damp clothes. Thankfully mother nature did hear my prayers and held off for me as I could hear it finally coming down again as I stalked off towards my bedroom to see what pajamas I’d be wearing tonight. My apartment was always rather cold which I didn’t mind, I’d rather be cold than hot. At least I could wrap myself in a fluffy blanket to escape it.

I got undressed and headed for the shower. Now that, I like hot. Steaming in fact. I liked feeling like I was cooking. The boiling water reddened my skin the second it touched me and I shut my eyes from the comfort. The cool atmosphere from the rain was a nice contrast once the hot water made contact, I always loved how it felt. It was a shock to my system. Eventually though, I did have to force myself to turn the water off and get out. The thought of my rising water bill in the back of my mind. I justified it since I don’t use the normal lights in my apartment very much, so I’d spend a few extra dollars on hot water.

Lamps. Lamps were my thing. I hated using the overhead lights, it always made me feel like I was in a hospital or under a big spotlight where all my imperfections were being put on blast with no way to hide. Lamps brought me comfort and warmth. I wrapped myself up in my towel and walked into my room to turn the lamp on. The yellow lighting casted over my room nicely. It always relaxed me especially after a long day. I could fall asleep standing right here if possible.

Pajamas were on and so was my little crime show I’d play during the nights. It only didn’t bother me because it was fictional and I didn’t have to worry about the very real killers out there coming to my apartment out of all places and ending my life. These shows had humor in them which balanced out nicely with the gruesome cases the detectives handled during the day. I watched before an excruciatingly loud crash of thunder rang through the building. It almost made me jump but the warning a strike of lightning provided was enough to prepare me. I got up and decided to do some chores as the night was deepening. I knew I’d hate myself if I left it out for yet another day so I forced myself off of the couch and into the kitchen to take out my nearly overflowing trash. I tied the knot on the garbage bag and carried it over to the front door before slipping my sneakers on. I kept these specific pair by the door for when I had to step out really quickly and still wanted to look somewhat decent. I made my way outside as it sprinkled still. The dumpster was behind my apartment building a little ways away. I don’t know why they chose to keep it so far from the residents, it didn’t make any sense. I rolled my eyes as I bunched up the fabric of my pajama pants to keep them from getting wet from the puddles under my feet as I tiptoed towards the area where the dumpsters were.

There weren’t many of my neighbors out but I guess that’s normal since it was dark out. Who else would be taking trash out in the middle of the night unless you were a serial killer. I chuckled to myself at the thought before I ended up scaring myself to the point where I had to run back up to my apartment. I turned back after tossing the bag in the dumpster, the contents making the metal make a slightly loud bang once it hit the bottom. My eyes landed back on my apartment building and suddenly time felt like it stopped for a moment. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain running up my arm as a gust of wind brushed my cheek, picking up a few strands of my hair. My eyes dragged down to my left forearm and my brows furrowed at what appeared to be a bloodied bite mark engraved deep into my wrist. My mouth was wide open before any sound came out but eventually I was screaming. I screamed to the top of my lungs as it finally dawned on me and the pain registered to my brain. I gripped my forearm with my other hand and my knees buckled as I staggered towards the ground. My skin was cold to the touch around the area of the bite and it was spreading, fast yet slow somehow. Eventually the sting paralyzed me and I slumped to the ground. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t think, couldn’t fight to move. I didn’t have the ability to see if anyone was around that could help me. God it felt like I was about to die yet I couldn’t have felt more alive. My body shook and writhed on the wet ground for what I suspected was hours, I couldn’t tell but the stinging didn’t subside one bit. Soon, I could see the sun start to rise which definitely confirmed my notion about just how long I’d been out there lying on the dirty pavement. 

For a minute, I felt strong enough to drag myself off somewhere, anywhere. I don’t know what it was that made me pull myself away from potentially getting help but I think I was just afraid of the vulnerability that I was in right now. The sky spun as my head hit the ground again, I knew it was more gentle as I laid on the ground again but the way I was feeling made me feel things ten times– no, fifty times more. Everything around me instantly became overstimulating. The sound of wildlife somewhere behind me, the sound of cars in the far distance, the shining sun beaming down onto the pavement. I turned my head as much as I could onto the greenery that lay underneath me, my only sense of comfort. The smell of moss hitting my nose like a harsh wave.

If I could scrunch my face up, I would. 

It was dark again. I couldn’t believe I was out here paralyzed for a whole day. What the hell was happening to me? Fear ran up my spine like the pain I still felt throughout my body. The sting was about halfway into me already. I had no idea when this would be over but I hoped it was soon. I’d rather be dead. Is death even what comes after this? There was no way anything good was happening to me. What was next? Would I even be able to go back to normal life, back to my apartment? Was this the end? Out here on the damp, mossy, dirty ground behind an apartment building ten steps from a dumpster. For the second time, I moved but not of my own volition. A blood curdling scream emerged from my core and forced my body to rise slightly as my back arched. The sting grew, it seemed to become more rapid. Maybe this was finally the end. Maybe the worst was over and I could pass on and never feel this again. Or maybe it would just stop like nothing ever even happened at all, leaving me with a weird form of ptsd. How could I even explain what I was feeling to someone. I didn’t know what else to do at this point. All I could think about was when this would finally end, whether it was with me dying right here or me miraculously standing to my feet and walking away from it.

Dawn came again. The sun made its appearance and if I could cry, I would have as I realized it had been about three days. How had no one come out here in all that time? I tried to force tears to surface as I could feel the surge of a cry trying to make itself known but nothing happened and it was like the feeling you get when you can feel a sneeze coming on just before it goes away. Disappointing. I began to feel again and yet not all. What I “could” feel was how rigid I was, like a statue, unmoving. The only thing I could move were my eyes right now and everything seemed enhanced. I could physically see the rays of the sun as they peered down onto the leaves, which I could also see the many details of. The smell of rain was never stronger. How was it still wet out here? I don’t even remember it raining again since I’d been out here but it would make sense since I seemed to have had moments where I was in and out of consciousness. Suddenly, I felt awakened as if I had taken a power nap yet all I did was blink. A jolt ran through me and all of a sudden the sun was in a different place. Could that much time have passed that quickly? It didn’t matter anymore. I felt different. Brand new somehow, I wasn’t sure if that was the right word but that was what first popped into my head when I really thought about how I truly felt. Then I realized the stinging pain was gone completely. I almost didn’t even remember what it felt like. 

I thought to finally move again, seeing if that was possible and in one swift movement I was at my feet. I don’t remember maneuvering to get up but I was. Standing finally. I couldn’t believe it but I felt incredible, better than I had in a very long time. I also realized that I didn’t need the same things that I did about three days ago. I tried to breathe but nothing happened. How could I not breathe? Did I not need to do that anymore? My attention was stolen as a sound caught my ear which forced my head to jerk towards it. The sound of a person, finally. Someone who could possibly help me. Maybe I could tell them what happened. Maybe they could also explain how no one else had been down here in all this time. It angered me a bit. I was left there, to possibly die. Anyway, I moved closer to the sound and the scent of them grew. It was a musky scent, a man. His heart I could hear somehow, it was steady. He brought his trash down which I could also hear. The bang of the dumpster again hurt my ears this time. I cringed before another smell entered my nose. An iron-like smell, it pulled me to it. I couldn’t resist it. It was a smell I knew well but this time was different. I couldn’t think straight and it was the only thing my senses honed in on. The other sounds, sights and smells were washed away as this new, more dominant one took their place.

I found myself moving faster than light as I came face to face with the man. He seemed just as shocked as I did when I appeared in front of him, then I could see where that iron smell came from. He had pricked himself on a broken beer bottle, he must've tried throwing it away after seeing it lay on the ground. He didn’t know unlucky he was to be the one standing in front of me while I was like this. An insatiable hunger came over me, that pit in my stomach churned at the smell of his blood, the sight of it not making it any better. I was slightly disturbed at the realization that I was craving it like it was food yet I couldn’t stop myself. In a flash, I involuntarily leapt towards the man like my instincts were taking over as if someone else were controlling me. I attacked him viciously with my teeth, tearing into the hand that he had injured. He screamed but I covered his mouth before he could alert anyone. If I didn’t get the luxury of being saved then why should he. My teeth bored deeper into his flesh as my other hand tightened around his face, fortunately shutting him up for good. I wasn’t aware of my newfound strength as well as my speed and insane thirst. An eternity had felt like it passed before I finally was able to pull myself away from him voluntarily. A wave of realization settled on me at what I’d done and I somehow became sick. I stepped back and wiped my face of any evidence. I decided to leave him there as I couldn’t face the reality of what I’d done any longer. My feet moved before I had the chance to think about it and I was deep into the forests that rested behind my apartment building. I couldn’t go back there, never. Something changed me, literally and figuratively. I was better but also worse. I needed to understand what this was and why it happened. I needed answers and I didn’t know where to find them so I just kept running in hopes of the answer coming to me.